Coursework piece which I both wrote and laid out in Indesign.

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let’s judge
Timothy continues, “but I decided to write some- shot. So after chickening out of doing it face to face,
thing back, and this is where Facebook is amaz- I texted her asking her if she’d be my girlfriend, and
ing. It gives you the ability to say what you want, she said she’d be honoured.”
without the pressure of the face-to-face situation,
“I WOULD NEVER HAVE
facebook by
without nerves, and it gives you the chance to look
over what you’re sending and make sure you don’t GOT TO THIS STAGE WITH-
say something stupid. In a face-to-face situation, the
conversation probably would have ended there.”
OUT FACEBOOK”
In the space of just one week, the shy, uncon-
its lover
And the feeling that this fearless confidence
fident singleton, had met, dated, and gained a girl-
can arise out of a computer screen is supported by
friend. “The only way this could ever have happened
Bargh & McKenna, who found that people were bet-
was because of Facebook”, Timothy reiterates. “Not
ter able to express their ‘true selves’ online, especial-
only initially, but also because of the easy way of
ly with the relative absence of non-verbal cues, for
talking and getting to know each other, without feel-
example attractiveness. But this research was con-
ing like you’re putting yourself too much out there
It’s done wonders for our love lives, so why ducted before Facebook was created, and ironically,
it is precisely the instant access to these ‘non-verbal
only to get hurt.”
Carolyn Axtell, a senior researcher at the
are we so quick to criticise? Company presents cues’ on Facebook which so often makes or breaks
the potential to begin a relationship.
Institute of Work Psychology and Management
School at Sheffield University, believes that much
another side to the story “Obviously I looked through her pictures and
her friends to see if we knew anyone in common”,
of this is to do with self-disclosure. “The fact that
you can’t see or hear other people makes it easier to
Timothy explains, before I “carried on messaging
reveal yourself in a way you might not be comfort-
her.”
able with”, she says. “You become less conscious
The incessant messaging continued for a few
of the individuals involved, including yourself, less
days, and it soon became clear to both Timothy and
inhibited, less embarrassed and less concerned about
Lisa that they “were quite into each other.”
how you will be evaluated.”
“By Wednesday we’d been talking so much
But as Timothy’s story shows, this can also
and I thought that if I don’t make a clear move soon
be used to the advantage of those who lack the con-
it might be too late and I’d end up in the ‘friend
fidence to open up face-to-face. This is supported by
zone’”, Timothy explains. “I didn’t really know
how I felt about her but I thought there was defi-
nitely a possibility so I didn’t want to waste it”, he “He chased after me for
continues, alluding to the ‘carpe diem’ token which months!”
Facebook so readily offers. “So that night I asked if Natalie Clif, 23, has Facebook to
she wanted to go for a drive with me. She said she thank for her forthcoming marriage
couldn’t go out but I could go over to her if I want-
“I met Lisa* two years ago at a cafe picture of that gorgeous guy you met last night, ed, which I did (most unlike me but managed to get
with a couple of friends one Saturday night. we’ve all been swept up by the social network- the nerves to do it!)
Didn’t really talk to her much, just a quick ing site which provides a platform to flirt with “Although at that point it was face-to-face”, “We didn’t know each other very well, before he
introduction, and didn’t think too much of it. those you know and those who the almighty he continues, “I would never have got to this stage sent me a message. We started talking about life in
Got home and added her on Facebook, as you cyber-God thinks you should know. But for all without Facebook. I felt comfortable and confident general and our views and we had a few things in
do, along with a little message that was sent its wonders, Facebook has received far from enough to go to her house - this girl I’d met once common. I think we both were just having a laugh
later that night, and by the next morning I had a glowing praise since its creation in 2004. Fa- and only a few days ago - but I already knew so at this point. I didn’t look at his pictures that much
reply.” cebook has broken up marriages, we’ve heard. much about her, and her me.” because I already knew what he looked like, but I
For many of its 350 million active us- Facebook has encouraged stalkers, we’ve read. A few dates and the friends nod of approval pretty much studied his profile page. Then he invited
ers, including shy 22 year-old Timothy Stevens But this ‘book’ features another story. later, Timothy decided to ask her out. ”I’d had a long me to an event he was hosting, and we met properly
from London who had never had a girlfriend think about it and decided that although I still wasn’t for the first time there. After that he asked me out,
before, Facebook, has, and continues to play, GIVING THE SHY A CHANCE positive (I’d never had a girlfriend before so didn’t and now we’re getting married!
an integral part in our love lives. Whether it “Obviously I could have left things there”, really know how I should feel) I decided to give it a
be a poke here, a wall post there, or a tagged

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Amichai-Hamburger et al, who found that those who could see a little more about each other, and see that bled across him. And I wouldn’t change a thing!”
are introverted have a tendency to view their real he really was who he said he was.” Sarah and Ben’s story runs counter to the
self as being located online, while more extraverted And so, by introducing users who remain theory of Dr Lisa Matthewman, psychologist at the
individuals are likely to locate their true self offline. separated by geographical distance as well as en- University of Westminster, who, like most, believes
hancing the confidence between two parties, a whole that only negativity can arise from Facebook rela-
CONSIDER THE FEATURES new meaning is added to Bargh & McKenna’s find- tionships.
Monica Whitty, author of Cyberspace Romance: ings that the internet allows individuals to connect in “Those with dysfunction in developing inti-
The psychology of online relationships, warns, ways they would not otherwise. macy with the other will be drawn to the safe world
however, that “communicating in cyberspace can be “We continued to chat every day via MSN, of online communication”, she says, before suggest-
both liberating and debilitating and that we need to Sarah and Ben Facebook, text or phone call, and decided to meet”, ing it “can lead to the enhancement of relationship
consider the features of the space.” And as Timothy Sarah explains, supporting further research by McK- dysfunction or increase the likelihood of relationship
found out, this may well be true of the ‘two-faced’ enna which states that it is the frequency of online difficulties.”
rything, my opinion is still that Facebook is a major
social networking site which helped him sweep Lisa contact which is important, rather than physical But Sarah, and Ben believe their blossoming
asset for building and developing relationships”, he
off her feet. proximity. relationship began precisely because of Facebook,
says. “I think many people will look at the hurt it
“I’d say the only time Facebook really came So in September 2008, after three months, and not because they were seeking solace via a
can cause and claim that it’s bad, but that’s sort of
back into play was after she broke up with me, 22 they both logged off as she flew out to see him. “We computer screen. “We are both quite the comedians
like saying dating is bad because the average person
months later”, he says. “It was obviously a huge clicked instantly”, she says. “From there on it took a and forward going”, Sarah admits. “Ben is a very
probably has loads of bad dates before the right one
blow to me-I’m really struggling to get over it, and good half a year for both parties to trust each other, popular guy. He likes to entertain and has a very
comes along. It’s the same as anything-it can be used
Facebook definitely doesn’t make it any easier. what with the distance making it longer, but every good social life.” Sarah even goes on to suggest that
in a great way and in a bad way.
Things like having to change your relationship time I left England or he left Guernsey it felt hor- their relationship moved on in the way that it did
“Ultimately, however hard it is for me now
status and profile picture, which was of me and her-I rible I just wanted him permanently in my life. We precisely “because we are both so forward going.”
going through the break-up, and however much
couldn’t face changing it for quite a while, but did have had a few disagreements and some times have
harder Facebook might be making it, I am extremely
once my friend convinced me that I wouldn’t start been hard but nothing we haven’t got through.” And MATCHMAKER, MATCHMAKER
grateful for the two amazing years I had with her,
to move on until I had. Also seeing that she changed they now see each other every four weeks at least- Also questioning Ellison et al’s research in 2007
and to be honest I really do owe a hell of a lot of that
her status and picture so quickly hurt and made me “whatever we can afford to do,” Sarah says. which claims that Facebook is not used as a tool to
to Facebook. And if I could do it all again, I would.
wonder if she’d moved on and met someone else.” Exactly the same.” “TWO LONELY BORED meet new people online is Chani Weiss, 22, from
Many have taken the brave step of killing America, who decided to take the matchmaking site
the profile they so painstakingly created in order to STRANGERS JOINED BY up on one of their ‘friend suggestions’, and ended up
LAUGH YOUR WAY TO LOVE
both prevent and deal with heartache like this in a
Another loved up Facebook user who “wouldn’t THIS STRANGE BUT AMAZ- marrying him!
move which has been aptly coined “Facebook sui- “It all started about two years ago”, she
cide.” The 31st May this year even witnessed a mass
change a thing” is Sarah Ayse Lucas, 22, from ING WORLD OF FACEBOOK” begins. “For two weeks straight this guys face kept
Guernsey. Still finding it hard to believe that they met
“suicide” as it became “Quit Facebook Day”, with popping up on the side bar of ‘suggestions’, so I
“Ben and I met through an application called “on that silly Facebook application”, the couple
34,000 pledging to commit the act. clicked on his profile and looked through his pic-
‘Social Me’ where you in effect rate people on what have now been together for a year and a half. “I
Timothy refuses to take any action, however, tures. I wasn’t really interested, and thought he was
there profile picture looks like”, she explains. “It have loved every minute of it”, Sarah beams. “Two
regardless of the unnecessary pain Lisa’s Facebook just a random guy, even though we had 42 mutual
was a bit of a laugh really-I wasn’t looking for dat- lonely bored strangers joined by this strange but
activity further inflicts on him. friends.”
ing at all!” amazing world of Facebook.
“I refuse to delete her from my account, Chani had already been living in Israel for
And this is where she defies the ‘norm’ as is “For reasons unknown we all open up to
because that’s not who I am and I do want to remain 14 months, when David also made the move, and
defined by pre-existing research, which suggests that someone behind a screen”, she continues. “We told
friends with her”, he explains. But at the same time, she couldn’t believe her eyes when she noticed him
Facebook-based relationships are only really created each other secrets and personal stuff before we’d
seeing her stuff come up on my news feed was just there just two months after she first spotted him on
by those who can’t find love any other way. even met, thus bringing us closer already. For some
killing me-as you can imagine, various boys post- Facebook.
“He lives in Essex, I live in Guernsey”, she reason we feel safe behind these screens.
ing stuff on her wall, pictures of her going out with “I saw him in Israel and recognised him im-
explains, “and we both joined out of boredom. “We are now planning a future together, and
another guy-it was just crushing. So after a couple of mediately from Facebook”, she explains. “I saw he
“I stumbled across Ben’s picture and tagged Ben is hoping to make the move sometime to Guern-
weeks I changed the settings to stop her stuff coming was talking to one of our mutual friends, so I asked
him ‘hot’ and continued on clicking through faces sey, and if he cannot I will go and live with him in
up on my news feed, which does help.” him if it was David, and he said it was. So I went
to relive my boredom. Then within an hour he’d England.
Experiencing first hand the dually antagonis- over to him, and introduced myself, saying “Face-
replied to my tag with “Ben wants to flirt with you.’’ “Facebook is what I have to thank for my
tic effects Facebook can have, Timothy believes that book keeps telling me to friend you, so I’m friending
I pressed the ‘’flirt back’’ button and we got chatting love life, and its not because I couldn’t find anyone
the site is no different to ‘real’ networking in terms you now!’ We started talking and I asked him out
from there. We added each other as friends so we without internet dating. I was just bored and stum-
of making and breaking relationships. “After eve- two days later.”

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“IF FACEBOOK SAYS I
SHOULD THEN I SHOULD”
Never one to shy away from the boys, most
of Chani’s previous relationships began after she
asked them out, so Facebook, for her, was not used
to provide a mask of confidence. “I was just bored”,
she says, “and if Facebook says I should, then I
should”, she says, half-jokingly, reminiscent of Kar-
el Baloun, author of Inside Facebook: Life, work
and visions of greatness, who believes that “Face-
book’s genius has been in identifying the core needs
of its users.” “I don’t have patience, and didn’t want
to just sit there and not do anything”, she continues.
Offering her own explanation as to what dif-
ferentiates Facebook from other online variants, she
suggests that because “you don’t feel like you’re on
a matchmaking site, people feel more comfortable
posting details about their lives and random pictures
that they would never reveal on a site specifically
aimed at matchmaking.”
“There’s an overall relaxed feeling when
you’re on Facebook”, she continues, “with no need
to prove yourself to a potential mate.”
And the Facebook addict had also used
the social networking site to help sustain previous
relationships. “When I first moved to Israel I was
going out with another boy in America, and we used
pictures, messages, status updates-things like that-to
help keep in touch with the difficult time difference.
We did end up breaking up, but that had nothing to
do with Facebook-if anything, it made the relation-
ship easier while we were still together.”
Elisheva Sokolic also found Facebook made Chani and David on their
her relationship significantly easier when she went wedding day
to Australia for a month before she got engaged. “It
using it”, Chani says. “I do believe that I would have
really helped keep us in contact”, she says, “and we
met my spouse one way or another, but I do owe Face-
could send gifts and little messages and pokes and
book a lot of thanks for their involvement in the proc-
just generally be cute despite the ridiculous time
ess!”
difference and distance. It helped us feel like we
As the horror stories of stalkers, rapists, mur-
weren’t so far away, in a way that email couldn’t
derers, and child groomers continue to plague the
have done, because email is immediately less per-
pages of the daily press, it would be naïve and irre-
sonal. It was a really hard month, and it would have
sponsible to suggest that this social networking site is
definitely been harder without Facebook!”
any different. But Facebook is also no different to any
Now married, Chani still uses the constantly
other ‘book’ in terms of the multiple stories it can, and
expanding site in her relationships. “We still write
does, hold for every user individually, and so judging
on each others walls and send cute things like gifts
this one solely by its uninviting cover, may well erase a
and messages”, she says.
potential romance which could be budding underneath
“I’m honestly not surprised that Facebook
every poke, wall post, and virtual gift.
played a role being that I spend so much of my time