Listening skills for supervisors participant guide 2018

Supervisory Training Series: Communication & Self Management
Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542
September, 2018
krt4@williams.edu
413-597-3542
Manager, Learning and Development
Office of Human Resources
Presented by Kevin R. Thomas
Supervisory Training Series
Listening Skills
Introductions
Listening Skills for Supervisors
page 1

1) Program Overview
2) Listening Skills
1. Structure of the Program
2. Structure of Each Module
3. Ground Rules
Program Overview
page 2

Communication
& Self-Management
Supervising Individuals
Supervising Teams
Supervising at Williams
• Listening Skills
• Giving Effective Feedback
• Delegating Skills
• Diversity & Inclusion
• Hiring & Onboarding
• Leaves, Absences & Accommodations
• Performance Development
• Dealing with Performance Problems
• Developing Employees
• Building Effective Teams
• Resolving Conflict
• Professional Ethics
Structure of Each Module
Program Overview
Skills
Practice or
Case Study
discussion
Overview:
“Least you
need to
know”
Who to call
Materials to
add to
binder
Course web
page with
all
materials
Pre-work
questions
page 3

• Confidentiality
• Participation
• Listening
• Judgement free zone
Ground Rules
Program Overview
1) Program Overview
2) Listening Skills
page 4

Why is listening important for
supervisors?
page 5

Why is Listening Important for Supervisors?
-NOTES-
page 6

What Behaviors Indicate Good Listening?
-NOTES-
page 7

What behaviors indicate good
listening?
page 8

1. The Listening Container
2. Listening Behaviors
– Minimal encouragements
– Open-ended questions
– Mirroring statements
– Empathy questions
Listening Skills
Listening Skills
page 9

• Privacy
• Freedom from Distractions
• Time Limit
• Setting Ground Rules
The Listening Container
Listening Skills
• Confidentiality
• “I” statements
• No name calling or pejorative
language
• No interruptions
• Volume and gestures moderate
• Time outs
Setting Ground Rules
Listening Skills Listening Container
page 10

Listening Skills
• Echoing words or phrases
• Verbal cues that you are
listening “Oh?”, “Mm
hmm”, “Right.” etc.
• “Is there more about that?”
• Silence
Minimal Encouragements
Listening Skills The Listening Stance
page 11

• It’s a surrender of control
• It involves inhibition:
o of what we want to say
o of what we think is right
o of what is most interesting
to us
Why Listening is Difficult
“You know how advice is.
You only want it if it agrees with what
you wanted to do anyway.”
— John Steinbeck
page 12

Minimal Encouragements– your turn
• Pair up. This will be your partner for the whole
class.
• Each person think about a real problem you are
facing that you can talk about easily with a
stranger.
• For the first round, choose who will be the
speaker and who will be the listener.
• Speakers, talk about your problem for 2
minutes. Listeners, use only minimal
encouragements.
• Switch roles.
Listening Skills
page 13

• Questions that encourage the
speaker to explore the whole
landscape of the topic.
• Cannot be answered “yes” or
“no”
• Beware of advice posing as a
question:
“Have you considered doing x?”
• Examples of open-ended
questions on next page.
Open Ended Questions
Open-ended questions – your turn
minutes. Listeners, use minimal
encouragements and open-ended questions.
• Switch roles.
page 14

page 15

Listening Skills
• Statements that
summarize what the
person has said.
• Helps the other person
know you are hearing them.
• Follow with “Have I got that
right?”
Mirroring Statements
page 16

Watch the video and underline
the mirroring statements that you
hear.
Mirroring statements: examples
page 17

Mirroring Statements in Action
Mirroring statements are statements that summarize and distill what the listener
has heard from the speaker. They help to ensure understanding and provide the
speaker with a sense of validation.
Underline the mirroring statements as you see them in the video.
[Tatiana] So, that was a colossal waste of two hours in the meeting, and do you want to
know what happened? Ask me what the vote was, ask me what -- -
[Brenda] Okay, what was the vote?
[Tatiana] Five for the decision, and 15 against the decision. I don't know what we're
going to do, I don't know what's going to happen. –
[Brenda] Okay, wait a minute, do you think we're going to need to act on this later, or
should I just sort of take all of this in. –
[Tatiana] Act? We'll probably go jump off a cliff, because now -- -
[Brenda] Come on... –
[Tatiana] Yes, we have to start from scratch. –
[Brenda] Tell me more, I'm gonna listen, go. –
[Tatiana] Okay, so you knew that we had prepared them, they had all the
information, and they told us that they were for this vote. So now, 15 of them vote
against it. We have to start from scratch. I don't know...
[Brenda] What do you think happened?
[Tatiana] Bad communication. I don't know, how could they not have known about
this? And how could they be so influenced against it? So what do we tell the staff? We
have to start the entire strategic process from the beginning. That's what I know. –
[Brenda] Oh my goodness, so you're freaked out that the vote went so differently than
you expected it to, and mainly you're worried about how to move forward -- -
[Tatiana] Yeah, I was blind-sided and now I feel like I'm paralyzed.
How are we gonna move forward, and how will we communicate this to the staff? What
are we supposed to do?
[Brenda] Yeah, so the communication to them is going to be -- -
[Tatiana] I don't know, I don't know, two hours in there, so back and forth, back and -- -
[Brenda] What a waste of your time. –
[Tatiana] I don't know what to do. –
[Brenda] I don't either.
page 18

Mirroring statements – your turn
• Same partner
encouragements, open-ended questions,
and mirroring statements.
• Switch roles.
Listening Skills
page 19

Empathy questions
• Sharing your guess about what the
speaker may be feeling:
“Based on what I’m hearing, I’m
guessing you’re really angry about
this.”
• Demonstrates concern and respect
for the person’s feelings.
• Follow with: “Am I right about that?”
• Don’t be afraid to ask “How are you
feeling?”
• With sincerity, validate feelings:
“That makes sense to me.”
• Postive feelings arise when
are needs are fulfilled
• Negative feelings arise
when needs are not fulfilled
• Listeners can help speakers
identify their needs and the
associated emotions
The Link Between Emotions and
Needs
page 20

page 21

Empathy Questions– your turn
• Same partner
encouragements, open-ended questions,
mirroring statements, and empathic
questions.
• Switch roles.
Listening Skills in Action
• Journalists use listening skills in public
settings where they can be studied
• Follow along in the transcript of an excerpt
from the podcast “Reply All”
• What listening skills were used?
page 22

Listening Skills In Action
ALEX: This is Alex.
PJ: And PJ.
SUSAN BRACKNEY: Oh my god! No way.
PJ: Way.
ALEX: Yep, it's —
SUSAN: Am I really talking to you guys?
ALEX: It's really happening. Who are we talking to?
SUSAN: Oh, right. Well, this is Susan.
ALEX: Hi, Susan.
SUSAN: Uh, Brackney from Bloomington, Indiana. And, uh, home of - home of
Indiana University and really crappy winter weather.
PJ: (laughs)
SUSAN: Um, 2016 was easily the worst year of my life.
ALEX: Oh.
SUSAN: And I am ready for 2017.
ALEX: And —
SUSAN: Um, and you wanted to know what I'm excited or looking forward to?
ALEX AND PJ: Yes!
page 23

SUSAN: Uh ... so. How to say this. Uh, I have three dear, uh, friends who
have a soap company. Um, they're - they're, each of them are Muslim-
Americans and I'm kinda scared for them in this age of Trump and all that.
PJ: Yeah.
SUSAN: Uh, and I'm doing my very best to help them. And one of the things
that we have just started to do and will have a hard launch in 2017 is, um,
DesignMySoap.com. It is the world's first and only online soapmaking studio
and —
ALEX: I like this!
SUSAN: — you can —
ALEX: So you get to choose the ingredients and stuff?
SUSAN: You choose the ingredients and the thing is that they've invented this
special way of making soap that not even, like, Procter & Gamble knows how
to do.
PJ: What's the special way of making soap?
SUSAN: Oh, it's a little bit a secret, but I'll tell you they call it "The Volcano
Method."
ALEX: Ooooh.
PJ: We usually charge people money to do ads on the show, but this feels
good to me. This feels OK.
ALEX: Yeah, I'm into it.
PJ: I'm very happy to support this volcanic secret soap technology.
ALEX: It sounds really intense. "The Volcano Method."
page 24

SUSAN: It's awesome! Uh, and these guys, they just broke the mold. It makes
me cry when I think about ... I'm just very proud to know them.
PJ: How do you know them?
SUSAN: Um, my parents are customers of theirs, and they were always
buying their soap and giving me their soap, uh, to kinda cheer me up. Uh,
'cause like I said, I had a really bad year.
PJ: Why was your year so bad?
SUSAN: Um, I got a divorce.
PJ: Oh, I'm sorry.
ALEX: Sorry.
SUSAN: And I, uh, found myself living in a 133-square-foot Airstream trailer.
ALEX: Ooh.
SUSAN: And I have rheumatoid arthritis. (laughs) So.
PJ: Oh, I —
SUSAN: Those things all happened in the same year. And those things are
not designed for winter-time, let me tell you.
PJ: Ohhhhh no.
ALEX: Yeah.
PJ: That is a - that is a bad year. That is, like, a year to box up and put away.
How come you're so proud of these, um, soap guys? Like, what - what about
them makes you so proud?
SUSAN: Well, they are, like, they've been at this for four years. They have this
one soap for poison ivy and they actually — one of them got poison ivy on
page 25

purpose to —
PJ: (laughing)
SUSAN: — test their soap.
ALEX: Wow!
SUSAN: To make sure it works. Like, they don't want to put out shit. And they
- they only want to put out the best stuff and — and their profit margin is
terrible and they're barely getting by. And I just — I love 'em. I just want them
to be OK.
PJ: Hm. And are they, like, it is, like, when — I feel this way sometimes when
you hang out with people who love a thing — is it, like, all they'll talk about is
soap all the time forever?
SUSAN: All the goddamn time!
ALEX AND PJ: (laugh)
PJ: And —
SUSAN: All they talk about!
PJ: What is soap talk like?
SUSAN: Ugh! Well, like, they'll - they'll argue about which base is better, how
to make something sudsier, Anthony made one called "Anthony's Spice," and
he's, like, really super-proud of it.
ALEX: Um, I'm curious — I feel like i- a lot of people, if they'd had such a bad
year, they would probably just be like, "All I want is for better things to happen
for me next year." But all you want is (laughs) is for better things to happen to
your friends with the soap company next year!
SUSAN: Pretty much. I love - I love coming here — I'm in their little factory
right now — and it smells so good, just being in here makes me feel better.
page 26

With all these smells and they're just such nice people. They're like the
opposite of the person I was with for the last ten years. It was a very abusive
relationship and these guys have, like — they bought me a little heater for my
trailer and they - one of them made me an eye doctor appointment today
'cause he knows I really need to get my eyes looked at and ... they just been
looking out for me and they're just the sweetest people ever. It just makes me
want to cry. I just want them to be OK.
PJ: Ugh. I'm glad you found a good place.
SUSAN: So, anyway.
PJ: Yeah. But anyway, people should go design their own soaps.
SUSAN: Yeah. Just DesignMySoap.com.
PJ: Mmkay.
ALEX: Alright, thanks so much for calling.
SUSAN: Thank you! And, um, that is all. Bye.
page 27

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page 28

“Anything that’s human is
mentionable. And what’s mentionable is much
more manageable.”
— Fred Rogers
Links coming via email:
Contact Kevin Thomas at 413-597-3542
or email kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu
Supervisory Training Series
Communication & Self-Management
Questions?
• Course page link to all course materials
• Program evaluation link, feedback welcome
page 29

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