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Amber Madison - Masculinity

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Amber Madison presented as part of a panel discussion on masculinity and men's sexual health at the 2016 National Coalition for Sexual Health annual meeting.

Publié dans : Santé & Médecine
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Amber Madison - Masculinity

  1. 1. A Primer
  2. 2. What it means to “be a man” • Don’t be a “woman.” (Woman = emotional being who needs relationships.) • Don’t have feelings, emotions, or need relationships, that’s girly/gay. • Be tough, don’t “take shit,” and have power. • Don’t show weakness, fear, vulnerability. • Physically: be athletic, muscular, tall. • Romantically, don’t want relationships and live for sex ALL THE TIME.
  3. 3. Descriptive This is how you naturally are. Prescriptive This is how you should be.
  4. 4. Where These Standards Come From and How They’re Enforced • Blue or Pink? • Kids text books/Parents. • Other kids: “don’t be a pussy”/ “man up.” • Media: men’s magazines, advertisements, shows like Jackass.
  5. 5. The Impact of “Being a Man” Being constrained to the male gender role is associated with: Family Problems Emotional Distress Anger Management Issues Loneliness Heart disease Alzheimer’s Cancer Adherence to male gender norms exacerbates risk of depression and suicide.
  6. 6. The Impact of “Being a Man” on Sexuality  Boys feel pressure to have sex even in risky situations.  The stigma around boys’ emotional vulnerability interferes with friendships and romantic relationships.  More masculinity=more sex partners, more unprotected vaginal sex, less self-efficacy and consistency with condom use.
  7. 7. Masculinity: It Doesn’t Have to Be This Way  Amy Schalet: Dutch encourage boys to see love and sex as intertwined. Result, Dutch boys acknowledge being interested in relationships as well as sex.  Amy Schalet: American boys and men want romantic relationships and they want more information about relationships.
  8. 8. I’m Amber Madison Therapist, Author, and Gender Expert Author of: Are All Guys Assholes? @AmberMadi
  9. 9. What do guys say about sex, love, and dating?
  10. 10. Are All Guys Assholes? Research • Over 1,000 guys in 10 U.S. Cities. • All heterosexual. • Ages 20-40. • Mixed races/ethnicities. • Variety of professions. • Mix of anonymous surveys and interviews/conversations.
  11. 11. “We believe that men should always want sex and never turn it down. Over 100 studies in the past 20 years continue to show this as well as the fact that our cultural expectation is for men to take a non-relationship approach to sexuality—basically, have sex void of any emotion.” -Ron Levant, Ed.D
  12. 12.  No guys thought they were like “most guys,” and yet STILL thought most guys were “guys.”  Most guys would front “like a man” and then act like themselves—i.e. like feeling thinking humans who care about a lot more than sex. The Power of “The Masculinity Mask”
  13. 13. What Do Men Really Want? Primary Interest in Women Relationship (73%) Short Term Relationship (18%) Sex (8%) Impress Friends (1%)
  14. 14. Other Snapshots of What Men Think About Dating and Relationships • 99% Want to be in a relationship if the “right girl came along.” • On a scale from 1-10 of nervousness, guys on average feel a 4 before a first date. • 86% of all guys and 96% of guys in serious relationships said their girlfriend was as big (if not bigger) priority over their friends. • 1/3 guys don’t want to say “I love you” first. • Other studies: men fall in love faster, fall out of love harder.
  15. 15. Where Things Got Screwy Guys and Sex  44% of guys said they’d take a girl on a few dates, text her frequently and fake an interest in her life just for sex.  87% believe “most guys” would lie about relationship intentions to have sex with a girl.  35% said they’d lie about their relationship intentions in order to have sex.  Male norm=convince women to have sex.  Many guys expressed distaste with having one night stands—not one guy acknowledged the active role they played in the process.
  16. 16. The Interaction of Masculinity, Men, and Sex Decisions men make about sex and dating What men are “supposed” to want What men are “supposed” to want What men actually want What men actually want What men are told they want What men are told they want
  17. 17.  Guys feel pressure from other guys AND girls to be “guys.”  Many guys know they don’t fit into typical standards of masculinity, even if that’s not something they talk about regularly.  Guys weren’t telling me “what I wanted to hear,” I was telling guys what they wanted to hear. Final Take Aways
  18. 18. I’m Amber Madison Therapist, Author, and Gender Expert Author of: Are All Guys Assholes? @AmberMadi
  19. 19. Place your screenshot here Understanding The Scene How The Media Talks to Men
  20. 20. Communication Tips  Sell out.  Be willing to communicate ½ your message.  Wrap the message in bacon/bro.  Notice assumptions made in questions being asked/scenarios being posed.  Bring up the questions that aren’t being asked.

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