DEVELOPING MENTALIZATION / ACKNOWLEDGING INTIMACY
 "Connecting Fields" Copenhagen May 2013 Kirsten Seidenfaden and Piet Draiby
 
 Centre for Relation Focused Therapy www.relationsterapi.dk

1. THE VIBRANT RELATIONSHIP
WORKING WITH COUPLES AND PARENTS
DEVELOPING MENTALIZATION / ACKNOWLEDGING INTIMACY
Copenhagen May 2013
Kirsten Seidenfaden and Piet Draiby
Centre for Relation Focused Therapy www.relationsterapi.dk
torsdag den 6. juni 13

2. Powerpoints in Slideshare
Litterature
Video
on:
www.relationsterapi.dk
(also an english version)
torsdag den 6. juni 13

3. TAK
-­‐
Thanks
!
........
to
some
of
our
many
inspirators:
Theory:
John
Bowlby
Mary
Ainsworth
Carl
Rogers
Daniel
Stern
Peter
Fonagy
Jon
Allen
Daniel
Siegel
Sco;
Miller
Prac+ce:
Hedy
&
Yumi
Schleifer
Harville
Hendrix
Susan
Johnson
Julie
and
John
Go;man 3
torsdag den 6. juni 13

4. Mentalizing as the new focus for
therapeutic change
4
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5. KEY PROCESS
The Acknowledging Dialogue
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6. Acknowledgement is a relational
attitude - a choice of a relational ethic.
A willingness to see the world through
someone else´s eyes for a while.
The Acknowledging dialoge is one
example of how a relational ethics can
funktion in practice
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7. KEY CONCEPTS:
The Space
The Bridge
The Encounter
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12. Sidsel og Philip - a still picture
How do we understand their conflict ?
How do we support their therapeutic proces
and personal development?
12
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13. ATTACHMENT THEORY
The ways we form
attachments to other people
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14. OUR BIO-PSYCHO-SOCIAL DESTINY
- We are born in connection
- We suffer in solitude
- We develop in relation
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15. ATTACHMENT
Emotional attunement and mirroring
being
attentive and predictable
22
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16. Ed Tronick: “Still face”
Attunement and affect regulation
16
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17. 17
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18. 18
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19. The Securely attached child will
develop more competence
The Insecurely attached child will
develop more survival strategies
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20. Savannah - videoclip
20
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21. We can free ourselves from
old habits
and
survival strategies
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23. ATTACHMENT POSSIBILITIES
Secure Attachement:
Child – grown up
Acquired secure Attachment:
Grown up – Grown up
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24. ARE YOU THERE FOR ME?
Child Attachment:
available and predictable
emotional attunement
Adult attachment:
trust and loyalty
emotional attunement
bonding
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26. Mentalizing
...or in plain language:
Acknowledging intimacy
- is a capacity we can develop
throughout life
31
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27. MENTALIZING IS
- holding mind in mind
- the ability to see yourself from the
outside and others from the inside
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28. Definition of Mentalizing:
Our explicit and implicit understanding
or interpretation of behaviors as
representing intentions, thoughts
feelings and needs
- your own as well as others
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29. By Mentalizing you draw on your ability to:
-regulate stress
-regulating the intensity of your emotions
-keep up your attention
-empathize and understand
As well as furthering the development of
these core functions
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30. Securely attached
show significant and persistent better
function in these qualities in follow-up
studies after 27 years!
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32. 32
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33. THE COGWHEELS AND THE GEAR SHIFT
Breakdown and Restoration
of the
Acknowledging Intimacy
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34. 34
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35. 35
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36. 36
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38. THE EVER PRESENT NONSPECIFIC
THERAPEUTIC FACTORS:
By Mentalizing we LIVE the intentions of
Carl Rogers
&
Scott Miller
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39. KEY CONCEPT:
Mentalizing / Acknowledging Intimacy
(in-to-me-see)
Mentalization Based Couple Therapy
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40. KEY CONCEPTS:
The Space
The Bridge
The Encounter
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41. KEY PROCESSES:
The Acknowledging Dialogue
Mirroring
Acknowledging
Empathizing
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45. Purposes of
”The dialogue of Acknowledgment”
Establishing
-a safe space
-a clear structure
-turntaking
-contact
-calm and easy going pace
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46. When Mirroring
The listeners responsibility is to be
1. aware of what is said
2. attentive through the whole process
3. curious as to your partners experience
4. willing to let go of own thoughts and feelings
The storytellers responibility is to
1. talk about her-/himself : ”I am/feel ...” etc.
2. avoid criticising your partner
3. express him/-herself as precisely and briefly as possible
4. talk about one theme at a time
5. listening attentively to your partners mirroring
– no interruptions
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47. HANDS-ON PROCESS WITH
SIDSEL & PHILIP
- An introduction
- An appreciation
- The conflict
- The childhood memory
- The longing
- Recieving and giving the gift
- An appreciation
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48. HANDS-ON PROCESS WITH
SIDSEL & PHILIP
VIDEO - CLIP
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49. PROBLEMS & CONFLICTS
- may not be solved
- but they may dissolve
in a process of mentalization
differentiation and
a new mutual understanding
and bonding
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50. THE NARRATIVE
Mentalizing is narration - by making sense of our own as well
as other peoples rich inner worlds
We construe the narrative of our life on the basis of the
relations and interactions we’ve had with others.
By breaking and making our autobiographical narrative we
form and create who we are
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51. WRAP UP:
- so by drawing on
Psychodynamic
Neuroscientific
Systemic
&
Narrative tradition
We get to and may use our capacity to
MENTALIZE
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