How to handle the affair details and is it a good idea to know EVERYTHING?

1. My Husband Had an Affair
-http://how-to-savemarriage.org
How to Deal With the Gory Details?

2. • “A crazy cocktail of denial, anger, grief and complete
loss of self esteem.” This is how I felt when I discovered
my husband had an affair with his (not attractive) co-
worker. I immediately wanted to know EVERYTHING
about his infidelity.
• Where, when, why and how? How could he do this to
me? What did he tell her about me, about our
relationship? Do they have their little secrets that I know
nothing about? Why did he do it? What does she have
that I don’t? How exactly does he feel about her? Do
other people know about it and I’m the only fool that
didn’t know?

3. When Confronted, a Cheating
Husband Will (Probably) Lie in Your
Face
My husband did what most
cheating spouses do when
they are confronted about
their infidelity. He lied, and
then he lied some more.
At first he denied the whole
thing, and only admitted
after I showed him
evidence. Then, he started
lying about the details of the
affair, or simply refusing to
answer my (million)
questions about the affair
details (I later learned that
there’s a
RIGHT way to confront a cheat
).

4. • needed him to be open, honest and admit all his
wrong doings. I needed him to not run away
from my hurt and help me cope with my
nightmare.
• But he kept saying that he doesn’t want to talk
about it. Whenever I tried to get the truth I so
desperately needed, he became defensive and
looked like a caged animal. He claimed that he
doesn’t want to hurt me any further by telling me
all the details.
• Looking back, I think he was right.

5. How to Deal With the Affair
Details – and Survive
• If your husband really wants your marriage to
survive this affair, eventually he will give in and
answer most of your questions.
• But, is that really a good idea for YOU?
• In some cases, knowing all the truth can
cause more harm than good. If it was just a
one night stand, it’s probably o.k. But if your
husband had a long term affair, the overload of
(the awful) details can scar your heart in a way
that will permanently damage your chances to
recover from it.

6. • f you insist upon discovering all the details about
his affair, you are taking the risk of permanently
ending your relationship. Even if you really want
your marriage to survive this affair, the burnt
images and details of his affair will destroy
any chance of you being happy with him
again – EVER.
• But you can’t help yourself. You have to KNOW.
• That’s why it’s important to know how to handle
the affair details, if you want to save your
marriage. Here are 3 steps to deal with the affair
details, images and thoughts:

7. Step #1 – Stop and Think – How
Much Should You Know?
• You are the one that decides
how much, if any, of the details
you want to know. Remember,
there’s an “invisible line of
hurt” that you don’t want to
cross, if you want to save your
marriage.
• The most important details are
the ones that will confirm that
you were not “crazy” to be
suspicious. For example, a
certain night that he didn’t
come home and told you he
got drunk and spent the night
at his friends’ house, when he
was really with the other
woman.

8. • In this case, knowing the truth about what happened that
night will help restore your confidence in your gut
feelings and your confidence.
• It’s probably also important to ask how he feels about
her, though by staying with you and trying to work it
means that he chose YOU and wants YOU.
• But it would be a mistake to ask him what is she like in
bed, if she is better than you, how did he describe your
marriage to her, what does she have that you don’t, how
the affair started physically and all those awful questions
that have answers that you don’t really want to hear.
Believe me.

9. Step #2 – Write Down Your
Questions
• Take a couple of days to think
and write down the questions
that you REALLY have to know
in order to move forward and
heal. But remember, once you
get an answer, there’s no
going back. Think about every
question like that. For example,
do you really want to know how
it was like to kiss her? Do you
really want the answer to haunt
you day and night until you feel
you have to run away from him
forever?
• Write down questions that will
help you find peace again. For
example, did he feel guilty when
he was with her? Did he try to
stop it?

10. Step #3 – Give Him a Heads Up
Tell your husband in
advance that you want to
sit down and talk to him
about the affair details,
that you need it if he
wants you to heal from
this. This move will
prevent a
“spontaneous”
conversation that will
quickly get out of hand
and turn into an outburst
of anger and accusations.

11. And Finally…The Most Important
Step
• Believe me when I tell you that you can’t
survive this crisis alone, without professional
help. I tried to do that and made all the possible
mistakes.
• I was half-way divorced before I made the smart
move of looking for outside help for my
marriage. Because I didn’t have enough money
for traditional marriage counseling, I signed for a
free 7 part e-mail course about how to survive
an affair.

12. • Amazed by how helpful this free advice
was for us, I continued to buy the
full guide and work-books. It cost less
than one marriage counseling session so
it was well worth it to me. My marriage has
survived the flames of his affair and so
can yours.
• Just take the first step and get help today.