The Dude Abides: Self-Help, Lebowski Style | Ignite Denver 6

Editor's Notes

1. The greatest movie of a generation, The Big Lebowski doubles as a self-help manual to life that rivals any crap spewing out of Dr. Phil, Tony Robbins, the Secret, and yeah I'll say it, the Bible, Koran or Tao Te Ching. If you haven't seen it - you're out of your fucking element.
2. Bowling is just an metaphor for life and we are all just trying to enter the next round-robin. Am I wrong? You're not wrong, Josh. You're just an asshole
3. Being in your element is where you thrive the most. Not in Nam, of course. The Dude is most in his element when he's bowling. So go find your bowling alley, people.
4. When you're having a bad day, sometimes sex without any complications is the key to making it better - it also helps if you know how to fix the cable, like Ulie Pippig. So help yourself out and find a fuckbag, if that's what you're into.
5. In a down economy, we need to do what pays the debt down. Just as Bunny Lebowski attempts to pay her own bills though "coitus", we are all trying to pay our bills one way or another, in whichever way we feel is the best.
6. As Walter knows, the Old Testament is the one true biblical narrative, not that "compromised second draft". Help yourself by finding something you believe in, and stick to those beliefs.
7. Learning from constructive criticism is imperative to improving your self image. Likewise, if a friend asks you to give notes on their Cycle at Crane Jackson's Fountain Street Theater, you better fucking go do that.
8. Don't be ashamed to be honest! As soon as you compromise your morals, you're condemned to be a mindless automaton! Be like the Dude and hold yourself to a higher moral standard.
9. Center your chi. (Is that some sort of Eastern thing?) Meditation is all about getting to where you need to be mentally in order to solve problems. Although getting interrupted by uh, wildlife, amphibious rodents, you know, within the city, that's not legal either.
10. Effective anger mitigation techniques will assist in stress-relief. As you can learn from the film, people will always call back, because they're a bunch of fucking amateurs. So be cool, and know that a good plan yields positive results.
11. Learning the local civic codes in your particular region helps if you get in a jam, or a logjam. Bullshit posturing can be put down if you know the rules. So sit down and finish your coffee in this nice family restaurant.
12. While technology makes many things we do easier, there's no reason to feel worthless because your cell phone battery died, or your vibrator runs out of batteries (Erika). Always know how to do things manually, people.
13. It's OK to be in touch with your feelings. Our collective friends did not die face down in the muck for men to not be able to show emotion from time to time. Plus chicks dig that sensitive crap.
14. If Theodor Herzl didn't have a positive mental outlook to set up a Jewish state, it maybe wouldn't have happened. So in the face of struggle, stay positive. Just look at our previous situation with that Camel Fucker in Iraq.
15. You can't win 'em all. And when an unstable divorced man wields a gun during "League Play" over a line, it's alright to dabble in Pacifism. Not in 'Nam, of course. It's ok to sometimes cut your losses to stay alive.
16. It's always important to keep your cool, even in times of EXTREME crisis. Especially when there's a beverage here, man. Every time someone sends us a toe, we're supposed to shit ourselves with fear?
17. We've all heard someone lament, "college isn't for everyone." The Dude proves otherwise and we applaud him for his honesty. All those things the Dude did sound way better than the workforce. You get out exactly what you put in.
18. When someone micturates on your rug or wants to fuck you next Wednesday instead (JESUS), you had better have some good friends to help you out.
19. At times we all find ourselves in situations that force us to step up to the plate. And if the laziest man in Los Angeles County, which puts him in the running for laziest world-wide, can achieve. Then you, our little Lebowski Urban Achivers, can do the same.
20. We know after seeing this presentation was every bit as stupefying as you'd see anywhere, but now you can die with a smile on your face without feelin' like the good lord gypped ya. And no, the big Big Lebowski painting is not for sale.