Parenting challenges & solutions

1. Parenting Challenges & Solutions
Dr D. S. Satpute
Prof Sandeep Sinha

2. Bossy Kids
Behaviour
• Bossing around, like to be center of activity
• Dominating Behaviour
Causes / Why they do it?
• They feel dominated
• It is their way of overcoming their feelings of inadequacy.
• Their need for control

3. Typical Parent Reaction
• Find it very irritating & embarrassing
• Reprimand the child
• Criticize the child
What should be the parental Strategy?
• Encourage the child to help around the house
• Encourage the child to share
• Do not punish the child
• Make them aware that other child may feel hurt

4. Temper Tantrums
Behaviour
• Sudden display of anger.
• Act in a way to get attention.
• Screaming, yelling, throwing, biting, pinching.
Causes / Why they do it?
• He is learning how to get what he wants and has noticed that
throwing himself on the ground and shrieking for an hour seems to
work.
• To seek attention

5. Typical Parent Reaction
• Feel angry, exhausted, powerless, and even frightened.
• Scold
• Spanking
• Ignore the demands.
What should be the parental Strategy?
• Stay calm & ignore the tantrum
• Do not give in or do anything that is seen as their victory
• Find out the root cause
• Mild punishment can be given.
• Explain consequences of their behaviour.

6. Swearing – using foul language
Behaviour
• Swearing, use bad words to express anger / annoyance.
• Words used to criticize / put someone down.
Causes / Why they do it?
• When upset, hurt, annoyed.
• To criticise / put someone down.
• Seek attention.
• To feel grown up.
• Follow the words used in family/friends.
• Not knowing that swearing is rude / offensive.
• Experimenting with the language.

7. Typical Parent Reaction
• Shocked to know that child is swearing.
• Scold
• Punish
What should be the parental Strategy?
• Tell the child what is bad about swearing.
• Tell him there are lots of other words to show his anger/annoyance.
• You might also take a good look at your own language. Kids learn by
imitation.

8. Cheating in Exams
Behaviour
• Copying.
• Having another student to write a paper for him.
• Writing papers by consulting with others.
Causes / Why they do it?
• Not prepared for exams.
• Peer pressure.
• To get more marks due to fear of exams.
• Study not up to the mark.
• Competition with peers.
• If children do not get caught for a while for copying, the thrill of power
that comes from getting away with it can become addictive.

9. Typical Parent Reaction
• To get angry.
• To punish.
• To feel embarrassed
• Preaching.
What should be the parental Strategy?
• Focus on kid’s sense of pride
• Encourage to do work honestly. Let him say ―I did it on my own.‖
• Assure him that cheating is neither normal nor acceptable.

10. Crying
Behaviour
• All babies cry which is normal.
• They talk to you, communicate their needs of hunger, discomfort etc by
crying.
• Crying is a part of natural development, so all babies outgrow their
crying.
Causes / Why they do it?
• Natural /healthy crying
• Physical discomfort
• Demanding something
• To get mother’s attention
• To get sympathy or special treatment.

11. Typical Parent Reaction
• Respond quickly and try to meet the needs.
• If crying does not stop-get panicky.
• Anxiety about any physical problem.
• Go to doctor for help.
What should be the parental Strategy?
• Try to meet the demand
• Rocking the baby.
• Gently stroking baby’s head.
• Singing/playing soft music.
• Change the diaper.

12. Talking Too Much
Behaviour
• Child talks too much.
• Sometimes inattentive
• Sometimes hyperactive
Causes / Why they do it?
• May be child has attention deficit disorder.
• Do not understand that it can be a problem.
• Seek attention
• Children feel significant when people pay attention to them.

13. Typical Parent Reaction
• Stop him from talking.
• May humiliate him in public by shouting at him to stop talking.
What should be the parental Strategy?
• Keep it in mind that talkative child has an important social skill which
is not to be corrected but developed.
• Tell him when to talk and when to listen instead of telling him to stop
talking.
• Attitude of parent—Keep talking (sensibly), someone is listening.

14. Lying
Behaviour
• Child lies.
• Tries to hide something from parents.
• Confused behaviour sometimes.
Causes / Why they do it?
• They see their parents doing it & getting away with it.
• To get out of trouble.
• To cover up something to avoid punishment.
• Exaggerate the story.
• Impress others.
• Gain attention.
• Manipulate the situation.

15. Typical Parent Reaction
• Scold the child.
• Punish him.
What should be the parental Strategy?
• Be positive.
• Emphasise the importance of honesty in your family.
• Try stories highlighting honesty.
• Tell him that you become sad if he lies.
• Appreciate him for telling the truth.
• Try to get the child to trust you enough so that they feel that every
problem can be worked out without severe punishment.

16. Stealing
Behaviour
• Stealing things.
• Confused mind.
• Guilt expressions may be on the face.
• Also lying to cover up the crime.
Causes / Why they do it?
• Child feels unwanted / unloved / neglected
• Child is jealous of sibling’s relationship with parents.
• Child may be stealing to gain peer acceptance.
• Child has desires/ wants but no way to get them in legal manner.

17. Typical Parent Reaction
• Scold.
• Punish.
What should be the parental Strategy?
• Personal apology and restitution (returning property to the owner)
needs to take place.
• Talk about how the victim feels.
• Do not lend the child money to make restitution, but he must
negotiate payment plan in which he can pay off the debt.
• Tell him consequences.
• Encourage the child to tell the truth.

18. Sulking
Behaviour
• They pout / whine / sulk to show their displeasure/ frustration.
Causes / Why they do it?
• To gain attention of parents.
• Do not know how to get away from frustration/ how to express
displeasure.
• They feel this is better way of communication with parents.

19. Typical Parent Reaction
• Get annoyed.
• Scold the child, tell him not to sulk / crib all the time.
• Telling him that, inspite of getting all the things you are not happy.
What should be the Parental Strategy
• Make your home a safe place to express different views.
• Find out what he really wants to say through his sulking behaviour.
• Bring to his notice that he is sulking, try to find out the cause and act
accordingly.
• Do not overreact/ punish/ give too much power to it.

20. Talking Back
Behaviour
• Rude behaviour with parents.
• Back answering to others.
• Arguing all the time with elders.
Causes / Why they do it?
• Surrounding situation/ environment is the first place from where they
learn.
• May be he feels powerless/ not listened to?
• He thinks it is the most effective way to get listened to.

21. Typical Parent Reaction
• Scold /punish.
• Argue with him, why he is back answering .
• Blaming him / his friends for this.
What should be the parental Strategy
• Establish behaviour expectations and stick to it.
• Teach the consequences that talking back will not get a child what
he wants.
• Teach him proper communication methods.
• Teach him how to handle disappointment.
• Teach him that inappropriate behaviour should be followed by
apology.
• Praise his good behaviour.

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