Identifying and discouraging negative self-talk is a simple thing, but it can have a huge impact on your community in a positive way. It increases self-confidence, improves morale, and generally results in happier, more productive community participants. This, in turn, will make you happy.
Negative self-talk is a pervasive, invasive, and unproductive way of thinking. It can trigger a cascade of things, from abandoned patches (“I am not smart/talented/good enough to figure this out”), to withdrawl from the community (“I screwed this up and everyone knows and hates me”), to general discouragement (“I suck, and have nothing valuable to contribute here”).
In this talk, I discuss the various methods Dreamwidth and other organizations use to handle negative self-talk, and the best way to deploy those techniques. I also discuss things to keep an eye out for in your community that may be at the root of this type of self-talk, and processes you can go through to eliminate them. Finally, there's a quick overview of impostor syndrome, and the role it plays here.
From the Inside Out: How Self-Talk Affects Your Community
1. From the Inside Out:
How Negative Self-Talk Affects Your Community
Kat Toomajian
Dreamwidth Studios LLC
Misskat.dreamwidth.org :: @zarhooie
#selftalkOSB
Please have writing media available
Paper and Pen, Computer, Stone Chisel etc
2. About Me
lDreamwidth Studios LLC
lSupport Team Lead
lCommunity and Volunteer Support
lAllstate Insurance
lTotal Loss Rental Coordinator
lVolunteer
lSociety for Creative Anachronism
lRegional Manager for artwork distribution
lCONvergence Con
lOperations Dept subhead for inter-department
communication
3. About Me
lDreamwidth Studios LLC
lSupport Team Lead
lCommunity and Volunteer Support
lAllstate Insurance
lTotal Loss Rental Coordinator
lVolunteer
lSociety for Creative Anachronism
lRegional Manager for artwork distribution
lCONvergence Con
lOperations Dept subhead for inter-department
communication
4. What is Negative Self-Talk?
lHow we talk to and
about ourselves
lSometimes internal
lSometimes external
lSometimes both
lAffects how you think
about you
5. What effects might it have?
lFewer contributions
lHigher turnover
lLess innovation
6. What does it look like?
lImpostor Syndrome
lBurn Out
lFade Out
lQualifying Statements
7. Impostor Syndrome
lThat sinking feeling
that at any moment,
everyone in the room
will know you're
faking it
lReduces ownership
of successful things
lOverburdens with
ownership for
unsuccessful things
lReduces risk-taking
8. Burn Out and Fade Out
lBrain cycles get spent on What-Ifs
lBrain weasels are not cute
lPerceived failure might not actually be failure
lNo path to start again
9. Qualifying Statements
lA qualified statement expresses some level
of uncertainty about its own accuracy. –
Stack Exchange
lDeferential statements
10. So now what?
lThe basis of negative self-talk is a
disconnection between the way you see
yourself and the way you are seen by other
people
lIt's a warped mirror
lCreate a better mirror
lExternal validation → Internal validation
11. External Action Items
lKudos and other kinds of Positive Feedback
lTangible and Intangible
lAO3 Kudos
lTotts Tokens
12. External Action Items
lKudos and other kinds of Positive Feedback
lTangible and Intangible
lAO3 Kudos
lTotts Tokens
13. External Action Items
lDreamwidth Specific
lDreamwidth Points
l“Fake Dreamwidth Money”
lSupport Points
lIndicator on Profile
lPurely quantitative
lCode Amnesty
14. External Action Items
lDreamwidth Specific
lDreamwidth Points
l“Fake Dreamwidth Money”
lSupport Points
lIndicator on Profile
lPurely quantitative
lCode Amnesty
15. External Action Items
lMinimal Group Paradigm
lMinor connections based on arbitrary
characteristics
lSmall groups
lSafe space
lStretch Positions
lEncourage responsibility
lActive mentoring
lAllow failure
16. External Action Items
lMinimal Group Paradigm
lMinor connections based on arbitrary
characteristics
lSmall groups
lSafe space
lStretch Positions
lEncourage responsibility
lActive mentoring
lAllow failure
17. External Action Items
I used to be really be very hard on myself if I thought I
wasn't accomplishing something or reaching a certain level.
18. External Action Items
Be with your failures. They're just as educational and just as
opening to the process as the success is.
20. External Action Items
Ways to Fail
Exploration and Development
Fail Publically
Things Real Dreamwidth Developers Do
21. External Action Items
Ways to Fail
Exploration and Development
Fail Publically
Things Real Dreamwidth Developers Do
22. External Action Items
Ways to Fail
Exploration and Development
Fail Publically
Things Real Dreamwidth Developers Do
23. External Action Items
lReduce qualitative
statements
lValidate contributor
and contribution
lEncourage positive
self-care activities
lIt's ok to be selfish
lTake care of YOU
Maybe let's not
24. External Action Items
lReduce qualitative
statements
lValidate contributor
and contribution
lEncourage positive
self-care activities
lIt's ok to be selfish
lTake care of YOU
Maybe let's not
25. External Action Items
lReduce qualitative
statements
lValidate contributor
and contribution
lEncourage positive
self-care activities
lIt's ok to be selfish
lTake care of YOU
Maybe let's not
27. Internal Validation
lStop making those
qualifying statements
lImmediately restate
without qualifiers
lMore assertive
lBetter opportunities
lBeing a better leader
and advocate
lSelf-directed positive
feedback
28. Internal Validation
lStop making those
qualifying statements
lImmediately restate
without qualifiers
lMore assertive
lBetter opportunities
lBeing a better leader
and advocate
lSelf-directed positive
feedback
29. Internal Validation
lStop making those
qualifying statements
lImmediately restate
without qualifiers
lMore assertive
lBetter opportunities
lBeing a better leader
and advocate
lSelf-directed positive
feedback
30. Internal Validation
lStop making those
qualifying statements
lImmediately restate
without qualifiers
lMore assertive
lBetter opportunities
lBeing a better leader
and advocate
lSelf-directed positive
feedback
31. 3-2-1 Technique
lLet's talk about 3-2-1
lThink about a recent project
lMaking dinner, setting travel plans, writing code
32. 3-2-1 Technique
lLet's talk about 3-2-1
lThink about a recent project
lMaking dinner, setting travel plans, writing code
lThree things
lLiked
lDid well
lAre proud of