Learning Resource for Self Development

1. 1. “Always” and “never”
It’s never a good thing to speak in absolutes (see what I did there?).
It means you’re putting a boundary on yourself and tying yourself to
a promise that you might not keep. Saying that you’ll always do
something or that you’ll never do something puts you in a fragile
position, because absolute promises are very hard to keep. Trust
me, someone out there will remember that you made that promise.
Don’t leave yourself open to criticism like that; you won’t like it when
someone takes a chance and calls you out on it.
2. “I have to …”
This phrase creates the illusion that you don’t have any control over
your life and that events just happen. You more or less “have to”
put up with them. Every time you say you have to do something, that
implies that circumstances are forcing you to do it. Of course, that is
sometimes the case – not everything we do is necessarily
something we want to do – but you don’t have to be defeatist about
it. Try swapping it with “I’m going to” or “I’m about to,” which carries

2. the same intent – you get to do something – but it doesn’t project
the feeling of being defeated by circumstance. Hence, a phrase to
ban from your vocabulary.
3. “Should”
When you say you should be doing something, like “I should be
working on this project,” it immediately implies that you’re feeling
guilty for not doing it. It’s always good to remind yourself of the
things you need to complete or achieve, yet remember that
everyone works according to their own timeline. It’s not necessarily
a failure that you haven’t kept to a strict timeline. Replace “should”
with “choose.” This will give you the feeling of power over your own
decisions. What is more, it will encourage you to complete
things because you want to rather than because of your feeling of
guilt.
4. “Just”
Using “just” in professional scenarios, such as, “I just wanted to
check if this would work,” makes you sound unsure in your own
decisions and like you’re gearing up for a failure. You shouldn’t
apologize to anyone for taking up their time. You matter, and you
deserve to be given the time of day to speak your mind. Always
remember that and try to eliminate “just” from your vocabulary as
much as possible.
Start with your written communication. Go through your emails and
delete every “just” you see – it’ll make you sound much more
confident and straightforward in what you’re saying. Then,
gradually, move this practice into your speech patterns as well
and you’ll notice a confidence boost sooner or later.
5. “But …”
When you make a decision, stand your ground. Prefacing a
sentence with “but” makes you sound like you’re doubting yourself

3. and your own ability to make informed choices. For this reason, it is
a phrase to ban from your vocabulary. One of the most important
lessons you’ll learn in life is to always trust your gut feeling. Even if
you suffer from self-doubt, try to eliminate it as much as possible
because, nine times out of ten, your gut feeling will be right. Don’t
let the word “but” force you to stop accomplishing something you’ve
worked hard for. Instead, replace it with “and” or “however,”
because that way not only do you not invalidate your own argument
but you also get a chance to make helpful additions to it.
6. “Can’t”
This is probably the most obvious one. No one got anywhere by
saying that they can’t do something. Again, that kind of defeatist
attitude in your vocabulary will transfer into your mindset as well. It’s
good to be aware of your own abilities, but don’t put yourself down
like this. Instead, try saying, “I choose not to do this.” That phrase
lets you take control back and not be defeated by some unknown
power of self-doubt. And of course, if possible, always turn the
“can’t” into “can” or “will.” Talk yourself into braving the unknown
and jumping into new possibilities, as you never know how they’ll
enrich your life.
Jayadeva de Silva