1. 10
self-help
1
Feeling overwhelmed by the
pressures of being a mother?
Zoe McDonald finds expert
advice and easy solutions
de-stress your life
small steps to
In an ideal world You’d have time
for meditation and yoga plus regular
time out to dissipate anxiety and worry.
In reality You feel wrung out.
The solution ‘Parenthood brings
with it a slew of worries, as well as
huge pressure on your time,’ says
Linda Blair, clinical psychologist and
author of The Key to Calm (Yellow Kite,
£14.99). ‘But effective self-calming
strategies don’t have to take huge
chunks out of your day. Try this super-
quick daily mindfulness meditation.
It takes all of four minutes first thing,
and sets you up for a serene start.
‘Sit up in bed and choose an object
in the room – it could be an item of
clothing or furniture, something outside
your window – it doesn’t matter what.
Breathe in slowly through your nose,
hold the breath for a few seconds, and
breathe out slowly through the mouth.
Do this 30 times, while studying the
object and describing it to yourself in
detail. This all takes less than four
minutes, and for that small investment
you’ll feel calmer, and you’ll “set” your
brain for the day ahead so it’s less likely
to flood with emotion.’
Tense and taut?
4Overwhelmed?
3Achy and sore?
2
5Feeling too old?
Sleep deprived?
In an ideal world You’d have a
deep tissue massage every week to help
maintain your Pilates-perfect posture.
In reality You spend your life lifting,
feeding, cuddling and, if you’re a
working mum, slumped over a desk.
The solution Sammy Margo
recommends using daily triggers to
remind you to counteract the bad habits.
‘Every time you take a phone call, for
example, do ten forward shoulder-
rolls, and ten back. Or every time you
feed your baby, try to sit up and engage
your core abdominals, which will help
to support your spine; then do a quick
blast of pelvic floor exercises.’
Sammy also recommends changing
the way you move with your baby.
‘Mothers tend to move “around” their
baby, hunching over them, and picking
them up without thinking how they’re
doing it. Instead, try to fit your baby to
yourself. Use a feeding pillow for extra
support and when lifting the baby keep
him close to your body and your arms
bent: lifting with outstretched arms is
a recipe for back problems. When
sitting, move your body to the back
of the chair and tuck your buttocks
underneath to support your spine.’
In an ideal world You’d still have
regular fixes of the giddy spontaneity that
characterised life pre-parenthood.
In reality You’re so busy with the daily
grind you feel like you’re treading water
just to get through the usual chores.
The solution Psychotherapist Val
Sampson (valsampson.co.uk) works as a
couples counsellor and has helped lots of
clients work through the transition to new
parenthood. ‘Sometimes you can be so
busy with the practicalities of childcare
that you forget the fun stuff,’ she says.
‘The fastest way to reignite your sense of
excitement is to engage your inner child
and enjoy losing yourself in play with your
baby. Playing Poohsticks, dancing to funny
music, finger-painting – all of these are
activities that can activate your inner joy
and release endorphins to lift your mood.’
In an ideal world You’d be
tucked up by 9.30pm every night,
or a freak of nature who can survive
happily on three hours sleep.
In reality You rely on your
evenings to catch up with life, and
get woken up at all hours too.
The solution Sammy Margo,
physiotherapist and author of
The Good Sleep Guide (Vermillion,
£10.99) says it’s clever timing and
quality of sleep, not quantity, that’s
important. ‘Psychological repair is
at its peak between 10.30pm and
3am. So aim to be tucked up by
10.30pm most nights and, if you
can, an hour earlier once or twice
a week. Trying your best to stick
to a routine bedtime and, where
possible, wake-up time, will help
regulate your body clock. When
your bedtime and wake-up time
vary wildly, you can end up feeling
permanently jet-lagged.’
In an ideal world You’d have a PA,
housekeeper and life coach at your daily
disposal, helping you to order, plan and
navigate your way through the day.
In reality You’re feeling snookered by
a spiralling to-do list, as heavy with banal
daily demands – the endless washing,
feeding – as it is with epic questions such
as, ‘What does the future hold?’
The solution The horrible thing about
feeling overwhelmed is that it can easily
become a self-fulfilling prophecy. So you
need shaking out of the ‘Where do I start?’
paralysis. ‘Get a big sheet of paper and a
load of Post-it Notes,’ advises Amanda
Alexander, founder of Coaching Mums.
‘Using the notes, write down every worry
whirring around your head. Then create a
section of the sheet to put all the things you
could action. Choose a maximum of three
that will have a big impact then identify a
micro change for each that you can make
now to help you tackle the bigger problem.’
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2. self-help
7Sluggish?
8Unfocused?
6 In an ideal world You’d cut out all
the pastries, cake, lattes, alcohol, and
survive on a clean, Gwyneth-style diet.
In reality You rely on these pick-
me-ups to cut through the tiredness
and demands that motherhood places
on your body and mind.
The solution Nutritional therapist
Lauren Gayfer (thefairyfoodmother.
com) has help for those of us who just
can’t quite cut out that croissant and
coffee or chocolate fix. ‘You can try
to temper the blood-sugar or caffeine
spike they create by eating a small
handful of nuts or seeds at the same
time to lower their GI,’ she suggests.
‘Nuts and seeds are rich in essential
fats, and will help offset the effects of
stodgy treats that can leave you feeling
sluggish. But swapping that second
coffee for a peppermint or fennel tea
will also help to beat the bloat.’
Gayfer also swears by a supply of
good-quality, broad-spectrum probiotic
supplements, explaining that often,
bloating can be a consequence
of not having enough
good bacteria
in the gut.
Flabby and out of shape?
In an ideal world You’d have a
personal trainer to force you out of the
front door (and childcare to facilitate
your workouts, obviously).
In reality Those endless 24/7
mum-shifts mean your own fitness slips.
The solution Personal trainer Lucy
Wyndham-Read, creator of The LWR
Postnatal Weight Loss Plan (including
her power pram workouts, which you can
download at iTunes, £7.99), says the secret
is thinking bite-sized. ‘While you’re pushing
your buggy, scoop your abs in towards your
spine, sucking your deep core muscles
inwards, and hold for ten seconds before
releasing. Do ten repetitions of this simple
move, three times a day.’
She adds that little bursts of exercise
(even two minutes here and there) will
help to raise your heart rate and therefore
contribute to maintaining your cardio
fitness. This could be something as
basic as two minutes of climbing
stairs, or marching on the spot.
Or if you’ve passed your six-week
check, try doing Lucy’s mini
postnatal routine twice a day:
✦ 30 seconds of alternating knee lifts,
bringing opposite knee to elbow,
keeping your tummy pulled in and
your back straight;
✦ 30 seconds of press-ups, leaning
against a wall or work-top;
✦ 30 seconds of sliding-up-and-
down squats, leaning into a wall;
✦ 30 seconds of straight leg kicks,
standing upright with your arms above
your head, keeping your tummy pulled in
and your back straight.
In an ideal world You could flick a
switch and restore your mental clarity.
In reality You flit from one thought to
the next, forgetting things along the way.
The solution Be kind to yourself and
stop being so judgemental. ‘That “brain
fog” feeling new mums get is the result
of hormones that can linger up to two
years after giving birth. Combine that
with self-judgement and you’ll feel a
failure,’ says Amanda Alexander.
Instead, she recommends, ‘Make a
vow to be compassionate to yourself.’
She also suggests that you maintain
links with all your non-mum friends.
‘This will invigorate your sense of your
enduring, adult self and your ability to
think like a grown-up.’
Her other failsafe is to get outside and
get moving. ‘Increasing the oxygen flow
to your brain and muscles will energise
your mind, and getting outside will help
shrug off the “meh” of domestic life.’
Download Amanda’s free ebook
for mums, From Chaos to Calm, at
coachingmums.com/freebook
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3. 10
9In an ideal world You’d go out on a weekly date night, come home
and have great sex while your baby/children sleep peacefully.
In reality You can’t afford to go out or you don’t want to leave the
children – and anyway, you can barely keep your eyes open past 8pm.
The solution When it comes to physical intimacy, says Val Sampson,
it’s important to remember that, ‘Anything is better than nothing. It may
be that you are so exhausted you steer away from sex, but the problem
with that is it often means you steer away from non-sexual touching too.
‘The solution is to be straight with your partner. Say, “I’d love to have
sex with you, but I’m knackered. Can we just have a big hug instead?” It
will help your partner to feel that you’re still thinking about him sexually.’
The other thing to note, she adds, is that, ‘Many women don’t feel like sex
until they’re doing it, partly because their “desire trigger” is feeling
desired.’ So that innocent hug might leave you wanting more after all!
Too tired for sex?
In an ideal world You’d have an
innate, Kate Moss-ish sense of everyday
chic and the time to put make-up on,
style your hair, iron that flattering top.
In reality You pull on the same jeans
and Converse trainers, and high-five
yourself if you make it to 10am without
Weetabix – or worse – all down your top.
The solution ‘You need to really know
your style, so you can build a uniform
from a few key items – with no room for
mistakes, no matter how bleary eyed you
are, or how up against it timewise,’ says
Kelly Moseley, freelance fashion editor
and stylist (kellymoseley.co.uk). Here are
her tips for looking stylish when chasing
round after a small child.
Frumpy and mumsy?
The magic coat ‘Because the right coat
is like a superhero costume. It disguises
many sins (nursery run in PJs? Guilty!) and
makes you feel instantly pulled together.
This year I ditched my parka for a more
grown-up, grey mohair full-length coat. It’s
my buy of the year and, when trying to get
myself and my four-year-old son dressed
and out the door, is a total lifesaver.’
Good jeans ‘The foundation of every
mum uniform: practical, a lasting fashion
favourite, and flattering. What more do you
need? Just make sure they fit perfectly.’
The statement chunky knit ‘Cosy,
on-trend, and can be worn with every pair
of jeans you own. You could get dressed in
the dark. But wear a tee under it – nothing
worse than burning up and realising you’re
only wearing a bra underneath!’
Fancy flats ‘There’s nothing wrong with
Converse, but if they’re feeling a bit old hat
then update your look with a retro racer by
New Balance. Just as comfy, but they’ll
earn you more fashion points.’
Bobble hat ‘Currently having something
of a fashion moment. Obviously, this is
why I’m rarely seen without mine, and not
because I’ve left the house in a rush with
wet, unbrushed hair. No, that is definitely
NOT the reason why…’
Five key pieces to avoid a fashion meltdown
scope,shutterstock
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self-help
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