1. Making Positive Change:
A Training and Activity
Handbook
Developing
the
Use
of
Coaching,
Positive
Psychology
and
Inspirational
Communication
in
Education
Josephine
Razzell
2. 2
Contents
Introduction: An Overview of the Approach 3
1. Supporting Self-Agency, Resilience and Wellbeing 4
Yes I Can… Positive Psychology: the Basics 4
Activity 1: Developing a Growth Mind-set 7
Activity 2: Re-Framing 8
Activity 3: Staying Positive 9
Aspects of Self – Who’s in the Driving Seat? 10
Activity 4: Post-it Note Mapping 11
Activity 5: Empty Chair Role Reversal 12
2. Getting Started with Coaching and Mentoring 13
The First Session 13
Activity 6: Guess the Picture (warm-up) 15
Activity 7: Wheel of Everything (diagnostic assessment) 16
Activity 8: Interpersonal Skills Questionnaire (diagnostic assessment) 17
The GROW Model 18
3. Coaching, Mentoring and Facilitation Skills 19
Effective Communication: Questions, Levels of Listening, Feedback 19
The Coaching Drill 21
Accountability and Action Planning 22
Activity 9: Scaling 23
Activity 10: Post-it Note Target Review 24
4. Getting On With Others and Inspiring Change 25
Healthy Relationships and Emotional Intelligence 25
Activity 10: Escaping From The Blame Game 26
Activity 11: 4-7-8 Breathing 27
Activity 12: CAN: Conflict, Assertiveness and Negotiation 28
Activity 13: The Johari Window 29
Activity 14: Story-Telling for Support and Inspiration 30
5. Coaching Students to Plan for a Great Future 31
Unlocking Unconscious Solutions 31
Activity 15: Future Projection 31
Activity 16: Timelines 32
Exploring Influences and External Factors 32
Activity 17: Force Field Analysis 33
Activity 18: House of Change 34
Activity 19: If or When / Then (Re-Enforcing Behaviours to Achieve Goals) 37
6. Facilitating Groups 38
Difference Between Coaching, Facilittion and Training 38
About Group Coaching 38
About Facilitating Peer Coaching 38
Working with Resistance to Change 39
Group-work Cards 40
Warm-up Activity Cards Print-Out Sheet 41
Group Coaching Activity Cards Print-Out Sheet 42
Peer Coaching Activity Cards Print-Out Sheet 43
3. 3
Introduction
to
the
Handbook
The
Making
Positive
Change
Handbook
offers
an
introduction
to
three
key
aspects
to
support
work
in
schools
and
colleges:
an
understanding
of
positive
psychology
models
for
growth,
1:1
coaching
skills
and
how
to
facilitate
groups
effectively.
It
is
designed
to
be
used
either
as
a
stand-‐alone
resource
or
as
a
training
information
pack
to
support
training
packages
offered
to
schools
and
colleges
by
Creative
Role
Training.
The
Handbook
combines
‘how
to’
background
information
with
activity
toolkit
sheets,
creating
a
unique
and
innovative
resource
for
staff
to
draw
on
and
learn
from
over
time.
Typically,
the
Handbook
with
be
most
useful
to
pastoral
support
staff
in
schools
and
student
coaches
in
colleges.
However
anyone
working
directly
with
young
people
will
benefit
from
the
knowledge
and
skills
offered
by
the
Handbook
–
including
teachers,
youth
workers,
counselors,
school
governors.
The
benefits
to
young
people
from
accessing
this
kind
of
skilled
support,
either
in
1:1
or
group
contexts,
can
be
significant.
With
wellbeing,
resilience
and
employability
becoming
increasingly
recognized
as
key
priorities
in
education,
staff
are
investing
considerable
time
and
energy
at
all
levels
into
developing
supportive
processes
for
young
people.
The
activities
described
in
this
Handbook
are
designed
to
be
highly
engaging,
and
to
facilitate
deep
and
long-‐term
growth,
development
and
change.
Most
staff/practitioners
already
draw
on
a
wealth
of
skills
and
knowledge
to
create
trusting
relationships,
and
have
great
rapport
with
the
young
people
they
support.
So
many
of
you
out
there
are
so
good
at
this.
The
ideas
here
are
intended
to
support
your
natural,
intuitive
responses
rather
than
start
you
from
scratch.
The
information
and
activities
in
this
Handbook
are
drawn
from
a
wide
range
of
sources,
and
have
all
been
tried
and
tested
with
and
by
young
people
and
the
people
supporting
them.
Some
of
what
you
find
here
will
resonate,
some
you
will
probably
already
know,
and
some
which
will
be
new.
The
invitation
is
to
take
what’s
useful
to
you
and
make
it
your
own.
Of
course
staff
who
have
a
thorough
grasp
of
both
underlying
principles
and
activity-‐based
best
practice
will
feel
more
confident
and
enjoy
their
work
more
because
they
are
getting
really
good
results
from
the
time
they
invest
with
young
people.
Institutions
which
prioritise
reflective
practice,
ensuring
time
is
in
place
to
train,
learn
and
reflect
with
peers,
should
see
real
and
ongoing
improvements
in
standards
and
capacity
as
a
result.
Learning
how
to
feel
good
in
and
about
yourself,
how
to
make
positive
choices,
how
to
get
on
well
with
other
people
and
how
to
shape
your
future
are
all
experiential
processes,
and
the
motto
‘Skills
to
use,
share
and
live
by’
is
key
to
understanding
the
approach.
First
work
with
yourself,
exploring
and
developing
your
own
internal
and
external
approaches,
then
sharing
this
with
others
and
embedding
across
all
your
work
becomes
a
very
natural
next
step.
Young
people
are
our
future.
The
work
you
do
is
important,
so
thank-‐you
for
your
time,
care
and
consideration,
and
for
continuing
to
look
for
ways
to
extend
the
value
of
what
you
do.
Best
wishes
and
have
fun
on
the
journey…..
4. 4
1. Supporting
Self-‐Agency,
Resilience
and
Wellbeing
Yes
I
Can…
Psychological
Approaches
to
Making
Positive
Changes
Key
Terms:
• Solutions-‐Focused:
develop
your
successes
rather
than
focus
on
your
problems.
• Resilience:
inner
resources
to
meet
challenges
with
determination
and
bounce-‐back.
• Behavioural
Approach:
gradual
adjustment
of
negative
behaviours,
step
by
step.
• Mindfulness:
notice
and
calmly
accept
physical
sensations
caused
by
your
emotions.
• Growth
Mind-‐set:
be
happy
to
learn
from
your
mistakes,
and
put
in
effort.
• Re-‐Framing:
challenge
your
negative
assumptions
by
reality
checking
experiences.
• PERMA:
Positive
Emotions,
Engagement,
Relationships,
Meaning
&
Accomplishment.
• Flow:
Deep
relaxation
and
absorption
in
an
activity,
not
outcome
or
time
focussed.
How
to
Take
a
Solutions-‐Focused
Approach
Rather
than
focussing
on
problems,
this
is
about
explore
existing
successes
–
how
can
these
be
extended
or
replicated?
This
is
a
radically
different
way
of
approaching
the
world,
and
takes
practice
to
use
consistently.
The
idea
is
that
we
don’t
get
bogged
down
in
negativity
and
fear
of
failure,
but
instead
build
on
hope,
optimism
and
creativity.
Developing
Resilience
This
describes
an
ability
to
be
realistically
optimistic,
bouncing
back
in
the
face
of
set-‐backs
through
accessing
internal
‘mental
toughness’,
staying
determined
and
taking
things
a
step
at
a
time.
Having
resilience
enables
students
to
persevere
until
they
succeed.
Many
young
people
have
already
developed
huge
amounts
of
resilience,
having
experienced
challenging
life
journeys,
learned
to
cope
with
life
without
adequate
family
support
etc.
It
is
really
worth
helping
them
to
see
and
celebrate
the
resources
they
have
already
‘home
grown’.
Talking
about
life
challenges
and
the
strengths
they
have
developed
from
these
is
a
great
way
to
build
up
a
‘strengths
bank’.
Most
students
will
be
able
to
talk
about
this
and
can
start
to
notice
and
feel
good
about
their
own
resilience.
If
you
would
like
to
know
more
about
teaching
resilience,
have
a
look
at
this
video
where
Dr.
Karen
Reivich
from
the
University
of
Pennsylvania
describes
the
approach
of
her
project:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wdV1OKkisoI
5. 5
Behavioural
Interventions
This
approach
encourages
people
to
notice
the
impact
of
any
negative
behaviours
(the
thoughts
and
feelings
they
then
act
on)
on
themselves
and
others.
They
can
then
explore
new
ways
of
behaving
and
find
alternative,
more
positive
ways
of
meeting
their
needs,
wishes
and
impulses.
The
next
step
is
to
reality-‐test
new
approaches
one
step
at
a
time,
checking
whether
each
step
is
useful,
adjusting
and
refining
until
they
get
the
most
useful
outcomes.
When
working
with
a
behavioural
approach
think
small
–
step
by
step,
adjusting
behaviours
gradually
and
progressively,
as
this
is
more
achievable
than
trying
to
make
a
big
change
all
at
once.
Mindfulness:
This
approach
is
about
raising
awareness.
There
are
several
approaches
to
mindfulness
and
the
best
tend
to
be
simple
and
have
very
beneficial
outcomes.
Research
has
found
that
the
use
of
mindfulness
can
have
a
direct
impact
on
the
brain's
'hard
wiring',
and
that
frequent
use
develops
resilience
and
ability
to
cope
with
life's
stresses
and
strains.
When
using
mindfulness,
a
particular
part
of
the
brain
(the
ventromedial
prefrontal
cortex)
is
activated.
This
part
of
the
brain
appears
to
'wake
up'
those
parts
of
the
brain
that
go
'off
line'
when
an
individual
is
distressed,
overwhelmed
or
otherwise
de-‐resourced.
In
practice,
a
good
method
is
to
notice,
when
stress
or
emotion
is
present,
how
it
is
physically
experienced
in
the
body.
Then
take
your
focus
of
attention
away
from
the
'content'
of
the
emotion
('What
emotion
is
this?
What’s
it
about?')
and
notice
instead
the
sensation
itself
and
where
that
emotion
or
stress
is
sensed
within
the
body,
without
trying
to
respond.
Then
just
remain
aware
of
where
that
emotion
is
physically
felt.
Growth
Mind-‐sets
People
with
a
growth
mindset
take
an
experimental
approach,
trying
new
things
in
order
to
learn,
putting
in
effort
to
gain
mastery,
learning
from
mistakes
and
actively
seeking
feedback.
They
tend
to
be
less
fatalistic
and
understand
that
effort
plus
opportunity
equals
progress
–
offering
them
a
way
to
shape
their
own
lives.
In
contrast,
people
with
a
fixed
mindset
lack
confidence
in
their
ability
to
grow
and
develop.
They
fear
looking
stupid
and
being
judged
as
inadequate
if
they
make
a
mistake,
so
resist
trying
new
things.
They
tend
to
be
more
fatalistic,
and
see
themselves
as
more
passively
subject
to
external
factors,
rather
than
in
charge
of
shaping
their
own
lives.
They
will
give
up
more
quickly
and
easily
rather
than
persevering
if
something
doesn’t
go
well
on
the
first
try.
Background:
Dr.
Carol
Dweck
researched
for
20
years
what
factors
most
‘successful’
people
had
in
common.
She
found
that
having
a
‘growth’
rather
than
‘fixed’
mindset
was
key
to
success
in
endeavour.
Check
out
this
video
for
a
great
animated
visual
summary
of
growth
and
fixed
mindsets:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=brpkjT9m2Oo
6. 6
Believe
in
Them
Until
They
Believe
in
Themselves
Evidence
shows
that
our
unspoken
beliefs
about
our
students
–
and
ourselves
–
makes
a
direct
impact
on
progress
and
achievement.
This
can
be
a
powerful
tool
for
change.
Believing
in
the
potential
of
every
student,
no
matter
how
dysfunctional,
is
key
to
best
practice.
Positive
Psychology
-‐
PERMA
for
Wellbeing:
This
acronym
stands
for:
• Positive
emotions
• Engagement
• Relationships
• Meaning
• Accomplishment.
Positive
psychologists
believe
that
these
five
attributes
are
key
to
creating
and
sustaining
well-‐being
and
happiness.
You
can
talk
to
students
about
which
of
these
are
well-‐established
in
their
lives
–
noticing
existing
strengths
also
increases
well-‐being
and
safety.
Positive
Psychology
–
Flow:
This
describes
a
state
of
deep
relaxation
where
you
are
fully
absorbed
in
an
activity,
not
thinking
about
the
outcome,
and
deeply
connected
to
yourself.
It’s
very
good
for
mental
wellbeing
to
stay
in
that
state
as
much
as
possible,
and
also
greatly
enhances
performance.
This
can
be
a
useful
conversation
to
have
with
students
when
they
are
experiencing
performance
anxiety.
Re-‐Framing
This
is
a
powerful
change
tool,
developed originally by psychologist Albert Ellis in 1955, then further
developed in the 1960s by the psychiatrist Aaron T. Beck. This approach invites
deeper
reflection
about
beliefs
and
assumptions
relating
to
self,
wider
world
and
future.
The
idea
is
that
we
interpret
events
and
situations
via
the
‘lens’
of
our
self-‐beliefs.
If
these
are
negative,
we
make
negative
assumptions
and
assign
meanings
which
confirm
our
original
self
/
world
view.
By
questioning
the
validity
of
these
kind
of
beliefs
and
assumptions,
and
looking
for
more
objective
evidence,
we
can
start
to
change
them,
which
in
turn
allows
for
new
approaches
–
hopefully
creating
a
positive
upwards
spiral
change
effect.
7. 7
Activity
1
-‐
How
to
Develop
a
Growth
Mind-‐set:
Step
1.
Learn
to
hear
your
fixed
mindset
“voice.”
As
you
approach
a
challenge,
that
voice
might
say
to
you:
“Are
you
sure
you
can
do
it?
Maybe
you
don’t
have
the
talent.
People
might
laugh
at
you.
If
you
don’t
try,
you
can
protect
yourself
and
keep
your
dignity.”
As
you
hit
a
setback,
the
voice
might
say:
“This
would
have
been
easy
if
you
really
had
talent.
You
see,
I
told
you
it
was
a
risk.
Now
you’ve
gone
and
shown
the
world
how
limited
you
are.
It’s
not
too
late
to
back
out.”
As
you
face
criticism,
you
might
hear
yourself
say:
“It’s
not
my
fault.
It
was
something
or
someone
else’s
fault.
Who
do
they
think
they
are
to
tell
me
anyway?”
The
other
person
might
actually
be
giving
you
specific,
constructive
feedback,
while
you
hear
them
say:
“I’m
really
disappointed
in
you.
I
thought
you
were
capable
but
actually
you
can’t
do
this.”
Step
2.
Recognize
that
you
have
a
choice.
How
you
interpret
challenges,
setbacks,
and
criticism
is
your
choice.
You
can
interpret
them
in
a
fixed
mindset
as
signs
that
your
fixed
talents
or
abilities
are
lacking.
Or
you
can
interpret
them
in
a
growth
mindset
as
signs
that
you
need
to
ramp
up
your
strategies
and
effort,
stretch
yourself,
and
expand
your
abilities.
It’s
up
to
you.
So
as
you
face
challenges,
setbacks,
and
criticism,
listen
to
the
fixed
mindset
voice
and...
Step
3.
Talk
back
to
it
with
a
growth
mindset
voice.
“I’m
not
sure
I
can
do
it
now,
but
I
think
I
can
learn
to
with
time
and
effort.”
“Most
successful
people
had
failures
along
the
way.”
“If
I
don’t
try,
I
automatically
fail.
Where’s
the
dignity
in
that?”
As
you
hit
a
setback:
“High
achievers
don’t
always
find
it
easy
–
they
have
passion
and
put
in
tons
of
effort.”
As
you
face
criticism:
“If
I
don’t
take
responsibility,
I
can’t
fix
it.
Let
me
listen—even
if
it’s
uncomfortable–
and
learn
whatever
I
can.”
Then...
Step
4.
Take
the
growth
mindset
action.me, which voice you
• Take
on
the
challenge
wholeheartedly,
learn
from
your
setbacks
and
try
again
• Hear
the
feedback
and
act
on
it
now
the
information
is
in
your
hands.
8. 8
Activity
2
–
Re-‐Framing
This
approach
challenges
negative
assumptions
about
self,
the
world
and
others
by
reality
checking
(often
unconscious)
beliefs
and
interpretations
of
events,
and
trying
out
more
positive
ways
of
seeing
things.
Example
Re-‐Frame:
1. Discuss
the
situation,
listen
carefully
for
assumptions
and
unspoken
meanings.
For
example:
“They
walked
past
me
without
saying
hello,
and
I
felt
gutted.”
“So
are
you
assuming
this
means
that
they
don’t
want
to
be
your
friend
anymore?
Have
you
spoken
to
them
since?”
“Well,
they
did
text
me
later
on.”
“So,
if
we
reality
check
this
–
why
else
might
they
have
not
said
hello?”
“I
suppose
it
was
crowded
and
everyone
was
rushing.”
2. Use
similar
question
and
answer
to
drill
down
from
event
to
belief
about
self
and
the
world.
Once
the
belief
is
recognised
(“Do
you
often
feel
like
people
aren’t
interested
in
you?”)
you
can
reality
check
it
and
explore
potential
new
beliefs:
“It
could
be
that
you
don’t
always
feel
that
confident
so
you
believe
you’re
not
someone
other
people
want
to
spend
time
with.
That
belief
might
be
stopping
you
in
your
tracks.
Let’s
find
out
what
a
different
belief
might
look
like,
and
what
evidence
there
might
be
to
back
it
up….”
3. You
can
combine
this
approach
with
mindfulness,
“Notice
how
it
feels
in
your
body
when
you
have
that
thought.”
Especially
useful
is
anchoring
a
new,
more
positive
belief
and
the
associated
feeling,
“How
does
it
feel
in
your
body
when
you
say
that?
What
can
you
do
to
remind
yourself
of
that
feeling?)
9. 9
Activity
3
–
Staying
Positive
Background:
These
mini-‐activities
all
draw
on
positive
psychology
approaches,
and
aim
to
build
awareness
of
personal
strengths,
celebrate
and
develop
wellbeing
and
make
people
more
optimistic
and
confident
in
themselves
and
their
futures.
How
it
Works:
The
activities
are
designed
to
be
used
during
face-‐to-‐face
contact
and
also
integrated
into
students’
everyday
lives.
By
identifying
strengths,
resources,
existing
positive
strategies
and
solutions,
celebrating
these
then
looking
at
how
to
develop
or
extend
them,
you
can
build
positively
in
all
areas:
thoughts,
feelings,
behaviours
and
environmental
choices.
Using
these
‘mini-‐activities’
in
combination
with
mindfulness
techniques
will
enhance
experiences
of
flow
and
wellbeing,
energise
and
improve
self-‐
confidence
and
motivation.
Resources:
• Write
down
3
good
things
at
the
end
of
each
day
• Practice
gratitude
–
notice
all
the
things
in
your
life
which
are
good
and
say
thank-‐you
to
the
world.
Groups
can
make
‘gratitude
trees’
and
hang
leaves
on,
writing
something
to
be
grateful
for
on
each
leaf.
• Look
in
the
mirror
and
smile
at
yourself
• Try
to
be
your
own
best
friend
• Write
nice
things
about
yourself
–
or
work
with
groups
to
get
them
to
write
them
about
each
other
–
and
stick
them
on
your
bedroom
wall
• Practice
deep
breathing
–
this
really
helps
your
mood,
and
to
stay
anchored
in
your
body
• Use
physical
exercise
to
increase
endorphins
and
wellbeing
• Smile
and
laugh
–
it
boosts
the
chemicals
in
your
brain
which
make
you
happy
• Help
others
–
it
makes
you
feel
better.
10. 10
Aspects
of
Self
–
Who’s
in
the
Driving
Seat?
This
approach
is
adapted
from
Role
Training
(developed
by
J.L.
Moreno).
We
have
all
experienced
how
our
personalities
are
not
fixed,
but
are
actually
a
composite
of
many
different
‘aspects
of
self’.
Most
of
the
time
we
don’t
notice
which
part
of
us
is
in
the
driving
seat,
or
make
conscious
choices
about
which
aspect
to
draw
on
when
responding
to
situations.
With
the
following
activities,
young
people
can
learn
more
about
the
internal
choices
available
to
them,
use
physical
objects
to
represent
and
then
map
these
aspects
of
self
(as
well
as
key
people
or
factors
around
them).
Once
you’re
inside
a
story
in
this
way,
you
can
negotiate
internal
change
more
easily.
Any
aspect
of
self
on
the
map
can
make
requests,
offers
and
negotiate,
all
to
create
more
balance
and
positivity.
This
kind
of
concretisation
(representing
ideas
with
objects
in
physical
space)
is
a
powerful
technique
which
makes
it
much
easier
to
do
this
kind
of
exploration
than
talking
about
thoughts
and
feelings
in
the
abstract.
It’s
important
to
remember
that
even
seemingly
negative
aspects
of
self
have
been
developed
by
the
young
person
for
a
good
reason
in
response
to
situations
they’ve
encountered
before,
so
be
respectful
and
considerate
of
all
of
them.
This
can
be
powerful
work,
so
tread
lightly
at
first,
making
sure
that
you
focus
mostly
on
positive
aspects
of
self
if
a
young
person
is
emotionally
under-‐
resourced.
11. 11
Activity
4:
Post-‐it
Note
Mapping
In
this
activity
we
use
2
colours
of
post-‐it
notes
or
scraps
of
paper
to
map
both
external
elements
of
a
situation
and
internal
aspects
of
self
(alternatively
you
can
use
objects
–
anything
that’s
to
hand
in
the
room).
The
aim
then
is
to
‘visit’
different
parts
of
the
map,
and
give
them
a
direct
voice,
to
find
out
what
the
world
looks
and
feels
like
from
that
place.
Internal
aspects
which
are
giving
conflicting
messages
can
negotiate,
aspects
can
be
moved
as
their
influence
increases
or
diminishes,
and
the
young
person
can
make
real,
deep
change
in
an
easy,
manageable
and
empowering
way.
Post-‐it
Note
Mapping
-‐
How
it
works
1. Use
the
first
colour
post-‐it
notes
to
map
the
elements
of
the
young
person’s
situation:
ask
and
record
who
is
involved,
any
challenges,
key
places
etc.
(E.g.
for
someone
with
a
new
sibling
just
arrived
it
could
be
a
parent,
shared
bedroom,
other
siblings,
step-‐parent,
place
they
go
to
be
quiet
etc…..)
2. Check
with
the
young
person
how
these
various
elements
should
be
placed
in
relation
to
each
other
(siblings
and
shared
bedroom
might
go
close
together,
parent
might
be
in
the
centre
etc)
3. Use
the
second
colour
post-‐it
notes
to
map
internal
aspects
of
self
–
these
are
the
parts
of
us
that
respond
differently
to
each
other,
and
can
get
in
and
out
of
the
driving
seat.
(if
they’re
struggling
with
this,
look
at
responses
to
external
mapped
elements
–
ie
how
do
you
feel
when
you
hear
the
baby
cry?
Worried,
jealous,
etc.
How
do
you
feel
when
you’re
holding
the
baby?
Loving,
protective
etc.)
Write
these
down
as
‘worried
me’,
‘loving
me’
or
similar.
4. Support
the
young
person
to
move
the
‘internal’
post-‐its,
grouping
them.
They
can
decide
they
want
developmentally
helpful
aspects
to
be
closer
to
the
middle,
or
to
reduce
the
influence/power
of
aspects
that
are
holding
them
back
by
putting
them
nearer
the
edge.
Let
them
decide
what
to
move
where,
just
doing
what
feels
right
to
them.
Then
notice
together
any
changes
made,
and
what
these
might
mean.
12. 12
Activity
5:
Empty
Chair
Role
Reversal
The
‘empty
chair’
technique
is
a
powerful
way
to
see
things
from
more
than
one
point
of
view.
You
are
encouraging
the
young
person
to
use
their
imagination
and
empathy
to
step
into
someone
else’s
shoes.
As
an
activity
it
is
a
natural
development
from
Post-‐it
Note
Mapping.
Concretisation
(use
of
objects
and
physical
space
to
represent
ideas)
makes
the
work
deeper
and
more
powerful
than
abstract
reflection,
effecting
faster
and
more
lasting
change.
How
it
Works:
You
can
use
this
technique
to
explore
the
dynamics
between
two
or
more
people,
or
between
inner
aspects
of
self
(see
above,
Post-‐it
Note
Mapping).
1. Set
out
two
empty
chairs,
and
get
the
young
person
to
decide
who
is
sitting
in
each
chair
–
it
could
be
themselves
and
their
teacher,
or
two
inner
aspects
of
themselves
if
you
have
done
internal
mapping.
2. Ask
them
which
person
/
role
they
would
like
to
start
with,
then
when
they
have
chosen,
invite
them
to
sit
in
that
chair.
3. Ask
them
some
easy
questions
to
get
them
into
the
role
–
use
the
second
person,
you.
For
example,
“So,
you
are
Jake’s
teacher.
How
long
have
you
taught
him?
Who
does
he
like
to
hang
out
with
in
class?”
4. Having
got
them
speaking
comfortably
from
role,
extend
the
questions
to
elicit
an
opinion,
preference,
request,
piece
of
advice
for
the
character
represented
by
the
second
chair:
“I
think
Jake
would
be
happier
if
he
could
stand
up
for
himself
more.”
5. Invite
the
young
person
to
‘reverse
roles’
–
to
move
to
the
second
chair,
then
repeat
the
last
words
spoken
by
them
when
they
were
sitting
in
the
previous
chair.
6. Invite
a
response
from
the
new
position,
then
continue
to
swap
between
the
two
chairs
for
as
long
as
is
useful.
You
can
have
more
than
two
chairs
to
move
between,
once
you
get
used
to
the
method.
7. Invite
the
young
person
to
step
outside
the
scenario
and
join
you
as
an
observer.
Ask
them
what
they
notice
about
what’s
happened
and
what’s
been
said.
8. Ask
if
there
is
anything
final
which
needs
to
be
said.
It
can
be
good
to
finish
by
asking,
“What
do
you
think
Jake
needs
to
remember?”
when
the
young
person
is
sitting
in
a
chair
which
represents
himself.
Speaking
in
the
third
person
gives
more
distance,
allowing
unconscious
solutions
to
be
spoken
out
loud.
13. 13
2. Getting
Started
with
Coaching
and
Mentoring
Why
Use
Coaching
and
Mentoring
with
Young
People?
Coaching
and
Mentoring
are
both
approaches
which
draw
out
skills,
develop
maturity
and
help
give
a
sense
of
choice,
purpose
and
direction.
Young
people
are
very
used
to
being
told
what
to
do
–
by
parents,
teachers
and
even
peers.
Gaining
confidence
to
work
out
your
own
solutions
and
experiment
with
different
approaches
can
be
transformative
when
you’re
young.
A
good
coaching
relationship
makes
you
feel
special,
fully
seen
and
heard,
and
that
what
you
think
and
feel
are
important.
Again,
this
can
be
life-‐changing
for
some
young
people.
What’s
the
Difference
between
Coaching
and
Mentoring?
Coaching
is
a
non-‐directive
activity,
which
uses
skilled
listening
and
reflective
questioning
to
help
the
coachee
work
out
solutions
and
effective
strategies
for
themselves.
Coaches
will
offer
feedback
and
can
made
suggestions,
but
they
don’t
need
to
know
more
than
their
coachee
to
be
of
use
to
them.
Mentoring
is
a
more
directive
relationship.
A
mentor
will
often
have
more
experience
than
their
mentee
–
whether
this
is
industrial/professional
experience
and
skills
or
life
experience.
Mentors
are
more
likely
to
use
their
know-‐how
to
make
constructive
suggestions
and
give
advice.
Working
with
young
people
in
education
requires
a
delicate
and
sometimes
frequent
shifting
between
these
roles.
You
are
often
both
supporter,
advocate
and
boundary-‐
holder.
If
you
are
challenging
poor
behaviour
you
need
to
be
more
directive.
However
change
is
usually
more
likely
if
the
young
person
works
out,
or
at
least
articulates,
ways
forward
for
themselves.
Knowing
the
difference
between
coaching
and
mentoring
and
explaining
this
to
the
young
people
you
work
with
will
make
it
easier
to
use
the
right
approach
in
every
given
situation.
What
Should
Happen
in
a
First
Coaching
Session?
The
first
session
is
especially
important,
as
it
establishes
the
coaching
relationship
and
sets
out
what
you
can
both
expect
from
the
process.
The
coaching
will
be
deeper
and
more
effective
if
you
take
time
to
get
to
know
the
young
person
you
are
supporting,
so
taking
a
good
amount
of
your
first
session
together
doing
this
is
a
good
investment
of
time
for
both
of
you.
There
are
some
basic
things
you
need
to
cover
in
the
first
session:
• Getting
to
know
the
young
person
and
how
you
can
best
support
them
• Making
a
clear
agreement
with
them
so
you
both
know
what
to
expect
14. 14
Making
a
Coaching
Agreement
Agreements
can
be
formal
(written
down)
or
informal
(a
conversation).
Having
an
agreement
in
place
is
really
important
–
it
creates
safe
working
spaces
where
both
of
you
can
relax.
It
also
makes
it
much
easier
later
on
to
respond
to
challenges
as
and
when
they
occur.
A
coaching
/
mentoring
agreement
should
talk
about:
• Mutual
respect
and
consideration
• Clear
goals
–
what
needs
to
be
achieved?
• Success
criteria
and
measures
–
so
you
know
if
you
have
succeeded
• Accountability
an
commitment
–
so
you
both
do
what
you
say
you
are
going
to
do
• Confidentiality
safeguards
–
so
you
can
speak
openly
• Boundaries
–
so
you
know
where
the
relationship
ends
• Protocols
for
addressing
problems
–
so
you
can
deal
with
them
• A
work
plan
–
how
often
will
you
meet?
How
long
for?
Getting
to
Know
Your
Coachee
There
are
many
different
‘getting
to
know
you’
type
activities
to
choose
from,
and
you
probably
have
your
own
personal
favourites
already.
As
well
as
acting
as
a
relaxing
warm-‐up,
these
should
be
designed
to
give
you
as
much
information
as
possible
about
your
coachee
to
help
with
diagnostic
assessment
of
their
support
needs.
The
activities
described
below
focus
on
understanding
support
needs
with
interpersonal
and
team-‐
work
skills,
as
well
as
giving
an
overview
of
a
coachee’s
life
situation.
These
are
two
good
starting
points
which
will
apply
to
most
people.
15. 15
Activity
6:
Guess
the
Picture
This
is
an
easy
way
to
start
a
session
-‐
sketch
three
pictures
(stick
figures
are
fine)
which
say
something
about
yourself
and
your
life.
Ask
your
coachee
to
guess
what
they
mean.
Then
ask
them
to
draw
three
things
about
themselves,
and
you
guess.
Clearly
you
need
to
stick
with
‘safe’
topics,
but
drawing
something
which
might
be
slightly
surprising
to
them
and
show
your
human
side
can
be
useful
–
you’re
asking
them
to
share
with
you,
so
reciprocating
with
this
creates
a
balanced
relationship.
Activity
7:
The
Wheel
of
Everything
Background:
This
tool
is
great
for
less
articulate
students
to
show
you
how
they
feel
about
various
areas
of
their
life,
especially
when
you’re
getting
to
know
them
initially.
However,
it
can
also
be
a
useful
check-‐in
tool
if
you
want
to
step
back
and
check
the
bigger
picture
at
any
point.
How
it
Works:
1. Work
out
together
which
categories
are
important,
and
use
these
to
label
the
segments
of
the
wheel.
2. Then
scale
each
segment/category,
using
dots
or
crosses
to
show
how
easy/difficult
things
are
in
this
area.
Nearer
the
centre
things
are
easy
–
nearer
the
edge
they
are
difficult.
3. This
way
areas
of
success
and
concern
become
visible,
and
these
become
the
starting
points
for
coaching
conversations.
16. 16
The
Wheel
of
Everything
What
areas
of
life
are
important
to
you?
Choose
some
from
here,
and/or
add
some
of
your
own…
HOME
WORK
STUDIES
RELATIONSHIP
RELAXATION
HAPPINESS
SELF-‐CONFIDENCE
HOBBIES
FRIENDS
BODY
HEALTH
FAMILY
Now
mark
how
things
are
going
for
you
in
each
of
these
areas.
If
things
are
going
well
or
feel
easy,
mark
near
the
centre
of
the
circle
in
that
segment.
If
things
are
going
badly
or
feel
more
difficult,
mark
near
the
edge
of
the
circle
in
that
segment.
Or
anywhere
in-‐between!
17. 17
Inter-‐Personal
Skills
Questionnaire
True
or
False?
(or
you
can
rate
1
–
5,
1
being
easy
and
5
being
difficult)
Verbal
Communication:
I
find
it
easy
to
talk
to
people
Non-‐Verbal
Communication:
My
body
language
is
usually
relaxed
and
confident
Listening
Skills:
I
find
it
easy
to
listen
to
other
people
and
remember
what
they
say
Negotiation:
I’m
good
at
making
sure
everyone’s
happy
with
a
decision
Problem
Solving:
I’m
good
at
working
out
what
to
do
when
things
are
confusing
Decision
Making:
I
find
it
easy
to
make
good
decisions
and
tell
other
people
about
them
Assertiveness:
I
can
stand
up
for
myself
without
getting
stressed
or
angry
Organisation:
I
can
meet
deadlines
–
knowing
what
I
need
to
do
is
easy
for
me.
How
do
you
like
to
work?
• I’m
an
activist
–
I
get
bored
if
it
takes
too
long
• I’m
a
reflector
–
I
like
to
have
all
the
information,
with
plenty
of
time
to
consider
it
• I’m
a
theorist
–
I
like
working
with
experts
who
know
what
they’re
doing,
and
understanding
why
we’re
doing
things
the
way
we
are
• I’m
a
pragmatist
–
I
want
to
know
if
ideas
will
work
in
real
life,
once
they’re
put
into
action
• I’m
a
visual
person
–
I
like
drawing
things,
and
seeing
them
on
paper
• I
remember
things
best
when
I
hear
them
explained
• I
like
working
with
objects,
using
my
hands,
making
things,
having
something
to
hold
18. 18
Running
a
Coaching
Session:
The
GROW
Model
The
GROW
model
is
a
way
of
structuring
a
coaching
session
to
ensure
you
fully
address
the
needs
of
your
coachee
and
that
they
leave
the
session
having
agreed
effective
ways
forward.
GROW
stands
for:
• Goal?
What’s
the
focus
of
the
session?
You
can
ask
how
they
will
know
if
the
time
has
been
well
spent,
what
needs
to
have
happened?
• Reality?
This
is
the
stage
that
often
gets
skipped
or
not
given
enough
time.
Be
like
a
sniffer
dog
-‐
look
around
the
coachee,
ask
about
their
situation
and
others
involved
–
then
dig
downwards
a
little,
finding
out
what’s
really
happening
inside,
what
thoughts
and
feelings
are
involved.
• Options?
Once
you’ve
checked
the
reality,
a
fuller
range
of
options
will
become
more
apparent.
Wherever
possible
support
the
coachee
to
identify
the
options
and
choose
the
best
ones.
• Way
forward?
Agree
an
action
plan.
Make
sure
this
is
recorded,
and
that
targets
are
SMART
(specific,
measurable,
achievable,
realistic,
time-‐referenced).
If
you
struggle
to
remember
acronyms,
another
way
to
think
of
the
GROW
model
is
as
the
story
of
a
journey.
At
the
beginning
of
the
journey
you
need
to
find
out
where
you
are
going
(your
goal).
Then
you
get
out
of
the
car
to
check
where
you
are
–
maybe
look
at
the
landscape,
the
weather,
even
knock
on
a
few
doors
or
talk
to
people
in
the
area
(the
reality
checking
stage).
Once
you
know
where
you
are,
you
find
out
where
the
roads
go
–
one
up
ahead,
one
you’ll
need
to
U-‐turn
back
for
etc
(the
options).
Finally
you
choose
a
road
and
set
off
(the
way
forward).
19. 19
3.
Coaching,
Mentoring
and
Facilitation
Skills
Effective
Communication
Levels
of
Listening
Being
a
‘good
listener’
means
different
things
depending
on
the
situation
you’re
in.
Keeping
an
ear
open
for
your
children
at
home
while
you
listen
to
the
radio
needs
‘cosmetic’
listening
skills.
Chatting
socially
requires
good
conversational
listening
skills
–
turn
taking,
interrupting
etc.
When
you
are
actively
listening
you
concentrate
to
take
in
information
–
you
can
tell
this
is
happening
by
the
level
of
eye
contact,
body
language
etc.
Deep
listening
requires
an
empathetic
connection,
an
energetic
feeling
state
which
allows
you
to
listen
to
someone
on
several
levels
at
once
–
what
they
are
apparently
telling
you,
and
also
the
often
unspoken
truth
behind
their
words.
This
kind
of
listening
takes
energy,
and
can’t
be
sustained
for
long
periods
without
resourcing
yourself
effectively.
It
can
be
a
very
useful
skill
to
have
when
coaching
and
mentoring,
though
not
something
you
need
to
do
consistently
throughout
every
session.
Feedback
and
Praise
Giving
and
receiving
feedback
is
key
to
a
coaching
approach.
We
all
know
that
developmental
feedback
is
most
effective
when
framed
with
positive
observations
-‐
a
‘medal,
mission,
medal’
approach.
However,
in
the
UK
many
of
us
are
culturally
pre-‐disposed
to
be
slightly
uncomfortable
when
we
are
being
praised.
Also,
young
people
are
very
astute
when
it
comes
to
spotting
phony
‘feel-‐good’
praise.
Suggestions
are
to:
• Keep
all
praise
genuine
• Praise
effort
not
ability
• Try
to
give
three
or
four
positive
feedback
points
for
each
suggestion
for
improvement
• Practice
asking
for
feedback
from
your
coachee
–
this
is
useful
modeling
for
them.
20. 20
Asking
Questions
Understanding
what
questions
to
ask
when
is
an
essential
aspect
of
coaching.
The
following
training
activity
is
designed
to
help
raise
awareness
of
different
question
types
and
the
kinds
of
information
they
can
elicit.
Different
ways
of
using
questions:
1. Summarising:
“So
what
you
mean
is….?”
2. Unpacking
/
going
deeper:
“So
can
you
tell
me
more
about…?”
3. Temperature
checking:
“How
comfortable
do
you
feel
with…?”
4. Forward
action
prompt:
“So
what’s
the
most
effective
way
to
make
that
happen…?”
5. Checking
motivation:
“So
why
did
you….?”
6. Developing
self-‐awareness:
“So
what
do
you
notice
about
yourself
in
that
situation?”
7. Learning
from
the
past:
“So
what
would
you
do
differently
if
that
happened
again?”
8. Offering
a
theory
about
what
was
going
on,
then
checking
your
coachee’s
understanding
of
this
theory
or
perspective:
“Can
you
give
me
another
example
of…?
What
do
you
think
this
means….?”
9. Language
for
making
suggestions
/
offering
feedback:
• “I
wonder
if….”
• “I
might
be
wrong
about
this,
but
I’m
guessing
that….”
• “Maybe…
what
do
you
think?”
The
Storytelling
Question
Game
One
group
member
is
the
storyteller,
and
briefly
tells
a
recount
of
the
story
below
in
the
first
person
as
if
they
were
chatting
to
colleagues,
rather
than
reading
it
from
the
page
(or
they
can
tell
any
other
fictional
account
of
a
student-‐related
incident).
The
others
take
it
in
turns
to
pull
out
a
number
card.
Whatever
number
you
pull,
try
asking
the
corresponding
question
from
the
list
above
(if
you
choose
a
‘7’
card,
ask,
‘So
what
would
you
do
differently
If
that
happened
again?”)
Once
a
number
has
been
used,
it
is
then
set
aside.
Story:
You
were
walking
out
of
a
shop
when
you
spotted
one
of
your
students
shoplifting.
You
weren’t
the
only
person
who
spotted
them
–
they
were
seen
and
hauled
off
by
the
security
guard.
It
ended
up
with
a
fight
and
the
young
person
held
down
on
the
floor
by
three
staff
from
the
shop.
You
went
over
and
explained
that
you
knew
the
young
person,
to
see
if
you
could
help
calm
things
down.
You
managed
to
de-‐escalate
the
situation
to
the
extent
that
the
student
stopped
struggling,
got
back
on
their
feet
and
started
to
co-‐operate
with
the
security
guard,
who
also
calmed
down.
Now
you
want
to
make
sure
that
the
young
person
is
getting
support
with
trying
to
get
back
on
a
more
positive
track.
21. 21
The
Coaching
Drill
These
hints
and
tips
are
designed
to
help
you
keep
your
coaching
sessions
productive
and
on
track.
A
bit
of
structure
can
go
a
long
way!
Beginning:
getting
clear
on
the
session
focus
These
two
questions
are
really
useful
to
clarify
the
purpose
of
the
session
(don’t
forget
to
write
down
the
answers!
What
would
you
like
to
discuss
today?
How
will
you
know
if
this
session
has
helped
move
things
forward?
Middle:
what
to
remember
at
the
reality
/
options
stages
1. Always
ask
before
you
tell
–
and
always
check
their
ideas
before
you
suggest
or
give
feedback.
2. Be
curious
and
follow
your
intuition
to
unpack
more
information
-‐
before
you
start
to
explore
forward
looking
options
(the
options
will
be
deeper
and
more
effective
that
way
when
you
reach
them).
3. Deepen
the
work
-‐
look
out
for
any
kind
of
self-‐noticing
(this
is
your
‘golden
ticket’).
For
example,
if
you
hear
them
say:
• "When
I
feel
that
way
then...."
• "I
think
sometimes
part
of
me
really
wants
to..."
4. 'Notice'
with
them.
Look
for
opportunities
for
developing
insights
and
making
internal
shifts.
(Re-‐frame?
Taking
responsibility
for
own
feelings?
Drama
triangle?
Growing
strengths?
Self-‐agency?
Explain
the
concept,
give
them
the
information).
5. Use
concretisation
wherever
possible
to
give
tangible
control
and
deepen
the
change
work.
Use
objects,
post-‐it
notes,
empty
chairs,
drawings,
whatever.
End:
getting
clear
on
the
way
forward
1. All
actions
should
be
in
their
words
not
yours
(ensuring
ownership
/
accountability)
2. Write
them
down,
make
sure
they're
specific
and
doable
and
can
be
followed
up.
Give
timings
to
individual
actions
-‐
not
'do
all
this
by
next
week'.
3. Refer
back
to
the
written
down
goal
from
the
beginning
of
the
session.
Have
we
done
this?
What's
the
impact
/
how
has
this
left
you?
4. Make
sure
you
get
feedback
-‐
all
clients,
all
sessions.
What
worked
best
for
you
in
this
session?
Anything
I
could
do
to
improve?
(This
shows
you're
taking
them
seriously
and
models
reflective
practice).
At
all
points
-‐
be
kind,
be
conscious
-‐
gentle
reassuring
humour
is
great.
Stay
on
a
level,
be
really
professional
in
your
role,
and
show
you
highly
value
the
coaching
relationship.
Celebrate
where
you
see
good
things,
be
100%
positive
about
potential,
aspiration
and
what
can
be
achieved
through
effort
and
self-‐belief.
Give
lots
of
room
and
space
-‐
they
should
be
doing
most
of
the
work,
you're
just
facilitating
the
process
and
supporting
them
on
the
way.
22. 22
Taking
Responsibility:
Who’s
Accountable?
One
of
the
main
challenges
involved
in
coaching
and
generally
supporting
young
people
is
that
as
someone
with
significantly
more
life
experience
than
they
have,
the
chances
are
you
have
good
advice
to
offer
and
relevant
observations
to
make.
This
puts
you
more
in
a
mentoring
than
coaching
role.
However,
the
more
insight
and
understanding
comes
from
the
young
person
themselves,
the
more
they
will
buy
in
to
the
plans
you
make
together,
and
the
more
likely
it
is
they
will
follow
through
on
actions
and
stay
accountable
for
the
process.
This
of
course
is
what
you’re
working
to
achieve.
It
is
useful
to
stay
aware
of
this
balance
and
notice
points
where
you
feel
pulled
in
both
directions
(to
give
good
advice
and
recommend
actions
or
to
let
them
work
less
effective
strategies
out
for
themselves).
Also
to
let
your
coachee
know
that
both
options
are
available,
and
why
you
would
rather
help
them
work
things
out
for
themselves
if
possible.
Just
ask
the
question:
who’s
doing
the
work
here
today?
If
it’s
mostly
you,
then
look
to
shift
the
balance
back
to
where
it
should
be
–
they
should
be
talking
significantly
more
than
you
are.
Activities
to
Use
for
Reality
Checking
Action
Planning
Scaling
(see
below)
is
a
very
useful
activity
when
reality
checking
action
planning,
and
gauging
commitment
and
confidence
levels.
This
activity
can
also
be
used
as
a
quick
check
on
investment
/
confidence
/
pre-‐knowledge
at
any
other
stage
of
a
coaching
session.
When
reviewing
progress
with
actions
from
previous
sessions,
the
Post-‐it
Note
Action
Review
(see
below)
makes
it
easy
for
young
people
to
show
you
how
they’ve
got
on
as
an
easy
starting
point
to
the
conversation
(they
are
less
likely
to
be
relaxed
and
engaged
at
this
initial
stage
of
the
session).
23. 23
Activity
9:
Scaling
Background:
Scaling
is
one
of
the
most
easy
and
versatile
tools
to
work
with.
You
can
use
it
with
groups,
individuals,
and
to
check
in
at
any
stage
in
a
session.
You
can
use
it
to
assess
practical
skills
development,
inter-‐personal
skills,
emotional
well-‐being,
team
performance….
or
pretty
much
anything
else.
It’s
a
very
versatile,
easy
to
use
tool.
It
works
best
on
the
spot
and
verbally,
as
it
is
a
very
immediate
activity,
although
a
handout
is
provided
below.
How
it
Works:
Ask
a
student
or
group
to
rate
their
knowledge/progress/skills/engagement
etc
from
1-‐10.
‘On
a
scale
of
1-‐10,
with
10
being
the
best
and
one
being
the
worst,
how
well
do
you
think
you
did
when
you…..?’
Congratulate
them
whatever
number
they
choose.
Ask
questions
to
get
more
information
about
their
choice,
and
help
them
to
notice
and
celebrate
successful
strategies:
‘What
did
you
do
to
get
a
3?
Yes,
I
agree,
that
worked
really
well.’
Then
ask
what
they
might
do
to
move
a
point
or
two
up
the
scale
-‐
moving
up
a
couple
of
points
is
a
realistic
and
achievable
proposition.
This
works
at
the
end
of
a
group
session
to
help
evaluate
collective
performance,
or
in
a
1:1
situation.
Resources:
You
can
use
this
graphic
as
a
visual
prompt
if
helpful:
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
24. 24
Activity
10:
How
am
I
Doing?
Post-‐it
Note
Target
Review
Background:
Sometimes
it’s
hard
to
get
a
meaningful
response
from
students
when
you
are
reviewing
progress
they’ve
made
with
their
targets.
This
can
be
because
they
are
worried
about
saying
the
wrong
thing,
feel
embarrassed,
or
lack
the
inter-‐personal
skills
to
get
the
most
out
of
the
situation.
This
activity
gives
them
a
chance
to
get
started
by
showing
rather
than
telling
you
how
they’re
doing,
and
is
a
great
launching
pad
for
the
rest
of
the
conversation.
How
it
Works:
1. Copy
down
the
essentials
of
each
target
onto
a
post-‐it
note.
2. Ask
the
student
to
choose
an
object
to
represent
the
progress
they
have
made
and
place
this
in
the
middle
of
the
table.
3. They
then
place
each
post-‐it
note
target
in
a
circle
around
the
central
object.
Those
which
have
been
easy
to
meet
and
have
gone
well
are
placed
near
the
object.
Those
which
have
been
harder
to
meet
or
haven’t
gone
so
well
are
placed
further
away.
4. You
can
now
talk
about
why
the
targets
have
been
placed
where
they
have,
using
coaching
techniques
to
explore
the
‘whys’
and
‘what
nexts’.
NB:
in
line
with
a
solutions-‐focused
approach,
it
is
worth
spending
time
exploring
how/why
it
was
easy
to
successfully
meet
the
targets
placed
closer
to
the
centre,
and
noting
successful
strategies
/
personal
qualities,
before
going
on
to
problem
solve
those
placed
nearer
to
the
edge.
25. 25
4.
Getting
On
With
Others
and
Inspiring
Change
Healthy
Relationships
and
Emotional
Intelligence
Learning
what
healthy
relationships
look
and
feel
like
is
largely
a
natural,
intuitive
process
for
young
people
as
they
move
towards
adulthood.
However,
we
all
come
unstuck
at
points,
and
having
the
emotional
intelligence
skills
to
be
able
to
respond
constructively
to
destructive
dynamics
such
as
bullying,
manipulation,
peer
pressure
and
similar
can
be
essential
for
wellbeing
and
self-‐esteem.
The
following
emotional
intelligence
precepts
can
be
a
helpful
starting
point:
1) We
are
responsible
for
our
own
actions
and
feelings.
We
naturally
respond
emotionally
to
what
others
do,
but
we
remain
responsible
for
our
own
feelings
at
all
times
–
that
way,
we
don’t
get
used
to
feeling
like
a
victim.
2) Asking
for
what
you
want
is
very
helpful
as
long
as
other
people
have
a
real
choice
about
how
to
respond
rather
than
feeling
pushed
(if
people
don’t
know,
they
can’t
respond).
It’s
helpful
to
understand
the
value
of
clear
requests
and
agreements.
3) Self-‐care
and
self-‐value
is
a
great
foundation
for
all
healthy
relationships
–
if
you
value
yourself
and
take
your
own
needs
seriously
you’re
in
a
much
better
position
to
do
the
same
for
others.
4) Learning
to
notice
/
take
care
of
your
more
vulnerable
feelings
and
stay
open
generally
makes
you
a
stronger
person
5) Knowing
your
own
strengths
and
values
really
helps
you
stay
steady
when
things
get
tough
It’s
also
useful
to
be
able
to
spot
what
unhealthy
relationship
dynamics
look
and
feel
like.
Here’s
one
we’ve
all
seen
again
and
again,
in
all
ages
and
situations:
the
blame
game.
For
more
information,
check
out
the
next
activity.
26. 26
Activity
10:
Escaping
From
The
Blame
Game
(the
Drama
Triangle)
Background:
This
model
helps
to
explain
why
people
sometimes
get
sucked
into
negative
dramas
with
each
other.
Once
you
learn
to
spot
the
drama
triangle,
it
is
a
great
way
to
avoid
both
becoming
a
victim
and
being
blamed
by
others.
How
it
Works:
The
three
roles
in
the
Drama
Triangle
are
often
inter-‐changeable
–
you
may
start
in
one
role
in
relation
to
others
but
these
can
switch,
sometimes
quite
rapidly.
The
three
roles
are:
• Victim
• Persecutor
• Rescuer
The
dynamic
is
only
enacted
when
two
or
more
people
are
taking
on
one
of
these
roles.
The
Rescuer
is
sometimes
harder
to
spot
–
you’re
just
being
kind
and
supportive,
right?
If
the
person
doing
the
‘rescuing’
is
colluding
with
the
‘victim’
against
the
‘persecutor’,
then
they’re
locked
into
the
triangle
too.
If
you
see
either
yourself
or
your
students
in
one
of
these
roles,
talking
them
through
the
theory
can
really
help
to
stop
this
emotionally
bad
habit
in
its
tracks.
Young
people
are
capable
of
much
greater
emotional
intelligence
than
we
often
give
them
credit
for.
The
more
positive
alternative
to
the
Drama
Triangle
is
called
The
Empowerment
Dynamic
(TED),
a
triangulation
of
roles
which
can
be
positive
and
help
create
effective
and
useful
change
when
relating
to
others.
27. 27
Activity
11:
4-‐7-‐8
Breathing
"Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.”
Thích Nhat Hạnh (Zen Buddhist monk)
In
the
event
of
drama
and
escalating
conflict,
it
can
be
very
useful
for
some
more
trigger-‐happy
students
to
have
self-‐calming
techniques
to
call
on.
This
breathing
technique
does
just
the
job!
Background:
This
stress-‐reduction
technique
is
based
on
pranayama,
an
ancient
Indian
yoga
practice
that
means
'regulation
of
breath.'
It
has
been
made
popular
in
the
English
speaking
world
by
Dr.
Andrew
Weil,
a
Harvard-‐trained
doctor
who
claims
that
4-‐7-‐8
is,
'a
natural
tranquilizer
for
the
nervous
system.
It
is
utterly
simple,
takes
almost
no
time,
requires
no
equipment
and
can
be
done
anywhere'.
The
extra
oxygen
has
a
relaxing
effect
on
the
parasympathetic
nervous
system,
which
promotes
a
state
of
calmness.
Dr.
Weil
recommends
that
you
do
the
exercise
as
a
daily
routine,
as
the
body
will
gradually
learn
to
copy
the
breathing
pattern
automatically
over
time
after
conscious
repetition.
How
it
Works:
1. Exhale
completely
through
your
mouth,
making
a
whoosh
sound.
2. Close
your
mouth
and
inhale
quietly
through
your
nose
to
a
mental
count
of
four.
3. Hold
your
breath
for
a
count
of
seven.
4. Exhale
completely
through
your
mouth,
making
a
whoosh
sound
to
a
count
of
eight.
5. This
is
one
breath.
Now
inhale
again
and
repeat
the
cycle
three
more
times
for
a
total
of
four
breaths.
Note:
always
inhale
quietly
through
your
nose
and
exhale
audibly
through
your
mouth.
The
tip
of
your
tongue
should
stay
touching
the
top
of
your
mouth
just
behind
the
teeth
throughout.
To
see
Dr.
Weil
explain
the
technique,
have
a
look
at
his
video:
http://www.drweil.com/drw/u/VDR00160/Dr-‐Weils-‐Breathing-‐Exercises-‐4-‐7-‐8-‐Breath.html
28. 28
Activity
12:
Conflict,
Assertiveness
and
Negotiation
(CAN)
Background:
There
are
many
situations
which
require
skilled
negotiation
in
order
to
prevent
or
resolve
conflict.
CAN
is
a
three-‐stage
model
developed
by
Connor
and
Pokora
(2007)
in
order
to
understand
the
processes
of
conflict
management
and
develop
the
skills
of
assertiveness
and
negotiation.
This
is
a
role-‐play
activity,
so
you
will
need
the
confidence
to
engage
your
coachees
/
students
–
once
they
get
started,
they
are
likely
to
find
it
a
fun
and
interesting
activity.
How
it
Works:
1. Ask
students
/
participants
to
think
of
some
typical
conflict
/
negotiation
situations.
These
can
be
anything
from
a
family
deciding
where
to
go
on
holiday
to
a
student
asking
a
teacher
for
an
extension
for
an
assignment
deadline.
2. Give
them
the
instructions
sheet,
or
project
this
visibly,
and
ask
them
to
read
it
through
then
discuss
to
ensure
full
understanding.
3. Follow
the
instructions
as
closely
as
possible
when
role-‐playing
the
scenario.
4. Debrief,
ask
the
group
what
they
most
want
to
remember
from
their
learning.
Instructions
for
the
Negotiation
Scenario:
Imagine
a
situation
where
two
groups
can’t
agree.
Choose
the
most
interesting
idea
if
you
have
more
than
one.
Split
your
group
in
half
–
then
take
one
side
of
the
argument
each.
Follow
the
instructions
below
to
role
play
an
effective
negotiation
process:
Stage
1
–
conflict
(when
people
want
different
things
from
each
other)
1. What
are
the
differences?
(Ideas,
values,
power,
processes,
outcomes?)
2. listen
carefully
to
the
other
side
3. show
you
empathise
with
them
Stage
2
–
be
assertive
(clearly,
positively
and
realistically
state
what
you
want)
1. Prepare
your
arguments,
and
guess
what
they
might
say
2. Keep
a
confident,
calm
appearance
(posture,
facial
expression)
3. Know
what
you
want
and
state
it
clearly
and
positively.
Stage
3
-‐
negotiation
(working
together
to
get
an
agreement)
1. List
your
priorities
so
you
know
what
you
can
‘give’
on.
2. Negotiate,
acknowledging
the
other
side.
Separate
the
person
from
the
issue
(depersonalise).
Ask
questions,
be
open
to
offers
and
new
ideas.
3. Aim
for
win-‐win,
but
accept
that
compromise
can
be
a
good
outcome.
The
relationship
as
well
as
the
outcome
is
important
going
forward.
Note:
negotiation
will
only
work
if
both
sides
are
willing
to
adjust
from
their
starting
point.
29. 29
Activity
13:
The
Johari
Window
Background:
A
Johari
window
is
a
psychological
tool
created
by
Joseph
Luft
and
Harry
Ingham
in
1955.
It's
a
simple
and
useful
way
to
develop
self-‐awareness,
and
is
also
great
for
sharing
reflection
about
strengths
and
weaknesses
between
group
members.
How
it
Works:
The
idea
is
that
aspects
of
self
fall
into
four
categories:
• Those
which
are
publicly
evident
• Those
which
are
kept
secret
• Those
which
are
blindspots
(which
others
see
but
we
don’t
recognize)
• Those
which
are
unconscious
and
unseen
by
everyone
Seeing
our
blindspots
helps
us
to
grow
and
develop,
making
more
informed
choices
about
what
we
do.
The
more
your
own
perception
of
self
matches
the
perception
of
others
the
more
likely
you
are
to
be
in
a
good
state.
Working
with
groups,
you
can
use
the
following
activities
to
elicit
information
for
the
various
quadrants:
1) Discussion
and
feedback
from
others
(some
of
this
information
can
go
into
the
‘arena’
section,
if
a
surprise
then
in
the
‘blind
spot’)
2) Group
members
write
down
and
share
three
things
about
themselves
others
are
less
likely
to
be
aware
of
(this
information
can
go
into
the
‘façade’
section)
3) To
find
out
what
goes
into
the
‘blindspot’
section,
try
working
in
threes,
with
chairs
placed
so
two
are
directly
facing
and
the
third
is
facing
away
at
a
right
angle.
The
two
people
facing
each
other
talk
in
very
positive
terms
about
the
third
person,
who
is
sitting
in
the
chair
facing
away
and
can’t
see
them.
The
subject
of
the
conversation
remains
silent
–
a
‘fly
on
the
wall’.
The
conversation
ends
with
a
comment
along
the
lines
of,
“You
know,
I
don’t
think
she
realizes
that
she
is….”.
The
three
debrief
together
at
the
end,
then
swap
round.
The
key
to
this
activity
is
that
it
remains
kind,
supportive
and
positive.
It
can
be
a
powerful
experience
to
hear
others
say
nice
things
about
you,
so
be
prepared
for
an
emotional
response
from
some
people.
30. 30
Activity
14:
Story-‐Telling
for
Support
and
Inspiration
Why
storytelling?
Storytelling
is
the
oldest
form
of
leadership
and
support.
Stories
can
inspire,
engage,
educate
and
heal.
Being
able
to
tell
a
‘real-‐life’
story
in
a
way
which
holds
attention
is
a
really
useful
skill
–
not
only
when
supporting
young
people
to
help
them
see
things
in
a
new
way,
but
also
to
let
your
colleagues
know
about
the
progress,
change
and
differences
in
a
young
person
you
have
been
supporting.
Taking
the
time
to
share
these
kind
of
success
stories
builds
a
cohesive
network
of
support,
helping
to
ensure
that
key
adults
who
have
contact
with
the
young
person
believe
in
their
potential
and
help
with
supporting
the
change
process.
You
can
also
try
telling
true
or
made-‐up
stories
about
what’s
happened
to
other
people
you’ve
known
as
a
learning
or
healing
experience
for
someone
you’re
supporting.
Or
for
younger
children,
just
tell
them
a
story
you
feel
they
need
to
hear
–
stories
about
animals,
magical
events
or
similar
can
be
transformative
if
they
can
relate
to
the
theme.
The
Six
Key
Aspects
of
Story-‐telling
Know
what
your
story’s
about
(meaning,
main
point,
feeling
you
want
to
evoke,
theme)
Reduce
the
story
to
the
bare
bones
(absolute
minimum,
makes
it
easy
to
remember
so
you
can
relax)
Show
not
tell
(using
descriptive
detail
to
bring
your
listener
into
the
story,
think
about
the
five
senses)
Use
your
voice
effectively
–
pauses,
loud
&
soft,
rhythm
Use
your
body
to
tell
the
story
–
gesture
to
show
place,
become
they
character
you’re
describing
Keep
eye
contact
with
your
audience
–
storytelling
is
a
co-‐creative
process
Your
storytelling
motto:
‘Any
old
rubbish!’
The
beauty
of
being
a
storyteller
is
that
whatever
you
say
is
exactly
the
right
thing
for
your
story.
Don’t
worry
about
how
you
describe
people,
places
or
things
that
happen
–
if
it’s
interesting
for
you
then
your
listeners
will
be
interested
too.
The
‘any
old
rubbish’
mantra
is
a
great
way
to
give
yourself
permission
to
let
go
of
self-‐
consciousness
and
start
enjoying
communicating
your
story.
It
will
be
brilliant
because
it’s
yours
and
you’re
sharing
it.
31. 31
5.
Coaching
Students
to
Plan
for
a
Great
Future
Unlocking
Unconscious
Solutions
We
are
all
much
wiser
than
we
know.
Access
to
the
whole
of
we
know
about
ourselves
and
many
of
the
insights
we
have
about
our
experiences
is
limited
by
the
frame
of
our
‘here
and
now’
perspective,
and
often
also
affected
by
the
pressure
the
brain
puts
on
itself
when
under
stress
to
make
a
decision,
sort
things
out
and
get
life
under
control.
Creating
a
more
spacious
and
relaxed
mental
and
emotional
environment
for
reflection
and
planning
is
one
of
the
things
which
makes
coaching
such
a
powerful
tool.
This
opportunity
to
step
back
and
see
the
bigger
picture
can
be
further
enhanced
by
tricking
the
brain
into
unlocking
the
unconscious
solutions
it
holds
hidden
from
view.
You
can
learn
how
to
do
this
in
the
next
activity
–
Future
Projection.
Activity
15:
Future
Projection
Background:
This
is
an
action
methods
technique
used
by
sociodramatists
(www.sociodrama.co.uk).
It
is
a
highly
effective
way
of
unlocking
solutions
people
already
have
but
are
unaware
of.
Through
using
concretisation
(representing
abstract
ideas
with
objects
/
in
physical
space)
the
process
becomes
deeper
and
more
powerful,
creating
a
sense
of
actually
visiting
and
describing
a
notional
future.
How
it
Works:
1. Decide
between
you
where
your
start
and
end
points
will
be
–
choose
one
place
in
the
room
to
represent
now,
another
for
the
future.
2. Ask
how
far
ahead
in
time
the
coachee
would
like
to
explore.
3. Invite
them
to
‘visit’
the
future
by
physically
walking
towards
it
while
you
accompany
them.
4. When
you
arrive
at
the
place
in
the
room
which
represents
this
future
time,
ask
some
easy
questions
to
anchor
the
coachee
in
the
time
change
illusion
(“What
is
the
date?”
“How
old
are
you
now?”
“What’s
the
weather
like
now
it’s
winter?”)
[Note:
Insist
answers
are
in
the
present
tense,
without
conditionals:
“I
might
have
/
I
would
/
if
I”
are
all
to
be
avoided
–
it
breaks
the
magic
spell.]
5. Once
these
easy
questions
have
been
answered,
you
can
ask
“So,
what’s
happening
now?“
Encourage
the
coachee
to
describe
their
notional
future,
while
you
ask
questions
about
it
to
get
more
detail.
They
should
be
describing
a
future
where
the
challenge
has
been
overcome
or
the
opportunity
fully
developed
–
if
not,
steer
them
in
this
direction.
Congratulate
them
as
they
speak,
if
the
good
things
had
really
happened:
“Well
done!
That
sounds
amazing…”
6. Ask
what
they
did
or
what
happened
in
order
to
be
able
to
arrive
at
this
positive
state,
breaking
this
down
into
a
time
sequence
if
necessary.
7. Conclude
by
asking
them
to
give
some
advice
to
their
past
self,
who
you
can
recall
were
thinking
about
these
issues
in
a
coaching
session
some
time
ago
with
you.
8. Finally,
invite
them
to
step
out
of
the
role
of
their
future
self,
put
away
any
objects
respresenting
past
or
now,
then
debrief
on
both
the
process
and
the
content.
