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From the Inside Out:
How Negative Self-Talk Affects Your Community
Kat Toomajian
Dreamwidth Studios LLC
Misskat.dreamwidth.org :: @zarhooie
#selftalkOSB
Please have writing media available
Paper and Pen, Computer, Stone Chisel etc
About Me
lDreamwidth Studios LLC
lSupport Team Lead
lCommunity and Volunteer Support
lAllstate Insurance
lTotal Loss Rental Coordinator
lVolunteer
lSociety for Creative Anachronism
lRegional Manager for artwork distribution
lCONvergence Con
lOperations Dept subhead for inter-department
communication
About Me
lDreamwidth Studios LLC
lSupport Team Lead
lCommunity and Volunteer Support
lAllstate Insurance
lTotal Loss Rental Coordinator
lVolunteer
lSociety for Creative Anachronism
lRegional Manager for artwork distribution
lCONvergence Con
lOperations Dept subhead for inter-department
communication
What is Negative Self-Talk?
lHow we talk to and
about ourselves
lSometimes internal
lSometimes external
lSometimes both
lAffects how you think
about you
What effects might it have?
lFewer contributions
lHigher turnover
lLess innovation
What does it look like?
lImpostor Syndrome
lBurn Out
lFade Out
lQualifying Statements
Impostor Syndrome
lThat sinking feeling
that at any moment,
everyone in the room
will know you're
faking it
lReduces ownership
of successful things
lOverburdens with
ownership for
unsuccessful things
lReduces risk-taking
Burn Out and Fade Out
lBrain cycles get spent on What-Ifs
lBrain weasels are not cute
lPerceived failure might not actually be failure
lNo path to start again
Qualifying Statements
lA qualified statement expresses some level
of uncertainty about its own accuracy. –
Stack Exchange
lDeferential statements
So now what?
lThe basis of negative self-talk is a
disconnection between the way you see
yourself and the way you are seen by other
people
lIt's a warped mirror
lCreate a better mirror
lExternal validation → Internal validation
External Action Items
lKudos and other kinds of Positive Feedback
lTangible and Intangible
lAO3 Kudos
lTotts Tokens
External Action Items
lKudos and other kinds of Positive Feedback
lTangible and Intangible
lAO3 Kudos
lTotts Tokens
External Action Items
lDreamwidth Specific
lDreamwidth Points
l“Fake Dreamwidth Money”
lSupport Points
lIndicator on Profile
lPurely quantitative
lCode Amnesty
External Action Items
lDreamwidth Specific
lDreamwidth Points
l“Fake Dreamwidth Money”
lSupport Points
lIndicator on Profile
lPurely quantitative
lCode Amnesty
External Action Items
lMinimal Group Paradigm
lMinor connections based on arbitrary
characteristics
lSmall groups
lSafe space
lStretch Positions
lEncourage responsibility
lActive mentoring
lAllow failure
External Action Items
lMinimal Group Paradigm
lMinor connections based on arbitrary
characteristics
lSmall groups
lSafe space
lStretch Positions
lEncourage responsibility
lActive mentoring
lAllow failure
External Action Items
I used to be really be very hard on myself if I thought I
wasn't accomplishing something or reaching a certain level.
External Action Items
Be with your failures. They're just as educational and just as
opening to the process as the success is.
External Action Items
Your failures are okay, too.
External Action Items
Ways to Fail
Exploration and Development
Fail Publically
Things Real Dreamwidth Developers Do
External Action Items
Ways to Fail
Exploration and Development
Fail Publically
Things Real Dreamwidth Developers Do
External Action Items
Ways to Fail
Exploration and Development
Fail Publically
Things Real Dreamwidth Developers Do
External Action Items
lReduce qualitative
statements
lValidate contributor
and contribution
lEncourage positive
self-care activities
lIt's ok to be selfish
lTake care of YOU
Maybe let's not
External Action Items
lReduce qualitative
statements
lValidate contributor
and contribution
lEncourage positive
self-care activities
lIt's ok to be selfish
lTake care of YOU
Maybe let's not
External Action Items
lReduce qualitative
statements
lValidate contributor
and contribution
lEncourage positive
self-care activities
lIt's ok to be selfish
lTake care of YOU
Maybe let's not
External Action Items
Internal Validation
lStop making those
qualifying statements
lImmediately restate
without qualifiers
lMore assertive
lBetter opportunities
lBeing a better leader
and advocate
lSelf-directed positive
feedback
Internal Validation
lStop making those
qualifying statements
lImmediately restate
without qualifiers
lMore assertive
lBetter opportunities
lBeing a better leader
and advocate
lSelf-directed positive
feedback
Internal Validation
lStop making those
qualifying statements
lImmediately restate
without qualifiers
lMore assertive
lBetter opportunities
lBeing a better leader
and advocate
lSelf-directed positive
feedback
Internal Validation
lStop making those
qualifying statements
lImmediately restate
without qualifiers
lMore assertive
lBetter opportunities
lBeing a better leader
and advocate
lSelf-directed positive
feedback
3-2-1 Technique
lLet's talk about 3-2-1
lThink about a recent project
lMaking dinner, setting travel plans, writing code
3-2-1 Technique
lLet's talk about 3-2-1
lThink about a recent project
lMaking dinner, setting travel plans, writing code
lThree things
lLiked
lDid well
lAre proud of
3-2-1 Technique
lTwo things
lThat you're not happy about
lWant to do better
3-2-1 Technique
lTwo things
lThat you're not happy about
lWant to do better
lOne thing
lTo do differently next time
3-2-1 Technique
lThe Why of 3-2-1
lSelf-guided
lNo judgement
lCriticism sandwich
lPath to move forward
lMultiple applications
lArt, code, time management
3-2-1 Technique
lResults
lIncreased participation
lIncreased quality
lImproved self-awareness
lA better mirror
lWhat do I think of me?
3-2-1 Technique
lDo nothing
lProvide another perspective
lApply external techniques as necessary
In Conclusion
lKeep an eye out for it
lHave some tools in your toolbox you can use
lProvide people with tools they can use
themselves
Questions?

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From the Inside Out: How Self-Talk Affects Your Community

  • 1. From the Inside Out: How Negative Self-Talk Affects Your Community Kat Toomajian Dreamwidth Studios LLC Misskat.dreamwidth.org :: @zarhooie #selftalkOSB Please have writing media available Paper and Pen, Computer, Stone Chisel etc
  • 2. About Me lDreamwidth Studios LLC lSupport Team Lead lCommunity and Volunteer Support lAllstate Insurance lTotal Loss Rental Coordinator lVolunteer lSociety for Creative Anachronism lRegional Manager for artwork distribution lCONvergence Con lOperations Dept subhead for inter-department communication
  • 3. About Me lDreamwidth Studios LLC lSupport Team Lead lCommunity and Volunteer Support lAllstate Insurance lTotal Loss Rental Coordinator lVolunteer lSociety for Creative Anachronism lRegional Manager for artwork distribution lCONvergence Con lOperations Dept subhead for inter-department communication
  • 4. What is Negative Self-Talk? lHow we talk to and about ourselves lSometimes internal lSometimes external lSometimes both lAffects how you think about you
  • 5. What effects might it have? lFewer contributions lHigher turnover lLess innovation
  • 6. What does it look like? lImpostor Syndrome lBurn Out lFade Out lQualifying Statements
  • 7. Impostor Syndrome lThat sinking feeling that at any moment, everyone in the room will know you're faking it lReduces ownership of successful things lOverburdens with ownership for unsuccessful things lReduces risk-taking
  • 8. Burn Out and Fade Out lBrain cycles get spent on What-Ifs lBrain weasels are not cute lPerceived failure might not actually be failure lNo path to start again
  • 9. Qualifying Statements lA qualified statement expresses some level of uncertainty about its own accuracy. – Stack Exchange lDeferential statements
  • 10. So now what? lThe basis of negative self-talk is a disconnection between the way you see yourself and the way you are seen by other people lIt's a warped mirror lCreate a better mirror lExternal validation → Internal validation
  • 11. External Action Items lKudos and other kinds of Positive Feedback lTangible and Intangible lAO3 Kudos lTotts Tokens
  • 12. External Action Items lKudos and other kinds of Positive Feedback lTangible and Intangible lAO3 Kudos lTotts Tokens
  • 13. External Action Items lDreamwidth Specific lDreamwidth Points l“Fake Dreamwidth Money” lSupport Points lIndicator on Profile lPurely quantitative lCode Amnesty
  • 14. External Action Items lDreamwidth Specific lDreamwidth Points l“Fake Dreamwidth Money” lSupport Points lIndicator on Profile lPurely quantitative lCode Amnesty
  • 15. External Action Items lMinimal Group Paradigm lMinor connections based on arbitrary characteristics lSmall groups lSafe space lStretch Positions lEncourage responsibility lActive mentoring lAllow failure
  • 16. External Action Items lMinimal Group Paradigm lMinor connections based on arbitrary characteristics lSmall groups lSafe space lStretch Positions lEncourage responsibility lActive mentoring lAllow failure
  • 17. External Action Items I used to be really be very hard on myself if I thought I wasn't accomplishing something or reaching a certain level.
  • 18. External Action Items Be with your failures. They're just as educational and just as opening to the process as the success is.
  • 19. External Action Items Your failures are okay, too.
  • 20. External Action Items Ways to Fail Exploration and Development Fail Publically Things Real Dreamwidth Developers Do
  • 21. External Action Items Ways to Fail Exploration and Development Fail Publically Things Real Dreamwidth Developers Do
  • 22. External Action Items Ways to Fail Exploration and Development Fail Publically Things Real Dreamwidth Developers Do
  • 23. External Action Items lReduce qualitative statements lValidate contributor and contribution lEncourage positive self-care activities lIt's ok to be selfish lTake care of YOU Maybe let's not
  • 24. External Action Items lReduce qualitative statements lValidate contributor and contribution lEncourage positive self-care activities lIt's ok to be selfish lTake care of YOU Maybe let's not
  • 25. External Action Items lReduce qualitative statements lValidate contributor and contribution lEncourage positive self-care activities lIt's ok to be selfish lTake care of YOU Maybe let's not
  • 27. Internal Validation lStop making those qualifying statements lImmediately restate without qualifiers lMore assertive lBetter opportunities lBeing a better leader and advocate lSelf-directed positive feedback
  • 28. Internal Validation lStop making those qualifying statements lImmediately restate without qualifiers lMore assertive lBetter opportunities lBeing a better leader and advocate lSelf-directed positive feedback
  • 29. Internal Validation lStop making those qualifying statements lImmediately restate without qualifiers lMore assertive lBetter opportunities lBeing a better leader and advocate lSelf-directed positive feedback
  • 30. Internal Validation lStop making those qualifying statements lImmediately restate without qualifiers lMore assertive lBetter opportunities lBeing a better leader and advocate lSelf-directed positive feedback
  • 31. 3-2-1 Technique lLet's talk about 3-2-1 lThink about a recent project lMaking dinner, setting travel plans, writing code
  • 32. 3-2-1 Technique lLet's talk about 3-2-1 lThink about a recent project lMaking dinner, setting travel plans, writing code lThree things lLiked lDid well lAre proud of
  • 33. 3-2-1 Technique lTwo things lThat you're not happy about lWant to do better
  • 34. 3-2-1 Technique lTwo things lThat you're not happy about lWant to do better lOne thing lTo do differently next time
  • 35. 3-2-1 Technique lThe Why of 3-2-1 lSelf-guided lNo judgement lCriticism sandwich lPath to move forward lMultiple applications lArt, code, time management
  • 36. 3-2-1 Technique lResults lIncreased participation lIncreased quality lImproved self-awareness lA better mirror lWhat do I think of me?
  • 37. 3-2-1 Technique lDo nothing lProvide another perspective lApply external techniques as necessary
  • 38. In Conclusion lKeep an eye out for it lHave some tools in your toolbox you can use lProvide people with tools they can use themselves