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EVERYBODY
HURTS 

sara wachter-boettcher
@sara_ann_marie
flickr.com/photos/rickharris/3282983235
content for kindness
flickr.com/photos/meddygarnet/3489151194
Yes
No
Have you ever been sexually
abused or assaulted?
Yes
No
flickr.com/photos/ashtonpal/6457802535
Everyone’s history is
personal.
Everyone’s life is
complicated.
Everyone’s reactions are
unpredictable.
Joy
Excitement
Love
Anxiety
Fear
Shame
Loss
Life
Make things for
humans.
Make things for
whole humans.
‘‘When I look out at this room I see a comparatively small
number of faces but I also see a trillion heartbeats. Not
your own heartbeats, but those of your users…
If we are going to ask them to spend their heartbeats on
us, on our ideas, how can we be sure, far more sure than
we are now, that they spend those heartbeats wisely?
—Paul Ford, “Ten Timeframes”
make every
decision an act of
KINDNESS
rethink “normal.”
Imagine your user.
Imagine your user. What
gender are they?
Imagine your user. What
gender are they? Race?
Imagine your user. What
gender are they? Race?
Age?
Imagine your user. What
gender are they? Race?
Age? Where do they
live?
Imagine your user. What
gender are they? Race?
Age? Where do they
live? How do they feel?
Imagine your user. What
gender are they? Race?
Age? Where do they
live? How do they feel?
What are they doing?
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
What if you’re wrong?
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
Don’t force false
categories.
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
Don’t assume feelings.
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
Don’t forget who’s
in charge.
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
Don’t overstep your
purpose.
What assumptions are
you building into your
work?
‘‘These assumptions… are yet another example of
technology telling queer, unpartnered, infertile, and/or
women uninterested in procreating that they aren’t
even women.

—Maggie Delano
‘‘It’s telling women that the only women worth designing
technology for are those women who are capable of
conceiving and who are not only in a relationship, but
in a sexual relationship, and in a sexual relationship
with someone who can potentially get them pregnant.
—Maggie Delano
Smooth, seamless,
easy. For whom?
Ask users what
they want.
Accept nuance in
their replies.
What do you want to track?
Cycle length/timing
Fertile windows
Pregnancy risk
Sexual activity
Moods and feelings
General health
✓
✓
What do you want to track?
Cycle length/timing
Fertile windows
Pregnancy risk
Sexual activity
Moods and feelings
General health
✓
✓
What do you want to track?
Cycle length/timing
Fertile windows
Pregnancy risk
Sexual activity
Moods and feelings
General health
✓
✓
✓
KINDNESS IS
letting users define
themselves
make space.
flickr.com/photos/tedxgrandvalley/5184654377
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
Shane Creepingbear
Lance Browneyes
Robin Kills the Enemy
Dana Lone Hill
Your Name Wasn’t Approved.
It looks like that name violates our name
standards. You can enter an updated
name again in 1 minute. To make sure
the updated name complies with our
policies, please read more about what
names are allowed on Facebook.
Your Name Wasn’t Approved.
It looks like that name violates our name
standards. You can enter an updated
name again in 1 minute. To make sure
the updated name complies with our
policies, please read more about what
names are allowed on Facebook.
Your Name Wasn’t Approved.
It looks like that name violates our name
standards. You can enter an updated
name again in 1 minute. To make sure
the updated name complies with our
policies, please read more about what
names are allowed on Facebook.
Your Name Wasn’t Approved.
It looks like that name violates our name
standards. You can enter an updated
name again in 1 minute. To make sure
the updated name complies with our
policies, please read more about what
names are allowed on Facebook.
Your Name Wasn’t Approved.
It looks like that name violates our name
standards. You can enter an updated
name again in 1 minute. To make sure
the updated name complies with our
policies, please read more about what
names are allowed on Facebook.
Your name is wrong.
You don’t belong here.
You need to change.
We think this name might be fake.
You’ll need to verify this is your real name
before you may use it.
We could be wrong.
We want to fix this.
Here’s what you can do.
KINDNESS IS
adjusting to our users’ needs,
not asking them to fit ours
set aside ego.
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
We are very important.
You’re likely not good enough.
We don’t need you.
flickr.com/photos/90461913@N00/6302538448
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
Our authors matter.
Your ideas count.
You’re why we’re here.
KINDNESS IS
swallowing our pride if
it’ll help our users
be intentional.
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
Ich bin das __ Kind meiner
Mutter.
Ich bin das __ Kind meiner
Mutter.
2
Ich bin das __ Kind meiner
Mutter.
3
Ich bin das __ Kind meiner
Mutter.
Every field carries weight.
We can’t change that.
But we can ask why.
The question
protocol
A question protocol includes:
• Every question you ask
• Who within your organization uses the answers
• What they use them for
• Whether an answer is required or optional
• If an answer is required, what happens if a user
enters any old thing just to get through the form
—Caroline Jarrett, “The Question Protocol”
‘‘This is the uncomfortable truth—everything is a
trigger for someone.
—Roxane Gay, 

“The Illusion of Safety/The Safety of Illusion”
KINDNESS IS
only asking for
what we need
find the fractures.
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
That’s just an edge case.
That’s just an edge case.
That’s a stress case.
Stress cases show
us the weaknesses
in our work.
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
Fun facts create
real risks.
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
MailChimp is:
• fun but not childish
• clever but not silly
• powerful but not complicated
• smart but not stodgy
• cool but not alienating
• informal but not sloppy
• helpful but not overbearing
• expert but not bossy
—Kate Kiefer Lee, “Tone and Voice”
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
Everybody Hurts: Content for Kindness
‘‘
Over the years we’ve moved to a much more neutral voice
…We focus on clarity over cleverness and personality.
We are not in an industry that is associated with crisis, but
we don’t know what our readers and customers are going
through. And our readers and customers are people. They
could be in an emergency and they still have to use the
internet.
—Kate Kiefer Lee,

Mailchimp content director
Ask: do I control the
context of my content?
Identify: what’s the ideal
scenario for this content?
Imagine: what would the
opposite look like?
KINDNESS IS
designing for

the worst
cultivate compassion.
‘‘We’re pretty good at being able to kind of get inside
somebody else’s head and sort of model their task…
But that cognitive empathy, that’s actually just one level
of empathy.
—Karen McGrane
‘‘There’s actually a much deeper level of it that you
would call compassion. What that means is that you
have genuine emotional feeling for the struggles that
someone is going through and you are spontaneously
moved to help them because you feel them.
—Karen McGrane
Compassion takes
action.
Compassion takes
courage.
Compassion takes
practice.
The only unit of time that
matters is heartbeats.
Paul Ford
Flickr images used via Creative Commons Attribution license unless otherwise noted.
@sara_ann_marie
sarawb.com
thank you.

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