Let's Talk About It: Ovarian Cancer - Toxic Positivity

bkling
Toxic Positivity
This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY
www.julielarsonlcsw.com
The unrelenting
pressure to be
positive and
happy all the
time.
Deeply engrained in
many different areas of
our culture from health,
wellness, self-help,
religion, race, politics &
athletics.
www.julielarsonlcsw.com
Positivity & happiness
are not inherently
toxic.
They become toxic
when the sentiments
cross a line and feel
dismissive or
minimizing.
“But wait… I think of myself as a
positive person.”
www.julielarsonlcsw.com
Toxic
Positivity
from others
 Shuts down the conversation
 Focus on problem solving or fixing
 Avoids discomfort
 Misunderstands the presence of more than one
feeling
 Misses an opportunity for real connection
www.julielarsonlcsw.com
Toxic Positivity
from yourself
 Feeling guilt or shame for struggling
 “Shoulds” (with feelings of shame)
 Comparing to others (laced with self
criticism)
 Rigid expectations of self
 Minimizing or dismissing struggle
 Pretending you are ok when you feel
different.
www.julielarsonlcsw.com
The Affirmation
Cautionary Statement
Is there a gap between
what you are saying to
yourself and what you
believe about yourself?
In a 2009 study looking at
the impact of positive self-
statements. The impact was
most significant in
individuals with low self-
esteem and the impact was…
negative.
(Wood, Perunovic & Lee)
www.julielarsonlcsw.com
The Affirmation
Cautionary Statement
Connect your affirmations
to action statements.
• “I am strong when I am honest
about my limits and don’t
pretend I am ok.”
• ”I am doing the best I can when
I take time to notice how I feel
and what I need.”
• “I love myself when I take time
to go for a walk or get to bed
on time.”
www.julielarsonlcsw.com
Emotion Circle – The
Full Experience
Triggering
Event
Struggle &
Discomfort
Noticing
What Do I
Need?
Where Do
I Have
Control?
www.julielarsonlcsw.com
The Unmet Needs
Below the Surface
This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-NC
www.julielarsonlcsw.com
When you come face
to face with Toxic
Positivity
1. Learn to recognize it
• Usually, an overly simplified response
• Only allows for one side of emotion
• Leaves you feeling misunderstood, shame, self-doubt…
2. Slow down. Pause the conversation.
3. Make a choice for how you safely proceed.
• Does this person have capacity to listen to me?
CHOICEA: Proceed
• Be kindly honest about how these types of
statements feel.
“I hear you and I imagine it’s not easy to know the best way
to respond. Sometimes the very best thing for me is just to
vent and be honest about how heavy this has been.”
CHOICEB:Turn the conversation
• Shift and redirect the conversation
This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-NC
www.julielarsonlcsw.com
YOU
FEELING
Friends
DOING
Friends
RESPITE
Friends
www.julielarsonlcsw.com
Internal Toxic
Positivity:
THE REALITY
CHECK
• Many factors led to
this discomfort which
are out of your
control.
• This upset is
understandable and
not your fault.
• You didn’t design this
present moment.
www.julielarsonlcsw.com
This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-SA-NC
The MINDFUL SEAT
• Sensations: Begin
with your body – 5
senses
• Emotions – What
am I feeling?
• Actions – What do I
want to do? How
may I be helpful not
harmful?
• Thoughts – What
am I thinking about?
www.julielarsonlcsw.com
The Power of
The Mindful
SEAT
•
•
•
The Power of
The Reality
Check
Disengage with shame and
blame mentality
AND take responsibility for
awareness and self-care.
”How may I be helpful,
not harmful?”
www.julielarsonlcsw.com
• Meaning and purpose of
wellsprings of hope.
• When we recognize our
value to someone (or
something) else it gives
us a place to focus that
is outside of our
uncertainty.
• How does the life
around you still need
you despite the
uncertainty you feel?
www.julielarsonlcsw.com
1 sur 16

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Let's Talk About It: Ovarian Cancer - Toxic Positivity

  • 1. Toxic Positivity This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY www.julielarsonlcsw.com
  • 2. The unrelenting pressure to be positive and happy all the time. Deeply engrained in many different areas of our culture from health, wellness, self-help, religion, race, politics & athletics. www.julielarsonlcsw.com
  • 3. Positivity & happiness are not inherently toxic. They become toxic when the sentiments cross a line and feel dismissive or minimizing. “But wait… I think of myself as a positive person.” www.julielarsonlcsw.com
  • 4. Toxic Positivity from others  Shuts down the conversation  Focus on problem solving or fixing  Avoids discomfort  Misunderstands the presence of more than one feeling  Misses an opportunity for real connection www.julielarsonlcsw.com
  • 5. Toxic Positivity from yourself  Feeling guilt or shame for struggling  “Shoulds” (with feelings of shame)  Comparing to others (laced with self criticism)  Rigid expectations of self  Minimizing or dismissing struggle  Pretending you are ok when you feel different. www.julielarsonlcsw.com
  • 6. The Affirmation Cautionary Statement Is there a gap between what you are saying to yourself and what you believe about yourself? In a 2009 study looking at the impact of positive self- statements. The impact was most significant in individuals with low self- esteem and the impact was… negative. (Wood, Perunovic & Lee) www.julielarsonlcsw.com
  • 7. The Affirmation Cautionary Statement Connect your affirmations to action statements. • “I am strong when I am honest about my limits and don’t pretend I am ok.” • ”I am doing the best I can when I take time to notice how I feel and what I need.” • “I love myself when I take time to go for a walk or get to bed on time.” www.julielarsonlcsw.com
  • 8. Emotion Circle – The Full Experience Triggering Event Struggle & Discomfort Noticing What Do I Need? Where Do I Have Control? www.julielarsonlcsw.com
  • 9. The Unmet Needs Below the Surface This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-NC www.julielarsonlcsw.com
  • 10. When you come face to face with Toxic Positivity 1. Learn to recognize it • Usually, an overly simplified response • Only allows for one side of emotion • Leaves you feeling misunderstood, shame, self-doubt… 2. Slow down. Pause the conversation. 3. Make a choice for how you safely proceed. • Does this person have capacity to listen to me? CHOICEA: Proceed • Be kindly honest about how these types of statements feel. “I hear you and I imagine it’s not easy to know the best way to respond. Sometimes the very best thing for me is just to vent and be honest about how heavy this has been.” CHOICEB:Turn the conversation • Shift and redirect the conversation This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-NC www.julielarsonlcsw.com
  • 12. Internal Toxic Positivity: THE REALITY CHECK • Many factors led to this discomfort which are out of your control. • This upset is understandable and not your fault. • You didn’t design this present moment. www.julielarsonlcsw.com This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-SA-NC
  • 13. The MINDFUL SEAT • Sensations: Begin with your body – 5 senses • Emotions – What am I feeling? • Actions – What do I want to do? How may I be helpful not harmful? • Thoughts – What am I thinking about? www.julielarsonlcsw.com
  • 14. The Power of The Mindful SEAT • • •
  • 15. The Power of The Reality Check Disengage with shame and blame mentality AND take responsibility for awareness and self-care. ”How may I be helpful, not harmful?” www.julielarsonlcsw.com
  • 16. • Meaning and purpose of wellsprings of hope. • When we recognize our value to someone (or something) else it gives us a place to focus that is outside of our uncertainty. • How does the life around you still need you despite the uncertainty you feel? www.julielarsonlcsw.com