EVERYBODY HURTS sara wachter-boettcher
@sara_ann_marie flickr.com/photos/rickharris/3282983235 content for kindness

flickr.com/photos/meddygarnet/3489151194

Yes No Have you ever
been sexually abused or assaulted?

Yes
No

flickr.com/photos/ashtonpal/6457802535

Everyone’s history is
personal.

Everyone’s life is
complicated.

Everyone’s reactions are
unpredictable.

Joy Excitement Love Anxiety Fear
Shame Loss Life

Make things for
humans.

Make things for
whole humans.

‘‘When I look out at
this room I see a comparatively small number of faces but I also see a trillion heartbeats. Not your own heartbeats, but those of your users… If we are going to ask them to spend their heartbeats on us, on our ideas, how can we be sure, far more sure than we are now, that they spend those heartbeats wisely? —Paul Ford, “Ten Timeframes”

make every decision an act
of KINDNESS

rethink “normal.”

Imagine your user.

Imagine your user. What gender
are they?

Imagine your user. What gender
are they? Race?

Imagine your user. What gender
are they? Race? Age?

Imagine your user. What gender
are they? Race? Age? Where do they live?

Imagine your user. What gender
are they? Race? Age? Where do they live? How do they feel?

Imagine your user. What gender
are they? Race? Age? Where do they live? How do they feel? What are they doing?

What if you’re wrong?

Don’t force false
categories.

Don’t assume feelings.

Don’t forget who’s
in charge.

Don’t overstep your
purpose.

What assumptions are you building
into your work?

‘‘These assumptions… are yet another
example of technology telling queer, unpartnered, infertile, and/or women uninterested in procreating that they aren’t even women. —Maggie Delano

‘‘It’s telling women that the
only women worth designing technology for are those women who are capable of conceiving and who are not only in a relationship, but in a sexual relationship, and in a sexual relationship with someone who can potentially get them pregnant. —Maggie Delano

Smooth, seamless,
easy. For whom?

Ask users what
they want.

Accept nuance in
their replies.

What do you want to
track? Cycle length/timing Fertile windows Pregnancy risk Sexual activity Moods and feelings General health ✓ ✓

What do you want to
track? Cycle length/timing Fertile windows Pregnancy risk Sexual activity Moods and feelings General health ✓ ✓

What do you want to
track? Cycle length/timing Fertile windows Pregnancy risk Sexual activity Moods and feelings General health ✓ ✓ ✓

KINDNESS IS letting users define
themselves

make space.

flickr.com/photos/tedxgrandvalley/5184654377

Shane Creepingbear Lance Browneyes Robin
Kills the Enemy Dana Lone Hill

Your Name Wasn’t Approved. It
looks like that name violates our name standards. You can enter an updated name again in 1 minute. To make sure the updated name complies with our policies, please read more about what names are allowed on Facebook.

Your Name Wasn’t Approved. It
looks like that name violates our name standards. You can enter an updated name again in 1 minute. To make sure the updated name complies with our policies, please read more about what names are allowed on Facebook.

Your Name Wasn’t Approved. It
looks like that name violates our name standards. You can enter an updated name again in 1 minute. To make sure the updated name complies with our policies, please read more about what names are allowed on Facebook.

Your Name Wasn’t Approved. It
looks like that name violates our name standards. You can enter an updated name again in 1 minute. To make sure the updated name complies with our policies, please read more about what names are allowed on Facebook.

Your Name Wasn’t Approved. It
looks like that name violates our name standards. You can enter an updated name again in 1 minute. To make sure the updated name complies with our policies, please read more about what names are allowed on Facebook.

Your name is wrong.

You don’t belong here.

You need to change.

We think this name might
be fake. You’ll need to verify this is your real name before you may use it.

We could be wrong.

We want to fix this.

Here’s what you can do.

KINDNESS IS adjusting to our
users’ needs, not asking them to fit ours

set aside ego.

We are very important.

You’re likely not good enough.

We don’t need you.

flickr.com/photos/90461913@N00/6302538448

Our authors matter.

Your ideas count.

You’re why we’re here.

KINDNESS IS swallowing our pride
if it’ll help our users

be intentional.

Ich bin das __ Kind
meiner Mutter.

Ich bin das __ Kind
meiner Mutter. 2

Ich bin das __ Kind
meiner Mutter. 3

Ich bin das __ Kind
meiner Mutter.

Every field carries weight.

We can’t change that.

But we can ask why.

The question
protocol

A question protocol includes: •
Every question you ask • Who within your organization uses the answers • What they use them for • Whether an answer is required or optional • If an answer is required, what happens if a user enters any old thing just to get through the form —Caroline Jarrett, “The Question Protocol”

‘‘This is the uncomfortable truth—everything
is a trigger for someone. —Roxane Gay, “The Illusion of Safety/The Safety of Illusion”

KINDNESS IS only asking for
what we need

find the fractures.

That’s just an edge case.

That’s just an edge case.

That’s a stress case.

Stress cases show us the
weaknesses in our work.

Fun facts create
real risks.

MailChimp is: • fun but
not childish • clever but not silly • powerful but not complicated • smart but not stodgy • cool but not alienating • informal but not sloppy • helpful but not overbearing • expert but not bossy —Kate Kiefer Lee, “Tone and Voice”

‘‘ Over the years we’ve
moved to a much more neutral voice …We focus on clarity over cleverness and personality. We are not in an industry that is associated with crisis, but we don’t know what our readers and customers are going through. And our readers and customers are people. They could be in an emergency and they still have to use the internet. —Kate Kiefer Lee, Mailchimp content director

Ask: do I control the
context of my content?

Identify: what’s the ideal scenario
for this content?

Imagine: what would the opposite
look like?

KINDNESS IS designing for the
worst

cultivate compassion.

‘‘We’re pretty good at being
able to kind of get inside somebody else’s head and sort of model their task… But that cognitive empathy, that’s actually just one level of empathy. —Karen McGrane

‘‘There’s actually a much deeper
level of it that you would call compassion. What that means is that you have genuine emotional feeling for the struggles that someone is going through and you are spontaneously moved to help them because you feel them. —Karen McGrane

Compassion takes
action.

Compassion takes
courage.

Compassion takes
practice.

The only unit of time
that matters is heartbeats. Paul Ford

Flickr images used via Creative
Commons Attribution license unless otherwise noted. @sara_ann_marie sarawb.com thank you.