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Hilton Legacy 1

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Hilton Legacy 1

  1. 1. The Hilton Legacy Chapter 1
  2. 2. “Hey you tricked me! This is like, SO not the Playboy mansion!” What are you talking about Paris? It’s just…umm, a surprise party, yeah! You just showed up early, is all. “ZOMGREALLY?!!” No you dumb skank, it’s a legacy. “Lega-whaa?” Basically, you start with nothing, find some unsuspecting man to marry you, have kids, and die. And I get to torture you the entire time!
  3. 3. “UGHH, this is like totally not fair! Why are you doing this to me??!!” Well, since you never worked a day in your life, I’m gonna show you what it’s like to actually suffer. Just be happy this isn’t an apocalypse, alright? Now why don’t you have a look at your living arrangements, mmkay?
  4. 4. “Uh, like, that’s totally a craphole. And the bathroom’s outside, eww!” Oh shut up, be thankful you even have a roof, which I had to build cause of Seasons. Although it is tempting to let you die of freezing or lightning or whatever. At least I got you a custom bed, even if you don’t deserve it.(Actually, it was the cheapest one and has the lowest possible comfort but shhh!)
  5. 5. Now go greet the paper girl so I can get your stupid aspiration meter up. “Hi, paper girl. Do you like, know who I am?” “Umm…you’re a legacy founder right? Word of advice, you seem like a @#%!* so you better do something about that ‘tude of yours otherwise the creator’s gonna boolprop a horrible death for you.” Oh come on paper girl. Death would be too quick and easy. I’ll save that for future generations.
  6. 6. In case you were wondering, Paris is a popularity sim, her personality’s a Leo 4/10/4/4/3, and she wants 5 top level businesses. HAHAHA not happening. I can’t get one business to level 10 let alone 5, and I don’t feel like it. Gee Paris, you just couldn’t have wanted to become a Professional Party Guest or something doable like that. “Ugh, that’s like not even in the paper right now. Anyway I don’t want a j-” Military it is, then. “Whaa?? There’s no freaking way you’re gonna make me wear that ugly camo outfit!” Well out of the other two options it pays the most, so if you want an upgrade on your shack anytime soon, you better start learning your drills missy.
  7. 7. And so, we begin jumping rope, the best free way to boost fun and gain body points. “OMG hi! I think I’ve seen you before are you like, famous or something?” “Oooh you’re a cutie! But like, what’s that thing above your head?” “Oh that. Just my floating rubber nipple. It’s a great conversation starter for parties.” Whatever, just drop off your comp and get your special NPC butt out of here so I can get some cash.
  8. 8. *cue the welcome wagon* Usually I ignore these goofballs and let them aimlessly wander the lot and ring the doorbell incessantly, but alas, we are in need of some victi…friends, that is. “Mmm…is Brandi looking fine or what.” I don’t know Darren, considering her late husband’s pool ladder “accident”, you’d probably be better off in Cassandra’s friendzone.
  9. 9. Friend fodder #1: Checo Ramirez “Hola senorita, me llamo Checo, and may I say you are quite caliente.” “Um sorry, I like don’t speak Burrito or however people like you talk, but like, I want friends, you wanna be my friend?” “Boobiessss…….uh yes yes fantastico.”
  10. 10. 8 hours later… Sitting on the john while perving on a shameless hussy taking a shower in her outhouse. That’s totally not creepy at all Checo.
  11. 11. Today Paris begins her first day on the job in the armed forces. Today the Sim Army will truly realize the meaning of the word ‘suffering’. “They’ll suffer? Lady, I’m like, a walking fashion disaster. You CANNOT suffer more than that.” Yeah, yeah, hurry on back with a promotion.
  12. 12. After work we begin our husband-hunt. And since I didn’t add a Downtown yet, we head over to Bluewater village. At our first stop, Club Dante, the selection of eligible males was severely limited, one of which was a playable and the other one was an Afro-Headed-Overalls-Wearing- Dork. “So like, are you friends with that Rod Humble guy? Are you in like, some Rubber Nipple On Top Of The Head club?” “Umm…no? What are you talking about?” Malcolm Landgraab: OMG she knows! The secrets of the Floating Nipple Society are in jeopardy! Okay moving on….
  13. 13. “Mmm…Afro-Headed-Overalls-Wearing-Dork is so hawt! <3 <3 <3” Forget it, honey. I want recessive genes, so blondes and redheads only.
  14. 14. She thinks he’s hot stuff, yet this is what happens when he tries to admire her. “Like, how dare you try to admire me! Try getting a haircut, a new wardrobe, and a nose job, loser!” “Damn, that chick’s a total @#%&!.” Don’t I know it dude.
  15. 15. Wallowing in angst over his rejected admiration, Afro-Dude takes a seat at the bar and contemplates the intimate workings of life itself. “If I can get some service around here, that’d be great. Any day now…” Clearly Malcolm Landgraab doesn’t get paid enough for his bartending job. Since he’d rather listen to Paris talk about how she’s a great kisser or whatever than work. Why does he even need to work?
  16. 16. We then venture into J’adore Bakery, where I found this guy but he and Paris had zero chemistry. “Let’s see, do I want a whole cake or a slice? Eternally sit on the couch and never get a girlfriend or buy those speedos I wanted for ages and feel good about myself that I made a healthy choice. Decisions, decisions….”
  17. 17. After several more fruitless endeavors, I decided I was too lazy to keep on searching, and time’s a ticking, so I invite Malcolm over. No, I will not marry him in, that’s cheating. What’s not cheating is have Paris make babies with him. At least, I hope it’s not.
  18. 18. They only had one bolt for each other, which made it literally impossible to do any romantic interactions, but I had Paris change into formal wear and it went up to two. “Doesn’t that feel good, Malcolm? Like, it must be so stressful having lots of money.” “Mmm baby you have no idea.” She really doesn’t. When I opened his lot I found out Malcolm only has about 28,000 simoleons. That’s a huge bank account you got there Malcolm. *snort*
  19. 19. He wouldn’t let Paris do anything to him but this is how he says goodbye. Real classy, Malcolm.
  20. 20. Of course, what’s the most sensible thing to do after such a lovely evening? Invite the guy the next morning for some hot tub woohoo! “You know, I heard some nasty things about you Paris. Some people would even say you’re a train wreck. But I can see you’re definitely not like that.” “Hahaha, don’t be silly Malkie. Who said that, Lindsay Lohan? Don’t listen to her, she’s like, totally jealous of me. Actually, everyone is totally jealous of me, since they can’t be as hot and fabulous as I am.” *pukes*
  21. 21. I tried countless times to get them to woohoo in the hot tub, but for whatever reason Malcolm kept getting out and screaming cause Paris is naked. Must have been a stupid glitch, but now we’re all good, so I assume you don’t need a narration to guess what happens next.
  22. 22. The Spongebob Narrator’s Voice: 4 hours later…. HEY! Wolf dude! It is so not cool to dig holes on our property and leave before we can initiate any interaction with you. That’s just rude.
  23. 23. “Ughh, why are you making me clean up what that mutt did. Girls who wear four hundred dollar six inch heels do NOT just go and dig up holes!”
  24. 24. They do get pregnant, apparently. “P-pregnant? Like, no way! It was probably, like, bad sushi or something.” You can’t fool me. There’s no such thing as sushi in Sim World. And this isn’t TS3 World Adventures where you can go travel somewhere to Asia and eat sushi(but how would I know I never played TS3).
  25. 25. And the bun’s in the oven! Hooray! Be glad you don’t have to wear those fugly maternity clothes. “I still, totally do not want any babies.” Well too bad for you, there’s no abortion option in the game, so you’ll just have to SUFFER! Muahahaha!
  26. 26. *BADUMP* “ZOMG I’M FAT!!! Malcolm doesn’t like fat girls!” Good cause you’re not marrying him anyway.
  27. 27. “Why, hello there! Aren’t you two looking adorable today! Oh yes you are, yes you are!” “Uh, Oliver, like, you can’t even see its face…” Paris, I don’t think he’s talking about the-you know what, never mind.
  28. 28. WOAH, hold up! I did NOT mean for that to happen. Paris wanted to dance with someone, and I didn’t think that the Classic Dance would make you develop a crush on your partner. Are you sure Popularity is the correct aspiration for you, Paris? *snort* “Hey, he’s cute! In like a, totally dorky way, teehee.” Well I guarantee you won’t be giggling in the next slide…
  29. 29. “WAHHHH!!!!! THIS SUCKSSSS!!!!!!” Whatever, hurry up and pop the kid out. “AAAAGHHHH YOU @#$$%!”
  30. 30. And thus, Adam was brought into the sim world. He’s a cutie now, like every other sim baby, let’s hope he stays that way when he grows up. “I know right, he’s totally cute! Aww, and he has my eyes too.” Well I should expect he does, since they are custom. I’m not gonna go for a specific naming theme in this legacy, but I’ll basically be going in alphabetical order, so that hopefully I’ll get to letter Z by the 10th generation.
  31. 31. Hey look, I upgraded the shack! Now we have carpets! And painted walls! My, what a luxurious life we live!
  32. 32. So after that business is taken care of, it was time to produce a spare. “Ohhh Malkie, that was fantastic…” Hope you savored every second of it, because after today you two are never woohooing again. “Hey, that’s no fair!” Real life’s not fair, why should sim life be any different. But don’t panic, he’ll still be around to increase the party score and other aspirational needs.
  33. 33. Gee, it must be pretty painful having your head contorted sideways like that. Close your mouth Adam, you’ll catch flies. Or stink clouds, most likely.
  34. 34. “So, like, welcome to the family Checo! Now go call the taxi, ‘kay?” We were in need of money, so I decided to move some friends in and plunder their savings, but Checo only had about $2000 or so. I was sure he had more than that! *grumble*
  35. 35. Thanks for being practically no help whatsoever Checo. Now buh-bye.
  36. 36. Next up is Oliver, who also doesn’t have a lot of in his bank account but you know what he does have?
  37. 37. Yes, creativity points! Enough to paint a portrait of our lovely founder. You don’t need any creativity for the military track, so I don’t see a need for Paris to build that skill. Besides, she’s not Knowledge so it’s not like she gives a crap about skilling anyway.
  38. 38. Tucker, stop harassing the baby! I’ll let you sic him when he grows up if he ends up rolling Knowledge, heh heh.
  39. 39. Time for the bag of barf to grow up. Parties are a must for popularity sims, but I could only invite 2 people, and I didn’t want to invite Paris’ crush, and Checo was still in the sim bin so I couldn’t call him up. Seems like a happening party crowd, am I right?
  40. 40. PARIS! Don’t go grabbing the frickin cake! He’s not grown up yet! “He was like, taking too long. I wanted cake!” Sigh, this is just one example of Paris’ ‘superb’ parenting skills.
  41. 41. So I had to cheat to get her to twirl the guy, so let’s see how the genetics unravel. And….
  42. 42. *BAM* He looks cute from this angle, but has freakishly hairy eyebrows. A trip to the mirror is in order.
  43. 43. Yes, that is much better. As for stats, he is a Leo like his mommy, 7/10/5/8/5, but he’s neater, nicer, and less lazier than Paris. Pretty balanced for the most part, that’s always good. Paris, I’d say you seem rather content. “Yeah well, he’s like, so adorable. Thanks to my hawt genes.” About that…there’s a slight problem…
  44. 44. “WAHHH Me have winkles under eyes!!!” Yes, his eyes didn’t grow into his face properly. I’m guessing it’s because of the custom skin, so I hope he’ll look better when he grows up.
  45. 45. YES thank you, Ms. Matchmaker! Looks like her constant phone calls were worth something after all. Seriously, she called every single day. Thought for a while she was Marsha Bruenig in disguise, hahaha.
  46. 46. *Yawn* “Great, right when I was in the middle of a Days of Our Sims episode. Even after hours, the job never ends.” Oh come on, can’t be that bad Genie. Look how shiny the lamp you live in is.
  47. 47. “Like, hellooo? It’s really hard to see with this sparkly stuff coming out of your butt. Do you even have a butt? Is it like, invisible? Are your sparkly things like, farts or something?” “Did I seriously get summoned by Paris Hilton? I SO don’t get paid enough. That is, if I actually got paid for this.”
  48. 48. MOAR MONEY HOORAY!!! This is pretty much the only thing I wish for when I get the lamp. I love how the money bag drops basically every 10 seconds after you use up your three wishes.
  49. 49. Life progresses, Adam skill builds. When he’s not crying. Or pooping. Or starving and passing out whenever the nanny’s here.
  50. 50. And learns how to use the potty!(and to talk, but I’m not wasting slides to take a pic of a kid with the talk bubble thing above his head. Raising toddlers is a heinous job as it is) “Okay, great, he knows how to use the can. Can I like, go now?” Like I said before, Paris is a sucky parent, no surprise there. *snort* In fact, she hasn’t rolled a single want involving Adam. Only to make friends and buy a car. Hah, I’m not wasting our “hard-earned” cash on a transportation device when there’s a Walk option.
  51. 51. ZOMGANOTHERBIRTHDAY!!!! Gee, they grow up so fast. A blink of an eye and they’re all grown up. It really is truly riveting-okay Paris stop thinking about yourself and twirl dammit!
  52. 52. “Wow! I’m a big kid now!” And you’re weird-looking. Especially with that mug. “Heyy, that’s not very nice, creator-person.” Well you do. And your custom hair disappeared. Visit the mirror, then talk to me.
  53. 53. You two! Commence raising the party score, stat. I almost feel bad for not allowing them to get engaged. Well, for Malcolm at least, since it was in his panel when I visited his lot. Sorry dude, but that’s how the cookie crumbles. You playables just never get a chance in the legacy business.
  54. 54. Doesn’t Adam just look thrilled after his makeover. “Lady, you gave me these dorky glasses and argyle sweater. I don’t wanna look like a geek.” Hey, I have to somehow cover up your eye anomalies. I’ll get rid of them when you turn to teen, promise. Though you may aspire to become a “geek” someday(even though he really is too playful to be a knowledge sim, it’s better than rolling romance).
  55. 55. “AHHH CREATOR LADY THAT IS LIKE, TOTALLY INTERESTING BUT AGHHHHH BABYYYYY!!!!” I didn’t mention it before, but yeah Paris is preggers. It was sorta hard to tell cause of the clothing mesh.
  56. 56. Another boy! Meet Brad. Here’s hoping we won’t have a case of first born syndrome.
  57. 57. “So uh, you’re my dad, right? You and mom played a lot of baseball right? She’s always talking about how good you were during second base, third base, apparently you made really good home-runs..” “Uhh kid…I think you’re missing the point here.” I really hope we don’t have a budding romancer here.
  58. 58. “So keep an eye out on your mom, okay Adam? She can be quite the train wreck.” Malcolm loves talking about trains. Seriously, he talks to everyone he meets about trains, I wonder why that is….LOL.
  59. 59. “Blech, dad! You really stink. Don’t you have a shower at that fancy schmancy house of yours?” “Son, I don’t have enough neat points to care about hygiene. Besides, it’s not that bad, it’s like my own signature scent.” Yeah, he only has two neat points. Paris has four. Thankfully there’s at least one clean sim in the house.
  60. 60. Guess who Paris brought home from work? It’s Afro guy, that dude from the club who tried to admire her but got shot down, even though she secretly thought he was hot stuff. His name’s Jeff by the way. Jeff SomeDifficultToSpellLastName. Who happens to be an army man. Small world huh?
  61. 61. Yes, another crush. I’m only doing this because it’s faster to make friends if you use romantic interactions. Paris doesn’t mind though. Are you really a popularity sim Paris? “Teehee, he’s like, so cute when he’s crushing on me.”
  62. 62. “Whew, I love me a hot woman in uniform.” Seems like every male I’ve encountered is enamored with Paris. I have yet to see someone throw up at the sight of her, which is kinda pathetic. Are any sims Paris haters??
  63. 63. This probably wasn’t the best idea, but I didn’t want to have too many crushes. Oh well. What’s done is done.
  64. 64. “The nerve of that woman! She claims she’s attracted to me then goes off and flirts with a guy in a bowling shirt! Say goodbye to your newspapers and unkicked trashcans, Paris Hilton!” And a Paris hater is born. Yayness!
  65. 65. Today happens to be Brad’s birthday, so we invite the usual gang. Including Tucker the werewolf. Because you can’t call animals by phone but they apparently know when there’s going to be a party. Paris! He nibbled you! Y U no become werewolf?? “Like, how would I know? I don’t want to be a werewolf anyway. Like, can you imagine how long it would take to shave? Gross.” Well I read that the hair doesn’t show up on custom skin, but you’re still supposed to be able to do werewolfey-things like savaging(I think). And Paris is already best friends with this guy, how long is this supposed to take? I want a werewolf dammit! I never had one without cheating.
  66. 66. “Think you can go ahead and steal my Paris? You are going DOWN, buddy! DOWN, you hear? You and your stupid bowling shirt!” A birthday party brawl. Nice. Fight all you want just don’t bring down the party score.
  67. 67. Army Dude totally sics Bowling Shirt Guy. Right on, Jeff! Now let’s get to the pictures of the actual party.
  68. 68. The two love rivals put aside their differences to honor the celebration of this youngster’s birth. Plus the other lover, who is unaware of what has transpired between them and his lovely Paris. How touching. Unfortunately, there is a missing family member. Adam, I know you have an orange energy bar but can’t you go blow a horn for your brother for like five seconds?
  69. 69. Yes Brad, gaze into the perfectly platinum plumbbob! Let its luminous brilliance consume you!
  70. 70. And we have ourselves a cutie! Like his brother, Brad has that weird eye thing but on him it doesn’t look as bad. He’s a Sagittarius with quite an interesting personality. 2/1/9/10/3. A slob like his father, but very shy, highly active and playful, and grouchy like his mom. Alright, no first born effect!
  71. 71. Unfortunately, Brad was promptly forgotten by the partygoers and resigned himself to the bathroom. Maybe his brother can help him out?
  72. 72. Adam, your brother keeps playing in the toilet and is about to pass out. Maybe you can talk to him, since you missed his transition, go say hi. “No can do, creator lady. I need to increase my fun bar.” Argh, those playful kids and their constant need for fun. Don’t make me delete your toy box mister.
  73. 73. *GURGLE*”Sorry can’t hear you I’m diving into the ocean! Whooshhhhh!” Alright, I’ll leave you be, for now.
  74. 74. There’s no particular reason for this picture, other than sheer cuteness. *SQUEE* I think Brad’s already becoming my favorite.
  75. 75. “Mmm…Oh Jebus, these pancakes smell so yummy. But…I can’t reach out and take them, for some reason.” Yes, for some strange reason, when I click on the pancakes there’s only the option to Clean Up. And who is the suspect of this treachery?
  76. 76. “Ho hum, such a boring day. Lalalalala nothing to do besides watch TV.” YOU! I should have known you were behind this, Alison Thompson. You’re starving my kids by serving food they can’t eat. What is wrong with you? “Hmm…I’m sensing something, some kind of disturbance?” YES?? “Nah,just gotta take a crap.” ARGHHH…you won’t get away with this!
  77. 77. Go ahead, take your time with that crap, no rush whatsoever. Heh heh heh… *hits delete*
  78. 78. “Um, hello? Can someone help me I can’t seem to locate the door? Hellooo?” This would have been a lot funnier with the walls up, but alas, the plight of the small bathroom.
  79. 79. Meanwhile Paris brought a familiar face home from work. Buzz Grunt. Who cares. Two words. Friend fodder. Moving on.
  80. 80. And friend fodder equals free maid as well! It’s a twofer! I don’t know how General Buzz manages to mop up the puddle with an invisible mop though. Whatever, as long as he gets the job done.
  81. 81. “She thinks she can get away with cheating on me. Well I’ll show her! This invisible newspaper is MINE now!! Hahahaha!” And this is where I leave you. Next time, the kids become teenagers, and then we’ll see who is more fit to become heir. See ya!