tips for wives of alcoholics on how to live with their alcoholic husband and possibly, help him.

1. Living With An Alcoholic
Husband
by
Jozzy Scott
http://alcoholicspousehelp.com

2. How Serious is it?
Living with an alcoholic husband isn't funny. As a
matter of fact, it can be self-destructive. Little
wonder Herman Melville in Moby Dick warns all to
better sleep with a sober cannibal than a drunken
Christian.
If you are the wife of an alcoholic, you need to equip
yourself with sufficient knowledge to help you live
with your alcoholic husband without having
problems.

3. But You Sincerely Love Him
Typically, an alcoholic's wife is a nurturing, caring,
loving person, and in most cases, her own family
feels that he is undeserving of such a good wife and
woman.
Be honest with yourself now. Friends and relatives
cannot fathom why you “put up with his stuff” and
why you “don’t kick the bum out”. You are probably
still married to your alcoholic husband because you
love him. However, just loving and caring for him
does not solve the problem of alcoholism. This
article is written with intent of helping you live with
your alcoholic husband without chaos.

4. So What I’m I Not Doing Right?
Denying the truth: Wives devote a lot of time and
energy to hide their alcoholic's problems. An
important part of this behavior is to express
apologies to employers, fellow-workers, friends,
other family members and relatives for bad behavior.
Acting out: This is very common with wives of
persons with serious alcohol problems. "Acting out"
is a psychological term for the impulsive, immature
and sometimes irresponsible behavior that a person
uses in order to handle internal emotional stress. To
drink together with the alcoholic can be one
example. In later stages, the hostility that the conflict
causes may begin to express itself in more negative
activities, such as loud quarrels and physical attacks.

5. Any Other Thing To Be Corrected?
Demanding improvement: Most women that live
with an alcoholic husband try to change the person
or try to at least get him/her to improve. They can
often struggle with this for months, years, or their
entire life. The alcoholic becomes furious because of
all the nagging, and a common behavior is to decide
to drink even more.
Becoming isolated: As early as a few months after
the arise of a serious addiction, the isolation from
friends, family and society gradually sets in because
you want to avoid shame and embarrassment.
Giving up: Apathy, aversion, physical pain and
chronic fatigue are expressions that most spouses of
alcoholics display. You need to correct this. Only then
can you help yourself and perhaps, him.

6. What Should I Do Now?
1. Don´t try to control your alcoholic, no one can.
You will feel a lot better when you stop trying.
The road to freedom begins with the
understanding that you are powerless when it
comes to the alcoholic's drinking, that you only
can take responsibility for your own life and not
his.
2. Do not take over his responsibilities – he might
begin to grow up when he has to take full
responsibility for his addiction and the problems
it causes. As long as you make it easy for the
alcoholic to drink in an irresponsible manner,
through covering up the tracks and carrying out
his duties, you cannot begin to grow and change
the way you want to.

7. 3. Refuse to be a victim - that role is equally
destructive as the role of the alcoholic. For so many
wives, after many years of living with an alcoholic
husband, they become also sick emotionally and
psychologically. Remember, it is not your fault that
he is an alcoholic, so don’t be a victim of it. Healing
yourself may not cure his disease, but it will make it
easier for you to live with.
4. Think more about yourself - take more
responsibility for yourself and the other non-
addicted people around you. You and your children
should be your utmost responsibility. Your diet,
hygiene and so on should not suffer because of your
husband’s predicament.

8. And Finally,
5. Refuse to be an "enabler" for continued abuse
through comforting the alcoholic, calling their job, to
lie etc. Instead you should say "That's your
responsibility!"
Think about it, if your partner’s bottles, spillages and
mess are all cleaned up and tidied away by the time
he sobers up he has no evidence of how bad his
drinking is. His mind will tell him, ‘look around
everything is fine and lovely, your drinking is in
control so it’s okay for you to continue drinking.’ If he
does not have to answer to people about his
behavior because you have picked up the pieces and
cover up for him, then you are only making him to
believe his drinking is not costing anything. Let him
take responsibility for whatever his drinking causes.

9. Don't protect your alcoholic from the consequences
of his/her drinking. "Pain is the biggest gift" - many
alcoholics are not willing to do anything about the
alcohol problem before they reach the bottom. If
you protect an alcoholic from the pain you delay the
recovery.
You can get more helpful tips to cope with an
alcoholic spouse on http://alcoholicspousehelp.com
Best of Luck in your marriage.