“The Transition from Worldly Confusion to Spiritual Enlightenment” When Did Salvation Come?

1. Page 1 of 4
THE PERSONAL TESTIMONY OF
James Eugene Barbush
“The Transition from Confusion to Enlightenment”
When Did Salvation Come?
Until in my 30s, in the 1970s, I went to church every Sunday trying to get my life changed. I would participate
in a heartfelt way. I would listen to the sermon. I would sing the songs. I would say the words we were supposed
to. It seemed that when the church service was over and I left to go home, I was renewed and things seemed
different. However, I was soon aware that change for the good did not permanently happen. I always went back to
doing the wrong things that I was doing.
Continuing to do wrong, I was in confession every Saturday evening, telling the same sins over and over, week
after week. I would not go to confession at my church where people knew me, but I went to St. Patrick’s Cathedral
in downtown Harrisburg, PA.
The guilt associated with needing confession every week was
overwhelming. I remember being on airplanes, going out of town on
business, and being in what the church taught me was “the state of mortal
sin”. I was convinced that if the plane crashed and I died, I was going to
hell, no questions asked. That’s what mortal sin was to me, a death
sentence for eternity in hell. So, I would get off the plane, get to my hotel,
then find a church where I could confess again. Then again, I would feel
as though my soul was cleansed. I pictured my soul as having a silky
white appearance, but it had black spots on it when I sinned. Leaving the confessional made me feel as though the
black spots were removed and the full silky white appearance was restored. But again, I engaged in sin again, and
the process was repeated.
I lived a guilt ridden life. Having sinned again and again, having returned
to a “state of mortal sin” again and again, I was condemned again and
again. Thus, the cycle repeated – committing sin, followed by guilt, going
to confession, feeling good again, going to church, feeling good as though
something happened to change me permanently, then sin again and more
guilt. It was never ending, continual process.
In the early 1980s, I was separated from my wife at the time and my
3 daughters. I was heading for divorce. Why? Because I did not know
what I was doing. I went to school and college and started working. I
was taught many things about how to work in a professional career in life.
But apparently, I was not taught nor did I do self-learning on how to have
a right relationship with a wife. Though my parents were very good examples of a long lasting marriage, there was
no discussion on how to do it. I studied all the school subjects and got passing grades. I graduated from college
with a degree. I got a job and started a career. Did I take any courses or read any books on marriage, budgeting,
raising children, having right relationships? No. That’s not something that was offered and shown to me as being
necessary during my younger years and schooling. Before getting married, as required by the Catholic Church, I
did go to a weekly class on marriage called Pre-Cana Classes with my fiancé. The only thing I remember was when
we were in the class with many others, seated in rows of chairs. My fiancé and I were in the middle of a row. The
instructor started out by telling us to look at every third couple next to us – he said “that couple will end up in
divorce”. That is all I remember from that required course. Why? Why is that all I remember? Didn’t anything
else said impact me? Was I attentive or not? I don’t know.
The Confessional

2. Page 2 of 4
As a Catholic, I always went to Mass every Sunday and every holy day. I was in confession most every
Saturday night, confessing the same sins, over and over. I would come out of church after confession feeling
good about myself, thinking my soul had been washed clean again, and looking like a milky pearl. The black stains
on the pearl had seemingly been removed. I felt like I had been changed, but apparently, real changed did not talk
place. Why? Because, I think, I was not being taught the truth from the pulpit when I went to church services. My
ears were open, listening for something I could grab onto and use to change things in my life, but all I seemed to be
hearing was, “Be good, and don’t do bad.” I don’t think I was hearing the life changing Gospel message as taught
from the Bible. As a Catholic, I did not read the Bible in the 1950s, 60s, 70s, and 80s. We did use the Bible in
Religion Class in Catholic high school, but I don’t remember much from those Religion Classes. I relied on the
messages from the pulpit to bring me teaching. In my opinion, I don’t think I was hearing anything that was life
changing, heart changing, because nothing changed in me and I was always looking for something in the church to
change me. My ears were open. I listened for something, something to hold onto, something to take into my heart
that was going to make me turn away from the wrong things I was doing. I don’t think I heard it. Some have told
me, “You were not listening.” I disagree. I was desperate and I needed to change. I was listening for something
that was going to help me change. What I heard did not stick, did not change me, even though I felt good when I
left a church service.
In the early 1980s, I was working in Lebanon, PA. During one of my lunchtime walks in downtown
Lebanon, I went into a Catholic bookstore. There, I bought a small, white New Testament, my first
purchase of my own Bible. I would read it as I walked around town during lunch. I underlined certain
verses in red. I still have that first New Testament and I review it occasionally. The price is written
on the inside of the cover, $5.95. Today, that seems expensive for such a small pocket Bible in the
early 1980s. But, apparently, I thought it was worth the price.
Eventually, I was separated from my marriage with no one to help me. No one had any
advice for me. I had no place to turn. Not even my best friend could help me. I said something
to my friend one day, and he had no answer, no advice, no words. I desperately needed help,
but there was no one to turn to. There was only one place to go, and that was to look up - look
up to God, look up to Heaven, and ask for help. So, I bought my first regular sized Bible, The
Good News Version, a hard-back book. I started reading from page 1 in the Book of Genesis.
I can still remember when I was home, looking down at this Bible setting on the end table over
which I was standing. It could have been the first time I sat down to start reading it. I started
reading page by page, one book at a time – Genesis, Exodus, Numbers, Leviticus, and
Deuteronomy. To help my understanding of what I was reading I also bought study guides and
read them as I went through the Bible. Thus, the journey began. As I gained knowledge of the Bible, I remember
teaching my daughter, Dena, about the first 5 books of the Bible. I remember being in the car with her, she sitting
in the front seat, and helping her memorize the names of the first 5 books of the Bible - Genesis, Exodus, Numbers,
Leviticus, and Deuteronomy. I mentioned them to her often and she always repeated them to me.
After a couple of years, and having met my now wife, Yvonne, who was Methodist at the time, I went to my
first non-Catholic service in a United Methodist Church. As a Catholic, I was taught that we were not allowed
to go to a Protestant church, another
denomination, because the Catholic Church was
the one true church, the only way to Heaven. All
others were going to hell. I remember telling that
to 2 neighborhood brothers when I was very
young, around the time that John F. Kennedy, a
Catholic, was elected President. I would go to
Mass on Sunday at St. Patrick’s Cathedral on
State Street in Harrisburg. Yvonne would go
with me. We would come out of Mass, and then
go a couple of doors down on State Street to the service at Grace United Methodist Church. Then, at this Methodist

3. Page 3 of 4
church, I met, what was to me, a different type of people. I heard the Gospel preached from the pulpit. I started
going to Sunday School and was learning truths out of the Book of Romans. I met new people who shared their
faith. I started learning the Truth. I liked it very much. I eventually stopped going to Mass and stayed at Grace
United Methodist Church, attending on a regular basis. That was the start of a journey that became exciting and
fulfilling and led to many new experiences.
Later, I learned that the Book of Romans was a unique book and could be said to be a difficult one to learn and
understand because of what the apostle Paul taught and how he taught it. The truths there are deep. I thought, how
unique to have the Book of Romans as my first Sunday School lessons as a young Christian. But, the teacher we
had was excellent and he taught us well. His name was David Bailey. Looking him up just now, knowing that he
passed away, I found his obituary here.
As I was on this journey, I would hear people talking about when “they got saved”. There was an event, a
moment in time they remembered, when something unique happened in their lives that changed them forever. They
accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. I often heard testimonies by people telling about how and when they
were saved. They told about how they got saved, how they were “born again”. For them, there was a moment in
time, a day, a year, an unforgettable event that was their Christian birth, their being “born again”. I could not
identify with their stories, because I didn’t remember having such an experience. I did not think I had an event, a
date, and a time when I was “born again”. I thought the way it happened for me was a process, a gradual learning
and changing in my life that resulted in my being “born again”. So, I thought coming to salvation for me was a
process, a process of learning and implementing the truth. Was that the case? I did not know anything else.
On May 22, 1988, Pentecost Sunday, Yvonne and I were married at Agape Fellowship in Christ by Pastor
Tom Mellot. At that time, the congregation was meeting in the basement of Progress Fire Hall. We had a very
unique, 2 hour wedding full of the Word of God. I have the entire service on
cassette tape, now converted on CD, and posted on the internet. We stayed at
Agape Fellowship for about 3 years and were then led to other churches over the
years. Even after being at several churches, I often went back to Agape
Fellowship In Christ for a visit. When Nancy Warner became pastor at Agape
Fellowship circa 2004, I realized that my “feel like home visits at Agape
Fellowship” were significant and that I should stay, because “it always felt like
home” when I visited.
Around the time of our marriage, sometime before or after, I don’t know
exactly when, I learned that my entering into salvation, accepting Jesus Christ as
Lord and Savior was not a process, but was an event, a moment in time, when I
accepted salvation. In my first marriage, we had a babysitter for our 3 daughters.
She was a student of my wife’s in her Spanish class. I remember, one day, her father came to
our front door. I answered the door. He invited us to a dinner
with an organization called Full Gospel Businessmen’s
Fellowship International. There was a chapter local to
where we lived in the Grantville area. I have two
memories from that dinner, that event. I remember that I
was standing up at the dinner, after a speaker had said something. I was responding to something that was said. I
remember the suit I was wearing. It was a light brown, knit, with a small repeating pattern on it. It was that 1970s
style stretchy material. I remember, and still have, the tie I was wearing, a dark brown, very wide ties, with large
white stripes. I remember being home after the dinner, sitting in our family room in our home in East Hanover
Township, Dauphin County. My wife asked me why I stood up. She had not stood up. I could not answer her. I
was closed up and my communication skills were not good. I remember thinking that I wanted what they had, I
wanted what they were offering. What did they have and what were they offering? I was at a dinner with Christian
people, there was a speaker, and then there must have been a call to respond to the message. What else could it
have been other than a call to salvation, a call to be born again, a call to accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior?
That was my event, my moment, my point in time when Jesus came into my heart.
Progress Fire Hall

4. Page 4 of 4
I did not know the exact date of my salvation. Many years later, being curious, I contacted the woman who was
our babysitter at the time. Her name is Marianna Esworthy. I contacted her on-line, knowing that she has a ministry.
Here is what she responded:
Hello James,
I remember you and Anita very well. I loved her Spanish class! I didn't
remember the FGBMFI banquet that you attended, because my parents and I
went every month for many, many years. However, I do remember that I was in
8th grade when I took my first Spanish class, and I only had Anita as my teacher
that first year. I graduated in 1982, so that would make 8th
grade Sept. of '77
to June '78. I believe it was Spring or early Summer when I was babysitting.
Thank you for sharing some of your testimony with me I'm so glad that we
played some part in your coming to know the Lord!
My dad passed away on April 20, 2012. Mom is now living in an apartment closer to where I live in
Mechanicsburg, PA. My husband just passed away (cancer) on May 31, 2013. Keep me in your prayers,
since it's been quite challenging to adjust to all the major changes in my life recently. Sorry to hear about
Anita's passing, but I'm glad to know that she had a Christian husband (she remarried) and perhaps she
really came to faith through her relationship with him.
It was nice hearing from you again. You can hear me minister anytime on the radio every Wed. at 11:00AM
on WKBO 1230AM radio "The Fortress." My program is "Rejoice with Marianna."
That's all for now!
Sincerely,
Marianna Esworthy
So, it was sometime between September 1977 to June 1978 when my born again birth happened, likely in the
Spring or early Summer of 1978, April, May, or June. Though the exact date may never be known to me, the
fact that I now know there was a moment in time when it happened is significant. It was not a process. It was
a life change event, moment in time. I was “born again”.
Since those beginning days, weeks, and years, God has shown me, with my wife Yvonne, many unique things,
and we have pursued the study of the Bible, Christian messages, and the Christian life. We have been to many
churches and places where we have done, seen, and learned much. God has done great things in our lives, and with
our lives.
Now with 5 grown children (my 3 daughters to my first marriage to Anita, Yvonne’ son to her first marriage,
and a son between Yvonne and I, and 11 grandchildren in only 6 years, it’s a new season to find new
endeavors.
ADD TO THIS SCRIPTURE ABOUT BORN AGAIN AND ANOTHER STORY ABOUT ST PATRICKS CATHEDRAL
James Eugene Barbush
2021 Blue Mountain Parkway
Harrisburg, PA 17112
Cell: 717-514-5549
E-Mail: JamesEBarbush@GMail.com