Holden's diary

HOLDEN
CAULFIELD’S
DIARY
Jen Jeon 8-8

Early in the day,
New york

 “I was the goddamn manager of the fencing
team. Very big deal.”
 I DON’T CARE about my responsibilities to
both the fencing team and my school, Pencey
Prep.

3:00, Thomsen Hill
 “...You were supposed to commit suicide or
something if old Pencey didn’t win”
 I apparently don’t believe in that.
It’s just a stupid old game. No big deal.

A little after 3:00, Mr.
Spencer’s, Anthony Wayne Avenue
 “All of a sudden then, I wanted to get the hell
out of the room”

Later, Pencey Prep,
My room
 Yes, I DO indeed have a condescending and
slightly sadistic attitude sometimes. I like to
push people’s buttons and I do not think-- care
about the consequences. I don’t care what
they say. It doesn’t matter. Nothing does.

Halfway through the
Game, Pencey Prep, the restroom
 “Suspense is good for some bastards like
Stradlater”
 You know, at the beginning, I thought
Stradlater was a decent lad. Now that I come
to think of it, I think he’s a bastard. I’m just not
that into him.

9:30pm, my room
 “I slept in the garage the night he died, and I
broke the goddamn windows with my fist, just
for the hell of it.”
 I don’t feel well whenever thinking about Allie’s
death. Why did God have to take him? I
mean, h was a good kid. What did he ever do
wrong?

11:00, my room
 No one does anything the way they’re
supposed to. UGH.
 Ok, I don’t like to do things they way I’m
supposed to. So what. I’m different.

11:30
 I asked Ackley kid what was the routine on
joining a monastery.
 You know, sometimes I think about running
away and starting a new life that doesn’t
involve any school or schoolwork.

12:15
 I’m going to leave Pencey early.
 I’m selling my typewriter. Oh, right, I’m also
bringing along the money I got from my
grandmother.

Train
 I’m on the train to New York... there’s this
woman next to me. Looks like a decent lad.
Turned out to be Mrs. Morrow, old Earnest’s
mother.
 You know, I really felt bad for the mother, so i
decided to add in some stuff. I told her old
Earnest adapts himself very well to things. As
in adapting to things Very Well.

Central Park
 I asked the cab driver if he knew where the
duck in the Park went in Winter, where they
would stay, since you know, it’s pretty cold in
the winter.
 Turned out cab driver knew nothing.
 That didn’t really help.

Lavender Room
 Met some girls. What was their name?
Marty, Laverne and Bernice or something.
Danced with all of them. Felt sorry for how
stupid they were. There wasn’t anything else
to do.

Hotel
 Had a prostitute come over to my room after
the elevator guy asked me if I wanted one for 5
dollars.
 I didn’t want sex. She still insisted that I pay.
That woman came storming mad at me WITH
the elevator guy demanding 10 dollars. Didn’t
want to make a fuss. I just gave it to them.

Sandwich Bar
 Met some nuns while I was trying to get my
Swiss Cheese sandwich and a malted milk.
 They talked about the book Romeo and Juliet.

Noon
 Left the sandwich bar walked down Broadway.
Encountered family walking down the street.
Boy was singing “If a body catch a body
coming through the rye.”
 Stopped by at a record store and bought a
recording of “Little Shirley Beans” for Old
Phoebe.
 Bought two tickets for some play for Sally
Hayes.
 Went to Central Park to see if old Phoebe
would be there

12:45~1:30
 Still looking for old Phoebe. Went pass the
park to the Museum. Didn’t want to go in
though. If Phoebe had been there, I probably
would have, but she wasn’t.
 Took taxi to the Biltmore and met Sally

2:00
 Sally came late; arrived at 2:10.
 Went to the theater to see the play staring the
Lunts. Sally met an old friend, George
something.
 Went to ice skate at the Rockfeller Center after
the play.

4:00
 Talked to her about phonies and how we
should run away together.
 “You never saw so many phonies in all your
life, everybody smoking their ears off and
talking about the play so that everybody could
hear and know how sharp they were.

5:30
 After the date, I felt hungry so I went to the
drugstore and had my Swiss cheese sandwich
and malted milk.
 Tried calling Jane Gallagher; there was no
answer

6:30
 Called Carl Luce, told him to come over.
 Went to Radio City. Watched some Christmas
movie. Noticed some woman crying next to
me. The phonier the picture was, the harder
she cried.
 Had nothing to do besides watching the movie.

10:00
 Carl Luce finally came. Met him at Wicker Bar
on 54th street. Had an argument with him, he
got annoyed. Started questioning my mental
health and told me to try to meet his father
who was a psychologist.

11:00
 Talked about girls that Carl dated in his life. He
got annoyed again.
 stayed at the bar after Carl Luce left for his
date.
 He told me to get a life.

11:30
 Called old Sally. The maid got the phone. I
insisted that I had to talk to her. They said I
couldn’t.

1:00
 Was in the bathroom some flitty guy told me to
go home. Left the Wicker Bar
 Went to the lagoon in Central Park.
Accidentally dropped the record “Little Shirley
Beans”
 Know what? I’m going to sneak home to see
old Phoebe.

2:00
 Walked home, woke up old Phoebe. Gave her
the pieces of the broken record.
 Had a long conversation with her.
 Old Phoebe guessed right. She guessed that
I’ve been kicked out of school again.

3:00
 Got some cigarettes from the box on the table
before I left.
 Old Phoebe and I cried for a long time.
Phoebe didn’t want me to go: wanted me to
stay for her play.
 “she's very affectionate. I mean she’s quite
affectionate, for a child. Sometimes she’s even
too affectionate. I sort of gave her a kiss”
 Phoebe got mad at me. I admitted that I hated
school because of phonies.

 Had some weird dream. I was on a cliff on a
field of rye, children kept trying to jump over
the cliff.
 “What I have to do, I have to catch everybody
if they start to go over the cliff- I mean if they’re
running and they dpn’t look where they’re
going I have to come out from somewhere and
catch them.

 Called up Mr. Antolini.
 Had no place to sleep and I’m damn lonely. Mr.
Antolini was my best teacher. I respect him. He
was the first person to touch the dead body of
James Castle, the boy who got killed.
 “Said I’d flunked out of Pencey, though.
Thought I might as well tell him.”

 Mr. Antolini says that he has a terrible feeling
that I’m riding for some kind of a
terrible, terrible fall but he doesn’t know what
kind.
 Fell asleep while he was talking to me about
my future.
 When I woke up, “what he was doing was, he
sitting on the floor right next to the couch, in
the dark and all, and he was sort of petting me
or patting me on the goddamn head.”

 Slept at the central subway after I left Mr.
Antolini’s house.
 Too tired, depressed lonely to act straight or
reasonably. Not that I ever did.

some cheap restaurant

 can’t swallow the dough nuts.
 When I walked down fifth avenue, felt as if i
was disappearing into nothing.
 “I thought I’d just go down, down, down, and
nobody would ever see me again. Boy, did it
scare me.”

 Want to run away from this world sometimes.
 Wrote old Phoebe a note.
 Here’s what it said.
 “Dear Phoebe, I can’t wait around till
Wednesday any more so I will probably hitch
hike out west this afternoon.

Around Lunch Time
 Old Phoebe said she wanted to come with me.
I told her she had better stay here.
 Boy, was she angry.
 “All she did was, she took off my red hunting
hat- the one I gave her- and practically
chucked it right in my face.”

Carousel

 Phoebe rode the carousel twice: i nearly cried.
 “I felt so damn happy all of a sudden. the way
old Phoebe kept going around and around. I
was damn near bawling.”

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