Welcome to Fresh Off the Synapse! My weekly wrap up of my favorite jokes and commentary! Sometimes the jokes write themselves and when they don't I do. @LeighannLord || VeryFunnyLady.com

1. January 27-31, 2014
Fresh Off the Synapse
@LeighannLord || VeryFunnyLady.com

2. The fastest growing
need for food stamps
is among workers
who went to college.
So much for giving it
the old college try.
Fresh Off the Synapse
@LeighannLord || VeryFunnyLady.com

3. Scientists have discovered that
the The Grand Canyon
is 64 million years old
not 70 million;
probably due to diet, exercise,
and a great moisturizer.
Fresh Off the Synapse
@LeighannLord || VeryFunnyLady.com

4. Consumer confidence
in the U.S. climbs to
a five-month high.
I think the
operative word is high.
Was this survey done in
Colorado?
Fresh Off the Synapse
@LeighannLord || VeryFunnyLady.com

5. I saw two FBI Hazmat officers
in Dunkin Donuts.
They were drinking coffee
and claimed they came in
just to get warm
but now I'm suspicious.
#whatsinthecoffee
Fresh Off the Synapse
@LeighannLord || VeryFunnyLady.com

6. Breaking News:
Feds investigating
Target breach!
Translation:
Agents are shopping
on their lunch break.
Will call if things feel fishy.
Fresh Off the Synapse
@LeighannLord || VeryFunnyLady.com

7. Rutgers University
is teaching a class called
Politicizing Beyoncé.
I don't think I'm ready
for that jelly.
Fresh Off the Synapse
@LeighannLord || VeryFunnyLady.com

8. Capitol Police say no charges
will be filed against
Rep. Michael Grimm., R-NY,
after his confrontation
with a NY1 reporter.
So politicians are allowed to
defend themselves against
reporters armed with questions.
Fresh Off the Synapse
@LeighannLord || VeryFunnyLady.com

9. For reasons unknown,
the Boston area is seeing
the largest influx of snowy owls
ever recorded.
Hogwarts field trip?
Fresh Off the Synapse
@LeighannLord || VeryFunnyLady.com