Witty writing and hellacious headlines are the difference between awesome and average. This evolutionary version of the homo sapiens has an attention span of seven seconds, less than a goldfish, so catchy captions are crucial. This is one of the lessons that Dilbert by Scott Adams, can teach us about modern marketing.

1. MODERN
MARKETING
explained by Dilbert

2. WORDS WORK AND MESSAGES Witty writing and hellacious headlines are the difference between awesome and
average. This evolutionary version of the homo sapiens has an attention span of seven
seconds, less than a goldfish, so catchy captions are crucial.

3. WELL DEFINED SEGMENT
If you don’t know who you are talking to, you can't create killer content. Beside typical demographics,

4. BE GENUINE…
If you are phoney and don’t create content from your heart, your customers will sense
that. And they will flee. You must be passionate and love what you do.

5. … AND HONEST
If you can’t live up to your promises, you’ll be in trouble. The internet doesn’t forget,
and if you write a check, be sure that you can cash it. Otherwise you’ll have a
raving busload of trolls after you.

6. DON’T BE LAZY, STRIVE The easiest way to look thin, is to get fat friends. But when you face yourself in the
mirror, you’re going to have tears on your cheeks. And I’m not talking about the inked
ones. If the competition is bad, you don’t have to be. Always aim for the best you can,
and a bit more.

7. BE QUICK, CREATE
UNIQUE CONTENT
Picasso might have been in to stealing, but being unique is much more satisfying. Address

8. FORGET VANITY METRICS. FOCUS Followers, friends or foes, the numbers do not mean anything. Do they really like you or
the raffle you organised? Create something meaningful and valuable, the fans will
come.

9. DON’T BE AN ASSHOLE
The internet was made for porn, cats and trolls, but that’s not why you are there. Unless
you are in the grumpy pussycat pimp business. Keep it positive and funny, like a
rainbow shooting unicorn, and the people will like you more than the complaining
douchbag.

10. DON’T CREATE CONTENT JUST
FOR THE SAKE OF IT
Posting to your blockbuster blog or fabulous Facebook page is great, but publishing
shouldn’t be considered an accomplishment. Dance a jig or stride out a moonwalk only if
the effort served a purpose and achieved a goal. Quality, not quantity.

11. APPRECIATE YOUR CUSTOMERS
Don’t underestimate or patronise your customers. Create content that shows that you
care and you really want to aid people. Think of being on a crusade, making lives better,
one at a time. Not for your own good, but for the good of mankind! (No harm has ever
come from being a bit pompous.)

12. BUILD A KILLER TEAM
You need rockstars, not empty bodies. Every member has to create value, or you are
going to lose value. Gather a bunch of misfits: specialists in different fields and individual
personalities. A unique, talented mob equals superb results.

13. MARKETING DOESN’T END A true customer experience doesn’t end at the swipe of a credit card. Building long
meaningful relationships is all about taking care of the customer AFTER they have
purchased something. Treat them right, and you’ll be in for a treat!

14. USE STUNNING VISUALS
The power of the image is stronger than ever. Brands can be built around visuals and perceptions

15. SPIN, BUT DON’T LIE
A marketers job is to create the right image and brand. That’s the basic requirement. But don’t

16. AIM FOR A LARGER AUDIENCE
You maybe aiming at a niche, but your content marketing should be targeted at a
broader audience. By slightly exaggerating, you will get a better reach and your
content will spread like pollen in a spring storm.

17. PRODUCTS MATTER. ALWAYS.
You might be the next marketing Messiah, but if you have to work with crap, you’re
going to get busted. This will happen even if you have written beautiful poetic copies that
turn rough necked lumberjacks into sobbing infants. Make sure your core product is
good.

18. LEARN TO TAKE CRITIQUE
In the cesspool known as the internet, you will face criticism, you will face resistant, you
will face appalling behaviour, and you will face hatred. But you have to keep your calm,
you must respond with composure, you have to be eloquent, and you will be polite.
Learn to deal with the whiners, and you will be rewarded. Leave the shooting for the
stars.

19. YOU’VE GOT THE DATA. A modern digital marketer has all the analytics that they can dream about. No
guestimating or concocting needed. Learn how to analyse the data and make use of
it. Save the pulling out of your ass for those awkward moments, when your kids confront
you about making babies.

20. INSPIRATIONS AND IDEAS
B2B marketers used to go a long way on the power of liquor, but clients need more than
that nowadays. They just don’t have the time to booze up. You have to be able to
inspire, provide new ideas and create mesmerising moments. And by that, I don’t
mean suppling innovative ways of mopping up puke from an expo booth.

21. VIDEOS, VIDEOS,
VIDEOS
Not in to videos? Think they are a waste of time? Suck it up, buddy. They are the new
media and give an alternative option to text. They build brands and visualise the
intangible.

22. BE CREATIVE
Stand out. Do something different. It doesn’t have to be anything big, just challenge the
status quo. Dress people up as 70’s rockstars for your next appointment news, get in to
the army now and start using a new channel that the competitors don’t use, or go full-throttle
and go rocking around the world.

23. EVERYBODY IS IN MARKETING
Marketing is the responsibility of the whole organisation, everybody has to chip in.
Sharing is caring for your company, but the ideal is co-creating and charming
everyone on social sites. The company brand is built by the people who work there, so
get people to mingle like they are single.

24. SOCIAL MEDIA IS A GOOD SERVANT, Tweet, post and pin, but make them count. Use them as vessels to sail the perilous
waves of marketing, but don’t build on them. Use your own site as the main harbour,
and your content strategy as the beacon of light that shines bright rays on to the dark
seas. Zucky may ban you tomorrow!

25. CX ISN’T JUST A TREND
Marketing has always been full of quirky abbreviations like KPI, SoMoLo, CRM. Marketers

26. SALES NEEDS MARKETING Cold calls don’t work like they used to: 57 % of the buying process is done before sales is involved.

27. …BUT ONLY SALES COUNT
In the end of the day, your sole marketing metric is the amount of sales you make.
Succulent stats or luscious leads are worth their weight in pheasant feces’, if you aren’t
able to get the money coming in.

28. LIKE THIS?
I didn’t vomit, I promise. It was only a reflux burp.
PLEASE SHARE
If you have any questions, add a comment or hit me with a tweet:
@karlfiltness

29. CREDITS
To the one and only master of corporate satire
SCOTT ADAMS.
You are a daily inspiration.
All of the strips can be found on the official Dilbert site: www.dilbert.com
No immorality or dishonesty intended.
Please don’t lock me up in an Elbonian prison!