The “Course Topics” series from Manage Train Learn and Slide Topics is a collection of over 4000 slides that will help you master a wide range of management and personal development skills. The 202 PowerPoints in this series offer you a complete and in-depth study of each topic. This presentation is on "The Art of Conversation".

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The Art of Conversation
Communications
MTL Course Topics
COMMUNICATIONS
The Art of Conversation

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The Art of Conversation
Communications
MTL Course Topics
The Course Topics series from Manage Train Learn is a large collection of topics that will help you as a learner
to quickly and easily master a range of skills in your everyday working life and life outside work. If you are a
trainer, they are perfect for adding to your classroom courses and online learning plans.
COURSE TOPICS FROM MTL
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They are designed as a series of numbered
slides. As with all programmes on Slide
Topics, these slides are fully editable and
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Copyright Manage Train Learn 2020
onwards.
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These images may also be those which are
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Commons license.

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The Art of Conversation
Communications
MTL Course Topics
ARE YOU READY?
OK, LET’S START!

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The Art of Conversation
Communications
MTL Course Topics
Goffman’s Politeness Theory
The concept of kindness in conversation is linked to Politeness theory which was first developed by Erving Goffman in the 1950’s,
though based on Chinese values of “saving face”.
Goffman suggested that, when we need to ask someone
for something, we need to be aware that, unless there is
something in it for them, they do not have to agree to
the request or do anything about it. The way we can
make it safe for them to comply is, first, to meet their
need to be appreciated, admired, and respected and,
second, not to make them feel hemmed in, threatened,
or put under pressure.
So, let's say we are going up for promotion and would
like a letter of recommendation from our boss. Our best
chance of getting it is if we let the boss know that we are
coming to them, rather than anyone else, because we
appreciate their position and expertise in the job area we
are going for. At the same time, we would let them know
that, if they felt it inappropriate, we would, of course, ask
one of the other (less qualified) people instead.
This theory also works when we are holding difficult conversations with
others where they need to act differently to comply with rules and
policies.
Goffman says that this is an example of using "positive face", ie showing respect, and
"negative face", ie giving them some freedom to respond or adjust the request to suit them.

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The Art of Conversation
Communications
MTL Course Topics
Making Genuine Contact with Others
Many of the barriers in
communications arise because we lack
the skills and techniques to overcome
our fears about making genuine
contact with other people.
So, here, from Richard Denny, author
of "Communicate to Win", are 10 tips
to help you break down the barriers.
1. speak to people
2. smile at people
3. address people by name
4. be warm, friendly, and helpful
5. be enthusiastic about life
6. be genuinely interested in other
people
7. look for the chance to praise
8. be considerate of others' feelings
9. be thoughtful and respectful of
others' opinions
10. be a great listener.
Flickr attribution: /andreasoverland/2832638480/

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The Art of Conversation
Communications
MTL Course Topics
Put Yourself Into Other
People’s Shoes
"There are a lot of brilliant people in this world who are,
and will remain, ineffective leaders. Why? Because they
are so interested in themselves and their
accomplishments that they never get around to
appreciating and understanding the feelings of other
people who are sharing this world with them.
Sometimes, usually later in life, these talented,
egocentric individuals suffer painful hardships. They
understand, often for the first time, the kind of problems
less talented or less fortunate people have suffered all
their lives. They suddenly discover a new and important
dimension: sensitivity to the feelings, emotions, and
experiences of other people.
Effective leaders don't wait before they appreciate the
kind of problems others are facing. Instead they
constantly try to put themselves in others' shoes - try to
imagine how they would feel in the same circumstances.
They are constantly aware of what makes others tick, and
try to be helpful at the same time they ask others to help
them.“ (John Luther)
Flickr attribution: /bevgoodwin/14033492774/

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The Art of Conversation
Communications
MTL Course Topics
Speak With Good Purpose
"Speaking with good purpose" is a way to converse with others in a positive, constructive, and enhancing way, even if
the situation is a difficult one. It means thinking before we speak, deciding only to speak if the intention is honest, and
doing it with consideration for the feelings of other people.
Scenario 1
If we work beside someone whose work area is
untidy, we might finally lose our patience and
blurt out without thinking, "You're so sloppy.
Everything is a mess!"
Your colleague is likely to react defensively and
do nothing about the mess.
Scenario 2
If, on the other hand, we think first about our
intention, we might instead say something like,
"You know, I find it hard to share an office with
you because we each have different ideas about
how to organise our work areas."
This has no emotion and may lay the ground for a
discussion about your different needs.
Flickr attribution: /st00ka/4082889981/
vs

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The Art of Conversation
Communications
MTL Course Topics
KISS vs KILL in theArt of Conversation
There's a concept in the sales world
called KISS vs. KILL: Keeping It Short
and Simple versus Keeping It Long and
Lengthy. Untrained sales reps often
"KILL" the sale by dominating the
conversation, forcing the agenda, and
talking about things that they think are
important in the product or service,
rather than having a focused
conversation and finding out what the
other person wants or needs. A good
sales rep knows that, in the art of
conversation, you need to build a
connection, not a barrier.
I
K S S
KEEP IT SHORT SIMPLE
&
…is
usually
better
than…
I
K L L
KEEP IT LONG LENGTHY
&

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The Art of Conversation
Communications
MTL Course Topics
Be Efficient with your Speaking
A quality conversation is all about conveying information directly that will interest the other person. In answer to
the question, “Did you have a good time on holiday in the mountains?”, look at how Jill replies. It's full of filler
words. John’s reply is much shorter but the information being conveyed is exactly the same. However, it sounds
more confident and even more sophisticated.
John: “Me and my friends
went snowboarding. It was
actually my first time and it
was a lot harder than it
looked.”
Jill: "Well, I had an ok time, I guess. I
went snowboarding with some of my
friends and uhm.... well it's actually a
lot harder than it looked. Uh...that's
about it. I guess I had fun ha ha."
You: “Did you have a
good time on holiday in
the mountains?”

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The Art of Conversation
Communications
MTL Course Topics
Silence
Silence and well-timed pauses are essential parts of
one-to-one communication. It has been found that
the average pause between questions and answers in
a conversation is 0.7 seconds, a pace that gives little
chance for reflection at a deeper level. It is often in
the silences that a lot can happen.
Silence...
allows people the chance to decide if they want to
say something
allows people to recollect
allows people time to catch up
allows people to come to terms with what they
want to say
allows people the chance to listen to themselves
allows people the chance to slow the pace down.
It is worth noting that the word "silent" is an
anagram of the word "listen".
Flickr attribution: /16210667@N02/15617432129/

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The Art of Conversation
Communications
MTL Course Topics
Keep Quiet Everyone knows of other people who have not spoken for years because of a fallout over
what one of them said. This can happen because we say something before we think. If you
do this more than you'd like, the following 7 tips will show you how to change the habit.
7 Tips for How to Stop Saying Everything You Think
Most people
appreciate
politeness in
others, so do
it yourself.
Value being
polite more
than being
talkative.
Use visual
reminders.
Quotes are
good, eg "if
you can't say
something
nice, don't say
anything at
all."
Realize your
thoughts are
personal.
They belong
to you and
you alone.
Share them
with only a
select few.
Speak slowly
so that you
have time to
weigh up
what you are
saying before
saying it.
Put yourself in
the position
of the other
person before
you speak. If it
might hurt
them, keep
your thoughts
to yourself.
If you find
yourself in a
situation
where it is
hard to keep
quiet, leave
the situation
as soon as
you can.
Think before
you speak
rather than
the other way
round. That
way you won't
blurt things
out that you
later regret.
1 2 3 4 6 7
5

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The Art of Conversation
Communications
MTL Course Topics
You Don’t Have to Say
Everything You Think
Marshall Thurber, a partner in one of the most
successful real estate companies in San Francisco,
likes to quote to his staff the words of Rolling
Thunder, an American Indian medicine man.
“People have to be responsible for their thoughts,
so they have to learn to control them. It may not
be easy but it can be done. We don’t have to eat
everything we see and we don’t have to say
everything we think. So we begin by watching our
words and speaking with good purpose only.”
Now Thurber has made it a company rule: “if it
doesn’t serve, don’t say it”. Anyone caught
disobeying this rule forfeits a $20 bill to charity.
Flickr attribution: /pedrosimoes7/8578279742/
Silence is golden

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The Art of Conversation
Communications
MTL Course Topics
Conversational Weaving
When you are in a social interaction, ie one where you are
getting to know another person, the conversation reaches a
dead-end when there are no other topics to talk about that
interest you or the other person. That's why you should supply
the other person with multiple topics to pick up on.
Let's say you've just met a new colleague who asks you where
you're from. You could just say, "I live in London" full stop. If the
other person isn't interested in London, that's the end of the
conversation. However, if you say, "I live in London but I've
always wanted to move to the outskirts because I love nature
and I hate being around too many people", you give the other
person at least four topics to pick up on.
This is what is known as "conversational weaving" or threading
new topics into your replies to help the conversation move
forward.
Thread Cutting and Thread Strengthening: The great thing about conversational weaving is that, if a
conversation starts to get emotional or heated, you can cut the thread by ignoring it, or changing it.
Alternatively, you can strengthen the thread by relating to what they say, repeating it, or reinforcing
it.
TIP

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Communications
MTL Course Topics
Stop Piling On
the Words
If you want people to understand what you want them to do, stop piling on the
words. Here is an example of confusing and incomprehensible communication from
Steve Roesler of allthingsworkplace.com.
What the boss says: "We
finished the senior level meeting
and it looks as if we have to
increase our numbers. We've
been working hard on that
project for a long time. I told the
management team about the
obstacles, how much overtime
people have been putting in,
and what the client has been
saying. You know how much I
appreciate your....“ (blah, blah,
blah)
What the boss means and should say: "We have to increase our sales by 10% and decrease
our expenses by 5%. It's not really negotiable. I want to decide before the end of the
meeting how we can do that."
Flickr attribution: /wwworks/8438874248/

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Communications
MTL Course Topics
How to Create Rapport, and, With It, Liking
One of the problems with any sort of
one-to-one communication is that
human beings think, feel, and talk at
different rates. This is often the
underlying reason why men and
women mis-communicate since
women tend to think, feel, and talk
faster than men. Adjusting your
speaking rate to the other person's is
thus one of the most important skills
in building rapport. For example, you
can slow down by taking more pauses
and you can speed up by replying
quicker in shorter statements. You can
also talk about things you have in
common with the other person, using
humour which you both find funny,
and synchronising each other's
movements and body language. When
you build rapport, you get on each
other's wavelength and the
conversation not only becomes easier,
it becomes the basis of building
connection and liking.

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The Art of Conversation
Communications
MTL Course Topics
Why Listening Is One of the Most Important Skills
When a customer has a query, stop what
you're doing and listen.
When a customer has a complaint, open your
eyes and listen.
When a member of staff has a grievance, go
somewhere quiet and listen.
When a member of staff has a suggestion to
put, get out your notebook and listen.
When a colleague is updating you on work
progress, focus your thoughts and listen.
When a supervisor is giving you instructions,
clear your mind and listen.
When a manager is giving you feedback,
suspend your judgment and listen.
When you care about another person, open
your heart and listen.
"It's a mistake to think that we only listen with our ears. It's much more important to listen with the
mind, the eyes, the body and the heart. Unless you truly want to understand the other person, you'll
never be able to listen." (Mark Herndon)
Flickr attribution: /31403417@N00/6201411854/

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Communications
MTL Course Topics
FOETAL Listening
F for Focus
on what they
say
O for Open
your mind
E for Empathic
understanding
T for Total
listening where
nothing is
missed
A for staying
Alert
L for Learning
something new
One of the secrets to keeping informed is the ability
to listen and learn from what you hear.
The majority of people can hear; some of us can
actively listen; only a few of us learn something
important when we listen. Most everyday listening is
missed listening. We only half hear what others say
because we're so busy thinking what we're going to
say or waiting for the chance to get in or becoming
distracted by other thoughts.
True listening spells out the mnemonic FOETAL:
focused, open, empathic, total, alert and learning.
Leaders know how to listen and what to listen for. In
this way they hear things that others miss.
FOETAL listening can give birth to something new.

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Communications
MTL Course Topics
A common mistake that a lot of people
make when meeting someone new, is
entering what is known as "Interview
Mode". They bombard the other
person with question after question
after question, and this can be
extremely uncomfortable. The issue
with asking too many questions is that
it makes the conversation very one-
sided. When you ask a question you're
not sharing any information about
yourself. All you're doing is demanding
information from the other person.
This is where that uncomfortable
feeling comes from. There's a lack of
connection. You want to be sharing
information about yourself as much as
possible so that you can build a
connection.
Build a Connection, Not a Barrier

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The Art of Conversation
Communications
MTL Course Topics
Use Statements not
Questions
The default mode in good conversations is to make statements which the other
person can pick up on, rather than firing questions at them that can sometimes
be awkward. Below are three different kinds of statement you can make in
conversations.
When you are meeting new people, a question such as, "What do you think of the
course?" can be a non-starter because it doesn't share anything about yourself. Instead,
if you replace the question with a story or opinion about yourself, you give the other
person a lot to come back with. Here's what you could say instead: "I was a bit nervous
before coming. I didn't like school and thought it would be like that. But, actually, I really
like it and, to my surprise, I've learnt a lot. How about you?“
The "Cold Read" statement is a good way to get a conversation going. What you do is to
make a statement about the other person which you've observed and, to you, seems a
credible interpretation based on facts. So, you could say to a new member on the
course, "Hey, I liked the way you explained things in the last topic. You must know a lot
about this subject", they can then agree with you, or say it's not actually correct, or ask
why you thought that way.
Random statements based on something you and the other person have in common are
a good way to share information with others and get a conversation going. On a course,
you could mention to someone over coffee, "Wow, that video was pretty awesome!" or
"Boy, it's hot in there!" or "Hey, did you understand that last point in there?". Random
statements allow others to agree, disagree, or ask for more information. They also bring
a sense of creativity and spontaneity to the conversation which can lighten the
atmosphere.
2. The
"Cold
Read"
Statement
3. The
Random
Statement
1. The
Story or
Opinion
Statement

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The Art of Conversation
Communications
MTL Course Topics
Six Degrees of Separation
If you really want to be an effective
communicator, it helps to see yourself
as someone who is linked to other
people on every level. Quantum
physicists tell us that we (and
everything in the universe) are
actually linked through energy and
vibration. We all come from the same
stuff.
The idea that we are much closer
than we think to other people has led
to the notion, put forward by
American social psychologist Stanley
Milgram, that everyone can find a real
chain of acquaintance to anybody
else by six degrees of separation.
When Columbia University tested this
idea by giving 60,000 volunteers a
random name from anywhere in the
world, 384 of the volunteers found
they were linked to their targets
inside 6 moves.
Flickr attribution: /dougliz/9604436110/

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Communications
MTL Course Topics
THAT’S
IT!
WELL DONE!

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The Art of Conversation
Communications
MTL Course Topics
THANK YOU
This has been a Slide Topic from Manage Train Learn