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From Sitting Bitch to Being the Shit

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Unfinished Business The Movie has the insights you need to turn your coach experience into an executive class lifestyle when traveling on the company dime.

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Publié dans : Business
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From Sitting Bitch to Being the Shit

  1. 1. BROUGHT TO YOU BY FROM SITTING BITCH TO BEING THE SHIT TURN YOUR COACH EXPERIENCE INTO AN EXECUTIVE LIFESTYLE
  2. 2. INTRODUCTION • You may be traveling for business, but that doesn't mean you’re doing it in business class • Level-up with these tips for stretching your per diem, asserting your dominance over foreigners, and having fun regardless of your business commitments • You will require a sharp creative mind, and the self-confidence of 10,000 overindulged Millennials to navigate the murky waters of traveling while exploiting every company dime at your disposal
  3. 3. SCORING AN UNDESERVED UPGRADE • Executive class is a way of life; and it’s fake-able provided you have confidence and style • First rule of thumb: Dress like you belong there • Chatting up the girl at check-in or using a posh British accent are sure fire tactics for bagging an upgrade • 38% of executive class travelers sleep with the pilot the night before their flight; 89% receive upgrades the next day • Borrow the nearest homeless veteran’s military uniform and, for 100% success, steal a wheelchair to roll up to the gate Cheap perfume/cologne Cargo shorts Flip flops Anything with a stain Hoochie club wear FIVE THINGS YOU SHOULDN’T WEAR ON A PLANE. EVER.
  4. 4. MAINTAINING A BUZZ WITHOUT BLOWING YOUR PER DIEM While Flying: • Chat up the flight attendants before take-off to earn a free drink top off • 78% of all flights exceeding three hours hold an extra bar cart of mini booze bottles. Locate this stash before take- off and help yourself • Bonus tip: Sneak alcohol into your 100mls liquid allowance as “mouthwash.” Just add blue food coloring and you’re good to go! Once You’ve Arrived: • Don’t waste your per diem dollars on a hotel. When you land, head to the bar and find a local to go home with. Not only will you save on accommodation, you’ll get a free breakfast in the morning! • 67% of people can successfully dine and dash (or sign a fake room number) at a minimum of three hotels before being caught. The odds are in your favor.
  5. 5. 11% 39% 22% 28% Actual business expenses Booze and drugs to self-medicate High-priced escorts & specialty sex therapists Souvenirs and duty free for friends and family EXPLOITING THE COMPANY CREDIT CARD • Get creative: you can always hide debauchery within mundane expense charges on the company card • Non-itemized receipts hide excessive and illicit purchases including alcohol, prostitutes, cocaine and more • A top-tier travel insurance plan turns visits to the local strip club into “physiotherapy” sessions • A $7000 bill for 36 hours of drinking can be written off as “new business” assuming you slurred out a few words to various strangers or new friends at the bar THE REALITY BEHIND BUSINESS EXPENSES
  6. 6. COMMUNICATING OVERSEAS • Once abroad, assume everyone speaks English • 2.8% of Americans speak a second language; conversely, 86% of Europeans speak a minimum of 3 languages – speak slowly and they’ll figure it out • The louder and more obnoxiously you yell, the more obvious your implied meaning will be • Crude and elementary hand gestures will help communicate • In general, avoid adopting local customs and etiquette. Your foreign clients will respect and bow down to unwavering American assertiveness
  7. 7. SUMMARY If you absorb only one thing from this guide, remember this: Fly High. Get High. And when given the opportunity, join the Mile High Club.
  8. 8. You’re Welcome.

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