PPT slides from the Realtor Clock Hour Class: Body Language; How To Listen With Your Eyes

1. Body Language:
How to Listen with your Eyes
Jillayne Schlicke
M.A., Psychology
CE Forward, Inc.

2. Class Sponsor
Michael Goodheim
Commission Express
206-829-2440
Commissionexpress.com/wa
“I really appreciate the value and the exceptional
level of service you provide…just what I needed
to get through this market.”

3. Course:
Body Language; How to Listen with your Eyes
Course Number C-8164
School:
CE Forward, Inc.
School Number: S-1655
Instructor:
Jillayne Schlicke
Instructor Number: I-0651

4. • Introductions
• Objectives
• Boundaries
Agenda • Small group assignment
• Intro to non-verbal comm
How to listen • Gender, purpose, attention span
with your eyes • Non-verbal awareness
• Small group assignment: Signals
C-8164 • Hand and arm gestures
• Hand to face gestures
• Arm and leg barriers
• Eye signals and clusters
• Breakthrough strategy
• Role play
• Quiz
• Recap, Close, Certificates

5. Objectives for Today
• How to recognize and understand the
signals that clients are sending.
• How to monitor our own signals that
we send out to clients (signals that may
not be serving me.)
• Learn how to positively influence a
communicative encounter by changing
your body posture and the resulting
non-verbal signals that you send.

6. Boundaries
Diagnose
Time
Non-Verbal
Communication
Cultural context Family

7. Small group assignment
• Break into small groups
• Share an experience with each other about when
a real estate client was sending odd, conflicting,
negative, non-verbal signals.

8. • Proxemics….using space to communicate
• Gender issues
• Gender issues
• mirroring

9. • Video recording….role playing pen…up and
down….picture
• Diff types of learners
• How do the react when walking into a home?
• Seller white…Chinese buyers. The arm cross.
The silent treatment…
• Intuition…v indigestion

10. • Single man….meet at a restaurant….buz or
more?
• Insecure person….hands/fist to mouth….
• Monotone voice (poker voice)
• Korea…americanized 5 yrs…..
• Large hand gestures, animated faces

11. Small group assignment
• Back turn and then Eye roll:
Lying….disrespectful…bored….arrogant….honest
• No eye contact….lack of respect? Have I
offended him?
• Back turned…arms folded…away from Realtor
• Two ppl…out w/one first….create
rapport….often w second person…they are
different. Mimic/mirror?
• Client is unreliable re his behavior. Controlling
• He wants to be in control….negotiator

12. Introduction
• Many problems occur interpersonally and
professionally due to different assumptions
• Non-verbal signals can be both
intentional and unintentional
• Over 90% of our communication is
• non-verbal
55% is body language
38% is voice inflection
7% is the actual words we say

13. Non-verbal Communication is…
• Emotional
• Instinctual
• From the limbic brain system
• 5 Core Human Emotions
• Sad
• Fear
• Anger
• Joy
• Disgust

14. Differences in Communication Styles
Between Men and Women
• Men often think contractually.
▫ “well, I said this.”
• Women often think in a non-verbal way.
• e.g., Men nod their head when listening to
signal that they agree with the talker.
• Women nod their head when listening to
signal that they are listening.
• (stereotyping)

15. Purpose of the Training
• We live in a fast-paced society
• Reactive vs. reflective
• Not being reactive gives you an opportunity to
reflect before formulating your response

16. Attention Span
• The attention span of the average person is
short
• Continuous partial attention
• If we tune out our client, and tune into our
own thoughts, our non-verbal signals may
change to mirror whatever is on our mind.

17. How we send signals
• Acceptance: Leaning forward
• Doubt: Leaning away from
• Defensiveness: leaning back and away from.
Arms or legs crossed
• What to do when our client sends mixed signals?

18. Three stages of non-verbal awareness:
• 1. Awareness of our client
• 2. Awareness of self
• 3. Management of our client

19. • Section 4 handout
• Complete the Body Language quiz with the
members of your small group

20. • Question on the 5 core human emotions
• Anger
• Sadness
• Joy
• Fear
• Disgust

21. Section 4 Handout Answers
1. Staring in Silence
Anger or agitation
2. Leaning forward across the table
Interest, commitment, or curiosity
3. Blushing
Embarrassment, anger, or aggression
4. Tapping a pencil on a table
Nervousness, anxiety, or impatience
5. Looking out of the window
Boredom, disinterest, lack of concentration
6. Maintaining a blank expression or poker
face
An emotional reaction that is intentionally stifled.

22. 7. Clenched Jaw
Aggravation, irritation, impatience
8. Gesturing or moving hands excessively
Agitation, tension, nervousness
9. Maintaining eye contact with you when
you speak
Interest, candor, agreement
10. Getting up from the table and moving
around the room
Agitation, entrapment, tension, frustration
11. Blinking very frequently
anger, excitement, or frustration

23. Class Sponsor
Rhonda Marinkovic
MLO-70286
425-466-7011
rhondam@magloans.net

24. Hand and Arm Gestures

25. 3. Hands clenched together
a
. b. c.
This shows frustration, a
negative attitude, and/or
fright. The higher the
hands, the more difficult
the person is to handle.

26. 4. Hands steepled
(while talking)
This conveys confidence,
superiority, or self-assurance.
(while listening)

27. 5. Gripping hands, arms, and wrists
This is a signal of frustration and an attempt at self
control. The further the hand is moved up the back,
the angrier the person is becoming. If the self control
gesture is changed to the palm in palm position in the
front of the body, calmness and confidence results.

28. 6. Thumb Displays
These express dominance
and superiority, or
possibly aggression.

29. 7. Hand Parades
Open and relaxed hands
indicate openness.
Self-touching gestures
indicate tension.
Involuntary hand
gestures may contradict
a facial expression, and
they indicate true
feelings.

30. Hand to Face Gestures

31. 1. Mouthguard 2. Nose touching 3. Eye Rub
This indicates lying.
This indicates lying.
However, if the other This is a
disguised Sometimes women
person covers his
version of the will look at the ceiling
mouth while you are
mouthguard. when lying (in order
speaking, he believes
to avoid smudging
you are lying.
their makeup).

32. 4. Ear rub
This indicates a
desire to block out
the other’s words.
This person wants
to be the one who’s
talking!

33. 5. Neck scratch
This indicates
doubt,
uncertainty, or
lack of
agreement.

34. 6. Collar pull
This shows that you
believe that the other
person thinks you
are lying. (You
believe you’ve been
caught!)

35. 7. Fingers in the mouth
This indicates
insecurity, and a
need for
reassurance.

36. 8.a. Boredom
This is an
attempt to hold
one’s head up
in order to
prevent one
from falling
asleep.

37. 8.b. Evaluation
When the index
finger points up the
cheek, and the
thumb supports the
chin, the listener is
having critical (not
necessarily
negative) thoughts
about the speaker
or the subject.

38. 8.c. Chin stroking This signals that
the listener is
making a decision.
If crossed arms
and legs follow,
this indicates a
“no.” If chin
stroking is
followed by
leaning forward
and open palms,
this indicates a
“yes.”

39. 9. Variations of decision-making gestures
These indicate uncertainty and require reassurance.

40. 10. Gestures with glasses
This is used to This indicates a critical
delay a decision. or judgmental attitude.

41. 11. Head-rubbing and head-slapping gestures
Both of these signals are a response to being told that
you have forgotten something. Slapping the back of
the neck indicates that you think the other is a pain in
the neck for pointing out your forgetfulness. Slapping
the forehead indicates that you are not critical of the
other who has pointed out your forgetfulness; instead,
you are critical of yourself.

42. Arm Barriers

43. 1. Standard Arm Cross 2. Reinforced 3. Arm gripping
This indicates This
This indicates a not only indicates a
defensive or defensiveness, negative
negative attitude, but hostility and
even if the other and restrained
person verbally aggression. attitude.
agrees with you.

44. 4. Partial
Arm Cross 5. Disguised
This indicates a These indicate a lack of
lack of self- self-confidence, as well.
confidence and
the need for
reassurance.

45. Leg Barriers

46. 1. Crossed-leg
(crossed very tight)
For men, this signals a
negative or defensive attitude.
For women, this usually
indicates a traditional gender
role behavior. This gesture
should always be interpreted
in relation to other gestures.

47. Leg lock Lock and clamp
This indicates a
stubborn,
resistant, or
argumentative
attitude.

48. 5. Standing leg cross
Most people stand
this way when they
are among people
whom they do not
know well.

49. 7. Foot lock
Women who
are shy
commonly use
this gesture.
The top of one
foot locks
around the
other leg to
reinforce a
6. Ankle lock defensive
attitude.
This indicates a
negative or
defensive attitude.

50. 8. Feet on desk
This indicates ownership,
superiority, or dominance.

51. 10. Legs crossed towards
9. Legs crossed away from
This indicates
that the other
person is not
receptive to
what you are
saying.
This will encourage the other
person to assume an open
posture.

52. 11. Uncrossed
This indicates an attitude of cooperation,
confidence, and friendly interest in the
other person.

53. Eye Signals

54. a. Business gaze
The business gaze creates
a serious atmosphere and
is limited to the area
between the other
person’s eyes and up to
his forehead. b. Social gaze
The social gaze drops to
the area between the eyes
and mouth and creates a
social atmosphere.
The intimate gaze c. Intimate gaze
indicates romantic
interest.

55. 4. Sideways glance
a. Interest b. Hostility
When this glance is combined with slightly raised
eyebrows or a smile, it communicates interest.
If it is combined with down-turned eyebrows,
furrowed brow, or down-turned corners of the mouth,
it signals a suspicious, hostile, or critical attitude.

56. 5. Eye block
This indicates that the other
person has become bored or
uninterested in you and
feels that she is superior to
you.

57. 6.a. Up 6.b. Tilt 6.c. Down
(neutral) (interest) (negative)
The up position The tilt position The down
indicates a shows interest. position
neutral indicates a
attitude. Look If the other person
for leans forward negative,
hand-to-cheek using hand-to-chin judgmental,
evaluation evaluation or critical
gestures. gestures, you are attitude.
getting your point
across.

58. 7. Both hands
behind the head
This indicates
confidence,
dominance, or
superiority.

59. 8. Straddling a chair
This indicates an
aggressive,
domineering and
overbearing
individual who tries to
take control of other
people when she
becomes bored with
the conversation.

60. 9. Picking
imaginary lint
This indicates person
who disapproves of
what is being said but
who feels inhibited in
giving her point of
view. Her verbal
agreement of what is
being said cannot be
trusted.

61. 10.c. Female
10.a. Closed 10.b. Open
version
Open coat shows
Closed coat This displays
direct aggression critical
shows and fearlessness. evaluation
aggressive It is reinforced when and
frustration. the feet are placed impatience.
evenly on the
ground or the fists
are clenched.

62. 11. Seated
readiness
This indicates
agreement and
interest.

63. 12. Starter’s position
a. Hands on knees b. Hands on chair
This indicates a desire to end the conversation.

64. Breakthrough Strategy
• Do not react
• Do not argue
• Maintain an open, compassionate body
posture.
• Listen
• When the client is finished….
• Ask the client “what do you think is best for
you?”

65. Role Play
• Client
• Realtor
• Observer

66. Role Play
• Client: Your job is to send lots of non-verbal
signals!
• Realtor: Your job is to read the signals and use
the breakthrough strategy.
• Observer: Your job is to carefully watch what
happens and take lots of notes

67. Possible Scenarios
• Use one of the scenarios from this morning
• Home seller who has to leave a large home on
acreage for a small condo
• Home seller facing foreclosure
• Home buyer who is frustrated due to lack of
inventory
• Nervous first time home buyer worried that
home values will continue to go down.

68. Breakthrough Strategy
• Do not react
• Do not argue
• Maintain an open, compassionate body
posture.
• Listen
• When the client is finished….
• Ask the client “what do you think is best for
you?”

69. Role Play
• What worked?
• What didn’t work?
• What did you learn?

70. Quiz

71. Revisit Opening Case Study
• Revisit the case studies we talked about at the
beginning of class.
• What was your client trying to say?

72. Last Exercise
• One non-verbal communication signal that you
would like to work on
▫ With clients
▫ Or within other interpersonal relationships

73. Recap
• Patience
If we move too fast we might miss important cues
• Reflection v. being reactive
• Compassion
Is our own body language conveying compassion?
• Understand Diversity
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74. Recap
• What about the client whom we rarely see face to
face?
Space and time. Silence v. chatter.
• Resistance
If you’re feeling resistance, this might be a growth
area.
• Whatever we choose to do, whether it’s the words we
say or our own non-verbal language, we are either
moving closer to our clients or we’re moving
farther away.

75. Final individual assignment
• Write a narrative description about your
experience in class.

78. Intercultural Communication
• Asian
• Chinese, Japanese,
• India
• Vietnamese
• Indonesia
• Middle eastern
• Hispanic

79. • Italian, Spain,
eye rub = lying gesture.

80. Expectations
• How to watch for signs that a client is getting hostile.
• How to watch my own body language…what signals am I sending?
• What does a slow, fast voice inflection mean?
• How to approach a seller (with news they may not want to hear) to maximize a positive outcome.
• How to open up communication channels at an open house situation
• How do I re-sensitize myself to cueing in to the non-verbal.
• Non-verbal cues I send off when making formal presentations
• Increase my awareness of when I need to (((( listen ))) better.
• Non-face-to-face client interactions…phone, email
• I want to learn the most I can about my clients the fastest way possible
• Reading the non-verbal communication of my kids
• How to tell when I shouldn’t waste time with a new client

81. Public Speaking
• Simple gestures to help with nervousness and
display confidence.
▫ Steepling
▫ Research shows this has a calming effect on
ourselves when we steeple.