Common Communication Failures (and ways to avoid them!)
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Talk given by Benjamin Mitchell (Partner at Equal Experts) at ExpertTalks Manchester, Wednesday 7th September, 2016.
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Common Communication Failures (and ways to avoid them!)
- 1. Common Communication Failures (and ways to avoid them!) Benjamin Mitchell @benjaminm Partner, Equal Experts
- 6. What does being wrong feel like? Source: Kathryn Schulz “On Being Wrong”
- 7. How we think we act and How we tell others we act ≠ How we actually act
- 9. Feedback “Your feedback to the team member was poor because: It did not focus on any positive actions and it didn’t use any examples“
- 10. Measuring Transparency Transformation Coaches wanted to increase teams’ level of transparency To measure their impact they stood with a clip board and secretly scored the transparency of each team member in meetings https://vimeo.com/43256388
- 11. @benjaminm
- 12. Top 6 Communication Failures 1. Framing the problem as “the other(s)” 2. Hoping that data will speak for itself 3. Pushing “the one right approach” (yours) 4. Trying to persuade someone by arguing with them 5. Ignoring how you or others feel – just being rational 6. Trying to make changes in one giant leap
- 13. WAYS TO AVOID COMMUNICATION FAILURES
- 14. IF YOU’RE NOT PART OF THE PROBLEM, YOU CAN’T BE PART OF THE SOLUTION
- 15. Practise under realistic conditions
- 16. Left Hand Right Hand Case Study What I thought but did not say What we are doing is crazy! Use humour so I don’t offend them Uh oh, they feel criticised. Better stop. It looks like we’ll never really address this point now … I feel really disappointed What was said Me: (Joking) I think this may be the best graph I ever done [explain detail]. I thought it might be interesting to review here. Sponsor: This graph shows how well the technical team has done and how badly we have made business decisions. [all laugh]
- 17. Left Hand Right Hand Case Study What I thought but did not say What we are doing is crazy! Use humour so I don’t offend them Uh oh, they feel criticised. Better stop. It looks like we’ll never really address this point now … I feel really disappointed What was said Me: (Joking) I think this may be the best graph I ever done [explain detail]. I thought it might be interesting to review here. Sponsor: This graph shows how well the technical team has done and how badly we have made business decisions. [all laugh] Easing in Not sharing all relevant information Unilaterally looking after their feelings Untested assumption Untested assumption Lack of joint design Not sharing all relevant information
- 21. Reframing Individual Frame One the Issues: There is one right answer I’m right, you are wrong You don’t get it On the People: Your are mad or bad You alone are to blame You must change for this to work Relational Frame One the Issues: We each see things the other misses To find common ground, explore our differences Complex, ambiguous issues can be frustrating On the People: We are doing doing the best we can and need each other’s help We are both responsible
- 22. Learn from Improvisational Theatre: Make offers and be good to work with
- 23. Make it easy and safe to surface problems
- 24. Wasted Time Area Sum of Team Time Wasted Internal 457 Desktop PC 98 Development Technology 82 Builds 72 Process Issue 51 Technical Debt 36 Merging 25 Team Technology 15 Specifications 15 External Team 420 Pricing Engine A 145 Document Generation Team 81 Pricing Engine B 41 Single Sign On 39 Pricing Engine C 33 Oracle Database 24 XML Data Architecture 17 Pricing Engine D 10 Common Environment 56 Jira 18 Wiki 16 Grand Total 935 Wasted Time Sources
- 25. The ‘two hand rule’
- 28. @benjaminm
- 29. The Ladder of Inference Select Describe Explain Evaluate Propose Actions Source: Based on the work of Schwarz, Argyris & Schon, Noonan and Action Design Partners Assumptions
- 30. Practising with the Ladder of Inference Say what you see [at the Describe Level] Say what you think it means.
- 31. Show, don’t tell: Negotiate based on visible data
- 32. Practice asking more (genuine, open) questions @benjaminm
- 34. KEEP IN MIND HOW HUMANS DEAL WITH POTENTIAL EMBARRASSMENT AND THREAT
- 35. “PEOPLE ARE ALL FOR THE TRUTH, AS LONG AS THE TRUTH IS NOT EMBARRASSING OR THREATENING” CHRIS ARGYRIS
- 36. @benjaminm
- 37. NEGOTIATE (SMALL) STEPS TO IMPROVE
- 38. Make progress with imperfect tools
- 39. Innovation can create embarrassment and threat
- 40. Our A/B Testing Algorithm ÷ 2
- 41. Avoiding Communication Failures 1. Get curious: how might you be contributing to the problem? 2. Make offers and be good to work with 3. Use the Ladder of Inference to ask better questions 4. Use tools to create psychological safety 5. Negotiate: jointly design (small) ways forward
- 42. Any questions? Books to read • The Skilled Facilitator by Roger Schwarz • Getting More by Stuart Diamond • Difficult Conversations by Stone, Patton & Heen Contact me: bmitchell@equalexperts.com twitter.com/benjaminm
Notes de l'éditeur
- This is a graph of business days along the bottom. For each product, it shows the flow from development, to production, to being priced and finally, sometimes, traded. The red shows the time spent waiting for never traded. NOT LEAN – building ahead of demand. Red also showed the complexity I thought this graph would show something interesting – and I still believe this – but it didn’t lead to the outcome I wanted .. And before I get to why, I want to introduce a small amount of theory.
- But I wasn’t very happy – we were doing great work in terms of producing things, But there were very few customers who used them and the work we’d put in to Deliver using Kanban didn’t seem recognised. This was the first hint that my behaviour might have something to do with it.
- This is true for customers as well as for ourselves. Let me illustrate with a reference to my own behaviour.
- Getting angry isn’t effective. If you’re not part of the problem, you’re part of the solution. ----- Meeting Notes (05/03/2013 12:18) ----- This difference between our theories in use and our espoused theory is evident in this next example
- Illustrates Skilled Incompetence and Skilled Unawareness
- A group of coaches had a goal of helping ‘teams respects each other’ They described behaviours they would look for to validate the level of improvement (“offer help”) They were concerned the managers would game their behaviour (act inauthentially) if they knew what the coaches were measuring The decided not to share the behaviours they were measuring with the managers The way we act, but are unaware of. This shows it’s a common problem.
- You might be wondering, how does this apply to implementing Kanban? Well the theory of Kanban, even around a relatively simple thing like WIP limits is challenging, as this tweet, which I think speaks to a common experience attests.
- This isn’t a Big Talk, it’s a small talk, based on my personal experiences, and often involves failure. I hope that you’ll find the stories interesting and funny, to pass the time. I want to share some frames and behaviors that I’ve found useful in the hope that if you’re experiencing similar frustrations you would find them helpful. I’d love to chat more to people at the conference if that’s the case.
- I’m interested in how we can change our behaviour rather than focusing on changing others. I like this frame because it helps highlight that considering your own behaviour is one of the most effective ways of
- https://www.flickr.com/photos/soldiersmediacenter/2898270225
- I illustrated easing-in by not stating my view fully, I also judged them as unable to handle criticism so, then evaluated their response and unilaterally decided to stop, and the pretended that none of this was happening. This is not how I’d tell people to act, yet it was how I acted. I’ve seen the same behaviour in others …
- I illustrated easing-in by not stating my view fully, I also judged them as unable to handle criticism so, then evaluated their response and unilaterally decided to stop, and the pretended that none of this was happening
- Apply this to my situation with the managers – then talk about a more effective frame Self I understand the situation and know the right answer Other person Is uninformed or ill-intentioned May have questionable motives if they disagree Task Get them to see things my way We need to take this new frame and combine it with a different mindset
- http://www.flickr.com/photos/instantvantage/6450325837/sizes/o/
- https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/3b/Ligue_d'improvisation_montr%C3%A9alaise_(LIM)_20101107-04.jpg
- What’s useful about the two hand rule is that it allows people to indicate if they think a discussion has gone on too long, or isn’t relevant to them or the whole group. It’s also introduces so that everyone understands it’s not a comment on the quality of the topic or the people speaking. I’ve frequently found it’s a useful way of getting the group to help each other. For myself I’ve often found that I get stuck in a point to point conversation and it’s only when someone raises their hand that I notice that I’ve become “stuck” in this kind of interaction.
- When we talk about improving using the scientific method, we need to incorporate how humans operate. We heard this today when speaking about burying bad news on page 37 of a 64 page slide. We also need to keep in mind that changing out performance often requires new behaviour and new thinking …
- IT’s also hard to think that you can start without all of the tools or capabilities you need. Tesco Shopping Basket: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mrtea/506114144/sizes/l/in/photostream/
- Questioning assumptions can challenge our views about ourselves and our professional competence: "you might get a product without your keyword ... behaviour based search ... we weren't sure if it was going to work ... scary - the search team said 'this is the most terrible idea' - they felt - how could someone type a product name and we tell them another name that doesn't even have the keyword - it's not even search!” http://videolectures.net/kdd09_kohavi_longbotham_pracew/ How can we do this? We’re going to tell people that most people that look at a sony product buy a toshiba
- It’s important to make progress with imperfect measures. The other groups have been going for 2 years – using failsafe approaches rather than safe to fail (putting things on the page) Clock face photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/indraw/4857101224/sizes/z/in/photostream/
- This isn’t a Big Talk, it’s a small talk, based on my personal experiences, and often involves failure. I hope that you’ll find the stories interesting and funny, to pass the time. I want to share some frames and behaviours that I’ve found useful in the hope that if you’re experiencing similar frustrations you would find them helpful. I’d love to chat more to people at the conference if that’s the case.