1. Patreon Management Offsite
Joe Greenstein & Saran Chari
January 15, 2016

2. Why are we here?

3. One Big Idea

4. INTENT
Needs
Motives
Stories
Reality #1
BEHAVIOR
Verbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #2
Common
IMPACT
Assumptions
Feelings
Responses
Reality #3
The Net
3 Realities (The “Net” Model)

5. Feelings & Emotions – Why??
Everyone feels them;
we just pretend we
don’t.
Convey crucial
information; absence
of emotion leaves
out half the story.
Emotions indicate
importance. Most
powerful motivator?
Crucial to decision
making
Feelings & Emotions – Why??

6. Disclosure & Vulnerability

7. Self-Disclosure
Will I be less
liked,
respected,
influential
(leader-like)?
Is it relevant?
Will it further the
discussion – the
relationship?
Will others
use this
information
against me?
How will
others
see/assess/
judge me?
“What in
my ‘bubble’
should I
share?”
Self-Disclosure

8. “ VULNERABILITY IS
THE BIRTHPLACE
OF CONNECTION. ”
BRENÉ
BROWN

9. Authentic Leaders
“The single factor distinguishing top
quartile managers from bottom quartile
managers was strength of affection.”
--“Encouraging the Heart: A Leader’s Guide to Recognizing and Rewarding Others”,
Kouzes & Barry
Authentic Leaders

10. Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Team & Culture

11. Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
What Makes an Effective Team?
1. Participation
2. Collaboration
3. Cooperation (Commitment)
Research: All of these are correlated to
Group EQ
“Building Emotional Intelligence”, Wolfe & Druskat, Harvard Business Review, 2004

12. Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
“I’m starting to
feel defensive”
Inward
(my emotions)
Outward
(others’ emotions)
Emotional
Awareness
Emotional
Management
(“Regulation”)
“He seems to be
getting agitated”
• Take a deep breath
• “Could you give
me a sec?”
• Take a walk
“Are you ok?”
EQ (Individual)

13. Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Inward
(Our Team)
Outward
(Other Teams)
Emotional
Awareness
Emotional
Regulation
EQ (Group)

14. High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group
Group norms
determine group EQ
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Group EQ

15. Working AgreementsWhat makes a good manager?

16. • Job performance
• Job satisfaction
• Retention
• Absenteeism
• Happiness, Health Care Costs, Etc.…
“People don’t leave jobs, they leave managers”
Working AgreementsDoes being a good manager matter?

17. Working AgreementsSaran’s Story
“If done well, management is among
the most noble of professions.”
-Clayton Christianson

18. • Care for and value their employees as people
• Set clear goals and expectations
• Are good coaches
• Provide timely and relevant feedback
• Listens well and shares information and context
Working AgreementsThe research shows that good managers…

19. Business
Goals/Needs
Employee
Goals/Needs
Working AgreementsWhat do managers do?
Management

20. • What is the context?
• Business Needs
• Employee Personality
• Task relevant maturity
• Skill / Will
• Some Mgmt Style Models:
• Instruct
• Guide
• Empower
• Challenge
Working AgreementsGood Managers use different styles

21. 1. Take your seat
2. Don’t solve problems, build problem-solving
systems
3. Manage in 3 directions
4. If not spending most time communicating you
are doing something wrong
5. Share context, not just information
Working AgreementsTransition to a manager mindset…

22. What is coaching?
Coaching is unlocking a person’s potential to
maximize their own performance.
It is helping them learn rather than teaching
them.

23. Teaching vs Coaching

24. Benefits of Coaching
1. Give-a-Fish vs Teach-to-Fish
2. Coachee feels valued and believed in.
3. Self-driven goals are more motivating
4. Manager gets valuable info

25. When to use / not use coaching
DO Use:
• Working with high-potentials
• Working with knowledge
workers
• When commitment trumps
control
• When issue is about managing
relationships
Don’t use:
• With chronic underperformers
• When you DO have the answers
• When task control more
important than commitment
• When you don’t believe
coachee can’t achieve goal

26. What makes a good coach?
• Presence & Mindset
• Listening
• Powerful Questions

27. Ask powerful questions
• Avoid advice hidden as a question – “have you
considered….”

28. Grow Model
• Goal = What do you want?
• Reality = What’s happening now?
• Options = What can you do?
• Will = What will you do?

29. Feedback & Influence

30. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityWhy is Feedback Important?
1. Personal Development
2. Team Effectiveness
3. Stronger Relationships
Bottom Line: Feedback is how we grow

31. Photo:RobbieGrubbs
Can I give you some feedback?

32. Photo by State Farm [link]
Social situations ≈ Physical threats
Threat Response

33. So… how do we communicate feedback
while minimizing defensiveness?

34. INTENT
Needs
Motives
Stories
Reality #1
BEHAVIOR
Verbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #2
Common
IMPACT
Feelings
Reactions
Responses
Reality #3
The Net
The Net (again)
Feedback

35. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
• Focus on specific, observable behavior
When you do [x]…
• Describe the impact of that behavior on you
I feel [y]…
• Ask about the other person’s motives or
intentions
Can you tell me what’s going on for you?

36. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLet’s try some examples…
1. Saran, you clearly don’t care about this presentation.
2. Saran, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. You are
clearly bored with this presentation.
3. Saran, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. I am
feeling anxious about whether I am doing a good job with
this presentation.

37. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
When you do [x]…
I feel [y == emotion] that / like
And my story is [z].
Can you tell me what’s going on for you?

38. Photo by Ana Karenina [link]
1:1 Feedback

39. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Receiving Feedback
• Look for “Grains of Truth”
– Learning is better than being right
– Goal is understanding, not winning
• Listen and ask clarifying questions
• Acknowledge your feelings
• Gift mentality
– Say “Thank you!”

40. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Complimentary Feedback
• Give more!!!
• Do not praise to buffer criticism
– Avoid “The Sandwich”
• Do not praise to overcome resistance
• Avoid platitudes. Be specific:
– Weak: “Joe, you’re killing it.”
– Strong: “Joe, I’ve noticed you’ve been on time to almost
every meeting this week. I feel grateful for the extra effort.”

41. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Constructive Feedback
• Assume good intent; be curious
• Use a soft start
– Emphasize mutual goals & positive intent:
My intention is…
When you do [x], I feel [y].
• Be aware of your own stress
• Goal is joint problem solving

42. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilitySuggested Topics For Feedback
• Work Product
– Timeliness, quality, quantity, focus area
• Communication & Management
– Too much/ little, choice of format, email etiquette, language
choices, communication style in front of others, transparency of
project status, hiring/firing/promotions
• Role Modeling & Presence
– What energy do you feel from this person, How do they impact
others? What do they model well? Anything you worry about?
Arrival/departure times, attire, how they speak/listen/act?

43. Thanks, good-bye, and stay on
your side of the net 