1. Communication
How can I get others to
understand me?

2. Intrapersonal Skills
Definition - Those skills
used to communicate
with oneself
Examples:
-Self-Control
-Self-Discipline
-Self-Talk
-Accepting
Responsibilities
SELF

3. Interpersonal Skills
Definition - Those skills
used to communicate
with others
Examples:
-Listening
-Talking
-Problem-Solving
-Understanding
Others

4. Reasons Why We
Need These Skills
• They Help us to UNDERSTAND our own
behavior
• They Help us COPE with circumstances of
life
• They Help us CONTROL situations we find
ourselves in

5. Communication Styles
Transactional Analysis

6. Child-like Communication
• Easiest to recognize
• Most natural to use
• Immature
• Least effective when
you are an adult
• Self-centered
• Many teens and
adults revert to this
style when they are
frustrated or upset

7. Child-like Communication
• Giving orders
• Whining
• Name calling
• Yelling
• Verbal abuse
• Not listening
• Interrupting
• Topping
• Throwing tantrums
• Acting out of control

8. Parent-like Communication
• Has nothing to do with age
or being a parent
• Directing other’s behaviors
• Effective in getting others to
comply
• One-way or dictatorial
• Gets the point across
• Affects the behavior of
others
• Commonly used with those
using child-like
communication

9. Parent-like Communication
• Giving Instructions
• Directing
• Punishing
• Demanding
• Ordering
• Talking down to
• “Mom, get me a cookie.”
• “Go get my book out of
my locker.”
• “Lend me a dollar”

10. Adult-like Communication
• Highest level
• Most desirable
• Most Effective

11. Adult-like Communication
• Desire for open- two way
communication
• Taking responsibility for
comments and actions
• Remaining calm
• Showing respect for others’
feelings and opinions
• Wanting to resolve
problems with a win-win
attitude
• Having trust in others
• Controlling emotions while
discussing

12. Which is the most effective style
of communication?
Adult

13. Communication Hammer
Shank
Is like Non-Verbal
Communication
It is strong and can be
used to support
construction or
destruction

14. Communication Hammer
Claw
Is like Destructive
Communication
It is sharp and
dangerous and is
used to destroy and
tear down
relationships

15. Communication Hammer
Head
Is like Constructive
Communication
It is smooth and
rounded and is used
to build and help put
things together

16. Communication Hammer
Handle
Is like Us, the driving
force
We are in control of our
communication. We
choose to use it in a
constructive or
destructive manner.

17. Destructive Communication
• Blaming
• Endless Fighting
• Character
Assassination
• Calling in
Reinforcements
• Withdrawal
• Need to be Right
• Playing the Martyr
• “You” Messages
• Threatening
• Sarcasm
• Interrupting
• Swearing
• Insulting
• Harassing
• Teasing
• Gossip
• Lies
• Sexual Harassment

18. Constructive Communication
• Timing
• Asking Questions
• Clarifying
• Reflective Listening
• Respect
• Consideration
• Listening
• Avoiding Intense
Emotions
• Honesty/Openness
• Positive &
Encouraging
• Keeping Confidences
• “I” Messages

19. “I” Messages
• Help to decrease tension and
defensiveness
• Simple structure:
– I feel __________ when _______________.
– Use feeling words for the first blank
– Use what is happening or causing the problem
in the second blank
– I feel angry when you ignore what I am saying.

20. Behavior Characteristics
Passive
• Always Agrees
• Buys from Everyone
• Takes the blame
• Lets others walk over
them
• Apologizes a lot
• Refers to Other’s
Opinions

21. Behavior Characteristics
Aggressive
• Tells others what to do
• Gets angry easily
• Forces their opinions on
others
• Demands explanations
• Critical
• Interrupts
• Sarcastic
• Runs over people

22. Behavior Characteristics
Assertive
• States Opinion Calmly
• Negotiates and makes
compromises
• Smiles
• Takes credit when due
• Doesn’t have to win
• Can admit mistakes
• Cooperates with others
• Listens to others

23. Conflict Resolution
Step 1 - Define the Problem
-Begin with the Positive
-Describe the specifics
-Express your Feelings
-Admit your part in the
situation
*Avoid changing the subject!

24. Conflict Resolution
Step 2 - Summarize
your feelings for
clarification
“So you feel angry
because took your
clothes without
asking.”

25. Conflict Resolution
Step 3 - Look for
solutions
There are many
solutions to one
problem.
Look for consequences.
Make compromises.
Each person should be
involved.

26. Conflict Resolution
Step 4 - End with an
expression of Love
(kindness) for each
other.

27. Conflict Resolution
If a resolution has not been
achieved within a short
period (30 mins or less),
put things on hold for a
set period of time.
Then readdress the problem
later.
Sessions that go too long
have very little chance of
a mutual resolution.

28. Verbal Drawing Exercise
1. Down 2 inches
2. Right 3 inches
3. Up 2 inches
4. Diagonal Up and Left 2
inches
5. Diagonal Down and Left
2 inches
6. Right 3 inches
7. Down 2 inches
8. Left 2 inches
9. Up 1 and 1/2 inches
10. Right 1 inch
11. Down 1 and 1/2 inches
12. Left 4 inches
13. Up 2 inches
14. Make a squiggly circle 2
inches around over the
top of the line
15. Down 2 inches
16. Left 2 inches
17. Up 4 inches
18. Make a smooth circle 1
inch around at the top of
the line
19. Draw triangles around
the circle

29. How Much Do
We Really Listen?
This Line represents 1 Hour of what we hear
• 30 mins - we don’t hear what is said
• 15 mins - we don’t understand
• 7.5 mins - we don’t believe
• 3.5 mins - we forget
• 3.5 mins - We Remember!