I present this to parents a month before their students attend college.

1. My kid is going to
college. . .
Ryan McRae, M.Div.
Resident Director, SME Faculty

2. My kid is going to
college. . .
(And I think I might be freaking out. . . )
Ryan McRae, M.Div.
Resident Director, SME Faculty

3. Illinois State University
August 20th, 1991
Walker Hall, 263 on 2-South. My room.

4. Emotions, Expectations
and Easing Your Mind

5. Emotions, Expectations
and Easing Your Mind
• What are some things you might be
feeling this summer as your student
prepares to go to college?

6. Emotions, Expectations
and Easing Your Mind
• What are some things you might be
feeling this summer as your student
prepares to go to college?
• Sadness

7. Emotions, Expectations
and Easing Your Mind
• What are some things you might be
feeling this summer as your student
prepares to go to college?
• Sadness
• Frustration

8. Emotions, Expectations
and Easing Your Mind
• What are some things you might be
feeling this summer as your student
prepares to go to college?
• Sadness
• Frustration
• Loneliness

9. Emotions, Expectations
and Easing Your Mind
• What are some things you might be
feeling this summer as your student
prepares to go to college?
• Sadness
• Frustration
• Loneliness
UTTER AND
COMPLETE
JOY??

10. Say, “Yes, you’re right.”
My kid will still need me, right?

11. They will just need
something else.

12. They need more advice--
less action.

13. They need more
acceptance, less adherence

14. They need more accountability
and less authority

15. We’re glad you asked.

16. Clean a toilet.

17. Clean a toilet.

18. Cook one meal.

19. Cook one meal.

20. Use this and clean this.

21. Use this and clean this.

22. Handle a
refrigerator.

23. Handle a
refrigerator.

24. Know how to shop.

25. Know how to shop.

26. Handle money.

27. Handle money.

28. Play the “What If?”
game?

29. Play the “What If?”
game?
• What if you don’t like
your classes, what will
you do?

30. Play the “What If?”
game?
• What if you don’t like
your classes, what will
you do?
• What if your
roommate is shady?
What if his partner is
shady?

31. Play the “What If?”
game?
• What if you don’t like
your classes, what will
you do?
• What if your
roommate is shady?
What if his partner is
shady?
• What if your
roommate keeps
drinking out of YOUR
milk carton?

32. Play the “What If?”
game?
• What if you don’t like
your classes, what will
you do?
• What if your
roommate is shady?
What if his partner is
shady?
• What if your
roommate keeps
drinking out of YOUR
milk carton?
• What if you get the flu
on the day of a
midterm?

33. Play the “What If?”
game?
• What if you don’t like
your classes, what will
you do?
• What if your
roommate is shady?
What if his partner is
shady?
• What if your
roommate keeps
drinking out of YOUR
milk carton?
• What if you get the flu
on the day of a
midterm?
• What if your
roommate plays music
while you’re sleeping?

34. Play the “What If?”
game?
• What if you don’t like
your classes, what will
you do?
• What if your
roommate is shady?
What if his partner is
shady?
• What if your
roommate keeps
drinking out of YOUR
milk carton?
• What if you get the flu
on the day of a
midterm?
• What if your
roommate plays music
while you’re sleeping?
• What if you get written
up by one of the RAs?

35. Play the “What If?”
game?
• What if you don’t like
your classes, what will
you do?
• What if your
roommate is shady?
What if his partner is
shady?
• What if your
roommate keeps
drinking out of YOUR
milk carton?
• What if you get the flu
on the day of a
midterm?
• What if your
roommate plays music
while you’re sleeping?
• What if you get written
up by one of the RAs?
• What if you run out of
money?

36. Play the “What If?”
game?
• What if you don’t like
your classes, what will
you do?
• What if your
roommate is shady?
What if his partner is
shady?
• What if your
roommate keeps
drinking out of YOUR
milk carton?
• What if you get the flu
on the day of a
midterm?
• What if your
roommate plays music
while you’re sleeping?
• What if you get written
up by one of the RAs?
• What if you run out of
money?
• What if your
roommate snores?

37. Student’s Conduct

38. Student’s Conduct
• Here are the most at risk behaviors for
students:

39. Student’s Conduct
• Here are the most at risk behaviors for
students:
• Alcohol/Drugs

40. Student’s Conduct
• Here are the most at risk behaviors for
students:
• Alcohol/Drugs
• Aiding and Abetting

41. Student’s Conduct
• Here are the most at risk behaviors for
students:
• Alcohol/Drugs
• Aiding and Abetting
• Interpersonal Responsibility

42. Student’s Conduct
• Here are the most at risk behaviors for
students:
• Alcohol/Drugs
• Aiding and Abetting
• Interpersonal Responsibility
• Academic Integrity

43. So what happens?

44. So what happens?
• A student can meet with possibly three
areas of conduct here at CSUSM

45. So what happens?
• A student can meet with possibly three
areas of conduct here at CSUSM
• Police

46. So what happens?
• A student can meet with possibly three
areas of conduct here at CSUSM
• Police
• Dean of Students

47. So what happens?
• A student can meet with possibly three
areas of conduct here at CSUSM
• Police
• Dean of Students
• Resident Director (UVA)

48. What happens with
the Dean?

49. What happens with
the Dean?
• For academic honesty, faculty
determines the grade for alleged
academic misconduct assignment and/
or the overall course

50. What happens with
the Dean?
• For academic honesty, faculty
determines the grade for alleged
academic misconduct assignment and/
or the overall course
• (The dean has seen more academic
dishonesty cases than non-academic
dishonesty cases in the last 3 years)

51. What happens at UVA?

52. What happens at UVA?
• We meet and go over what happened
with the student; we hear his or her
side of the story

53. What happens at UVA?
• We meet and go over what happened
with the student; we hear his or her
side of the story
• We conclude whether the student is
responsible or not responsible

54. What happens at UVA?
• We meet and go over what happened
with the student; we hear his or her
side of the story
• We conclude whether the student is
responsible or not responsible
• They complete educational sanctions
appropriate to what occurred

55. Why do we do this?

56. Why do we do this?
• We are interested in the development
of students; our interest is
intervention, not confrontation

57. Why do we do this?
• We are interested in the development
of students; our interest is
intervention, not confrontation
• We are interested in the acceptance of
responsibility, not “punishing a
student”

58. Why do we do this?
• We are interested in the development
of students; our interest is
intervention, not confrontation
• We are interested in the acceptance of
responsibility, not “punishing a
student”
• We look at the community standards
and civility

59. Why CSUSM is like ER.

60. A thing called FERPA

61. A thing called FERPA
• Family Education Rights and Privacy
Act

62. A thing called FERPA
• Family Education Rights and Privacy
Act
• Your student has a right of
confidentiality when it comes to what
occurs here.

63. A thing called FERPA
• Family Education Rights and Privacy
Act
• Your student has a right of
confidentiality when it comes to what
occurs here.
• UVA will call for an emergency medical
condition

64. HelicopterParents

65. HelicopterParents
• The term for a parent who is “hyper”
involved is a called a “helicopter parent”

66. HelicopterParents
• The term for a parent who is “hyper”
involved is a called a “helicopter parent”
• Other terms: Blackhawk, hovercraft, etc.

67. HelicopterParents
• The term for a parent who is “hyper”
involved is a called a “helicopter parent”
• Other terms: Blackhawk, hovercraft, etc.
• Keith McRae, my dad, the first
helicopter parent. I should have called
him back.

68. MY DAD!!

69. You might be a helicopter
parent if. . . . .

70. You might be a helicopter
parent if. . . . .
• During registration, you attempted to “co-
schedule” your student’s schedule.

71. You might be a helicopter
parent if. . . . .
• During registration, you attempted to “co-
schedule” your student’s schedule.
• You attempted to bribe an O-team member
to find your student.

72. You might be a helicopter
parent if. . . . .
• During registration, you attempted to “co-
schedule” your student’s schedule.
• You attempted to bribe an O-team member
to find your student.
• You are getting a chip implanted in your
student that detects alcohol consumption.

73. You might be a helicopter
parent if. . . . .
• During registration, you attempted to “co-
schedule” your student’s schedule.
• You attempted to bribe an O-team member
to find your student.
• You are getting a chip implanted in your
student that detects alcohol consumption.
• If you student does not return your phone
call within 20 minutes, you call UPD.

75. • If you use the royal “We”. . . financial
aid. . . . registration.

76. • If you use the royal “We”. . . financial
aid. . . . registration.
• You call an CSUSM office pretending to
be your student. . . . we get it. We know,
OK?

77. • If you use the royal “We”. . . financial
aid. . . . registration.
• You call an CSUSM office pretending to
be your student. . . . we get it. We know,
OK?
• You plan on attending every academic
advising appointment and you’ve
already sent the advisor a friendly
“bribe”: candy, a 4G iPhone. . .

78. The Big Change. . . .

79. • You may want your student to talk to
you about the big things (dating, sex,
beliefs, etc.)
The Big Change. . . .

80. • You may want your student to talk to
you about the big things (dating, sex,
beliefs, etc.)
• You may not need to talk to them about
the small things: (laundry, roommate
relations, grades.)
The Big Change. . . .

81. • You may want your student to talk to
you about the big things (dating, sex,
beliefs, etc.)
• You may not need to talk to them about
the small things: (laundry, roommate
relations, grades.)
• BUT THEY ARE ALL BIG. . . ..
The Big Change. . . .

82. • You may want your student to talk to
you about the big things (dating, sex,
beliefs, etc.)
• You may not need to talk to them about
the small things: (laundry, roommate
relations, grades.)
• BUT THEY ARE ALL BIG. . . ..
• For now. . .but you need to pick.
The Big Change. . . .

83. What is your student feeling
about how YOU are feeling?

84. What is your student feeling
about how YOU are feeling?
•How are you feeling?

85. What is your student feeling
about how YOU are feeling?
•How are you feeling?
•Sadness: Am I not supposed to be
here?

86. What is your student feeling
about how YOU are feeling?
•How are you feeling?
•Sadness: Am I not supposed to be
here?
•Frustration: Am I not trusted?

87. What is your student feeling
about how YOU are feeling?
•How are you feeling?
•Sadness: Am I not supposed to be
here?
•Frustration: Am I not trusted?
•Loneliness: Should I wait?

88. What is your student feeling
about how YOU are feeling?
•How are you feeling?
•Sadness: Am I not supposed to be
here?
•Frustration: Am I not trusted?
•Loneliness: Should I wait?
What should
you show them?

89. What is your student feeling
about how YOU are feeling?
•How are you feeling?
•Sadness: Am I not supposed to be
here?
•Frustration: Am I not trusted?
•Loneliness: Should I wait?
What should
you show them?
You are proud.

90. What is your student feeling
about how YOU are feeling?
•How are you feeling?
•Sadness: Am I not supposed to be
here?
•Frustration: Am I not trusted?
•Loneliness: Should I wait?
What should
you show them?
You are proud.You are proud.
And so are we.

91. Ryan McRae
rmcrae@csusm.edu
Resident Director
SME Faculty