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Emotional Intelligence

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Emotional Intelligence

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Learn how to recognize and manage your emotions. Spot the emotions in others. Become more skilled at managing the emotions in others. Have better relationships with those around you. Move from being emotional to emotional intelligence. All of this is necessary to truly be prepared for the future of work.

Learn how to recognize and manage your emotions. Spot the emotions in others. Become more skilled at managing the emotions in others. Have better relationships with those around you. Move from being emotional to emotional intelligence. All of this is necessary to truly be prepared for the future of work.

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Emotional Intelligence

  1. 1. EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Dr. Melissa Sassi Chief Penguin, IBM Z Student & Entrepreneur Experience @mentorafrika Adapted from EQ Applied by Justin Bariso & EQ 2.0 
  2. 2. Chief Penguin DR. MELISSA SASSI MY PURPOSE & PASSION BE AN AND. NOT AN OR. The intersection of tech, entrepreneurship & enabling students & entrepreneurs to make meaningful use of the internet. Founder, Intrapreneur, Digital Inclusion Advocate, IBMer, ex-Microsoftie, Academic, Keynote Speaker, IEEE Digital Skills & Readiness Chair, Volunteer, Mentor.
  3. 3. THE ABILITY TO MONITOR YOUR EMOTIONS TO GUIDE YOUR THINKING AND ACTIONS WHAT IS EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE?
  4. 4. Who doesn't want to better understand & manage their emotions, have better relationships & recognize how our emotions impact our lives? UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE knowledge | experience | intelligence | education
  5. 5. HOW PEOPLE BENEFIT FROM EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Control your emotions by understanding them. Prevent yourself from saying or doing something you might regret later. Learn to put your thoughts, feelings, and emotions in check.
  6. 6. - Self Awareness (YOU) - Self Management (YOU) - Social Awareness (OTHERS) - Relationship Management (OTHERS) THE 4 ABILITIES OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE FACTS REQUIRE MORE THAN Good decisions
  7. 7. 4 core feelings. The stronger the feeling, the more it dictates our actions, words & life. Learn to spot triggers that create emotional responses. Create new habits. ANGER Presentations are communication tools that can be demonstrations. SHAME Presentations are communication tools that can be demonstrations. HAPPINESS Presentations are communication tools that can be demonstrations. FEAR Presentations are communication tools that can be demonstrations.
  8. 8. EQ = 50% of job performance. EQ is the biggest predictor of leadership & personal excellence. EQ DOESN'T IMPACT IQ EQ can be learned & cultivated. IQ DOESN'T IMPACT EQ IQ is the ability to learn. Personality EQ IQ you
  9. 9. US workers with high EQ earn $29K per year more. Each point increase in EQ = $1,300 more salary per year across all levels & industries within the US. 90% of high performers have a high EQ Investing in your EQ = higher salary
  10. 10. SELF AWARENESS Identify & understand your own emotions. Recognize how they positively and negatively impact you. RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT Get the most out of your relationships. Build better bonds with others. SOCIAL AWARENESS Perceive the feelings of others accurately. Tune into the wants and needs of others. SELF MANAGEMENT Manage your emotions to accomplish your goals. Control how your react to your emotions. WHAT ARE THESE FOUR ABILITIES ANYWAY? others others you you
  11. 11. COMMIT TO BE A LEARN IT ALL. Develop a growth mindset. Learn how to recognize when your emotions spike. KNOW YOURSELF. Identify your strengths & weaknesses. Know when your emotions work against you. ENGAGE YOUR SQUAD. Ask your thrive hive or your trusted friends when your emotions have gotten the best of you. SELF AWARENESS
  12. 12. WHEN DO YOU ENFORCE CALM? You have a sudden rush of adrenaline. Your blood pressure is off the charts. Your pulse is going crazy. Your buttons have been pushed.
  13. 13. 8 OUT OF 10 PEOPLE WITH SELF AWARENESS ARE TOP PERFORMERS BEING SELF AWARE & KEEPING YOUR EMOTIONS IN CHECK MAKE YOU A BETTER PERFORMER AT WORK.
  14. 14. CONCENTRATE ON THE TASK AT HAND. Don't let the sensations in the body distract you. Breathe. Count to 10. Go for for a walk. Take a nap. KEEP YOUR EMOTIONS IN CONTROL. Overcome what you are feeling inside. Don't explode. Talk to a skilled self-manager & visualize success. PREPARE Create an emotion vs. reason list. Put your inner bully in check Make goals public. Take time to recharge. HANDY TIPS WHEN YOUR EMOTIONS ARE HIGH DON'T MAKE QUICK DECISIONS. Think before opening your mouth to pursue larger goals. Set time aside for problem solving. See change around the corner.
  15. 15. PUT YOUR PAUSE TO WORK. Count to 10 or take a walk. Avoid saying or doing something you'll regret later. CHECK YOUR VOLUME & TONE. Speak in a rational voice. Soften your tone & lower your voice. BREATHE. BREATHE AGAIN. Allow the other person to express their feelings. Resist the urge to respond & focus. CONCENTRATE & LISTEN. Try to understand other perspectives. Listen to understand, not to reply. AGREE TO REVISIT. Revisit the topic when your emotions are in check. Don't be afraid to apologize & be grateful for other perspectives. THINK ABOUT THE FUTURE. Forget about how you feel right now & fast forward a month, year, or five years.
  16. 16. SPEAK when it counts. Do I need to say what I am about to say? Is now the right time to say it? Am I the one who should say it?
  17. 17. Emotions I'm feeling emotion x I'm feeling emotion y I'm feeling emotion z 1. 2. 3. What are my emotions saying? Reason Reason tells me x Reason tells me y Reason tells me z 1. 2. 3. What is reason telling me? This is your Emotion vs. Reason List Creating an emotion vs. reason list forces balance.
  18. 18. Natural Style I am direct or indirect? I am comfortable or series? I am entertaining or discreet? I am controlled or chatty? I am intense? I am curious? I am intrusive? 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. What is my natural communication style? Downsides What are the downsides of my natural communication style? 1. What are the downsides of my natural communication style? This is your natural communication style. Being aware of your natural communication style and the downsides help you better communicate with others and spot when your style conflicts with others.
  19. 19. Don't make permanent decisions based on temporary emotions!
  20. 20. Manage your Mood. - Emotions can be harmful if left unchecked. - Acknowledge them. - Remember...they are TEMPORARY.
  21. 21. Change EMOTIONAL into Emotional Intelligence.
  22. 22. Actions Habits Destiny Character Thoughts Words - Frank Outlaw Change your habits
  23. 23. Brains can be rewired. You can change your habits.
  24. 24. Did I get it wrong? GET YOURSELF TO THINK. Did I misunderstand? Why did I react the way I did? Will my reaction help or harm? How does play out in a month, year, or five years? What would I change if I could get a redo? What could I say to myself next time?
  25. 25. Change how your actions & words manage the emotional stuff in life.
  26. 26. Change takes time. focus | listen | observe
  27. 27. Create new habits. BE MOTIVATED TO CHANGE. Be inspired to make others proud of you. PRACTICE. PRACTICE. PRACTICE. Do it over and over and over again. DO THE THING. Think more proactively when stressed. DON'T GIVE UP Think of new ways to respond.
  28. 28. Benefit & learn from feedback. Accept it & see it as a gift. Kick your pride to the curb & value it. Use it as a catalyst for change & adapt.
  29. 29. No one is right all the time. Change into by being aware of your emotions & the emotions of others.
  30. 30. DON'T SEE EMOTIONS AS GOOD & BAD. ACCEPT DISCOMFORT. KNOW WHAT GIVES YOU/OTHERS A RISE. JOURNAL. STOP ASKING WHY. STAY TRUE TO YOUR VALUES. KEYS TO SELF AWARENESS CHECK YOURSELF. SEEK FEEDBACK. GET TO KNOW YOURSELF.
  31. 31. People THINK HIGHLY of others WHO ACTIVELY SEEK FEEDBACK.
  32. 32. People who challenge you M A K E Y O U A B E T T E R L E A D E R . Be proud of mini successes.
  33. 33. OF PEOPLE HAVE DIFFICULTY HANDLING STRESS. 70% Make the most out of all reactions: yours and others. Tap into your self awareness & self management to achieve more social awareness. Curtail your emotions to manage the emotions of others.
  34. 34. Empathy. Understand the feelings & thoughts of others. UNDERSTAND | SHARE | HELP | TAKE ACTION
  35. 35. WRONG! Y O U M I G H T g e t i t perspective & biases W E A R E A L L L I M I T E D B Y O U R
  36. 36. Did you walk in their shoes? NOPE Do you understand how others feel? NOPE When did you feel the same way? Are you struggling with other perspectives?
  37. 37. What to say when emotions are high. Listen, learn, empathize & practice. Tell me more. Thanks for sharing. I am sorry that happened. I can imagine how you feel.
  38. 38. What NOT to say when emotions are high. No interrupting or judging. I get it 100%. I completely understand. I know exactly how you feel. I have been through this. Don't multitask.
  39. 39. Use emotionally intelligent empathy & keep it in its place. RECOGNIZE THE EMPATHY SEEKER. Don't be held hostage by the suffering victim. REFLECT. Think about what helps you when your emotions are high. GIVE THANKS. Thank others for sharing their perspective, thoughts & feelings.
  40. 40. Make the most out of your relationships. NOT AGAINST YOU. U S E E M O T I O N A L I N T E L L I G E N C E t o w o r k f o r y o u
  41. 41. with purpose. Relationships MANAGE
  42. 42. Relationship Management Get the best out of your relationships. Inspire others to think differently. Enable others to get the best out of you. Live in the present & be willing to forgive.
  43. 43. Show others that you are genuinely interested. If you ask follow-up questions and make sure you got the story right, you could avoid personal biases. ASK QUESTIONS. If you get the details before taking action and not jump to conclusions, you might also change your perspective. BE CURIOUS & OPEN. If you acknowledge the presence and points of others, they are more likely to acknowledge you. ACKNOWLEDGE. If you listen to other thoughts and opinions, others will likely follow your lead, even when they disagree. Care & others will care. LISTEN ATTENTIVELY.
  44. 44. KEEP A BALANCED VIEW OF YOURSELF. CHECK YOURSELF Be kind and fair. Arrogance. Conceited. Conviction. Confidence. Body language.
  45. 45. What about the controversial stuff? Don't attack a person's character. Don't accuse the other person of lacking common sense. Reason with empathy.
  46. 46. We all have different points of view on what's... Sound Balanced Fair Sensible Culture & upbringing impact communication, values & feelings.
  47. 47. Increase your chances of reaching your goals and have better relationships. IDENTIFY SHARED BENEFITS. UNDERSTAND YOUR AUDIENCE. KNOW THE OTHER PERSON'S PRIORITIES. REASON AROUND THE OTHER PERSON'S PRIORITIES. Be a partner and an ally. Begin with where you agree. The goal is not to win but to engage. Read the room, learn about your counterpart & their culture. Ask the right questions. Encourage conversation. Know what's important to the other person. Know when to back down. Leave on a positive note. Identify concrete solutions to problems. Provide persuasive & accurate evidence from trusted sources.
  48. 48. TELL STORIES. Bring facts to life. Everyone loves a great story. Only sharing data = boring! SHOW PASSION. Enthusiasm is super contagious. Inspire your audience. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
  49. 49. TELL your audience what you're going to tell them. TELL your audience. TELL your audience what you just told them. AND...REPEAT AGAIN. Don't forget the element of surprise!
  50. 50. Connect with others to build meaningful relationships based on emotional connections. 13 Express yourself clearly. Be consistent. People can't read minds.
  51. 51. BE GENUINE. EVERYONE CAN SPOT A FRAUD. Authentic Always be true to yourself. Share your true thoughts & feelings with others. Relatable. People are drawn to authentic & relatable people. Comfortable in your own skin. Not everyone will appreciate you. The ones who matter will.
  52. 52. Be humble. You don't know everything. Learn. Ask for opinions. Pay attention. Apologize. Be honest. Don't try to always win.
  53. 53. People trust what they see & not what they hear. - Keep your word. - Over-deliver. - Don't rush to say yes right away. - Feel responsible to follow through. - Build trusting relationships. - Go above & beyond.
  54. 54. Show love. - Identify talents, strengths & good in others. - Give sincere, authentic & spontaneous praise. - Make people feel appreciated. - Encourage good behavior. thanks | please | sorry
  55. 55. Be specific. Tell others what you appreciate & why. Maintain balance & be constructive. Conclude on a good note.
  56. 56. Protect yourself. Some people are self-serving & use emotional intelligence to take advantage of you.  - Don't allow yourself to be manipulated. - Take charge. - Recognize the signs. - Check the source of the information being shared. - Don't let yourself be confused. - Don't give into peer pressure.
  57. 57. Refusing to admit the other person is angry. Agreeing & then doing the opposite. Sulking or giving you the silent treatment. Performing the task poorly...on purpose Giving backhanded compliments or responding with sarcasm. Claiming they were not aware. Use your EQ when you see others' EQ in motion.
  58. 58. Stop. Think. Apply.
  59. 59. Let your emotions work for you. Not against you. Don't overthink. Agree to make yourself better. Protect yourself when needed. Enjoy the here and now.
  60. 60. 1 Feel. 2 Think. 3 Learn. 4 Pause. The Secret Sauce of EQ 10 Steps to rock your EQ and achieve your goals. 5 Empathize. 6 Praise. 7 Apologize. 8 Forgive. 9 Control. 10 Learn.
  61. 61. Questions to ask yourself. What physical symptoms do you feel when your emotions are high? Physical Symptoms What changes will you make this week? Next month? Change When will it be hard to manage your emotions? Difficult Times What did you discover about yourself? Discovery Have you ever felt hijacked by your emotions? Emotional Hijack
  62. 62. Get your copy of this presentation now! ibm.biz/ms-emotional-intelligence
  63. 63. Thank you. DR. MELISSA SASSI Chief Penguin, IBM Z Student & Entrepreneur Experience @mentorafrika

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