1. Kelsey Appleyard Blog Presentation
Literary Smut Peddler
www.shawnalff.com
April 7, 2016
Clark 12:30- 1:45 TR

2. My blog adoption is over a majestic butterfly by the name of Shawn Alff. He is by far
the most interesting man alive, far surpassing the Dos Equis man, himself. His writer
pseudonym is Alfie, which I still have not brought myself to call him. I am trying to stick out in
comparison to his associates, and friends.
Shawn Alff is 33 years old, Aries, which actually came as more of a shock to me than, I
had anticipated, not the Aries part, but the age part because he looks much younger than that, as I
will show you in this very well put together power point. There are, like, five slides.
I have actually had the pleasure of meeting Shawn once for 2 hours in a drunken stupor,
in San Diego, during my mid-quarter life crisis. This was my blonde-hair stage; let’s just say
that. I must have made some kind of long-lasting impression because here we are.
I had no idea what he did outside of bar-backing, and bartending, but it turns out he is a
writer, and does PR work for adult entertainers. Needless to say, I have read every single one of
his stories, which he claims he doesn’t think anyone has conquered that feat. I can’t believe that
to be true because his posts are what I believe the epitome of good-writing looks like.
His favorite color is blue, which wasn’t too big of a surprise because his eyes are the
bluest eyes I’ve ever seen; they actually might be my new favorite color.
For my own personal benefit, I asked Shawn what his ideal date was. I was hoping he
would say ‘a midnight stroll with your enticing self’, yet I received the next best answer. I feel
obligated to share so you can see what kind of person we are dealing with, ‘The surest way to
never experience your ideal date is to list criteria for an ideal date. For me a great date would
involve spontaneity, novelty, and a partner in crime with a preference for saying yes. When I
share my fantasies, when I say I’ve always wanted to roller skate the board walk in ass shorts

3. and a fur vest, I want a woman who not only says “Me too,” but, “Let’s go do that right now.” I
want someone who pushes me to live a stranger life. I want a date that gives me a story I cannot
stop telling.’
Pick Me.
Getting a straight answer from Shawn Alff is an impossible task, which is one of the
many reasons that I have grown quite fond of him. I had emailed him the questions for this
“adoption” and in return got a well-written paper form of questions that was much better
articulated than I could ever dream of doing, so I will be using some of my alterations and much
(very much) of his wording, because this man may be an over-analytical litterateur, but he is
damn good.
I just want to make sure I give him his due diligence in the way he is portrayed.
I began with all of the questions that were specifically meant to be asked and, then,
naturally added some of my own because, I am in love with this mystical sunfish and I am trying
to figure out how to gain the upper-hand. I began with the question: ‘How long have you been
writing’, then so on and so forth, and of course, I received over five pages of content, so I will
tell it like a story:
He began his journey of writing in 2005. He had just completed his undergraduate in
English, mainly due to his anything but, successful attempts to enter the film department. These
attempts, though, fueled his complete devotion to writing. This was a very questionable
approach due to his dyslexia, and his less than promising standings in English, though this was
primarily due to his over-analytical approach to reading, and grammar was trivial.
However, he has always had a love for storytelling, and the stories themselves. These
stories made him feel that he was not the only one that felt that way, or viewed things in the

4. same way. This seemed a much better fit than filmmaking for him. The only talent required, to
him as a writer, was the ability to sit for hours on end, alone, with nothing but his thoughts to
keep him company, while he slammed his fingers against the keyboard.
When he had completed his undergraduate, he moved to the ‘sticks’ just outside of
Austin, Texas, where he lived in a garage apartment of the advisor that had convinced him,
imprudently, to get into writing.
Between chores, reading, feeding chickens, going for long runs through the empty
pastoral roads, he spent eight hours a day, unaccompanied, writing. He did this for the better
part of two years.
Two years later, he completed a book that he entitled, The Great American Failure. He
knew the book was dreadful, yet he knew had to complete it; he owed himself that much. More
importantly, he needed to see what would come of this ambitious, four-year catastrophe; would it
convince him to leave writing like a practical person, or would he truly become a writer.
Shawn kept writing. He, even, used some of those stories from the book to get into the
graduate writing program at the University of South Florida.
Around that time he had his first editorial position in Tampa’s alternatively weekly newspaper,
Creative Loafing, as the Sex and Love Editor, in May of 2008. This came after his first piece of
work was published by the same paper in August of 2006.
He began writing because he doesn’t have a simple answer to a simple question. He
claims the reasons are truly endless, yet most of them are completely embarrassing. At the
beginning he wanted people to see him as a novelist. He blame this on the disproportionate
numbers of films about writers—written by writers wanting to make the craft seem more badass,
and more lucrative, than it is.

5. He wanted to gain the same admiration that he had for ‘real’ writers. Through his work, he has
come in to contact with many theories that claim that creative displays, like writing, are simply a
way of attracting a potential mate. In some ways, ‘-our brains are like peacock feathers, in
seeking to be creative, we search for ways to put our intelligence on display, to show potential
partners our mental versatility.’
Needless to say it would be a total lie to say a vast part of his writing was to gain attention from
the ladies, ‘the same way kids start playing the guitar after seeing fans throw their bras at rock
stars, or the kid who focuses on painting after his cute art teacher held up his early efforts for his
classmates to admire.’
Shawn believes that this creative urge is, in many ways, a sexual urge. ‘It is a need to create
something bigger, something more than himself, to leave a legacy behind, to make him feel
connected, to make him feel like his life meant something, in the same way having children
fulfills the need for others’. He believes that writing is a cliché form of self-therapy, which I
have found true for myself as well. He says that he writes about his past in order to understand is
true self, and to help shape the imminent years ahead. He believes that this rewriting and editing
stories about his past, means that he is somehow rewriting and editing himself.
Shawn, also, wanted to be a writer in as a way to force him to live a more audacious
lifestyle, which it has. He says, ‘most of the best decisions I’ve ever made were by reminding
myself that, if nothing else, this will make for a good story.’
He claims that writing is his retirement plan. He wrote, ‘even if I end up broke, and alone, I
smile thinking of myself as an old man in a dimly lit room, hunched over a keyboard, rewriting
and reliving my life with a crazed, wrinkled smile.’

6. Shawn’s growth in his writing has changed, in the aspects of his style. He used to try to
replicate Hemingway and Cormac McCarthy. It wasn’t until he started writing for the alternative
weekly news outlet, and blogging, that he noticed a change in his work.
He began to embrace his insecurities and put them on display for his readers to enjoy, and
relate to. He emphasized his every terror and ‘let his hair down’ in his voyages of fantasy.
He had found that others enjoyed his work, even laughed, which reinforced his change in style.
That being said, writing for his online audience hasn’t changed his style as much as he thinks it
should. He still composes 2,000+ word stories, which he believes are about 1,500 words too
many for online readers. He is infatuated with writing for the pureness of it, anything beyond
writing that goes into high-traffic blogging; he loathes.
The purpose of his blog now is just a gateway for readers to find his work. He is, also,
using it for a place that he can post chapters from the two books he is working on at the moment.
He uses the positive reinforcement that he receives from his readers, as an anchor to continue on
to the next portion of the novel. He says right now the blog is mainly utilized as a way to keep
record of his writing and a way to keep him accountable. It’s also, a place to point editors and
agents they need evidence of his work.
Shawn used to blog around 30 hours a week for Creative Loafing, Tampa’s alternative
weekly paper. As previously stated he was the ‘Sex and Love’ editor, where he was earning
twice the minimum wage. He realized the paper was dying, right along with the print industry.
The company went bankrupt. He explained that the salary writers were being laid off and being
replaced with bloggers, who were writing stories for $20 a post. He began to work at a bar to
supplement his income. He used those relationships he made through the bar industry to move to
San Diego. The bar gig has now become a primary source of income to fuel his writing

7. addiction. Through his work as the ‘Sex and Love’ editor, he now does Public Relations part-
time for several adult entertainers. This involves some writing, though this is the ‘fluff and type
of writing he loathes.’ He does make money to blog for various adult websites. His blog is
called Literary Smut Peddler. Some of his posts are considered ‘throw away’ interviews, while
the others were longer pieces that blended humor, literature, and the base appeal of porn. These
stories are created through behind the scene work, that take him on the lesser side of 40 hours; all
including driving through LA traffic, spending all day on the set, editing pictures, taking tedious
notes, writing, rewriting, more editing, more writing, then formatting for the blog. For these
posts he makes $20. He says, ‘if you are looking for an easy pay check, you are better off
writing for yourself and working for someone else.’ His blog normally hits around 40 views a
day, unless he writes about a well-known porn star, which will then attract around 100 views.
He roughly has about 2,000 views a month. When asking about his geographical ‘hits’ for his
blog he says, ‘I know there is a way to figure this out, but I don’t really care. I don’t know how
knowing this statistic would positively influence my blog, other than maybe pushing me to
interview an Australian porn star, or to wonder why the hell people in China want to know so
much about musical vibrators.’
The things Shawn enjoys most about writing is the life experiences he gains from the
writing itself, such as the time he spent a summer in Hawaii, homeless, and holding a boom mic
on the set of a porno orgy. Surpassing that, his favorite part is someone reading is work, and
telling him they enjoyed it, or that it made them laugh. He has been solely motivated by the
validation he gets from his pieces. He, also, enjoys when someone reads one of his pieces on sex
or relationships, and then opens up to him about those late-night secrets. To him, this means that
something in his work has resonated true for them, and that they can trust him as a

8. compassionate listener. The writing is not always the most enjoyable part though, for him.
Writing is tough. You wrestle through it. But the fight is what makes the end of it so
meaningful. ‘Writing is like mountain climbing. Mountain climbing is brutal work. Then, after
you struggle all the way to the top, you enjoy the view for a moment or two, smile, and then head
down to make plans to start conquering another mountain.’ He would say that the general
tediousness that goes with writing is his least enjoyable part of writing. He’s frustration grows
when people say that they admire him as a writer, but have never taken the time to actually read
any of his work; or when they wish they could do what he does, and still, have not read his
material. He, also, doesn’t enjoy all the non-writing aspects of online writing such as the
electronic manhandling, the pitching, and most antagonizing part; the anticipation of hearing
back from an agent or editor who doesn’t feel like his email justifies a response.
Shawn’s advice he gave me would resonate true for all writers.
“My main suggestion would be to know why you are writing a blog. If you are simply writing to
fulfill a class requirement then, simply do the bare minimum you need to get the grade you want,
then, focus your free time on something that is of more value to you. If you just want more traffic,
post more pictures of yourself, post all over social media, read books on SEO—basically focus
on everything except writing. If you don’t want to make your family uncomfortable, write about
how perfect your life is as opposed to how your father hustles free tickets to basketball games by
loitering outside the stadium and pretending to be poor. If you’re goal is therapy, then simply
write whatever comes to mind with no regard for how it comes out. Knowing why you are writing
will shape what and how you write.”
Shawn Alff has helped my writing more than he will ever know. His writing is so pure,
and his exposure is very real. It has helped me become a candid writer. All of the trivial

9. nonsense of school papers has been anything but gratifying, except this paper. I feel that is true
due to my desire of writing about things I enjoy, and this subject, I do enjoy. So, thank you,
Shawn Alff for helping me recognize my passion that comforts me during my lowest lows,
heightens me to be a better person, and actually not be afraid to say, “Yes, Me Too. Let’s Go.”