5. Self Talk I am good at my job They will think I have no idea Reverse Marketing I am competent I will get fired End of year reviews I would not have been asked to do this if I wasn’t good enough I’m not good enough to do this Presenting a topic I have done this many times successfully I’ll make too many mistakes Meeting with member Positive Self-Talk Negative Self-Talk Situation
Communication is probably the one skill which made us unique by nature. Along with our ability to think, it has helped us evolve into the most advanced species on the planet. Since we are born with the innate ability to communicate, we often think we are born with good communication skills too. This is because we have always been doing it!! .However, we have been taught to speak to people rather than speak with them, From childhood we have been given inexplicit instructions on how to behave and talk to people rather than the “right way” So what are our own definitions of COMMUNICATION (Go around class)
We have identified the basics of being a good communicator. The unfortunate thing about human nature is that we have probably experienced or actually practiced more bad communication than good.
As we can understand, people with low self-esteem may not communicate as well as those with high self-esteem. They are often unwilling to take risks in social environments and they often lack confidence which, in turn makes them less convincing and persuasive. On the other side of the spectrum, people with high self-esteem will speak confidently and fluently and will generally be willing to take risks, such as admitting when they're wrong. This confidence will enable them to be comfortable with self-disclosure which can encourage people to do the same. Although there are many factors which influence an individuals self esteem, quite often it is negative statements from others can erode our sense of opinion of ourselves. Children and adults alike tend to believe negative statements from those in positions of authority; such as parents, teachers, managers and even peers which, in turn, causes them to develop a negative self image when criticized on a regular basis. Studies have found that the ratio of positive-to-negative comments should be at least five to one for a relationship to be healthy and survive long-term. For these reasons, we’re taught not to let others put us down, but sometimes the person eroding our self esteem, thus limiting our performance is us ! That’s right, our self talk, or the words our inner dialogue uses when we think, can increase our stress levels, limit our potential, and ultimately result in sub standard performances in both social and work environments. Your self-talk is built by your thoughts. Apparently we each have 50,000 thoughts per day. Unfortunately for many the vast majority of those 50,000 are repetitive, negative thoughts - focused on the things you should have done, things that went wrong, how you aren't good enough etc. Each conversation that you have with yourself reinforces in your mind who you are and what you are capable of and, most critically, builds or demolishes your self-esteem and self-worth. The higher your sense of self-worth and self-esteem the better able you are to cope with challenges and upsets, the bigger goals you will go after. If your self-talk is filled with self-doubt and criticism you are unable to see the best and bring out the best in yourself or those around you. As you can see from the self-talk diagram below there is a self-perpetuating cycle which occurs. The degree of your self-acceptance and self-approval dictates the type of conversations you have with yourself. Your inner conversations strengthen your feelings of self-worth and consequently govern your performance.
There are two sides to self talk; The negative and the positive. Lets look at the chart and look at the negative and positive self talk. As we can probably admit, we have had more negative than positive dialogue with ourselves. It seems to come easier. We seem to always set ourselves up for the “Worst Case Scenario” which, inevitably results in us not performing to our capabilities as we have already, subconsciously, convinced ourselves that we will fail. Now think about a similar situation we have experienced in our own employment where negative self talk has hindered your performance. Jot down the negative things you convinced yourself of. Now think of the positive alternatives that you could have said to yourself. How could have these changed the outcome of the situation. (Go around class) Control your self-talk so that it is constructive, uplifting, enriching and enhances your belief about what you can do. When your performance/results are less than you would like, you can set yourself up for future success by changing your self-talk about that event. Don't focus on your limitations or dwell on your fears. Put your energy on focusing on what you do want and who you do want to be. When you recognize you have made a mistake and your performance is less than you would like, your next, critical, step is to address the issue in a 'charge neutral' way - that is just state it like a fact - no judgment or criticism. This one simple technique is guaranteed to improve your personal power and performance enormously. Train yourself to look at situations and experiences with a very pragmatic view. Instead of berating yourself for messing 'IT' up you accept the truth of what you have done (or not done) and ask yourself "What am I going to do differently next time?" This doesn't mean that you ignore your faults or problems, but that you focus on improving them and getting better results.
Everyone in some way, shape or form negotiates. We negotiate with our family members about what we want for dinner; we negotiate with friends about who is going to be the designated driver; we negotiate with “tradies” about when to come to the house for repairs. While each of these examples has a different outcome, each requires basic communication skills to be effective.
In order to properly understand how to negotiate, we need to break the process into stages. In every negotiation we have 4 stages: Preparation, discussion, proposal and Counter proposal and finally agreement/disagreement. The initial Preparation stage includes researching options by which each parties involved may reach common ground. This means that, not only being aware of the perceived needs and values of the other parties but it also includes knowledge of your own needs and values on the issue being negotiated. The Discussion stage is the main part of the negotiation process. Studies have identified that in actual transactional negotiations, successful negotiators asked twice the number of questions and spent over twice the amount of time acquiring and clarifying information than unsuccessful negotiators did. Questions should be focussed on the issue being negotiated. However, your own needs should be discussed as well. This stage is where any hurdles which hinder negotiations are removed, or, at least, moved aside. In the Proposal and Counter Proposal Stage offers are made. You make an offer, the other party evaluates its merits and then may or may not offer a counter proposal. This process may be repeated several times; until a compromise can be reached. The Agreement/Disagreement Stage is where your negotiation comes into fruition. If a disagreement is made, the process reverts back to the Discussion phase. Disagreement is a normal aspect of the negotiation process. It should be seen as an opportunity to start the process again, rather than a wall. If the process is done professionally, an agreement will be met eventually.
Prepare a basic introduction spiel (Avoiding ums and ahs) Know your “product”
Definition An open question can be defined as: An open question is likely to receive a long answer. Although any question can receive a long answer, open questions deliberately seek longer answers, and are the opposite of closed questions. Using open questions Open questions have the following characteristics: They ask the respondent to think and reflect. They will give you opinions and feelings . They hand control of the conversation to the respondent. Closed questions Definition There are two definitions that are used to describe closed questions. A common definition is: A closed question can be answered with either a single word or a short phrase. Thus 'How old are you?' and 'Where do you live?' are closed questions. A more limiting definition is: A closed question can be answered with either 'yes' or 'no'. Thus 'Are you happy?' and 'Is that a knife I see before me?' are closed questions, whilst 'How are you?' and even 'How old are you?' are not, by this definition, closed. This limited definition is also sometimes called a 'yes or no' question, for obvious reasons. Using closed questions Closed questions have the following characteristics: They give you facts . They are easy to answer. They are quick to answer. They keep control of the conversation with the questioner. v
This is a very important tool. It involves the ability to understand the key message and listen to the underlying theme. To confirm that you have understood what the other party has said you should repeat the message or reformulate/simplify/interpret it before continuing the review with your colleague. In this way, you can be sure whether you have correctly understood your colleague’s message or not.
Examples: Employee: I do not think I will be able to manage this job. Management (actively listening): Are you afraid the workload will be too much? Employee: I’m not sure if we want to use an angency again Management (actively listening): We are not a conventional “Recruitment Agency” as we do not charge for any of our services
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