Participant Observation of Male Behavior Within The Modern Dating Scene
-or-
The Wingman’s Lament
By
Joshua S. Seiler

The Questions At Hand
What behavioral changes take place when the environment is subject
to change? I had noticed that my friends and I, when going out, would
change our habits depending on where we were (drink orders, who we
would talk to, etc.). Since my home is rather large (there are 5 of us
under one roof) I thought that this would constitute a small but
manageable group to conduct a participant observation. Within this
group I would observe what behavioral changes took place when we
switched locations. By recording these changes I would be able to
better assess the behavioral patterns of the male in regards to social
habits. This is important because with this research one would be able
to better know their surroundings which, in the dating world, can be
the most helpful of Dindings.

The Hypothesis
“When presented with change, the modern
male will adapt or be ostracized from the
group. Going against the grain, in regards to
social outings, will be viewed by potential
mates as a weakness when in consideration
for courtship.”

Relevant Related Research
“Genderlect Styles” by Deborah I thought this essay would help
Tannen my hypothesis by suggesting
 This essay by Tannen re,lects on that there is already a “cross‐
the communicative differences cultural” divide between men
between men and women and and women. When presented
how it can be described as with change, genderlect
“cross­cultural communication”.
environments, and the
She assess that men use a
“report” style of communication opportunity of courtship, the
whereas women use a more modern male should, if I am
“rapport” style. Simple put, men correct, adapt or be subject to
see interaction as a way to gain criticism or worse, be ostracized
status; view it as competition. from his group entirely.
And, women see interaction as a
way to build connections.

More Relevant Works
“The Dating Jungle: Man as Hunter While this article is not from a
Male Behavior in the Dating major publication and instead
World” by Ronnie Ann Rand, The from a blog, it still helps support
Ideal Match blog
the report vs. rapport idea, and
 The blog article uses will in turn also support my
comparisons from the animal hypothesis which states that
kingdom in regards to the males will have to adapt to
modern dating scene and changes within their
further the ideas that men and environments in regards to
women have a cross‐cultural social outings.
between them.

The Subjects and Variables
My friends are the supportive types and
when I enlisted their services they were
more than happy to help. They were helpful
in this research by answering any and all
questions I had, and answered in length and
honesty. I will list the men and the places
researched, leaving out the names for
privacy’s sake.

Male A and Location A
Male A is the youngest of Location A is the most
the 5, and by far the most visited of the 5 places
verbose. He is 23, plays within the experiment. It is
bass guitar and works in a bar where this particular
higher‐end fashion retail. group feels most
He speaks what is on his comfortable, and it was felt
mind, most of the time to be a logical choice to
without thought to where start. This group is known
he is. A very fast talker, he by most of the staff and
is conDident in his have developed a good
surroundings. rapport with all of them.

Male B and Location B
Male B is the second to Location B is a place
youngest at 24, and is the located inside a hotel. The
most “variant” in how he clientele are typically of an
behaves. Often he will be older age group and the
seen as abrasive, but will menus of both the food
never stray too far off base. and drinks are carefully
He plays guitar, and also selected and high priced.
works in fashion retail. The décor has a lot of
Could be almost as leather and darkly
talkative as subject A, polished wood.
especially when together.

Male C and Location C
Male C is 27 years old and Location C is a cash only
the most reserved. He bar where the group is not
works for Apple, Inc. and familiar with the staff in
when going out in the past any way. There is no food
has always been well served and I believe that
received by the opposite the jukebox is mainly used
sex. His quiet nature for proDiling purposes. It is
makes him the variable divided into the main
that will most likely result lounge area, and the dart
in smallest amount of board room in the back.
change There are no doors in the
bathrooms.

Male D and Location D
Male D is also 27 years old Location D is the largest
and works for a high end and the most commercial
denim company. He is the of all the locations. It is a
older brother of Male B sports bar with several
and their relationship I events throughout the
thought for the most week and for the most part
interesting variable within has a large number of
the experiment. He is also patrons every night. They
in a monogamous have a large menu for both
relationship of two years. food and drinks and many
televisions throughout the
restaurant area.

Expectations and Concerns
I expect that this experiment shall go smoothly. My friends, my group,
are all varied in their character traits and how they handle social
situations. I believe that these variances will better demonstrate my
hypothesis in the Dield and yield more data.
My concerns are few but they are concerns nevertheless. I am
concerned about the two brothers and that their relationship may
hinder the real results of the experiment. I am concerned that having
known these men for some time, my biases may come into play when
taking notes about their behavior. And, I am concerned that if we don’t
carefully monitor ourselves, or drink with irresponsibility that it will
destroy the results of the experiment entirely.

Notes at Location A
‐ Upon arriving at the bar it is clear that this is a busy night. The door man
remembers us, we pass through a small line and immediately head to the bar
where the manager is bartending.
‐ The quietest of the group decides to leave for a moment to use the restroom.
‐ After drinks are ordered everyone, including myself, turn our backs to the bar
top and start looking around. This catches me off guard as the reason for going
out was to facilitate this experiment.
‐ There is a good amount of inconspicuous gesturing going on by my group to
other groups of people around. Comments about ways people are dressed, and
other judgments are made.
‐ Maybe it was the comfort level of being at a bar they frequent quite a bit, but a
lot of the behavior I noticed almost could be described as “catty”.
‐ The youngest of the group was the only one to make an effort to venture
outside conversation within group. He spoke with a blonde girl, and developed
a rapport enough to introduce her to the rest of us.
‐ We stayed for a little under an hour and a half.

Notes at Location B
‐ This location required the group to leave the comfort of their normal
surroundings and take a taxi in order to get their. I was made aware of several
times how good of friends I had that they were doing this.
‐ As we arrive at the hotel bar, I see two large gentlemen in suits who need IDs
and a form of back up.
‐ We do not know anyone this time, and the quieter roommate decides to not go
to the restroom right away. After being asked about it, he said he wanted to
stick around and see what happened.
‐ The other groups within the bar are all very well dressed, and seem of a
slightly older age bracket. Everyone in my group orders nicer drinks like
manhattans or an old fashioned.
‐ The same turning the back to the bar move is used, and I ask everyone why we
did this. I am told by all that it is in order to stand out, or “peacock”.
‐ Being slightly under dressed, the group is hesitant to talk to anyone. I ask if
anyone will, and all respond negatively. We stay for about 45 minutes.

Notes at Location C
‐ Getting back into a cab seems off putting to all, so we walk part of the way.
‐ The more “abrasive” male of the group starts doing something he calls “hey
girl‐ing”. The responses he receives all seem unthreatened, but also
uninterested.
‐ The male of the group who is in the committed relationship decides it is time to
check‐in with his girlfriend and hangs back to make a phone call.
‐ We all arrive at location C shortly thereafter, and are greeted this time by a
door man of no more than 21 in a hooded sweatshirt and smoking a cigarette.
‐ The location is fairly crowded, but the very talkative male has seen some
people he knows sitting down, so we are all able to crowd around a table near
the back.
‐ The group is now much larger, and no longer all male.
‐ After introductions are made, the quieter male leaves to put money in the
jukebox.
‐ Noticing that he has left the group again upon arriving, I am assuming there
must be some sort of anxiety about crowds.

Notes at Location C (con’t)
‐ I ask him how he feels about crowds, and his response is very passive saying
that he had never really thought about it.
‐ The larger group, now of mixed gender, has all began talking. People are mostly
talking to the person immediately next to him or her. The original group is now
divided. Each member buys separate bottled beers.
‐ The “abrasive” male begins talking to a brunette woman. He keeps his arms
crossed and in front of him. His head is slightly downward while he tries to
listen to her. When he laughs he seems almost conscious about not showing his
teeth.
‐ The male in the relationship joins the other talking to the brunette woman.
Since they are brothers, questions about their relationship immediately come
up. Both start to gesture more with their hands.
‐ The talkative male is speaking with his friend he saw when we Dirst arrived.
They are talking about music, and work. The talkative male has his legs crossed
almost effeminately and touches his hair a lot.
‐ After being asked about his behavior, it is conDided that he believes he is going
bald and has been anxious about this for a number of weeks.
‐ We stay for about 2 and a half hours.

Notes at Location D
‐ Location D is within walking distance of the last place. The quieter male
smokes a cigarette, and makes a phone call while the rest of us talk about the
group we had just left.
‐ Jokes are made about the male talking to the brunette. They are about him
being in love, and how the rest of the group can’t wait for the wedding. He
seems good natured about it. The majority of the jokes are made by his brother.
‐ As we reach location D, a man at the door wearing a polo shirt scans our IDs.
Loud music is playing and each TV has a different sport on it. This is by far the
most crowded location.
‐ The quieter male, as thought he would, excuses himself to the restroom, and
the rest of us walk up to the bar. There are stools around us and available, but
we choose to stand.
‐ A trivia contest is going on and the talkative male is shouting out deliberately
wrong answers.
‐ A group of four women playing trivia hear him, and after realizing this he
approaches them and offers help with their answers.

Notes at Location D (con’t)
‐ The four women were at a close enough vicinity to where we were all able to
contribute to their trivia team questions.
‐ The more abrasive male makes a joke about the talkative one and immediately
apologizes.
‐ After being asked about why he apologized, he said he didn’t really know and
maybe it was because women were around.
‐ Two of the four women seemed to have an interest in the male in a relationship
and he seemed to reciprocate their interest using body language.
‐ After being asked, he said that he had not done anything wrong yet, and
seemed almost as if I was being accusatory.
‐ We stayed for about 2 hours and the group of four women eventually left.
‐ Immediately after their departure, jokes and comments were made about the
male the two women seemed most interested in.

Conclusions and Summary
In conclusion, I found that the results were somewhat inconclusive. I wanted to
see more signiDicant behavioral changes, but saw only minor ones at best. What
became most obvious right away were more rituals than behaviors. First, there
was the turning away from the bar after we received our drinks. Much like a
pack of animals scanning for prey, it seemed like a very base instinct when I
was able to stand back and take a look at myself. Secondly, there was the
quieter male’s trips to the restroom whenever we arrived at a new location. He
seemed anxious, and almost needed to ease into new situations. This was only
different at the hotel bar where we all seemed under dressed and almost out of
place. I can only assume that being so entirely out of his element froze his
defense mechanism of leaving crowded situations. It is also interesting to
notice the change in drink order when the group found themselves at a nicer
establishment. Instead of the usual bottled beer, a manhattan or nicer cocktail
was ordered. Finally, the last behavioral note to mention would be when the
group encountered another group.

Conclusions and Summary (con’t)
Being in a larger group, and all being newly acquainted, seemed to give the
group a new feeling of security within the new location. This newfound
security, for lack of a better term, came with it, a new sense of bravery as well.
This is noticeable when the more abrasive of males chose to strike up
conversation with a brunette woman inside the bar. Another example of how a
growth in numbers may effect behavior or the very least, the bravery of the
group, is seen when the male in the relationship reciprocated the Dlirtatious
behavior of the two women in location D.
The results show that environment does have somewhat of an effect of the
behavioral changes of men, especially when the crowd is large and mixed
gendered. Luckily, everyone was relatively well behaved and was able to
maintain a level of responsibility. My expectations were a little let down so far
as the data is concerned, but overall I think the experiment was a success. Of
course, more experiments would need to take place.

Works Cited
‐GrifDin, E. (2009). Communication: A First Look at
Communication Theory. Chapter 33: Genderlect Styles.
Tannen, Deborah. (pp. 429­440)
‐Rand, Ronnie. (2011). The Ideal Match: Dating Tips for
Women in San Diego.
http://theidealmatch.org/2011/01/the­dating­jungle­man­
as­hunter­male­behavior­in­the­dating­world­and­its­
origins/
‐Berger, Arthur Asa. (2011). Media and Communication
Research Methods: An Introduction to Qualitative and
Quantitative Approaches. Thousand Oaks, CA. Sage
Publications.