How to build your own resilience and the resilience of your team.
slides accompanying the Rowan workshop and talk on Building Resilience, available inhouse or as a speaker.
2. Rowan enables people to lead more
satisfying lives,
by working in partnership with them
to increase self-awareness, knowledge and
skills
benefitting individuals, relationships, teams,
workplaces and society
3. • Coaching
• Counselling: adults, young
people, couples, families
• Training in interpersonal skills
• Workplace mediation
• Team facilitation
5. How do you support yourself
when times are tough?
6.
7.
8. Resilience is very different from being
numb.
Resilience means you experience, you
feel, you hurt, you fall.
But, you recover, bounce back and
keep going, sometimes bearing the
wounds.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13. Some people are
more naturally
resilient than
others,
but resilience is a
quality that can be
learnt and
developed,
whatever your
stage in life or
personal situation.
21. How Fragile Goose thinks
• Personalises
• Blames
• Catastrophises
• Generalises
• Sees problems as:
– permanent, pervasive and unsolvable
22. How Resilient Puffle thinks
• Places responsibility where it
realistically belongs, if anywhere- not
just me
• View difficulties as:
• temporary
• specific
• solvable
23. How to build resilient thinking
• Notice your thinking patterns
• Consider alternative ways of thinking
about the event
• Ask a (rational) friend to help.
30. Action Plan
• S
• M
• A
• R
• T
• E
Specific
Measurable
Agreed
Realistic
Timescale
Exciting
31. Action Plan Questions
•When are you going to do it?
•What might stop you?
•What is your back-up plan?
•What support do you need?
•How will you celebrate?
32. Join the Rowan conversations
www.facebook.com/RowanConsultancy
@Rowan_Rachel
39. Work relationships which
support our resilience
• Inclusive, friendly, interested
• Collaborative
• Having at least one confidant
• Warmth, humour and positive
emotion
40. How to strengthen work
relationships
• Look for small moments of
connection
• Appreciate each other
• Enjoy other’s good news
41. Active Constructive
Enthusiastic
Ask for details
warmth
Active Destructive
Quash event
Belittle it
Dismiss it
Passive Constructive
Quiet interest
Low energy support
Passive Destructive
Ignore
Change focus to yourself or someone
else
42. Put your own oxygen mask on first,
before assisting others
43.
44. Mental Health Awareness
Perth, May 13th OR online June 11th
Manager as Coach
Perth, Nov 26 & Dec 10
Mediation Skills
Perth, Sept 23 & 24
Perth, April 26th & 27th
www.menopausecafe.net
45. What will I do this week to make my
workplace more resilient?
46. Join the Rowan conversations
www.facebook.com/RowanConsultancy
@Rowan_Rachel
Editor's Notes
Introduce ourselves
When/how we became interested in resilience
Reminder of session 2 date
Working agreement on flipchart: confidential, all have something to learn and something to teach, aim for understanding not agreement, no shame or judgement, gizmos on silent
Our intentions- not to make you feel guilty or lacking, just notice negative thoughts if they come.. Can’t stop you feeling what you feel
Counselling service for Abertay
Effective communication workshop
Positive side effect- meeting a range of people from your workplace
In a moment- we will stand up, move around, keep moving, then stop and pair up with someone you don’t know v well
Whilst they talk- put up what we’ll cover today on flipchart sheet
Move around again- someone else
Some of you will have had a think about this already
3-4 answers from group-still standing
Tree metaphor for human spirit
Life happens- storms and wind come
Trees do bend with the wind but hopefully don’t break- if they have deep roots
Like trees we need storms/challenges to strengthen our resilience
Individuals have different ways of building resilience
Syria architects
e.g. from Action Aid leaflet- Born with an inner strength
Hurricane Matthew
‘I stayed awake the entire night trying to stay updated and keeping in touch… the wind was so strong that my sister in law rushed from her room to mine. We lay on the bed and every time the wind blew we embraced one another tightly. The wind blew harder, the house shook faster and we knew we had to evacuate.’ ‘ I started looking around and it made me realise I was not the only one in this awful situation. That gave me the strength to collect myself… I urged people to share with one another… a little soap, rehydration tablets… by doing so we not only protect our neighbours, we also protect ourselves..’
P Harry
As the bark grows over a damaged tree- you still see the mark
And we retain or regain our sense of wellbeing despite negative events, emerging stronger and more confident
Who’s this?
Why are we mentioning him?
Life is like a box of chocolates..
Only 2 options-
Act upon the world to change the problem OR act upon yourself and change your response
Epictetus ( Stoic philosopher)
How can a stoic stay calm and mentally strong in the midst of uncertainty and oppression?
Not in our control: reputation, job, parents, friends, co-workers, boss, weather, economy, past, future, our health (to some extent)
In our control: our beliefs- this small window is the basis for human autonomy and sovereignty. We have the power to choose our response, even in situations we have little control over
Acceptance- (STOICS)- = ‘Taking what is offered’- not ‘Putting up with everything’
Serenity prayer- ‘ God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference
Mum with MS- bereavement
Marriage failed, Single parent, jobless, poor, - 7 years after graduating ‘ I was the biggest failure I knew’
Failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy to finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one area where I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter, and a big idea. And so rock bottom became a solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. – J. K. Rowling, "The fringe benefits of failure", 2008.
temperament- inbuilt
Learnable skills
Brain plasticity
A variety of ways to develop our resilience- some suit some people- some suit others
As with happiness, resilience has a genetic component- together with early experience- amounts to around 50% of variation- set range
Set range varies from person to person-
Circumstances- job, married, religion, social class, sleep well
Voluntary- what we’ll look at today!
Person next to you
Could be yourself
Write on post –it
When you’ve come up with something- stick it up!
Within the centre are things we can work on as individuals- what’s easiest for you?
Expenditure of energy
One of quickest and most effective ways of improving mood- as effective as medication for depression and longer-lasting
‘NOT exercising is like taking depressants’
But an exercise habit is hard to get- we focus on the beginning discomfort and not how good we feel after
Habit formation- Better than Before
Quiz- 4 types
Which one are you?
Upholder-obey rules, meet self-imposed deadlines, follow NY resolutions
Obliger- people turn to me for help- they know I will, I never keep NY resolutions, I’ll do something to be a good role model but not for myself
Questioner- NY? Jan 1 is an arbitrary date- I need to make well reasoned decisions, always ask why?
Rebel- I wont cage myself in, I have the impulse to refuse requests, I enjoy a challenge on MY terms
STOP technique- handout- let’s have ago
Wonderwoman Ted talk
Fake it till you make it
Change posture for 2 mins- has a powerful effect on how we feel about ourselves
Esp useful in situations where you’re being evaluated
On their own- option to share
Emotional management-
Works well- expend energy, PEP talk, relaxation, meditation, music, distraction, FLOW, nature, social interaction
Not so well- avoidance, drugs, food alcohol, passive ( TV), time alone unless
PROPS
Changing thinking patterns works if you’re relaxed physically
The trick is to start NOTICING how you’re thinking
While I’m talking think of some personal e.g.s
Dinner with people I didn’t know well- my meal went wrong, my conversation wasn’t sparkling…
OR blames someone else-people usually do one or the other
Notice when you catastrophise and generalise- ‘that’s ruined the day..’
Turn to the person next to you- and come up with an example form any point in your life when you’ve thought in one of these ways
Other people have been through this..
They may like me anyway
Can you rethink your example when you thought like fragile goose – how would puffle think? With same person next to you
This is your teaching opportunity- to help others.
Conscious disputing
What’s the evidence?
Is there an alternative explanation?
are there hidden benefits?
What’s going to be useful/helpful to me?
Challenge yourself out of your comfort zone, in a safe way
My e.g. public speaking- from avoidance- eventually- to enjoyment
Future challenges become less daunting
3 blessings or 3 good things exercise
Lastingly increases happiness and decreases depression
Counteracts the natural tendency of our minds to jump to the negative
Think of 3 things that went well today, write them down, and your own part in them- can be small- ‘ I noticed that the sky was blue..’
One a week for 6 months, or daily for a week- don’t let it become a chore!
Eventually becomes a habit of mind
Remind them what we talked about
On handouts-
Think of today as a buffet we've laid out
For you, what’s is one thing, one action you’ll take from what we talked about today
: to stop doing, to start doing, to continue doing
Is it specific etc?
Can you agree it with someone else?
You need to want to do it
I invite you to share with someone-
Esp if you’re an obliger
If you like, tell us what you’re going to do
Action plan- how did you get on?
Can you learn from it even if you didn’t do it?
Stick up ground rules again
What we did last time and add for today
Resilience not just a quality of individuals, but of groups, teams, organisations, even towns, countries
We are social beings- we need each other and isolation- or perceived- damages mental and physical health
Connectedness- you belong, matter, are known, liked..
In 3’s or 4’s
Note on separate post it’s – attitudes, actions, words
Flip chart
Talk through what people have posted
Celebrate success..
At the beginning of meetings
At special times.. celebrations
A chance to express gratitude to each other- gratitude slideshow
Sets a positive tone to a challenging meeting
Why? Does it say something general and lasting about the person ( generous, thoughtful , friendly?) or team ( we stay positive, we have a laugh, we’re friendly, we solve problems well)
Lets have a go….
Not about being best friends with everyone- but is about having a friendly attitude, which creates a sense of belonging not isolation in a team or group- e.g. greet one another warmly, be welcoming to newcomers and visitors, make sure no-one is excluded from the main group, take a friendly interest in one another and notice if someone seems anxious or unhappy, notice when someone needs help and try to help them
…individuals and their lives matter
We know friendliness and interest are important- what are some of the reasons we don’t always practice them?
Collaboration on meaningful work brings about better results, builds our relationships, adds meaning to our working day- we need to look for opportunities to work with a range of colleagues
Don’t underestimate the power of positive emotion
Humour- human brains seem to be ‘pre-wired’ be evolution to laugh
humans suffer emotional pain in unbearable circumstances and laughter helps people to cope better at such times
humans need to live together in large groups, and humour helps to build relationships and offset the hostility that can develop so that we can live in relative peace with each other.
‘black’ humour can sometimes build resilience by creating a bit of distance
A confidant-a person we can be honest with, check things out with, who’s honest back, can offer us challenge when needed- is crucial in difficult times-provides emotional support and empathy, can help with reality checking/rational thinking- individual differences in how robust we want our confidant to be! Where to find?
Those micro moments when we feel genuinely ‘in tune’ with someone, build our openness, flexibility, meet our basic need to connect-Small fleeting but frequent moments of warmth and positivity with others ( whether we know them well or not) build our resilience over time- when we feel in tune, that we’ve shared an idea, a thought , a joke- these moments aren’t trivial and unimportant , but essential for our wellbeing- remember we’re hardwired to perceive threats, notice what’s wrong- we need to actively counteract that tendency – 3:1
Good news exercise,
Groups of 5, one person to share a genuine piece of good news they’ve had recently with the others in the group,
Others respond in these ways:
Active Constructive
Active destructive
Passive destructive
Passive Constructive
Only active constructive responding strengthens relationship over time