1. CRITICAL THINKING: USE IT OR YOU LOSE IT
By
Damian Gordon
A late evening. Mary’s sitting room. Front centre is a small coffee
table flanked either end by two stuffed chairs. Sitting on the right
chair, facing sideways to the audience is Mary. On the table sits a
cordless phone and a glossy magazine.
The phone rings. Mary picks up the phone. As she does CALLER #1
enters stage left and sits in the chair opposite her.
MARY
Hello.
CALLER #1
Hi, this is Microsoft security; we have detected a virus on your
computer.
MARY
What?
CALLER #1
This is Microsoft security; we have detected a virus on your
computer, it is urgent that you get this fixed, otherwise your
precious banking, and other, information will be given to hackers,
and international criminals.
MARY
How did you get this number?
CALLER #1
This is Microsoft security; we have detected a virus on your
computer, we obtained your telephone number by backtracking your IP
address to our international telephone directories.
MARY
I don’t own a computer
CALLER #1
Oh...
(hangs up)

2. CALLER #1 departs stage left.
MARY
Hmmm....
Mary reaches to the side of the chair (opposite audience) and picks
up her laptop.
MARY
I suppose I might as well run a virus check.
Some clicking of keys, and pause for a few seconds.
MARY
I thought as much, no virus, must be a scam.
Her laptop is still on her lap. The phone rings again. Mary picks up
the phone. As she does CALLER #2 enters stage left and sits on the
chair opposite her.
MARY
Hello.
CALLER #2
Hi, this is Mick O’Reilly, I’m running for re-election as your local
TD, and I wonder do you have a minute to talk to me?
MARY
No.
CALLER #2
I appreciate you’re very busy, but there are important matters I
need to discuss with you, I want you to know how important you are
to me...
MARY
I’m sorry, but I’m very busy at the moment.
Mary types for a few seconds on her laptop.
CALLER #2
...I want you to know how important you are to me, and how much I
care about each and every one of my constituents.
MARY
LIAR!

3. CALLER #2
(stunned)
WH...WHAT ??!??
MARY
You are a liar, sir. I’m reading you voting record in the Dáil, if
you care about me so much why did you vote for water charges?
CALLER #2
(still a bit stunned)
Well...well, that’s a party matter, I have to vote with my party
otherwise I’d lose the whip.
MARY
And I see you voted to cut carers allowances, and special needs
assistants in classrooms.
CALLER #2
(getting back into his patter)
Look, hard choices have to be made, we are facing not just a
national recession, not just a European recession, but a global
recession...which has resulted in a momentous diminishment in fiscal
liquidity...in other words, there’s no money in the kitty.
MARY
But you did vote to give yourself and your colleagues an 84%
increase...and you have 14 non-civil servant political advisors who
are being paid above the government guidelines...and you have been
sanctioned by the Dáil on two occasions for running a private
business while serving as a TD.
CALLER #2
(annoyed)
You people, you don’t know when you’ve well off...
(hangs up)
CALLER #2 departs stage left.
Mary leaves down her laptop on the coffee table, and picks up the
magazine. She starts flicking through the pages, and then pauses on
one page and begins to read aloud.

4. MARY
(reading)
“In a survey 92% of people indicated an improvement after using this
product for seven weeks”
(pauses)
Hmm...I wonder how many people were in that survey?
(pauses)
OK, an asterisk, “percentage based on 32 people sampled”
(pauses)
32 people, but 32 people is hardly statistically significant.
Mary leaves down magazine firmly.
Mary turns to audience.
MARY
We are being sold things every day; through advertising, through
politicians, through scams; we need to have our wits about us, and
do a bit of critical thinking, otherwise we’ll be fooled all the
time.
Mary sits back in her chair and picks up her magazine again.
CURTAIN.