How to Win Friends & Influence People – Part 3 & 4
How to Win Friends & Influence
People – Dale Carnegie
Part 3 & 4
Asad Ali Memon (1611225)
Asad Ali (1611224)
Hashir Paracha (1611395)
Khawar Khan (1611191)
Muhammad Abbas Raza (1611238)
• How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking (Part 3)
1. You can’t win an Argument.
2. A sure way of making enemies-and how to avoid it.
3. If you’re wrong, admit it.
4. A Drop of Honey.
5. The secret of Socrates.
6. The safety valve in handling complaints.
7. How to get cooperation.
8. A formula that will work wonders for you.
9. What everybody wants.
10. An appeal that everybody likes.
11. The movies do it. TV does it. Why don’t you do it?
12. When nothing else works, try this.
• Be a Leader : How to Change People Without Giving Offense or
Arousing Resentment (Part 4)
1. If you must find fault, this is the way to begin.
2. How to criticize-and not be hated for it.
3. Talk about your own mistakes first.
4. No one likes to take orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. How to spur people on to success.
7. Give a dog a good name.
8. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make people glad to do what you want.
• Published in 1937.
• Published in thirty six languages.
• This book is all about building relationships.
• The first and still the best book to lead you to success.
You can’t win an Argument
• It’s better to always avoid an argument.
• By arguing you cannot change other
person’s point of view.
• By arguing you may achieve victory sometimes but it will be an
• Make others feel that they’re important.
How to avoid an argument?
• Listen first.
• Welcome the disagreements.
• Control your temper.
• Look for the areas of agreements first rather than
You can’t win an argument. You can’t, because if you lose
it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it.
A Sure Way of Making Enemies-And How
to Avoid it
• Never tell people that they’re wrong.
• Never begin by announcing “I am going to prove so-and-so
• If you’re going to prove anything, don’t let anybody know it.
• It is necessary to permit ourselves to understand another.
• Show respect for other person’s opinions. Never say,
• Be diplomatic.
If You’re Wrong, Admit it
• Be honest with yourselves.
• Admit your mistakes quickly and with enthusiasm.
• By admitting your mistakes to others you make them feel
that they’re important.
A Drop of Honey
• Begin in a friendly way.
• The friendly approach and appreciation can make people
change their minds rather than all the bluster and storming.
• Gentleness and friendliness are always stronger than fury
• It is always the friendly, sympathetic, appreciative approach
The Secret of Socrates
• Don’t begin with the things on which you differ.
• Begin with the things on which you agree.
• Socratic method, was based on getting a “yes, yes”
• The result of this method is that the other party begins to
give his assent.
The Safety Valve in Handling
• Let people talk.
• If you disagree it may cause attempt to interrupt.
• Listen to them with enthusiasm.
How to Get Cooperation
• There should never be any need for you to claim credit for
• Let the other party claim the idea as their own.
• Find the thing what they want to say.
• People are only prepare for their acting ideas.
A Formula That Will Work Wonders for
• Remember that other people may be totally wrong.
• Don’t condemn them.
• Only wise, tolerant, exceptional people even try to do that.
• Try honestly to put yourself in his place.
What Everybody Wants
• The magical phrase that would stop arguments, create
positive interactions, and make the other person listen
to you attentively: “I don’t blame you at all for feeling
the way you do. If I were you, I would undoubtedly feel
the same way.”
• Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and
• "Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are
hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them,
and they will love you." - Dale Carnegie
• If someone feels negatively toward us, once we begin apologizing and
sympathizing with their point of view, they will begin apologizing and
sympathizing with our point of view.
• Everyone wants to feel understood and have their troubles and
opinions recognized. Use this to turn hostility into friendliness.
• Show the other person that you genuinely understand their perspective,
by saying things like, “I completely understand why you see it that way,”
or, “I know it would be helpful for you if ...”
An Appeal That Everybody Likes
• People usually have two reasons for doing
things -one that sounds good, and the real
• In order to change people, we must appeal to
the nobler motives.
• Most people are honest and want to fulfill
their obligations. In most cases, people will
react favorably if we make them feel that we
consider them honest, upright, and fair.
• All of us, being idealists at heart, like to think of motive that sound good.
• When you’re trying to convince someone to do something, start by thinking
of a few positive traits that that person tries hard to embody.
• Most people aim to be responsible, fair, wise, and diligent. Work these
ideas in when you mention to your son that you know he’s extremely
responsible about his chores.
The Movies Do It. TV Does it… Why Don’t
You Do It?
• To be effective in convincing someone of our ideas or our argument, it’s not enough
to state a truth. If we truly want someone’s attention, we have to present that truth in
an interesting, dramatic way.
• We get down on one knee when we propose as an act of dramatization - we’re
showing that words alone aren’t enough to express that feeling.
• We make games out of chores so our kids will play along and find it fun to pick up
their toys when they get to make a pretend train around the playroom.
• Find creative ways to use showmanship in presenting your ideas. When you’re
designing your next presentation or, think of some
ways to engage other senses or appeal to deeper
When Nothing Else Work, Try This
• When nothing else works in winning people to your way of thinking, throw
down a challenge.
• Most people have an innate desire to achieve. Along with that desire often
comes a fierce sense of competition - everyone wants to outdo others
and be the best.
• "The way to get things done is to stimulate competition. I do not mean in
a sordid, money-getting way, but in the desire to excel." Charles Schwab
• We seek a chance for self-expression,
a chance to prove our worth, to excel, to win.
Part 3 In A Nutshell
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
Show respect for the other person’s opinions.
If you’re wrong admit it quickly and emphatically.
Begin in a friendly way.
Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
Let the other person do a great deal of talking.
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires
Appeal to the nobler motives.
Dramatize your ideas.
Throw down a challenge.
Be a Leader: How to Change
People Without Giving Offense or
If You Must Find Fault, This Is The Way
• Should you use the hammer-and-dynamite method on occasions
where someone is at fault?
• It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard
some praise of our good points.
• Beginning with praise is like the dentist who begins his work with
Novocain. The patient still gets a drilling, but the Novocain is pain-
• A barber lathers a man before he shaves him.
Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
• Enables to help employees become more productive.
• Once someone realizes you have confidence in them, they will easily
follow your suggestions and soon master that function.
• AND who knows you might get everything that you want without even
asking for it!
How to Criticize....And Not Be Hated
• An effective way to correct others’ mistakes is call attention to people’s
• Give people a little present and make them feel important.
• Adopt an “open-door” policy and don’t block away people by
secretaries and administrators when they call.
• Beginning criticism with sincere praise followed by
the word “but” and ending with a critical statement
may leave a negative impact.
• People would accept the praise because there would
be no follow-up of an inference of failure.
• Calling attention to one’s mistakes indirectly works
wonders with sensitive people who may resent
bitterly any direct criticism.
• Teach followers to be leaders! You will be most
effective when you lead by example. You must be
the example for your men to follow.
Talk About Your Own Mistakes First
• A good leader follows the principle: Talk about your own
mistakes before criticizing the other person.
• Nobody is born with judgment. That comes only with
• If the person criticizing begins by humbly admitting that he,
too, is far from impeccable it’s easy to listen to a recital of
• Frequency of errors significantly reduces.
• A few sentences humbling oneself and praising the other party can
even turn a haughty, insulted person into a staunch friend. Rightfully
used, they will work miracles in human relations.
• Admitting one’s own mistakes—even when one hasn’t corrected
them—can help convince somebody to change his behavior.
No One Likes to Take Orders
• No one likes to take orders even people say “ I do not give a damn
to his orders”/ Am I the only one around here to take orders.
• So how to convince people to correct errors?
• Using suggestions technique.
Let The Other Person Save Face
• Prevent finding fault of people and criticizing them in front of
• Consider the hurt to the person pride and feelings.
• No one have right to diminish a person in his own eyes.
• Hurting a man in his own dignity is crime.
How to Spur People On to Success
• Why don’t we use gift/meat instead of
• Use praise instead of condemnation.
• Praise people even on slightest
• Strong people do not pull others down.
They lift them up.
Give a Dog a Good Name
Part 4 In A Nutshell
Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
Call attention to people’s mistake indirectly.
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
Let the other person save face.
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.
Give other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.