Build Rapport with NLP: An Overview
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This presentation has been prepared by Mr Ashutosh Pandey Deputy Dean at QBI Institute. The presentation covers Neoro Lingustic Programming and its applicability for IT Professionals.
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Build Rapport with NLP: An Overview
- 1. NLP to build rapport NLP to build rapport, avoid ambiguity & achieve results (esp for S/W pros) An overview
- 2. NLP to build rapport About the trainer The trainer, Mr. Ashutosh ShriPrakash Pandey has 15 years of rich national and international experience in MNCs & Indian Companies, encompassing the entire gamut of HR Function, issues concerning Recruitments, Quality Management systems, T&D, M&A, Organizational culture & OD interventions etc. To his credit are several successful projects & operational execution wherein he has used various tools like MBTI, NLP, FIRO-B , DISC, TQM etc, to get the best out of the people, resulting in a seamless integration of people, process & technology.
- 3. NLP to build rapport Agenda In this curtain raiser session, we will discuss the following:- • What is NLP • Why build rapport, how to know 2 people are in rapport, how to build rapport • Types of Representational systems, how to assess these in you & others • Pacing , its practice for rapport building • How NLP & S/W are related, attributes of a professional • Attibutes vs. States, how to convert attributes into states • Using meta model to identify ambiguity & achieve results • Summary , followed by Q & As..
- 4. NLP to build rapport Review: Which of the following is accurate about communication? A. 15% words, 30% tone, 55% body language B. 7% words, 63% tone, 30% body language C. 15% words, 62% tone, 23% body language D. 7% words, 38% tone, 55% body language E. I don’t know!
- 5. NLP to build rapport What is NLP? • Neurolinguistic Programming – Communication – Personal development – Modeling • Developed by- John Grinder & Richard Bandler
- 6. NLP to build rapport What is NLP? 6
- 7. NLP to build rapport How is NLP advertised? • Improve your relationships, • master rapport with anyone in moments, • sell anything to anyone, and do it ethically, • gain more flexibility, • cure any phobia in seconds, • get more of what you really want, • Create instant motivation and confidence
- 8. NLP to build rapport Neuro Linguistic Programming Neuro Nervous system through which experience is received and processed “…the study of through the five senses. the structure of subjective experience.” Linguistic Programming Language and nonverbal The ability to organize our communication systems communication and through which neural neurological systems to representations are coded, achieve specific desired ordered, and given meaning. goals and results.
- 9. NLP to build rapport Modelling “The NLP modeling process involves finding out about how the brain (“Neuro”) is operating by analyzing language patterns (“Linguistic”) and non- verbal communication. The results of this analysis are then put into step-by-step strategies or programs (“Programming”) that may be used to transfer the skill to other people and areas of application.”
- 10. NLP to build rapport Is rapport important? • “A loop of mutual influence.” M. Erickson • Rapport is to communication what fuel is to a car; without it, you get nowhere. • Rapport is different from agreement—it is being understood and regarded. People in rapport may or may not agree on much of anything.
- 11. NLP to build rapport How do you know when two people are in rapport?
- 12. NLP to build rapport Building Rapport Using NLP • Eye Accessing Cues • Representational Systems • Both help with: Pacing
- 13. NLP to build rapport Eye Accessing Cues • Tendencies, but not always true for every person • Loiselle (1985) C = constructed; R = remembered; d = digital
- 14. NLP to build rapport • There are exceptions! – Cultural conditioning – Near-term memory
- 15. NLP to build rapport Practice… Which modality did this interviewee use most frequently? A. Visual constructed B. Auditory constructed C. Kinesthetic D. Visual recall E. Auditory recall F. Auditory/Digital (internal dialogue)
- 16. NLP to build rapport Representational Systems • The map is not the territory. • Four main representational systems – Visual – Auditory – Kinesthetic – Auditory/Digital
- 17. NLP to build rapport Assessment Time!
- 18. NLP to build rapport What was your strongest preference? A. Visual B. Auditory C. Kinesthetic D. Auditory Digital E. I had a tie with two or more
- 19. NLP to build rapport Visual Characteristics • Organized, neat, well-groomed. • Use visualization for memory and decision making - often getting insights about something. • Are imaginative, may have difficulty putting their ideas in words. • Speak faster than the general population. • Prefer in-person interactions - to see the other person and his/her reactions. • Want to see or be shown concepts, ideas or how something is done. • Want to see the big picture. • May not remember what people have said or be confused with verbal instructions. – Maps/pictures are better • Remember faces more easily than names. • Be distracted by visual activity and less so by noise.
- 20. NLP to build rapport Auditory Characteristics • Aware of change in the tone of your voice • Are responsive to certain tones of voice. • Perceive and represent sequences • Remember directions or instructions more easily. • Learn by listening and asking questions. • Enjoy discussions and prefer to communicate verbally. • Talk through problems – like someone to be a sounding board • Need to be heard. • Be easily distracted by noise. • Tend to cross appendages when listening. • May avoid eye contact when processing.
- 21. NLP to build rapport Kinesthetic Characteristics • Speak slower • More sensitive to their bodies and their feelings • Tend to respond to physical rewards and touching. • Learn by doing, moving or touching. • Dress/groom more for comfort than looks. • Make decisions based on their feelings. • Stand closer to other people than those with a visual preference
- 22. NLP to build rapport Auditory Digital Characteristics • Need to make sense of the world, to figure things out, to understand. • Talk to themselves and carry on internal conversations (sometimes with you!) • Learn by working things out in their mind. • Not spontaneous, like to think things through. • Logic, facts and figures play keys roles in decisions. • Memorize by steps, procedures, sequences.
- 23. NLP to build rapport Predicates • One way to assess representational systems in others
- 24. NLP to build rapport Time for practice! Exercise #1: 2 minutes for each person Describe your house to your partner using your most PREFERRED modality
- 25. NLP to build rapport Exercise #2 2 minutes for each person: Describe your house to your partner using your LEAST preferred modality
- 26. NLP to build rapport Pause to Consider… • How could you apply this in your job? – 1 minute to reflect – 2 minutes to share
- 27. NLP to build rapport Rapport and Pacing • Physiology • Vocal qualities • Words (predicates) Representational systems!
- 28. NLP to build rapport Pacing • Observing (and pacing where applicable): – Words they use (predicates). – Eye movements (eye accessing cues, blink rate, etc.). – Changes in skin color/tone. – Breathing (fast, slow, deep, shallow). – Voice quality (volume, tone). – Posture/gestures. – Facial expressions – Changes in energy • Mirroring vs. Matching – Cross-matching – Mismatching—useful in some situations!
- 29. NLP to build rapport Let’s try it! • Partner A: Imagine your are about to buy your dream car. Now describe what you want in your car in as much detail as possible. • Partner B: Practice SUBTLE pacing. Remember: Respect is the key to building rapport
- 30. NLP to build rapport Check in… What was the main representational system Person A used to describe their dream car (person A, don’t tell person B)? A. Visual B. Auditory C. Kinesthetic D. Auditory digital
- 31. NLP to build rapport Other ways to practice pacing • Pace with someone on TV • Practice with friends or family – don’t tell them or they may feel self-conscious! • Pace a person at a restaurant
- 32. NLP to build rapport NLP and S/W are related • Questioning • Literalism • Modelling • Identify Ambiguity • Communication • Honesty • Effectiveness • Attitude • Synthesis Knowledge Systems
- 33. NLP to build rapport The Three variables & triple constraint
- 34. NLP to build rapport Time Cost Quality/Scope People Process Technology
- 35. NLP to build rapport Exercise: Attributes of a S/W pro Identify… • Attributes or Qualities • Eg- Descriptions of a tester Eg:- Analytical, works within a process/framework, follows SOPs, deliverables vs intention, competencies vs. Knowledge
- 36. NLP to build rapport Attributes vs States Attributes States • Person ‘has’ • Person ‘feels’ • Context? • Context • “IS” of identity State • Behaviour
- 37. NLP to build rapport Exercise: Convert attributes into states • Can you generate and feel those states in yourself? • Can you say things to other people to generate those states? (Elicitation) • When would those states be appropriate? • Can you identify a time when you used those states positively? Negatively?
- 38. NLP to build rapport Meta-Model • Identify Ambiguity Early • Apply to the communication we give • Apply to the system • A Model of Analysis (Req, Spec, etc.) • Apply to our beliefs and values about testing
- 39. NLP to build rapport Deep Surface • Meta-Model based on transformational grammar model • Words affect experience Surface Deep Structure Structure Surface Primary Secondary Structure Experienc Experienc Transformation e e Surface Sensory & Linguistic Structure Emotional Derivation Surface Structure
- 40. NLP to build rapport Nominalization Simple Deletion Cause and Effect Comparative Deletion Mind Reading Distortion Deletion Lack of Referential Index Complex Equivalence Unspecified Verb Lost Performative Meta Model Universal Quantifier Modal Operators Generalization Presuppositions • Transformations (Distortion, Deletion, Generalization) can create ambiguity • Ambiguous statement: – “The daily trade file must be processed in under 5 seconds when the system starts up.”
- 41. NLP to build rapport LP CE Effect Cause "The daily trade file must be processed in under 5 seconds when the system starts up" SD (1) MO UV (1) SD (2) SD (3) SD (4) UV (2) • Processed by what? How? • Daily trade file – contains what? From where? • 5 seconds – based on what? • Starts up? How, When, How often?
- 42. NLP to build rapport Rules A Limiting Counter, challenge Challenge and get more for Generalisation limits Identify exception information on the limits Modal Universal "I develop and "I can't run Operators Quantifier I don't hate you" these tests" "All developers "What stops you?" hate testers" "*ALL* developers?" "Microsoft have 2 testers "I shouldn't "What would for every developer, test this." happen if you did?" that must be hate city" Generalization What is unstated and has to be true Presuppositions for the statement to be true Challenge, test •Universal Quantifier: The system will always process the daily trade file at start up. Even if the system is restarted in the middle of the day? •Modal Operator: The system might ask the user to save the file. •Presuppositions: Daily trade file exists. What if it doesn’t? The daily trade file can be processed. What if it is corrupt?
- 43. NLP to build rapport Identify Generalizations • “Only admin users can delete records” • “All records must be validated by the front end when they are amended” • “All test cases must be scripted” Modal Operators, Universal Quantifiers Presuppositions
- 44. NLP to build rapport Missing Reference Element Identify Point missing from Comparison Comparative surface Recover Deletion Simple structure Deleted "This system is rubbish" Deletion Information "Compared "The system is "fail how?" to What?" going to fail" "Which system?" Missing Deletion Recover Process Details Unspecified Missing Lack of Recover Noun Process Unspecified Referential Noun "How are Verb Index "They have a you testing?" poor process" "What kind of "I'm testing" "Who are testing are you they?" doing?" • Deletion can cause special cases not to be identified • Deep Structure deletions identified through presupposition analysis & model building
- 45. NLP to build rapport Identify Deletions • “This system must be the fastest on the market” • “The admin user will amend user details” Simple, Comparative, Verb, Noun (referential index)
- 46. NLP to build rapport Stimulus X Causes Process & Response Convert noun Y as noun More information Cause to process about the causality and Nominalization "I'm going Effect to test" "What kind of "Bad specifications testing are you make me angry" going to do?" "How specifically does a bad specification make you angry?" A Value Identify Source Judgement Lost Identify Criteria Performative 2 unrelated Distortion "It is wrong to test without statements writing test Check represented scripts" "According to validity as equivalent Whom?" of equivalence Complex "They don't know how to develop software, Equivalence Claim to the requirements are never knowledge Identify source signed off." Mind of claim "If the requirements Reading were signed off "They hate does that mean they testers" "How do you would know how to Know?" develop software?" • Distortions can taint beliefs and attitudes • Good source of resistance in communication
- 47. NLP to build rapport Identify Distortions • “Obviously, developers deliver code late because they don’t give the testers any respect.” • “When developers don’t do any unit testing it makes testers really annoyed” Cause Effect Complex Equivalence Lost Performative Mind Reading Nominalization
- 48. NLP to build rapport Meta-Model Questioning Exercise • Work in 3s • Person 1 ask Person 2 to describe something e.g.: – their testing project, – their application under test, – what testing is • Person 2 responds, Person 1 listens, Person 1 analyses response based on the Meta-Model and asks a follow on question based on the Meta- Model analysis, repeat • Person 3 takes a meta position for later review
- 49. NLP to build rapport Meta-Model for Influence • Embedded Commands • Presuppositions • Conversational Postulates • Deliberate use of ambiguity – use their deep structure
- 50. NLP to build rapport Meta-Model usage Guidelines • Rapport • What do you want to know? • Stop at some point
- 51. NLP to build rapport Meta-Model Repeated • Identify Ambiguity Early • Apply to the communication we give • Apply to the system • A Model of Analysis (Req, Spec, etc.) • Apply to our beliefs and values about testing
- 52. NLP to build rapport Recommended Books • Structure of magic vols 1 & 2 – (Bandler and Grinder) • Modeling with NLP – (Robert Dilts) 52
- 53. NLP to build rapport The takeaways! • Define NLP, its whys & how’s • How NLP & S/W are related, attributes of a professional • Why & how build rapport & effective communication • Using Representational systems, pacing, converting attributes into states, using meta model(s) to identify ambiguity & achieve results
Notes de l'éditeur
- From Wikipedia: Neuro-linguistic programming ( NLP ) is an interpersonal communications model and an alternative approach to psychotherapy [1] based on the subjective study of language, communication and personal change. [2] It was co-founded by Richard Bandler and linguist John Grinder in the 1970s as a method of personal change and communications. The focus was pragmatic, modeling three successful psychotherapists, Virginia Satir, Milton Erickson and Fritz Perls. The theoretical foundations borrow from work related to the these models and disciplines related to communication and the mind, including psychology, linguistics, cognitive science, and occupational therapy. Also from Wikipedia: Labouchere states that "NLP has a very pragmatic, applied focus on what is helpful, what works and how to replicate it (Bandler & Grinder, 1990). While NLP draws on and shares common ground with ‘mainstream’ cognitive psychology, it has, from its inception, continued to develop, refine, and apply its own unique range of concepts, models and techniques."[56] Partridge (2003) states that "NLP may be best thought of as a system of psychology concerned with the self development of the human being" and "It is concerned with the function of belief rather than its nature. It is not concerned whether a belief is true or not, but whether it is empowering or disempowering". Similarly, Stephen J. Hunt states that NLP "is a technique rather than an organised religion and is used by several different human potential movements".[57] David V. Barrett (2001) also describes NLP as a technique or series of techniques, or a process. He states that that "the balance comes down against it being labeled as a religion".[58]
- Summary of Modelling: What was ‘that’? What is ‘This’? What are the differences? What ‘has’ to be there. What else ‘could’ be there.
- Loiselle at the University of Moncton in New Brunswick, Canada (1985) selected 44 average spellers, as determined by their pretest on memorising nonsense words. Instructions in the experiment, where the 44 were required to memorise another set of nonsense words, were given on a computer screen. The 44 were divided into four subgroups for the experiment. Group One were told to visualise each word in the test, while looking up to the left. Group Two were told to visualise each word while looking down to the right. Group Three were told to visualise each word (no reference to eye position). Group Four were simply told to study the word in order to learn it. The results on testing immediately after were that Group One (who did acually look up left more than the others, but took the same amount of time) increased their success in spelling by 25%, Group Two worsened their spelling by 15%, Group Three increased their success by 10%, and Group Four scored the same as previously. This strongly suggests that looking up left (Visual Recall in NLP terms) enhances spelling, and is twice as effective as simply teaching students to picture the words. Furthermore, looking down right (Kinesthetic in NLP terms) damages the ability to visualise the words. Interestingly, in a final test some time later (testing retention), the scores of Group One remained constant, while the scores of the control group, Group Four, plummeted a further 15%, a drop which was consistent with standard learning studies. The resultant difference in memory of the words for these two groups was 61% . Thomas Malloy at the University of Utah Department of Psychology completed a study with three groups of spellers, again pretested to find average spellers. One group were taught the NLP spelling strategy of looking up and to the left, one group were taught a strategy of sounding out by phonetics and auditory rules, and one were given no new information. In this study the tests involved actual words. Again, the visual recall spellers improved 25%, and had near 100% retention one week later. The group taught the auditory strategies improved 15% but this score dropped 5% in the following week. The control group showed no improvement. These studies support the NLP Spelling Strategy specifically, and the NLP notion of Eye Accessing Cues, Sensory system use, and Strategies in general.They are reported in: Dilts, R. and Epstein, T., Dynamic Learning, Meta, Capitola, California,1995
- Picture from: http://www.nlp-practitioners.com/interactive/nlp-eye-access-cues-game.php#theFace
- Visual Remembered What is the colour of the shirt you wore yesterday? Which of your friends has the shortest hair? Visual Constructed What would your room look like if it were painted yellow with big purple circles? Can you imagine the top half of a tiger on the bottom half of an elephant? Auditory Remembered What does your best friend’s voice sound like? Which is louder, your door bell or your telephone? Auditory Constructed What will your voice sound like in 10 years? What would it sound like if you played your two favourite pieces of music at the same time? Auditory Digital What is something you continually tell yourself? What are your thoughts about this article? Kinesthetic What does it feel like to walk barefoot on a cool sandy beach? What does it feel like when you rub your fingers on sandpaper?
- Often they will say they remember discussing something with you, when you actually did not have the conversation. They did, however, in their mind!
- Politicians do it all the time with their clothing and their language!
- AKA “the triple constraint,” conventional PM wisdom has it that gains on one side of the triangle usually require making concessions on the other two sides. This is generally true, unless it’s possible to improve the delivery process.
- Words that we use affect experience What do different words about a system affect us to think? I’m Testing … [Name of Software] doesn’t mean much but gets you thinking in terms of the adverts, the feature set, what needs to be tested generically [Name of Software] v1.1 extensionalised – changes in this version, what needs to be tested specifically A System an integration of parts, interfaces, data syntax, system theory Software a thing which runs on an operating system, interfaces with hardware (disk), data semantics A solution for whom? What problem?
- UQ – All, Every, Just, Only, None, Nobody, Never, Always MO – Possibility – Can’t, won’t, - Necessity – must, should, shouldn’t, ought, mustn’t Presuppositions : A in p(B), A in p(~B) Cause effect: Makes me, can’t help but Comp Equiv: Means that Nominalization: essentials of a process, discipline of software testing, effectiveness -ness
- Teaching notes: “ Only admin users can delete records” Only (U), presuppositions: records exist, records can be created/amended? Other types of users exist Can (MO) – what if it read ‘should’ or ‘must’ “ All records are validated by the front end when they are amended” Use presuppositions to ask questions – 2 nd , 3 rd order presuppositions P – there is a frontend, is there a backend? Only on amendment, what about create? Are records only amended on the front end? U – All records (how many types?) Validated (unspecified verb) MO (must be) or what? What if invalid? “ All test cases must be scripted” P – test cases can be written in a non-scripted way (because of modal operator) When we identify modal operators (must), we can change them – should, could, might, need,
- Teaching notes: “ This system must be the fastest on the market” – which part of the system?, compared to what? At doing what? How much faster? Which market? “ The admin user will amend user details”. - when? Amend how? Amend which details? What other users are there? Amend other admin users? Only admin users? What makes an admin user an admin user? Any other violations in the above sentences? [must] Lost performatives – according to whom?
- Teacher notes: “ Developers deliver code late because they don’t respect the testers” MR how do they know the developers don’t respect testers C= [developers deliver code late] [developers don’t respect the testers] Nom - respect LP “Obviously,” obvious to whom? Other violations – generalisations – “{all} developers” “ When developers don’t do any unit coding I get really annoyed” MR – how do you know they don’t do any unit coding CE – if they did unit coding testers wouldn’t get annoyed? MR – how do you know testers get really annoyed? LP – who says? Other violsations – generalisations – which testers, UQ ‘don’t do any’ – so if they did a little bit, it would be ok => Comparative Deletion ‘How much is ok’? Unspec Verb – [unit testing]