Dealing with mean, sarcastic, argumentative or manipulating co-workers? You can’t change them, but you can change how you deal with them. Learn specific tips and different approaches when dealing with difficult situations. Find your inner strength to survive these challenging co-workers!

1. Finding your inner strength …Finding your inner strength …
to survive challenging co-workers!to survive challenging co-workers!
WorkplaceWorkplace
SurvivorSurvivor

2. “Difficult employees are contagious,
spreading unanticipated consequences
throughout the organization.”
– Patricia Wiklund author of Taking Charge when you’re
not in Control

3. “My main job was developing people.
Of course, I had to pull out some
weeds, too.”
– Jack Welch, former CEO of
General Electric & author of Winning

4. - Dale Carnegie, author of How to Win Friends and
Influence People 1888-1955

5.  Difficult types
 Damage caused
 Difficult drama types & why they do what they do
 Characteristics, tick, helpful hints
 What can be done?
 What YOU can do?
Finding your inner strength, to survive challenging co-workers :

6. Difficult people
make everyone
miserable but also
they diminish your
effectiveness and
the effectiveness of
those around you

7. Every difficult
person that you
come into contact
with is an
opportunity for you
to grow and develop
into a stronger, more
resilient and more
serene manager [or

11. … difficult people are
everywhere & you just have to
learn to get along with them
to succeed!

14. THERE’S A FULL SPECTRUM OF DRAMA OUT THERE …
 Backstabber
 Black hole (clingy people)
 Blamer-complainer
 Bully
 Busybody
 Gossiper
 Kiss up
 Know it all
 Liar
 Loner
 Manipulator
 Martyr
 Maverick
 Minutiae monster
 Narcissist
 Outlaw
 Pouter
 Recluse
 Slave driver
 Whiner

15. Stems from drama in the workplace:
 Infighting
 Job duties not clearly stated
 Turf wars
 Drain energy and deflect the work team from
collaborative pursuit of goals
 Water cooler talk

16. Difficult person can:
 Affect you at all levels
• Drain energy and focus
• Impedes getting the job done
 Bring you down
• Team loses energy, efficiency, enthusiasm &
productivity
• Avoidance of the person causing the problems
 Complain about you when you aren’t present
 Compete with you for power
 Impede your ability to follow through on promises, etc.
 Misrepresent you
 Undermine authority
 Waste your time!

18.  ComplainerComplainer
 CynicCynic
 ControllerController
 CaretakerCaretaker
Fssdfasd

19.  Feel helpless or like a victim
 Waffling or indecision
 Deflects or blames other for their mistakes
 Complain about you when you aren’t present
 Whines about anything and everything
 Can be moody and unpredictable (everyone walks on
eggshells around them)
 Distance themselves from responsibility by
criticizing those in charge
 Skilled manipulators
“Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen”

20.  Can’t stand the thought of being wrong
 Intolerant of imperfection
 Filled with fear and apprehension
 Never taught how to deal with adversity
 Blame manipulators (Cynics) & tyrants
(Controllers) & share their “poor me” story with a
sympathetic ear (Caretakers)

21.  Anticipate mistakes and talk about them upfront
 Spread out responsibilities to the team
 Accept blame when you deserve it
 Heap praise
 Cover yourself if the blamer-complainer targets
you
 Show them that it is ok to make mistakes (learn
lessons from mistakes & can even improve
because of them)
 Encourage problem solving
 They can be helpful – when you need a critical eye
to look at a project & they will tell you what’ s
wrong

22.  Discounting, sniping, withdrawing
 They are always right and that’s all you need to know
 Tries to control everything
 Pessimistic
 Razor sharp tongue & quick wit
 Disrupts meetings with sarcastic one
liners
 Love to debate and to keep the
resolution “out there”
 Usually intelligent and creative
• Like to use as weapons to
shred others ideas
• Discussions and brainstorming
are a waste of time
“That will never work”

23.  Beneath the bravado
• Needy
• Vulnerable
• Doesn’t think they are good enough
• Lacks self confidence
 Their superior intelligence anchors their self
esteem
 Don’t like to admit their shortcomings
 Detest ambiguity or uncertainty
 Want recognition as masters in their field
 Relishes being the devil’s advocate

24.  Graciously accept the information they share
 Use the information they share to your team
 Give them credit
 Involve them in research and data gathering
 Possess extraordinary insight, focus and imagination
 Cut to the heart of difficult issues and recognize
patterns
 If they channel their talents (instead of protecting their
turf or attacking others) they can be innovative
contributors
 Need to be firm and blunt with them
 Help them release the past, focus on the present and
collaborate at a team

25.  Obsess about winning
 Has all the right answers
 Has a hard time giving responsibilities to others
 Perfectionist
 Sometimes a tyrant
 Relies on intensity & aggression to get
what they want
 Self absorbed, arrogant
 Desire to be in the spotlight
 Oblivious to the needs of others
 Talks over others, attacks ambiguity
 Might sabotage rising stars in the organization especially if
they make the controller look bad
 Blunt indiscreet & self-righteous
“Nobody does it better than me!”

26.  They want to be in the spotlight
 Want the job performed their way
 They want recognition
 Rewarded for their efforts
 Derive meaning & their identity from their
accomplishments
 If you mix a Controller with either Cynic or
Complainer traits - it creates an ugly combination
- crushes any resistance & is virtually
unapproachable (similar to a dictator)

27.  Champion efficient & thorough completion of
assignments & be tough-minded & resolute under
pressure
 Give them their own “sandbox” that they can oversee –
doesn’t have to be large, something they can call their
own
 Since they need to be seen as powerful, praise them for
their influential presence
 Guide them to be empowering rather than domineering
 Create a visible scoreboard to track their achievements
 They understand boundaries & power – give clear
commands & ultimatums
 Compliment them publicly

28.  Wants to help others
 Feel appreciated
 Live in a stable & calm environment
• Will sacrifice themselves to achieve this!
 Want to get along
 Provide for others
 Take on more than they can do
• Struggles with saying “no” to others
 Balks at making tough decisions, having difficult conversations or holding
boundaries
 The compulsive need to please & be indispensable, hinders collaboration &
drains energy
 Flees from arguments or acts as peacemaker
 Seem to have an open calendar & limitless energy
• Over-commits themselves
“No no … let me do that for you. I’ll take care of it”

29.  Usually have had a negative experience with
conflict & make the unconscious decision to avoid
it at all costs
 Conflict = loss or rejection
 Seeks appreciation for serving
 Want to help others and be recognized for it
 Feel driven to rescue
 They want to rescue needy co-workers
(Complainers) & calm the agitated ones (Cynics &
Controllers) = they breed lose-lose co-
dependence!
 Burnout often happens & they might turn into
martyr (Complainer)

30.  Peacemakers
 Cheerful enthusiasts
 Genuinely concerned for the well being of others
 Great potential for collaboration
 Praise them often but don’t let them fall back into
their “enabling” patterns
 Set & uphold limits

33. Regardless of the type of organization, most
leaders often avoid drama in the workplace or deal
with it badly
 Lack leadership skills to address interpersonal
topics
They are fearful of confrontation making the situation
worse

35. When drama goes
unchecked, eventually the
A-players will either join in
the dysfunction or leave the
organization
“Negative math of difficult
people” – not really able to
calculate – but will cause
turnover (either they leave,
they are terminated or
cause another to leave)

36. It’s easy to fall into the trap & see these
faults in your co-workers …

37. … but you need to see them in yourself as well!!
You can’t fix a problem you
don’t see in yourself!

38.  Own your own slips into drama and your own
weaknesses
 Identify the drama style of the person you are having
problems with before you deal with it
 Guide others out of drama – know what works with
each drama type
BE AUTHENTIC!
What skills should you have:

39. Authentic behavior 1
Take healthy responsibility for your life (antidote
for complaining)
Instead of complaining, retreating to
accusations, excuses and rationalizations - take
responsibility for yourself, rather than correct
others!!!

40. Authentic behavior 2
Practice collaboration and creativity (antidote
for cynicism)
Defensiveness, withdrawal and cynicism
sabotages learning - use your intellect, wit and
creative thinking to lead to new possibilities
and ideas

41. Authentic behavior 3
Empower others and express
gratitude(antidote for controlling)
Ready to get out of the drama hole?
Think about you really want for yourself?

42. Authentic behavior 4
Be caring and set boundaries (antidote for
caretaking)

43.  Reframe past events as learning experiences,
anchor this learning and release the past
 Fresh start – forgive yourself and everyone
else
 You need to: shift the situation + choose
curiosity over drama = healthy responsibility,
candor, empowerment and caring
 Correct your own dramatic behavior, rather
than correct others

44.  Open
 Curious
 Collaborative
 Authentic interactions
 Fun!!!
 Address problems cleanly
 Collaborate on solutions
 Celebrate successes

46. Change occurs when the situation is addressed
 Do something = Invest in change
 Do nothing = Cope with the situation (no longer have the
right to complain)
 End the relationship

47. More options:
 Team building activities
 Staff Days (took personality test)
 Outside help - local mental health organizations,
universities, etc.
 Human Resources (if your library has one)
 Grievance committee – library board members

48.  You can only worry about YOU
 Mentally detach from the drama dynamics of individuals
 Take a few deep breaths when you are in the midst of drama
Notice your reaction when drama is occurring – rising anger or
frustration
 Make sure you have a mentor or trusted friend to vent to and to guide
you (make sure they help you take an honest look at yourself)
 Know what YOU want
 Be positive!!!
 Always connect with people to make them feel better about what they
are doing - you will be viewed as a person who truly helps other
people
 Confront resentments head on and directly – don’t talk to everyone
else about it – go directly to the source of conflict

49.  You can’t change someone else - so don’t try to!
 But you can deal with them in a positive way
 Don’t join forces with others against your boss or other people
 Don’t become a part of the problem
 Don’t perpetuate THE PROBLEM!

50. A drama free office is made up of drama free
individuals – starting with YOU!
It’s a choice to work with:
 Curiosity, candor, courage and appreciation
 YOU encourage others to do the same
Help each other avoid dramatic behaviors
 Blaming, gossip, stonewalling, cynicism, resentment and
enabling
Authenticity breeds authenticity (but not always … )

51. Dramatic behaviors = give a false sense of security
and comfort
Authenticity = risks being vulnerable, being betrayed
and embarrassed
Strive to be compassionate and understanding
towards drama prone co-workers without
feeling obligated to rescue them
It begins with YOU! Don’t fall into the drama hole …

52. Autobiography in five short
chapters poem by Portia Nelson
Chapter 1
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the
sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost … I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way
out.

53. Autobiography in five short
chapters poem by Portia Nelson
Chapter 2
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the
sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same
place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get
out.

54. Autobiography in five short
chapters poem by Portia Nelson
Chapter 3
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the
sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

55. Autobiography in five short
chapters poem by Portia Nelson
Chapter 4
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the
sidewalk.
I walk around it.

56. Autobiography in five short
chapters poem by Portia Nelson
Chapter 5
I walk down another street.
We fall into “holes” because
we’ve been taught to be right
Instead of being authentic!

57. Finding your inner strength …Finding your inner strength …
to survive challenging co-workers!to survive challenging co-workers!
WorkplaceWorkplace
SurvivorSurvivor
Paula NewcomPaula Newcom
Northeast Regional Coordinator, PDO, Indiana State LibraryNortheast Regional Coordinator, PDO, Indiana State Library
Phone: 317-447-0452 pnewcom@library.in.gov http://blog.library.in.gov│ │Phone: 317-447-0452 pnewcom@library.in.gov http://blog.library.in.gov│ │

58. Donovan, Jim, Happy@work. New World Library. Novato, California, 2014.
Evenson, Renee, Powerful phrases for dealing with difficult people. American Management
Association. New York. 2014.
Hoover, John, Difficult people, working effectively with prickly bosses, coworkers and clients.
Collins. New York, 2007.
Jakes, T.D., The Ten commandments of working in a hostile environment. Berkley Books. New York.
2005.
Puder-York, Marilyn, Office survival guide, surefire techniques for dealing with challenging people
and situations. McGraw-Hill. New York. 2006.
Sanderbeck, Andrew, Razorblades for Breakfast, what you can do about mean, sarcastic,
argumentative, manipulating and otherwise difficult co-workers, People Connect Institute webinar,
http://www.peopleconnectinstitute.com/
Warner, Jim & Kaley Klemp, Drama-free office. Greenleaf Book Group Press. Austin. Texas, 2011.
Wofford, Monica, Making difficult people disappear. John Wiley & Sons. Hoboken, New Jersey. 2012.