Interpersonal communication

Corporate Communication Course
Welcome!

Carmine D’Arconte

cdarconte@uniroma3.it
1

Carmine D’Arconte
C..A. Pratesi Corporate Communication Course. Roma Tre University – February 2011 - Rome

Our programme

1. Interpersonal communication
2, Corporate communication
Direct marketing, Relationship marketing and Crm,
Customer Relationship Management

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Interpersonal Communication

From words to dialogue

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What exactly are corporate and interpersonal
communication?
What kind of relationship between them?

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Corporate is someting related to a corporation
that is an organization, a legal entity separate
from the persons who own it or the persons who
manage or operate it

But what is communication?

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Communication?
It seems to be something rather complicated!

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To start with let’s try to understand what is a
corporate or a company and which role is played
by communication in the management of a
company

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The (profit) Company

Servizi
Ambiente
esterno/stakeholders

Prodotti Produzione marketing

Azienda
Clienti
Finanza e controllo
Capitali

Data Base Markeitng Flussi di cassa

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Communication plays a vital role in the handling of
company relationships with its stakeholders and
optimizing the redemption of investments.

Marketing is an important part of communication

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Is there any relation between corporate and
interpersonal communication?

Or to put it in another way:
“ to understand and master corporate communication do
we need to master first Interpersonal communication?

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DEFINITELY YES, THE RELATIONSHIP EXISTS AND IS
SUBSTANTIAL!

Why?
Because a company is, in the final analysis , made of
people who are continuously communicating with one
another.
Some of these people are also interacting officially with
the external stakeholders (and many others do it unoffi-
cially).

People, be they executives or employees, always remain
first of all “people”.
.
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The most important relationships at work.
Work: external context

customers social and economic context
owners

suppliers
shareholders

technological
unions law environment
competitors
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The most important relationships at work.
Work: internal context

parents ssoq
headmaster

students controller secretary/assist
ant

internal customers aides
colleagues
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So whatever organization we take into account, everybo-
dy who is working in it, is automatically involved and
submerged in a network of relationships that may regard
either the external or the internal stakeholders, or both of
them.

Communication may be both on an official or (as often
happens) on an unofficial level.

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An important aspect is that the external communication
process, though exchanged between companies, actually
is carried out mainly by some, so to say, special indivi-
duals.

Let’s immagine for example that an important contract is
finally signed up between two companies after a long and
heavy negotiation.

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A lot of people from both companies probably gave an
important contribution to achieve this important objective
but there is no doubt that a primary role was played by the
individuals who because of their specific role interacted by
directly negotiation at different levels (technical, logistical,
economic and so on).

The final decision is probably made through the interaction
of very few people (decision makers)

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When considering the internal side of a company, the
situation seems to be the same. Think of management
and Unions negotiating something, or the relationship
between a boss and his aide ending up in promotion and
salary increase (or in a dismission) and so on.

Here again a prearranged and well defined process is run
by individuals who interact among them.
The final result, without any possible doubt, depends on
the kind of relationship established among the different
players during the negotiation.

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So in a company, interpersonal communication also
seems to be a key factor to determine succes or failure.

What about our private life ?

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Here again, if you consider carefully your
environment, it’s easy to realise that we are
submerged in a “sea” of different relationships and
that we must be able to manage all of them in the
best possible way

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The most important relationships in private life
Private life. The external context

Parents/father and
mother in law

Disabled
parents/father and
mother in law
wife/husband/partner

friends
Sons/daughters acquaintances relatives
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The most important relationships with oneself
Private

Emotional self

Logical self
Conscious self
Inconscious self
Relation self

Pragmatic self Intellectual self Physical self Moral self
Cultural self
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In business communication it doesn’t make sense
to be spontaneous and tell a customer whatever we
like (e.g. What an awful suit your wear today, or
how ugly you are, but also how sexy you look to
day!)
Definitely communication must be handled in the
proper way or, otherwise, we may anger and irritate
our customers

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In private life it’s much more complicated to find
the proper trade-off between spontaneity and
communication effectiveness but the stakes may be
even higher and also in this case communication
must be handled in the proper way to obtain what
we want.

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In corporate and interpersonal communication the main
objective, to a certain extent, seems therefore to be
substantially the same.

In both cases the final objective is not just to transmit a piece
of information but to obtain something. It may be:
from other people when we “sell” something (an idea, a belief,
a brand) and we induce them to do something (buy a product
or service, have new friends )
from ourselves (as when we learn to do something or we
make a progress in someting)

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So interpersonal communication seems to be a key
factor to determine success or failure even in our
private life

In both case we need to maximize and optimize the
use of the limited resources that we have, such as
•life time
•opportunities
•money

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To obtain this we need to be able to “change” our
behaviour or other people behaviour in order that
the same change might produce better results for
us.
It seems that actual changes as result of the
communication process may be extremely poor

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Possible results in the communication process

I could know
100
I know
80
I transmit
70
It is received
40
It is heard
30
It ìs understood
20
It is remembered
10
It is done (actual
learning/behaviour)
5
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• What are we doing and what are we able to do in order to
maximize our opportunities in life?

• Very little, at least this is the case for most of us. We
generally seem to be like prisoners of well established
automatisms (What Paul Watzlawick calls the more of
the same principle)

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What could we do?
• First of all understand and feel that we are submerged in a
“sea” of different and changing relationships that in no
way may be disregarded
• Then understand that we need a high and specific skill for
every kind of relationship (different relationships must be
managed in different ways)
• Finally be clear in our mind that everything changes and
that our communication approach must be adapted
continuously to these changes.

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• Let’s think just for a moment about our
partner………………………………………..

A hint on
- zero-sum game (you win, I loose or you loose I win)
- non-zero-sum game (we win or loose together)

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Boundary line concept
• It’s impossible to change certain things or situations (and
must be accepted as they are)
• A few things may be changed even in a substantial way
• A lot of important things ( generally much more than we
think) may be improved, sometimes significantly in other
cases just a little

• In any case let’s make no illusions, to “change” may be
very hard, sometimes impossible but there are a lot of
things that can be done if we really want
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Boundary line

Let’s understand in which area is located our objective

Impossibility area Impossibility area

Difficulty Difficulty
Area
Possibility area
area area

Impossibility
Impossibility area area
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The idea is therefore to learn something about interpersonal
communication that may enable us:

•First to improve our relationships in private life
•Second to learn corporate communication whilst always
bearing in mind the interpersonal communication principles

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The communication foundations
The Shannon Weaver Model
Advanced models
Hints on mirroring and neuro-linguistic programming

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Information and communication

One way communication (information)

EMITTENTE RICEVENTE
Messaggio

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Information and communication

One way communication (information)

EMITTENTE RICEVENTE
Messaggio

Two ways communication (real
communication)

EMITTENTE RICEVENTE
Messaggio

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The communication Process

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The communication process and common “areas” to share

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Corporate Communication Course

Carmine D’Arconte
cdarconte@uniroma3.it
2

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Critical aspects in interpersonal communication

The fundamental contribution of
Paul Watzlawick
The situation is hopeless but not serious
(The pursuit of unhappiness)

LION BOOKSHOP TEL 06 32650437
ISBN 978039393310214

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Paul Watzlawick
The situation is hopeless but not serious
(The pursuit of unhappiness)

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The pursuit of unhappiness?

Why is the author so concerned to help people being unhappy or, to put it better,
as unhappy as possible?

We are accustomed to other kind of advice; generally we expect people to advise
us how to solve problems and leave us in peace and as happy as possible.

What’s going on here ?

The explanation may be found in Mr. Watzlawick’s experience as a
psychotherapist. He was an associate in the Mental Research Institute in Palo
Alto and worked as a clinical professor in the department of psychiatry and
behavioral sciences, at Stanford University Medical Center

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It seems that if we tell someone the right thing to do in order to sort out his
problem he will be generally inclined to ignore us or, even worse, that he will
be unconsciously spurred to continue doing as before.

So our advice, as right and well founded as it might be, may even turn out to have
the opposite effect.
It seems that people have to discover by themselves what is right or wrong for
them.

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Paul Watzlawick’s experience, suggests that a positive reaction may
occur if we suggest to a person who is in trouble, due to his
behaviour, what he must do in order to get even further in
trouble.

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An example might be
Don’t take any drugs as they are very harmful for your health.
This type of advice will be most likely completely ignored.

Another way might be: take as many drugs as you can so that
you’ll soon be addicted, become financially ruined and severely
harm your health .
The second - provided one is not killed - is more likely to pro-
duce a better effect as the recipient is faced with his realistic
and likely future.

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The book may be divided in two parts:

1. Chapters 1- 8 Production of unhappiness by
ourselves (no relationship with other people)

2. Chapters 9 - 14 Production of unhappiness in
relationships with other people

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Around one century ago Bertrand Russel insisted on a
strict separation between statements about things and
statements about relationships !

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This apple is red (is something)

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This apple (the first one) is bigger than the second (is
something else)

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“This apple is red” is a statement about the properties of
this apple
“This apple is bigger than that one” is a statement about
the relationship between these two apples.

It does not make sense if applied to one or other apple
separately, for the proposition “bigger than” is not located
in one of them, but in their relationship to each other.

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Let’s go back to the book!
The first part (introduction and chapters 1- 8) regards the
“production of unhappiness by ourselves” as follows:

Introduction to the importance of unhappiness
To thine own self be true ( be sure there is only one right view: one’s own!)
Four games with the past
Russians and Americans
The story of the hammer
A handful of beans
Chasing away the elephants
Self-fulfilling prophecies
Beware of arriving

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To thine own self be true!
Be sure there is only one right view: one’s own!

Avoid shabby compromises and like the captain of a ship, which
also the rats have abandoned, steer heroically in the stormy night!.

The mere fact that other people may recomend something
different, becomes the very reason for rejecting it even if, seen
objectively, that something would be to our advantage.

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Four games with the past
or….. how to make the past a reliable source of unhappiness

The glorification of the past: If the loss of your beloved causes such infernal pain,
how divinely blissful it will be to find him or her again

Mrs Lot; having the possibility to chose between A or B how to lose both A and B

The fatal glass of beer. Now it’s too late and in any case it was not my fault

More of the same. First there is only one possible solution and if this
solution has not yet produced the desired effect, apply it more
forcefully. Secondly never doubt the assumption that there is only
one solution

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Avoidance of problems for the purpose of their perpetuation

Chasing away the elephants
A: Why are you clapping your hands every five seconds?
B: To chase away the elephants !
A: Elephants ? But there aren’t any around !
B: Right, see, I told you so!

A horse in a stall, the bell and the electric shock.

The spinster story

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Second part. The tragedy of relationships
L’enfer sont les autres (J.P.Sartre)

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This apple (the first one) is bigger than the second (is
somethingelse)

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The second part (chapters 9 - 14) regards the
production of unhappiness in our relationships with
others

If you really loved me you would like garlic
“Be soontaneous”
why would anybodylove me?
The traps of hrlping
Those crazy foreigners
Life as a game

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Why would anybody love me?

I would not dream of belonging to a club that is willing to have me as
a member (Groucho Marx)

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The traps of helping

To the pure (and mentally sane) everything is pure but the pessimist
(or the insane) will always find the Achilles heel.

The collusion pattern: the role he/she must play in order to make me
feel “real “ is the very role he/she wants to play to bring about
his/her own reality

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Those crazy foreigners

Our world is supposed to be the true world. It is the worlds of the
others that are crazy, deceptive, illusory and weird.

In the face of all evidence to the contrary, assume that your own
behaviour is obvious and normal under all circumstances.

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Life as a game

Life is a game where rule number 1 is:
this is no game, this is serious.

The game theory and zero-sum and non –zero-sum games

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Improving interpersonal communication

Though communication is so important both at work as in private life,
people do not seem to take it into proper consideration.
We also saw that genetics, experience and automatisms play a key
role to determine our answer to a certain stimulus.
Most of our behaviour seems to be obeying to the “more of the same
principle”
So, until now we worked on the problems and we understood that we
we should improve ourselves helping us to remain a thinking being
and elevating our consciousness level

Let’s now see what we can do to improve our communication skills

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Interpersonal communication

Key principles in communication
1. Listen (this means let the other peron speak, force him or her, if
strictly necessary, only to come quickly and clearly to the point) and,
above all, make an effort to understand what he or she is trying to
saying
2. When you’re listening try to figure out what kind of person is in front
of you and in which way he is communicating with you
3. When it will be your turn to speak please make sure that:
- your answer is pertinent and to the point (in case there was a
problem you should try to come up with possible solutions)
- the way you answer is, as far as possible, in line with the
communication style of the person you’re speaking to (sharing the
common parts and using mirroring technique)

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Interpersonal communication

Key principles in communication
4. Bear in mind that most people are likely to judge you in
accordance to their personal representation of the world.
If you are in accordance with this, they’ll think you’re
good (“here is a good guy to do business with” they wll
probably think)
5. On the contrary if you clash in with the person you’re
dealing with, also if your “technical and substantial” offer
is good they may be tempted to refuse it.

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How to improve our communication process

Steps for improving our communication and become more
persuasive

Aceptance by the ad hoc
Active listening
other communication

Self Right Bench Self
esteem analysis Mirroring Vac Pilca
approach marking

Accurate Excelent Consultant approach Crystal clearness and Positive
presentation presentation impression on
fairness
the other

Persuasive
communication

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Interpersonal communication

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