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Quagmire (Sample)
       By
Justin O’Hanley
INT. LECTURE THEATRE
A man sits tied to a chair, gag in his mouth, looking
terrified.

A tall, slightly doughy man in his early 40s is circling the
gagged man, very deliberately. IAN GISSING.
                    IAN
          Red Dashiki? I confess myself...
          disappointed.

His tone is low, frightening. Standing nearby, watching
coolly, is a baby faced man, early 20s. WENDELL.
The three of are on an elevated platform, at the front of a
relatively small auditorium.

In the first row of seats, five minions (3 men, 2 women)
look on.
                    IAN
          Money laundering? Embezzlement? We
          may be terrorists for hire, Red,
          but that doesn’t mean we don’t have
          our principles. And if we were able
          to pick up the scent of the money
          trail you’ve left, the Organization
          very well could have too. You’ve
          endangered our operations, Red.
As Ian walks behind Red, a syringe appears in his hand.
                     IAN
          That’s not to say we haven’t valued
          your contributions these past two
          years. Your technical expertise has
          been virtually unmatched. The
          jamming device you’ve just
          perfected is going to be
          particularly useful in today’s
          operation.
With that, he jams the syringe into the back of Red’s neck.
The man gasps through his gag.

                    IAN
          But regrettably, this is an
          operation you won’t be taking part
          in.
Red’s eyes droop. A door opens, and Sam and Naomi enter.
2.


                    NAOMI
          Sorry we’re late, Ian. What did we
          miss?
                    IAN
          A demonstration of the cost of
          betrayal, Naomi. But don’t worry,
          the show has yet to begin.
Sam and Naomi take their seats among the minions.

                    IAN
          Wendell? I want you to explain to
          Mr. Dashiki, in nauseating detail,
          the specifics of his impending,
          untimely, demise.

Wendell pulls a cue card from his pocket.
                    WENDELL
          Ok, boss.
               (reading)
          "You have been just been injected
          with the Betatrax Agent, a newly
          perfected strain of biological
          warfare. The agent will immediately
          set to work attacking your central
          nervous system. Disorientation will
          set in. Blood will start flowing
          from every orifice. You will
          experience loss of bodily
          functions. You will become highly
          contagious after an incubation
          period of about five minutes. Blood
          flow to your brain will eventually
          be..."
                    IAN
          ...Wendell?

                    WENDELL
          "...cut off, leading to a swift,
          painful death." Yes, boss?
                    IAN
          Go back a bit. Did you say
          "contagious?"
                    WENDELL
          Contagious? Let’s see.
               (he scans the card)
          Uuuuh, yes, yes I did. Why do you
          ask?
3.

The rest of the minions start to fidget uneasily.
                    IAN
          Wendell? You didn’t tell me the
          Betatrax Agent was contagious.
                    WENDELL
          No, but why does that...

Horror slowly dawns on him. He looks over at Red.
                    WENDELL
          Oh. Oh, you should not have given
          him that.

                    IAN
          Holy hell. Wendell, I told you I
          was going to inject Red in front of
          everyone. We spent the entire
          morning writing my speech! How
          couldn’t you tell me that he would
          become contagious?
Blood starts dripping out of Red’s nose. He looks sickly.
                       NAOMI
          Ian!

Ian turns around and reels at Red’s deteriorating state.
                       IAN
          OH my God.

                    NAOMI
          Shoot him, Ian! Quick!
                    IAN
          Shoot him? That’s not as evil as
          what I was going for...
Shouting breaks out amongst the minions.
                    NAOMI
          KILL HIM! NOW!

Ian’s "evil" demeanor has been replaced by panic.
                    IAN
          Ok, ok, you’re right, never mind.
          You know what? You’re right. I’m
          just gonna shoot him.
He draws a handgun.
4.


                    IAN
          I mean, it’s not the diabolical
          execution I had hoped for, but I
          guess I don’t have a choice. It’s
          all the same end result anyway.
          This day and age, you don’t do
          anything elaborate, you don’t give
          speeches, you just shoot people,
          right?
He empties FIVE bullets directly into Red’s chest.

                    IAN (CONT’D)
          There now, you see? He’s dead. He
          doesn’t care if he was poisoned or
          shot, he’s just dead. This whole
          injection thing was kind of self
          serving, come to think of it, I was
          just trying to make myself look
          villainous. But I don’t need to do
          that, I know I’m villainous, I’m
          not that insecure. Wendell, you
          think I’m villainous, right?

                    WENDELL
          I think you’re very villainous,
          boss.
                    IAN
          And you guys think I’m villainous
          too?
Ian carelessly gestures at his minions with his gun, causing
them all to bristle in their seats.

                     MINIONS
          Oh sure, yeah, we absolutely do
          boss, etc.
                    IAN
          Well, that’s super.
He pulls an inhaler from his pocket and takes a puff.
                    IAN
          Ok then, onto other business.

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Quagmire (sample)

  • 1. Quagmire (Sample) By Justin O’Hanley
  • 2. INT. LECTURE THEATRE A man sits tied to a chair, gag in his mouth, looking terrified. A tall, slightly doughy man in his early 40s is circling the gagged man, very deliberately. IAN GISSING. IAN Red Dashiki? I confess myself... disappointed. His tone is low, frightening. Standing nearby, watching coolly, is a baby faced man, early 20s. WENDELL. The three of are on an elevated platform, at the front of a relatively small auditorium. In the first row of seats, five minions (3 men, 2 women) look on. IAN Money laundering? Embezzlement? We may be terrorists for hire, Red, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have our principles. And if we were able to pick up the scent of the money trail you’ve left, the Organization very well could have too. You’ve endangered our operations, Red. As Ian walks behind Red, a syringe appears in his hand. IAN That’s not to say we haven’t valued your contributions these past two years. Your technical expertise has been virtually unmatched. The jamming device you’ve just perfected is going to be particularly useful in today’s operation. With that, he jams the syringe into the back of Red’s neck. The man gasps through his gag. IAN But regrettably, this is an operation you won’t be taking part in. Red’s eyes droop. A door opens, and Sam and Naomi enter.
  • 3. 2. NAOMI Sorry we’re late, Ian. What did we miss? IAN A demonstration of the cost of betrayal, Naomi. But don’t worry, the show has yet to begin. Sam and Naomi take their seats among the minions. IAN Wendell? I want you to explain to Mr. Dashiki, in nauseating detail, the specifics of his impending, untimely, demise. Wendell pulls a cue card from his pocket. WENDELL Ok, boss. (reading) "You have been just been injected with the Betatrax Agent, a newly perfected strain of biological warfare. The agent will immediately set to work attacking your central nervous system. Disorientation will set in. Blood will start flowing from every orifice. You will experience loss of bodily functions. You will become highly contagious after an incubation period of about five minutes. Blood flow to your brain will eventually be..." IAN ...Wendell? WENDELL "...cut off, leading to a swift, painful death." Yes, boss? IAN Go back a bit. Did you say "contagious?" WENDELL Contagious? Let’s see. (he scans the card) Uuuuh, yes, yes I did. Why do you ask?
  • 4. 3. The rest of the minions start to fidget uneasily. IAN Wendell? You didn’t tell me the Betatrax Agent was contagious. WENDELL No, but why does that... Horror slowly dawns on him. He looks over at Red. WENDELL Oh. Oh, you should not have given him that. IAN Holy hell. Wendell, I told you I was going to inject Red in front of everyone. We spent the entire morning writing my speech! How couldn’t you tell me that he would become contagious? Blood starts dripping out of Red’s nose. He looks sickly. NAOMI Ian! Ian turns around and reels at Red’s deteriorating state. IAN OH my God. NAOMI Shoot him, Ian! Quick! IAN Shoot him? That’s not as evil as what I was going for... Shouting breaks out amongst the minions. NAOMI KILL HIM! NOW! Ian’s "evil" demeanor has been replaced by panic. IAN Ok, ok, you’re right, never mind. You know what? You’re right. I’m just gonna shoot him. He draws a handgun.
  • 5. 4. IAN I mean, it’s not the diabolical execution I had hoped for, but I guess I don’t have a choice. It’s all the same end result anyway. This day and age, you don’t do anything elaborate, you don’t give speeches, you just shoot people, right? He empties FIVE bullets directly into Red’s chest. IAN (CONT’D) There now, you see? He’s dead. He doesn’t care if he was poisoned or shot, he’s just dead. This whole injection thing was kind of self serving, come to think of it, I was just trying to make myself look villainous. But I don’t need to do that, I know I’m villainous, I’m not that insecure. Wendell, you think I’m villainous, right? WENDELL I think you’re very villainous, boss. IAN And you guys think I’m villainous too? Ian carelessly gestures at his minions with his gun, causing them all to bristle in their seats. MINIONS Oh sure, yeah, we absolutely do boss, etc. IAN Well, that’s super. He pulls an inhaler from his pocket and takes a puff. IAN Ok then, onto other business.