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Awareness, Acceptance, and Change
Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
COUNSELLING SKILLS
Awareness, Acceptance, and Change

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Awareness, Acceptance, and Change
Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
The Course Topics series from Manage Train Learn is a large collection of topics that will help you as a learner
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COURSE TOPICS FROM MTL
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Awareness, Acceptance, and Change
Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
ARE YOU READY?
OK, LET’S START!

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Awareness, Acceptance, and Change
Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
INTRODUCTION
The role of the manager has undergone enormous changes
in the last few years. Once he or she was a higher status
figure who expected others to carry out their wishes. Now
he or she is seen as the key figure who can unlock the
contributions of the individuals who work with them.
Through the skills of leadership, motivation, understanding,
communication and techniques such as the counselling
approach, the helped manager has been transformed into
the helping manager.

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Awareness, Acceptance, and Change
Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
AWARENESS
The first stage in the counselling process is Awareness.
There are three types of Awareness surrounding any
problem with people:
1. Awareness Of Facts. Facts includes information, how
things happened, what the underlying problems are.
We may not see all of these, either because we choose
not to or because we just do not know them.
Counselling brings these to light.
2. Awareness Of Ourselves. This is an ability to see how
we are in different situations. This means seeing both
our good points and bad. Often in counselling it means
seeing what we are doing that is causing a problem to
us.
3. Awareness Of How Other People See Us. Many of the
problems in relationships arise because we see things
differently from others. When things break down
between people, a counsellor can help individuals see
things from the other person's perspective.

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Awareness, Acceptance, and Change
Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
FEEDBACK FROM OTHERS
We increase our self-awareness as much from the feedback
we get from others as from our own reflections. We have
two options in handling feedback from others: treating it in
regressive ways or in developmental ways.
1. Regressively-received Feedback means that we do not
use what others say to us in a constructive way. When
we hear good feedback in the form of praise, we
become smug, complacent and pleased with ourselves.
When we hear bad feedback, we reject it, blame others
or take the criticism to heart and feel bad. Either way,
we fail to move on.
2. Developmentally-received Feedback means making use
of what others tell us to move forward. When we hear
good feedback, we discover more about what we are
doing right and resolve to do more of it. When we hear
bad feedback, we take whatever seems to us to be true,
and resolve to learn from it and change.

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Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
THE JOHARI WINDOW
The Johari Window is a model for explaining the different
ways people approach self-awareness and feedback. It was
designed by two Californian psychologists, Jo Luft and Harry
Ingham (hence Jo-Hari).
The basic model is a square composed of four windows.
Each window represents parts of our true selves, according
to whether they are open or closed to us and to others.
The four windows are:
1. the public arena (open to us and open to others)
2. the blind spot (closed to us and open to others)
3. the facade or mask (open to us and closed to others)
4. the unknown (closed to us and closed to others)
Every relationship we have can be described by a separate
Johari Window.

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MTL Course Topics
THE UNKNOWN PANE
The Unknown Pane on the Johari Window is made up of
everything unknown to us and also unknown to others.
People who have a low level of interpersonal contact are
often portrayed as having large Unknown Panes. They make
themselves immune to what others say about them, being
unaffected by anything others say. They make difficult if not
impossible counselling subjects, although they may need it
most. They are likely to find personal change difficult
because of their lack of self-awareness.
The Unknown Pane can never disappear completely in any
relationship we have. This is because, no matter how open
we are to others, the Unknown Pane contains all our
untapped resources and potential which currently lie
dormant. A new relationship with someone can be
portrayed as being a predominantly Unknown window.

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MTL Course Topics
THE BLIND PANE
The Blind Pane on the Johari Window consists of all the
things about ourselves that others see but we don't. For
example, in a relationship with another person, you might
think you are charming and pleasant but they may be put
off by what they see as falseness and artificiality.
In a counselling situation, people with large Blind Panes
often resist feedback for fear that it will damage their own
carefully-constructed self-image. The wonderful person they
thought they were has feet of clay! Such people often use
defensive tactics such as irrational thinking, excessive talking
and half-listening to protect their blind spots.
Counselling someone with a large Blind Pane is likely to lead
at some point to a confronting or challenging situation when
the counsellor may have to point out exactly how the
person comes across to others.

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MTL Course Topics
THE MASK
The Mask, or Facade, Pane on the Johari Window consists of
all those things that you know about yourself but which you
keep hidden from others. These consist of thoughts, feelings
and needs that you fear revealing because of the effect they
may have on your relationship with others.
A mask is, of course, essential in all social relationships. We
do not tell others everything we think or feel particularly
where this might be hurtful or damaging to people we care
about. In honest and trusting relationships, however, we are
able to let down the mask and increase the Open Pane.
In counselling, people with a large Mask Pane may pretend
to be someone different from who they really are. They may
stay quiet, doing more listening than talking, more watching
than doing.

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Awareness, Acceptance, and Change
Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
THE OPEN PANE
The Open Pane on the Johari Window is that part of
ourselves that we knowingly reveal to others. It consists of
all those known facts about ourselves, such as our personal
life histories, and also how we openly feel about ourselves
and others. People with large Open Panes are likely to be
relaxed and outgoing with nothing to fear from what others
say to them. They are learners of life.
In any relationship where your Open Pane is large, you are
likely to be honest with others, revealing not just your
strengths but also your weaknesses. Most successful
relationships progress by a gradual opening up of the Open
Pane on both sides.
The counselling process itself can be viewed as a process of
opening up the client's Open Pane with the person being
willing to discuss their problems openly and honestly.

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MTL Course Topics
ACCEPTANCE
Acceptance is the second phase of the counselling process.
It bridges the gap between Awareness and Change.
Let us suppose someone has breached the organisation's
rules on attendance. If the organisation uses a disciplinary
approach, it is likely that the person will seek to defend
themselves (eg others do it, it wasn't that bad, I caught up
with the work). The outcome may be a reprimand but the
person continues to make excuses, does not accept his or
her responsibility and makes no plans to change.
If, on the other hand, the organisation uses a counselling
approach, the person can be guided in a non-defensive way
towards an awareness of the conflict between his or her
actions and the rules of the organisation. Awareness leads
to acceptance of responsibility which in turn leads to a
readiness to change.

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MTL Course Topics
ACCEPTING WHAT IS
Much of the unhappiness we give ourselves in our lives
comes from our inability to accept things as they are and
move on. This includes accepting ourselves as we are.
1. When we don't get the job we desperately wanted but
thought we should have had, we suffer low self-esteem,
grow depressed and harbour thoughts of revenge
instead of accepting the fact of the rejection and
moving on.
2. When we find our job not to our liking, instead of
accepting it as it is, or leaving it to find one we can
accept, we stay and find every reason to complain and
find fault.
3. When we fall out with our colleagues, friends and
family, we find others to blame instead of facing up to
our part in the problem and setting about changing
ourselves so that we can make amends.

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Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
OWNERSHIP AND CHANGE
Awareness lays the groundwork for Acceptance. When we
are in an unsatisfactory situation, it is easy to put
responsibility onto others: "It's not my fault. Why should I
do anything?" There is no progress possible in this route.
However, when we accept the situation, two things happen:
1. we take responsibility and ownership. Instead of finding
excuses, blaming others, ignoring the situation, running
away or wishing we were somewhere else, we face up
to it.
2. when we accept an unsatisfactory situation, we almost
immediately recognise the need to do something about
it.
Acceptance is thus a two-edged sword, combining
ownership and a willingness to change. One of the most
valuable roles a counsellor can perform is to lead clients
away from excuses, blame and defensiveness and towards
responsibility and acceptance.

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MTL Course Topics
COPING WITH CHANGE
Our ability to grow is tested every time we are faced with a
new situation which we haven't met before. This test could
be a new relationship that we must make, eg a new member
of the team; a re-location of our workplace; or a new
learning need, eg the introduction of a revised procedure.
When we handle such change well, there is a cycle of
Awareness, Acceptance and Change. We first become aware
of the new situation. We then choose to face up to the
situation and what it means to us. We then decide what we
must do to adjust to the new situation so that it fits in with
the rest of our lives.
When we handle such change badly, there is a similar cycle
but this time it is Ignorance, Blockage and Inaction. We
block awareness, fail to face up to the need for change and
so do nothing about it.

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Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
INTERRUPTIONS
Interruptions are the different ways we stop ourselves from
taking the action we need to take in order to change.
Counselling is a way to help people overcome these blocks.
The most common interruptions are a series of excuses
which psychologists call "introjection".
For example, suppose someone avoids attendance on a
training course. They might use the following
"interruptions":
1. "It's a waste of time" (a belief we interject to suit
ourselves)
2. "The trainer's no good" (a belief projected onto others)
3. "My boss hasn't been" (confluence: making ourselves
the same as others)
4. "I'm not good enough" (a belief about ourselves turned
back onto ourselves, known as retroflection)
5. "I'm too busy" (a deflection to something else).

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MTL Course Topics
ACCEPT YOURSELF
As an illustration of the value of accepting ourselves and our
true needs, Benjamin Hoff in his book "The Tao of Pooh"
describes an incident in the life of the Taoist Chinese writer
Chuang T'se.
Chuang T'se was once approached by two representatives of
the Prince of Ch'u who offered him a position at court.
Chuang T'se pondered for a while and then replied: "I am
told that the prince has a tortoise which is over two
thousand years old, and he keeps it in a box. If the tortoise
had a choice, what would he prefer - to be alive in the mud
or dead in the palace?"
"To be alive in the mud, " the men answered.
"I too prefer the mud, " said Chuang T’se.
When you know, respect and accept your own inner nature,
you know where you belong and what you must do.

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Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
JEWELS IN THEIR CROWN
Many managers find it hard to focus on the good points of
some of their team. The view of people as resource, rather
than growing and changing human beings, means that the
job of management has invariably been to measure, assess
and evaluate people. In some cases where people don't
"measure up", this has meant non-acceptance.
Acceptance of others means discovering what is worthy in
them. It means discovering the jewels in their crown. It is:
1. a warm regard for people as persons of unconditional
self-worth
2. valuing people no matter what their condition,
behaviour, thoughts or feelings
3. respect and liking for people as separate, unique
persons
4. regard for the attitudes of the moment, whether
positive or negative
5. an attitude of non-judgment towards others.

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MTL Course Topics
JEWELS IN OUR CROWN
One of the principal ways in which the counsellor
encourages their clients to accept themselves, warts and all,
is to model that they, as counsellor, accept themselves,
warts and all. In acceptance, the counsellor leads by
example; he or she can see the jewels in their own crown.
When we accept ourselves, we acknowledge both good and
bad in ourselves: our physical shape and appearance; our
strengths and weaknesses; our successes and failures; our
talents and our failings.
"If a person constantly criticises themselves and runs
themselves down, then it is difficult for that person not to
be critical and emotionally punishing to other people. Put in
another way, we need to see the jewel in ourselves before
we can see it in other people." (Ray Woolfe)

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Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
THAT’S
IT!
WELL DONE!

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Awareness, Acceptance, and Change
Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
THANK YOU
This has been a Slide Topic from Manage Train Learn