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Dumb jokes

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Dumb jokes

  1. 1. Dumb JokesDumb Jokes are usually jokes about a set of people or two men who try toout-dumb eacher other with silly talk and actions.Dumb JokesA man took his car to the garage for a repair as every time he turned acorner, he heard a loud clunking noise. The mechanic took out the car andtested it turning right then left and then right again. He returned to thegarage and told the man he had fixed the noise. "What was the problem"asked the man. "Easy", replied the mechanic "It just needed that bowlingbowl taking out of your boot."A tramp went up to an expensive looking house and knocked gently on thefrontdoor. The rich owner answered and the tramp asked if he could supply himwithsome food. The wealthy man said "I didnt become rich by giving stuff awayforfree but I tell you what - if you go out the back and paint my porch, inreturn youwill receive a fine meal". After about twenty minutes, the tramp returns andknocks at the front door and the owner says "Wow. Finished already. Mythatwas quick. Take a seat and my cook will bring you the food."Thanks" said the tramp "But you should know one thing - thats a BMW youhave out back, not a porch.Ridiculous Dumb JokesTwo men went out fishing one fine day in a rented boat. They caught anamazing42 fish. " Lets come out again tomorrow but be sure to mark this greatfishingspot on the lake" said one of the men to the other.The following day, they are on the way to pick up the boat and the sameman asks"Did you remember to mark that great fishing spot?"The other man replied " Yes, I put a massive "X" underneath the boat"."You silly fool" said the first guy "What happens if we are given a differentboattoday?"
  2. 2. A woman is talking to an operator at the exchange and says " I have beentrying to ring 0800 1930 for several days now and cannot get through".The operator asks "Where did you obtain this number?". "It was on the frontdoor of the Travel Agency". "Ah" said the opreator " I think that you will findthat that is their opening hours".My wife borrowed the car last week to go shopping and as she returned tothe car, saw a young man driving off in our car. The policeman asked her ifshe could describe theyoung man. "Not really" came the reply. " But I did manage to get thelicence plate.A car was speeding down a motorway so a traffic cop took chase and whenhe caughtup with the vehicle was amazed to see a woman knitting as she wasspeeding along.He realised that she was completely oblivious to the sirens, flashing lightsetc. so got out his loud haler and bellowed "PULL OVER". The woman yelledback at him " No its a scarf actually".Really Dumb JokesJenny went to buy some ice-cream at the interval when she was at thecinema theother evening. On her return, she asked the man who was sitting on the endof arow " I didnt step on your toes about 5 minutes ago did I"."You certainly did young lady" replied the man."Thank goodness for that. Im on the right row then" she smiled.My girlfriend met her friend Libby as she was picking up her car from thegarage."Is the car okay now", my girlfriend asked."Yes although it did worry me the mechanic might attempt to overcharge meso Iwas mighty relieved when she said that all that it needed was some blinkerfluid"replied Libby.There were two best friends who did almost everything together. Last week,thefirst friend says " Its about time I lost some weight so tomorrow Im starting
  3. 3. adiet"."Okay, Ill do the same" said the second friend. " We can help encourageeachother to lose the weight and if I get the urge for some fries and a burger, Iwill callyou first"."Thats brilliant" replied the f first riend " I need a lift to Macdonalds as it ismilesaway".Dumb Girlfriend JokesMy girlfriend and her friend are not very clever. The other day when outsupermarketshopping, they locked themselves out of their Mercedes so tried to open itusing acoat hanger. Try as they may, they were unable to unlock it.Just as her friend stopped for a rest, the heavens opened and my girlfriendshouted"Get a move on, its beginning to rain and I’ve left the hood off and don’twantthe seats to get wet."I wouldn’t say that my girlfriend was stupid but the other day she enteredour localLibrary and said to the lady behind the desk "Chicken nuggets and Frenchfriesplease". The woman replied "Don’t you realise that you are in a library".So she whispered very quietly "Sorry, I said can I have some chickennuggets andFrench fries, please"?My girlfriend wanted to change the colour scheme in her bedroom. She knewthe colour she wanted but wasnt sure how much wall coverinmg she neededbut her friend down the lane had done something similar recently and therooms wereabout the same size."Libby" she asked "Can you remember the number of rolls of wall covering ittook you to decorate your room"? "Twelve" she replied.My girlfriend duly bought the twelve rolls of wall covering, finished the joband found
  4. 4. that she had three rolls remaining. She phoned Libby and told her this towhich Libby replied "Oh, Im not surprised, so did I "- PricelessDumb JokesA police officer stopped me for speeding the other day and asked to see mylicence. "I wish you lot would make your minds up – yesterday you took mylicence off me and today you want me to let you look at it".How do you know when you have received a fax from someone who is notverybright? It will have a stamp on.My girlfriend is not very bright. Last summer we were flying home from Ibizawhenthe pilot announced that one of the engines had packed up but not to panicas theremaining three were fine. The only problem was that it would increase ourflyingtime by twenty minutes. A little later, the pilot announces that a secondengine has now packed up but the remaining two are fine but now our flyingtime has been extended by 40 minutes. My girlfriend turned to me and said"I hope the remaining two engines don’t pack up otherwise we will be stuckup here all day"- priceless.Really dumbPat let me tell you, today I went to church and I couldn’t believe what washappening! A guy was smoking right next to the priest! I was so shocked byhis gesture, that the feller in front of me noticed I was lifting his wallet.