Family Matters Conference 2012 Pastor Neil Mina

1. Biblical Roles in the Family
Pastor Neil Q. Miña
April 5, 2012

2. Introduction
 The Family was God’s first earthly institution. Before there
was a government, and long before God instituted the
church, He ordained marriage and the family as the basic
building block of society.
 MacArthur said, “The destruction of the family we are
witnessing today is, I believe, a harbinger [forerunner] of
the ultimate collapse of all human society. The more the
family is threatened, the more society itself is in danger of
extinction. We’re in the last days, and nothing shows that
more graphically than the deterioration of the family.”
(Answering the Key Questions)

3.  Dr. Beeke aptly stated, “As goes the home, so goes the
church, so goes the nation. Family worship is a most
decisive factor in how the home goes.” (Family
Worship).
 “Today, said Dr. Mack, there are many
unhappy, unfulfilling marriages not only among non-
Christians but also among Christians. This
unhappiness is caused to a large extent by the failure
of people to pay attention to God’s blueprint for
marriage.” (Strengthening)

4. An Important Footnote
By the way, this is not about
 your preferences
 or the way you were raised
 This is simply acknowledging that God has His
own purposes in marriage. He gave us His Word
(blueprint), and if we will just trust and obey
Him, we will experience success in our family life.

5. Ephesians 5:22-33
 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is
the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives
should submit in everything to their husbands.
 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church
and gave himself up for her,
 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the
washing of water with the word,
 27 so that he might present the church to himself in
splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that
she might be holy and without blemish.

6.  28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as
their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and
cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,
 30 because we are members of his body.
 31 "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and
hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."
 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers
to Christ and the church.
 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as
himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

7. Ephesians 6:1-4
 1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
 2 "Honor your father and mother" (this is the first
commandment with a promise),
 3 "that it may go well with you and that you may live long
in the land."
 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring
them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

8. Remember this…
 These then are the elements of a successful family. A
wife characterized by submission; a husband who
loves his wife sacrificially; children who obey and
honor their parents; and parents who instruct and
discipline their children by being a consistent, godly
example. Your family may be without children, or
without a father or mother, but the basic formula for
family success is the same: each family member must
pursue his God-ordained role.

9. I. THE COMMAND FOR WIVES TO SUBMIT
(Eph. 5:22-24,33; Col. 3:18; Titus 2:4-5; 1 Pet. 3:1-6)
 What Biblical Submission Is Not
 Submission is not merely a concept for women. It is a
concept for all believers. (Eph. 5:21; Phil. 2:3-4; 1 Pet.
5:5; Rom. 13:1; Heb. 13:17)
 Submission does not mean that the wife becomes a
slave.
 Submission does not mean that the wife never opens
her mouth, never has an opinion, never gives advice.
(Compare Prov. 31:26; Acts 18:26; Judges 13:21-23).

10.  Submission does not mean that the wife becomes a
wallflower who folds up and allows her abilities to lie
dormant.
 Submission does not mean that the wife is inferior to the
husband.
Submission from a more Positive View
1. Scripture indicates that it is the wife’s responsibility to
make herself submissive. (Compare Eph. 5:22; 1 Pet. 3:1)

11.  1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own
husbands, so that even if some do not obey the
word, they may be won without a word by the conduct
of their wives,
2. Scripture indicates that the wife’s submission is to be
continuous.
3. Wifely submission is mandatory, not optional.
4. Wifely submission is a spiritual matter. It is to be done
“as to the Lord” (Eph. 5:22).

12. 5. Submission is a positive, not negative concept. It
emphasizes what the wife should do rather than what
she should not do.
6. Submission involves the wife’s attitudes as well as
her actions. (See Jesus in John 4:34 cf. Ps. 40:7-8).
Now compare God’s kind of wife in Prov. 31:13.
7. Wifely submission is to be extensive. (See Eph.
5:24).

13. II. THE COMMAND FOR HUSBANDS TO LOVE
THEIR WIVES SACRIFICIALLY (Eph. 5:25)
 First it demonstrates that the real love is not just a
feeling that comes upon a person – it is an act of the
human will.
 Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ
loved the church and gave himself up for her,
 It is the most selfless, giving, caring kind of love
conceivable to the human mind. There is no room in
this kind of love for lording it over, or selfish
domination.

14. 1Pe 3:7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an
understanding way, showing honor to the woman as
the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the
grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
3 Concepts in this Verse
(1) Consideration. We must be sensitive, understanding, and
considerate.
(2) Chivalry. Your wife is a weaker vessel. A major part of your
headship is your responsibility to protect her, care for
her, and give yourself for her.
(3) Communion. Marriage is designed to be a close
partnership – a uniting of two into one.

15. Ways in which husband may love his wife
 One of the simplest, yet neglected, ways of communicating
love is by way of words. Some husbands treat the words “I
love you” as corny and almost never speak them.
 You may love your wife by providing for the satisfaction of
her varying needs (1 Tim. 5:8; 1 John 3:17; Eph. 5:28). She
has
physical, emotional, intellectual, social, recreational, sexua
l, and spiritual needs. And you are not a good provider or
lover if you are not concerned about all of them.
 You may love your wife by protecting her (Eph. 5:28).
 You may express love to your wife by assisting her to fulfill
her chores and responsibilities.
 You may express your love by sacrificing for her (Eph. 5:25;
Phil. 2:5-6).

16.  You may love you wife by allowing her really to share your
life (1 Pet. 3:7). Commune with your wife. Talk to them.
Share your spiritual lives together.
 You may express your love by refusing to compare her
unfavorably with other people, especially your mother or
other women.
 You may express your love by demonstrating to her
that, apart from your relationship to Jesus Christ, she has
first place in your life.
 You may express your love by giving her a lot of
tenderness, respect, chivalry, and courtesy (Eph. 5:28; Col.
3:19; 1 Cor. 13:4-5).
 You may love her by expressing appreciation and praise
generously and in large doses.

17. III. THE COMMAND FOR CHILDREN TO OBEY
AND HONOR THEIR PARENTS (Eph. 6:1-2)
 Why must children obey? Because they lack maturity in four major areas of life
that are essential for independence.
 Luke 2:52 And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in
favor with God and man.
 Children need growth in mental maturity. Children lack wisdom. They lack
discretion, instruction, and knowledge.
 Children also lack in the area of physical maturity. It is their parents role to
protect them.
 Children lack social maturity. It is difficult to teach a child how to share, what
to say at appropriate times, and how to be humble. None of those things come
naturally to any child.
 Finally, children need spiritual maturity. A child doesn’t just grow naturally to
love God. Little children can comprehend God, but without proper instruction.
Prov. 22:6 is the parents’ responsibility to train their children in all four areas of
growth.

18. IV. THE COMMAND FOR PARENTS TO INSTRUCT
AND DISCIPLINE THEIR CHILDREN (Eph. 6:4)
 In a study conducted less than three decades ago, sociologists Sheldon and
Elanor Glueck, of Harvard University, identified several crucial factors in
the development of juvenile delinquents. They listed four necessary factors
in preventing juvenile delinquency.
 First, the father’s discipline must be firm, fair, and consistent.
 Second, the mother must know where her children are and
what they are doing at all times, and be with them as much as
possible.
 Third, the children need to see affection demonstrated
between their parents, and from their parents to them.
 And Fourth, the family must spend time together as a unit.

19.  In a similar report, but from a Christian perspective, Dr.
Paul D. Meier, a Christian psychiatrist, wrote that the key
to right parent-child relationships can be summed up in
five things: parents’ love for each other and for the
children; consistency; a good parental example; and a man
at the head of the home.
 The bottom line is this: the example you live out before
your children is what most affects them. Many parents
make the mistake of being overly concerned about how
they are perceived in the church and in the
community, while completely disregarding the way they
live before their children.

20. Conclusion
 Beyond your parenting, there is a greater need that
your sin problem must be dealt with first of all. Apart
from the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit, you
will be unable to do all that we’ve talked about this
morning. Salvation from sin is found only in Christ on
the merit of His finished work on the cross for you.
Then and only then, you will have the capacity and
energy to perform your God given role in fulfilling
God’s design for successful marriage and family.