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Competency 3
Establishing Trust & Intimacy with
the Client
Sylviane Cannio, MCC
Senior Partner Nova Terra
Author “Coaching...
Sylviane Cannio, MCC
Co-founder Nova Terra, Director of Programs & Mentor Coach,
ICF Assessor
• Master in Applied Economic...
Objectives of this webinar:
• Revisit Competency 3
– How to create trust: the coach side, the client side, the process
– H...
B. Co-Creating the Relationship
3. Establishing Trust and Intimacy with the Client—Ability to create a
safe, supportive en...
Create Trust:
• In the Coach: it starts with oneself – experience,
credentialing, supervision/mentor coaching, ritual (I d...
Life positionsFranklin Ernst Jr., « The OK Corral : the Grid for the Get-on-With », Transactional Analysis Journal, 1, 4, ...
Create Trust (cont’d):
• Ok-ness creates parity and mutual
respect - Examples
• Non Ok-ness generates:
– Expert position (...
The Movida Model (Cannio-Launer)
(c) Sylviane Cannio/Nova Terra for ICFB - Competency 3 - December 2013
For the coach For ...
Books
Create Intimacy – the Coach side
• Dare to bond – The Bonding Cycle (G. Kohlrieser)
Attachment à Bonding à Separation à Gr...
Create Intimacy – the Client side - 1
Adopt the adequate distance:
• Physical
– Cultural parameters
– Where do you coach (...
Create Intimacy – the Client side - 2
• Emotional intimacy
– Empathy is not sympathy…
– Accompany the emotion the adequate...
(c) Sylviane Cannio/Nova Terra for ICFB - Competency 3 - December 2013
Time Structuring - Dr Eric Berne
Withdrawal
+ or -
...
Create Intimacy – the Contradiction
• The coach masters the process. He encourages the Client to dare being
intimate – thi...
Create Intimacy – the Pitfalls
- Lack of autonomy: financial, Ego, emotional
- Clashing values: you will coach two types o...
Create a true partnership with the Client – a complicity
- Partner all times with your client: setting objectives & KPIs, ...
Enjoy your practice!
At Nova Terra’s:
Art & Mastery of Coaching – ACTP – 28 days for PCC certification- possibility
to ste...
ICF Synergie : "Etablir la confiance et l'intimité avec le client" de Sylviane Cannio - SLIDEs
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ICF Synergie : "Etablir la confiance et l'intimité avec le client" de Sylviane Cannio - SLIDEs

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Webinaire : "Etablir la confiance et l'intimité avec le client" avec Sylviane Cannio (18/12/2013)
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Webinaire : "Etablir la confiance et l'intimité avec le client" avec Sylviane Cannio (18 décembre 2013) - Compétence 3 - Coaching ICF - ICF Synergie - L'alliance des coachs francophones
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ICF Synergie : "Etablir la confiance et l'intimité avec le client" de Sylviane Cannio - SLIDEs

  1. 1. Competency 3 Establishing Trust & Intimacy with the Client Sylviane Cannio, MCC Senior Partner Nova Terra Author “Coaching Excellence”/Cas de Coaching Commentés” et “Communiquer avec authenticité et rester vrai”, Eyrolles
  2. 2. Sylviane Cannio, MCC Co-founder Nova Terra, Director of Programs & Mentor Coach, ICF Assessor • Master in Applied Economics (UCL), Master in International Relations and Public Administration (UCL), MBA (KUL) • ICF Certified Master Coach, with experience of coaching teams and individuals since 1994, on four continents • Trainer in Management, Leadership and Corporate/Interpersonal relations for thousands of executives since 1992 • Teaching Strategic Management and Corporate Communication (MBA) between 1988 and 2005 – UBI/Wales University • International keynote speaker • President ICF Belgium 2002-2004 • Organizer of the European Coaching Conference in Brussels, 2006 • Member of the Global Board of the ICF 2008-2010 • Vice-President ICF Global in 2010 • Author of ‘Communiquer avec Authenticité et Rester Vrai’ (Eyrolles, Paris) and co-author of ‘Coaching Excellence’ published in English, French, Spanish and Russian (c) Sylviane Cannio/Nova Terra for ICFB - Competency 3 - December 2013
  3. 3. Objectives of this webinar: • Revisit Competency 3 – How to create trust: the coach side, the client side, the process – How far can we create intimacy: • The cycle of attachment • The right distance – The pitfalls and the challenges – Partnering with the Client • Share experiences and best practices • Discuss your questions (in the chat box) (c) Sylviane Cannio/Nova Terra for ICFB - Competence 3 - December 2013
  4. 4. B. Co-Creating the Relationship 3. Establishing Trust and Intimacy with the Client—Ability to create a safe, supportive environment that produces ongoing mutual respect and trust. • Shows genuine concern for the client's welfare and future. • Continuously demonstrates personal integrity, honesty and sincerity. • Establishes clear agreements and keeps promises. • Demonstrates respect for client's perceptions, learning style, personal being. • Provides ongoing support for and champions new behaviors and actions, including those involving risk taking and fear of failure. • Asks permission to coach client in sensitive, new areas. (c) Sylviane Cannio/Nova Terra for ICFB - Competence 3 - December 2013
  5. 5. Create Trust: • In the Coach: it starts with oneself – experience, credentialing, supervision/mentor coaching, ritual (I do, I feel, I think)… and my values, my role as a coach, the rationale behind my intervention (meaning), etc. • In the Client: I know he knows = basic belief – coach activates functionalities/talents/knowledge • In the process: – Framework & agreement is clear. Ethics is respected. – Coaching is stronger than other disciplines as the client commits himself towards change & action – it is proven with a ROI of >700% • Between coach and client: the mayonnaise/the chemistry since the very first time you meet - we are in a ok-ok position (c) Sylviane Cannio/Nova Terra for ICFB - Competency 3 - December 2013
  6. 6. Life positionsFranklin Ernst Jr., « The OK Corral : the Grid for the Get-on-With », Transactional Analysis Journal, 1, 4, 1971. (c) Sylviane Cannio/Nova Terra for ICFB - Competence 3 - December 2013 I’m not OK, you are OK - + Adults who feel inadequate, who often criticise themselves, who tend to humiliate themselves, who have an insatiable thirst for recognition and who are constantly seeking the approval of others. They are living their lives externally oriented. They position themselves as victims. S/he says: “Forgive me for disturbing you. I will probably say something stupid. I am not as lucky as you. I’m stupid.. I‘m not as good as you are.” I’m OK, you are OK + + The world is changing and so am I. I learn continuously. I draw lessons from my negative experiences and I copy the ones that are successful. Should I encounter a problem, I analyse my options and act. I overcome the obstacles and think positively, even when I am faced with difficulties. S/he says : “We will find a solution. Although we do not have the same views, we will cooperate. Life is worth living. I feel good.” I’m not OK, you are not OK - - This vision of the world is totally negative. The person has given up, feels abandoned. The more s/he interacts, the more s/he sinks and the problems become worse. S/he is in despair. Unable to ask for help, s/he does not express desires and often falls into depression or excessive compulsions ... S/he says: “Why talk? Why bother? The world is rotten. Anyway, I’m useless.” I’m OK, you are not OK + - Adults who blame their problems on others or external circumstances. They deny their problems. They believe they are always right and others are wrong. Persecutors. Dominators. S/he says: “It’s your fault. The others are idiots. Shut up, you idiots!”
  7. 7. Create Trust (cont’d): • Ok-ness creates parity and mutual respect - Examples • Non Ok-ness generates: – Expert position (+/- for the coach), too many inducing or close questions, speaking of oneself, oversized Ego – Lack of challenging feedback and powerful questions, making efforts, lack of self-confidence (-/+ for the coach) • Need to value the Client – see Movida process (c) Sylviane Cannio/Nova Terra for ICFB - Competency 3 - December 2013
  8. 8. The Movida Model (Cannio-Launer) (c) Sylviane Cannio/Nova Terra for ICFB - Competency 3 - December 2013 For the coach For the coachee M Monitor / Mobilise yourself O Objectives V Value the client Value the experience I Identify the options D Donate space Decide action A Accompanying Acting
  9. 9. Books
  10. 10. Create Intimacy – the Coach side • Dare to bond – The Bonding Cycle (G. Kohlrieser) Attachment à Bonding à Separation à Grief • Disclose a bit on your life during the ‘mayonnaise session’ (chemistry) to encourage client to do so – however, tame your Ego in such a way that you remain in the Client’s shadow, in a humble posture – no show off • Simply be yourself, authentic - Colette Portelance: « L’attachement assure la sécurité et la satisfaction si chacun des partenaires de la relation est capable d’être lui-même et de prendre sa place dans le respect et l’écoute de l’autre ». (c) Sylviane Cannio/Nova Terra for ICFB - Competency 3 - December 2013
  11. 11. Create Intimacy – the Client side - 1 Adopt the adequate distance: • Physical – Cultural parameters – Where do you coach (client’s premises or yours) – In your living room? – On skype: look at the movie camera – Do you take notes? • Language: “Tu” or “Vous”? Common language? Jargon? • Sharing – celebrate progress (competence 11) – like Antoine de St Exupéry, we look together in the same direction (c) Sylviane Cannio/Nova Terra for ICFB - Competency 3 - December 2013
  12. 12. Create Intimacy – the Client side - 2 • Emotional intimacy – Empathy is not sympathy… – Accompany the emotion the adequate way – Touching? If sadness… – Touching – the power of Somatic Coaching – Not falling into psychotherapy – No intrusion • Time (see time structuration – TA) – Adequate rhythm? Length of sessions respected? (c) Sylviane Cannio/Nova Terra for ICFB - Competency 3 - December 2013
  13. 13. (c) Sylviane Cannio/Nova Terra for ICFB - Competency 3 - December 2013 Time Structuring - Dr Eric Berne Withdrawal + or - The person does not communicate with someone else. No signs of recognition are exchanged with others. + Rest - Escape, passivity Rituals + or - The person communicates according to the rituals within the stereotype. This is the safest way to communicate. + Secure - May separate from others Pastimes + or - Individual exchanges of signs of recognition (positive or negative) particularly aimed at filling time + Improvement – Boredom, sterility Activity + or - The person establishes the exchange about a common objective. + Constructive - Destructive Intimacy + The person establishes a close and trusting relationship where everyone accepts the other. Psychological games - Some people have difficulty in risking intimacy and in having close relationships, so they invent games or tricks. This unconscious mechanism almost always has an intense and predictable outcome.
  14. 14. Create Intimacy – the Contradiction • The coach masters the process. He encourages the Client to dare being intimate – this is sometimes difficult and painful. The importance is to provide a safe environment that will lead to introspection and expression of authentic emotions (avoid racket emotions) • Contradiction between the limited time of coaching, the necessary distance on one hand and, on the other hand, the willingness to create intimacy. • It is in this field (and in competence 4-Presence) that differences between ACC, PCC and MCC are most visible: so, dare to dare! (c) Sylviane Cannio/Nova Terra for ICFB - Competence 3 - December 2013
  15. 15. Create Intimacy – the Pitfalls - Lack of autonomy: financial, Ego, emotional - Clashing values: you will coach two types of clients: - The ones you deserve - The ones who are messengers - You may say ‘no’ to a client, to an assignment: - Clashing values - Unsatisfactory terms - Impossibility to keep your ‘white screen’ - Emotional burden - Psychotherapy or consultancy instead of coaching (c) Sylviane Cannio/Nova Terra for ICFB - Competency 3 - December 2013
  16. 16. Create a true partnership with the Client – a complicity - Partner all times with your client: setting objectives & KPIs, managing KPIs - Ask for permission before an exercise (explain what it is), to challenge your coachee, to dig deeper into his story - Do not get drawn in floods of information, only in what is necessary to the process - Accept the rhythm of the client - grief? - Intimacy helps nurture complicity and allows risk taking - Encourage your client to take risks - Adopt the adequate Ego State (Nurturing Parent Adult, Spontaneous Child) - Be harsh with the problem and soft with your client - Value, value, value! Send strokes, reinforce positively (c) Sylviane Cannio/Nova Terra for ICFB - Competency 3 - December 2013
  17. 17. Enjoy your practice! At Nova Terra’s: Art & Mastery of Coaching – ACTP – 28 days for PCC certification- possibility to step in at Day 13 for the ones who have already 60 hours of coach training Master Classes in Team Coaching & Executive Coaching – ACTP 15 days program or ACSTH/CCEU modules of 2-5 days – by international MCCs – open to professional coaches with a minimum of 125 hours of coach training Supervisions/Mentor Coaching – open to all Workshops e.g. Somatic Coaching – open to all www.novaterracoaching.com sylviane@novaterracoaching.com (c) Sylviane Cannio/Nova Terra for ICFB - Competency 3 - December 2013

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