On one fine Monday morning, our clients received this in their inbox. There was a very good reason why we were telling our clients how to do advertising. See the last page.

1. NOT
FOR
SALE
DO-IT-YOURSELF
EMERGENCYKIT
McCann
Er
ickson (India) Pvt. Ltd., McCann House, Dr. S. S. Rao Road, Parel, Mumbai - 400 012. tel.: 022-2417
6600fax:022-24176666.www.mccannworldgroup.com
DO-IT-YOURSELF
EMERGENCY KIT
Print
Hoarding
POS
Films
Radio

2. PREAMBLE
GETTING STARTED
DECODING THE BRIEF
PRINT ADVERTISING
OUTDOOR ADVERTISING
POS
TV COMMERCIALS
RADIO SPOTS
AFTER YOU ARE DONE
EPILOGUE

3. OKAY! YOUʼVE
LANDED YOURSELF
IN A SPOT.DONʼT WORRY, THIS TOO SHALL
PASS. REMEMBER TO KEEP
BREATHING. AND KEEP ADHERING
TO GUIDELINES STRICTLY AND YOU
SHALL SOON BE BACK ON TRACK.
WEʼVE HANDLED FAR STICKIER
SITUATIONS THAN THIS, SO TRUST
US, YOU ARE IN GOOD HANDS.
DEDICATED ACCOUNT PLANNING,
BUZZING CREATIVE HOT SHOTS AND
ABOUT A COLLECTIVE CENTURY OF
EXPERIENCE HAS GONE INTO
MAKING THIS MANUAL.
SO RELAX AND READ ON.

4. GETTING
STARTED
HEREʼS A LIST OF THINGS THAT YOU WOULD
NEED BEFORE YOU START MAKING AN
ADVERTISEMENT. IDEALLY A DEGREE IN ARTS
OR DESIGNING IS PREFERABLE AND OF
COURSE, A COMMAND OVER ENGLISH
LANGUAGE. BUT NEVER MIND, ITʼS TOO LATE
FOR THAT.
Letʼs start with your desk. Keep positive energy all around you. An
uncluttered desk doesnʼt necessarily mean having a creative bent of mind.
Scented candles, things to do list and of course, the brief, might help. A
photo of your dear ones, a phone (but keep it on silent), a dozen stress balls
go hand in hand. Keep all of them handy. You may also want to stock
toothpastes, mouthwash (if you smoke cigarettes), chewing gum, cushions
and blankets. But you donʼt want to get too comfortable, it doesnʼt help
working in the wee hours of the night.
Speaking about desks, get a PC or an Apple MacBook Pro.
Approximately a 2 Ghz processor unless you want to see a TV commercial
frame by frame. If you already have a comp just delete all your MP3 files
and your games. You see you need all the processing power you need. The
details are given below, in case you donʼt understand them, just send them
off to your IT Department or a teenager with zits and he would understand:

5. GETTING STARTED
Windows:
Intel® Pentium® 4 (3.4GHz processor for HDV), Microsoft® Windows® XP or
Windows Vista. Ideally a GB of RAM; more RAM recommended when running multiple
components. 160 GB Sata HDD. Microsoft DirectX or ASIO compatible sound card.
1,280x1,024 monitor resolution with 32-bit video card. DVD-ROM drive. DVD+-R burner
required for DVD creation. OHCI compatible IEEE 1394 port for DV and HDV capture,
export to tape, and transmit to DV device. Internet or phone connection required.
Macintosh:
PowerPC® G4 or G5 or multicore Intel processor. Mac OS X v.10.4.9; Java. 1GB of RAM;
more RAM recommended when running multiple components. 160 GB Sata HDD. Core
Audio compatible sound card. 1,280x1,024 monitor resolution with 32-bit video card.
DVD-ROM drive. SuperDrive required for DVD burning. QuickTime 7.1.5 software
required to use QuickTime features. Internet or phone connection required.
Softwares:
You would need a bunch of softwares to do advertising. Never mind what they told you
in school about mind being the fastest computer. If that was so, we would have told you
all this telepathically.
Adobe Creative Suite 2: Includes Adobe Photoshop, Adobe Illustrator and bunch of other
softwares that you can do in your free time.
Adobe Freehand MX: Looks a lot like Adobe Illustrator, except it hangs too often.
CorelDRAW X3 Graphics Suite: Includes Corel PowerTRACE to help you trace illustrations.
For the ignoramus, illustrations arenʼt files made from Adobe Illustrator.
QuarkXpress 7: Made by Quark, it has been the forerunner of layouts and has been
used worldwide. And it looks somehow that old too.

6. A) DEADLINE: ESSENTIALLY NOTING THE DEADLINE IS VITAL. VIS-À-VIS IT MEANS
CANCELLING ALL YOUR DATES WHICH YOU HAVE BEEN PLANNING FOR MONTHS,
PUTTING THINGS ON HOLD. CONSIDERING YOU ARE ALREADY READING THIS MANUAL,
IT MEANS YOU ARE ALREADY AWARE SO KEEP READING FASTER AND GET CRACKING.
B) ENSURE THAT THE BRIEF IS COMPLETE. YOU CANʼT DESIGN
SOMETHING THAT IS STILL IN THE PIPELINE. YOU CANʼT HAVE 4 CATCHY HEADLINES
AND A 40 PAGE DOCUMENT ATTACHED ALONG WITH IT THAT EXPLAINS THE HEADLINES.
THE BRIEF HAS TO CONTAIN EVERYTHING THE RECIPIENT (IN THIS CASE, YOU) NEEDS
TO KNOW TO DO THE JOB YOUʼRE BEING ASKED FOR.
C) REQUIREMENTS: BEFORE YOU START WORKING, NOTE THE REQUIREMENTS.
YOU CANʼT THINK OF A HEADLINE FOR A RADIO SPOT. FORTUNATELY WE HAVE GIVEN A
TEMPLATE FOR ALL SORTS OF REQUIREMENTS. SO JUST UNDERSTAND THE BRIEF AND
SKIP TO THE SECTION DIRECTLY.
DECODING
THE
BRIEF
DECODINGDECODINGDECODINGDECODINGDECODINGDECODINGDECODINGDECODINGDECODINGDECODINGDECODINGDECODINGDECODINGDECODING
THE
BRIEF
DECODING
BRIEF
DECODING
BRIEF
DECODING
BRIEF
DECODING
BRIEF
DECODING
BRIEF
DECODING
BRIEF
DECODING
BRIEF
DECODINGDECODINGDECODINGDECODINGDECODINGDECODINGDECODINGDECODINGDECODINGDECODINGDECODINGDECODINGDECODINGDECODING
HEREʼS WHERE SPIES AND SECRET SERVICE TRAINING
WOULD HELP. BUT FORTUNATELY FOR YOU, YOU CAN
SKIP THIS STEP AS YOU WRITE THE BRIEF YOURSELF.
NEVER THE LESS, HEREʼS WHAT YOU NEED TO DO.

7. AH! THE HOLY GRAIL OF
ADVERTISING. EVER SINCE
PAXTON INVENTED THE PRINTING
PRESS, THERE HAS BEEN ADVERTISING
JUNKIES REJOICING AND GROANING AT
THE SAME TIME. ORDINARILY IT TAKES
TIME AND EXPERIENCE TILL WE ALLOW
ANYONE TO DO A PRINT AD BUT OF
COURSE; TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE
HERE.
ADVERTISING
PRI
NT

8. ADVERTISING
PRI
NT
a) Size b) Visual c) Headline d) Font e) Logo f) Baseline g) Body copy
h) Parent company i) Brand colours j) Miscellaneous
TEMPLATE OF A PRINT AD.
a) Size b) Visual c) Headline d) Font e) Logo f) Baseline g) Body copy
h) Parent company i) Brand colours j) Miscellaneous
A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J

9. ADVERTISING
PRI
NT
A) SIZE: The most crucial element in any print ad is the size.
No matter what women keep telling men, size does matter.
Especially when it has to go to print. Thereʼs a very good reason why
restaurants ask how many tables or why cloth salesmen ask for your
shirt size before anything else. Once you get a fix on the size, the
rest is extremely easy.
Horizontal ad/Vertical ad/Strip ad/Double spread/Centre spread...
B) VISUAL: They arenʼt just pieces of art that provide visual
relief in a newspaper. They are the face of your organisation. They
represent whatever you need to communicate. So to that effect, we
have selected a bank of images that you can choose and place
whichever suits your need best.
WHILE SELECTING PICTURES:
Mark the hair shine. Add a little bounce to them.
You donʼt want bald guys using your product.
Note wrinkles and remove them
while system correcting.
Smoothen the skin.
Give her a shave.
Remember what your mom said:
Nobody likes yellow teeth.
No dandruff. Youʼve seen shampoo ads.
You know how dandruff repels people.
No matter how many times, the model
washes her hands. You never know
where they have been. Correct them.

10. ADVERTISING
PRI
NT
LOREM IPSUM
DOLOR SIT AMET,
CONSECTETUER
ADIPISCING ELIT.
C) HEADLINE:
No thatʼs not what you need to chant before you start working on a
headline, thatʼs Latin for dummy text. It helps you place in the layout
before you can think of one. Fortunately, you donʼt have to.
WE HAVE SELECTED HEADLINES THAT CAN BE PLACED ACROSS CATEGORIES.

11. AUTOMOBILES: Now drive faster than you can read this. Faster than a speeding bullet is such a cliché. Youʼll run
out of roads before you run out of fuel. Make your own road. So spacious, you will need a GPS to get out of it.
BEVERAGES: Refreshes like no other. Start your day with (Company name here). Taste that gets you going on. Make
your taste buds dance. Water doesnʼt even come close.
BUSINESS EQUIPMENTS AND SERVICES: Helping business do business is our business. No
matter what your need be, we are there. For complete business solutions, come to us. Whoever said handling business wasnʼt
meant for everybody? Make your company go places.
CORPORATE: It gets lonely at the top. But after so many years, you get used to it. Itʼs no wonder that we won. After
all, itʼs a habit for us. To others, winning would be an achievement. For us, itʼs just the beginning. Sorry if we are saying the same
thing again. But weʼve nothing else to say except we are no. 1 again. Weʼd love to tell you about our past awards. But that way
we would be turning our back towards the future.
DINING: You may want to buy bigger pants. Heaven isnʼt a place. Itʼs our food actually. When everybody says letʼs go
someplace else, you know what they mean. Where food isnʼt just feast for your eyes. Exactly how long has your wife been
nagging to take her out?
ENTERTAINMENT: All of a sudden, there are fewer people on the streets. You may never want to leave home
again. Pleasure at your finger tips. Quite literally. More than just entertainment. Itʼs (Company name here). Couch potato just
got a whole new meaning.
FINANCE & BANKING: Bank with us because the world banks on us. Itʼs like borrowing money from a friend.
After we took our bank places, we decided the only place to go was virtual. With so many debit cards, perhaps we are the only
bank that made your wallet lighter. Now your dreams are a reality.
HOME ELECTRONICS: Experience a world of fantasies. Visit places without moving from your couch.
Everything is now made easy. Always thinking of you. Your life just got a whole lot better.
MEDICINES AND OTC: Making the world a better place. Because life is precious. Life is our lifeʼs work.
Hospital ceilings are boring. So that life doesnʼt have a pause.
PERSONAL TOILETRIES, COSMETICS AND PERFUMES: For the man/woman in
you. Be yourself. Turn the charm on tonight. Remember to breathe in. Give yourself the makeover you always wanted.
SHOPPING: Everything you can possibly desire. Everything for home and beyond. Weʼve moved closer to your home.
Your telephone. Itʼs time to change your wardrobe. Itʼs all in here.
TRAVEL AND LEISURE: Because living vicariously is boring. Going. Going. Gone. Make your honeymoon a
whole lot special. We have a restaurant in Tahiti with your name on it. Youʼve seen the world through TV. Now see it from 60,000
ft above sea level.
ADVERTISING
PRI
NT
C) HEADLINE:

12. ADVERTISING
PRI
NT
D) FONT
NO, WE ARE NOT MAKING A STATEMENT. ITʼS A SENTENCE WITH ALL THE
ALPHABETS IN IT, SO YOU CAN TYPE IT WHILE SELECTING FONTS. HEREʼS
A LIST OF FONTS THAT ARE NEUTRAL AND CAN GO WELL WITH ANY
LAYOUT THAT YOU HAVE SELECTED.
The quick brown
fox jumps over the
lazy dog.
Aa Bb Cc Dd Ee Ff Gg
Hh Ii Jj Kk Ll Mm Nn
Oo Pp Qq Rr Ss Tt Uu
Vv Ww Xx Yy Zz.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0
<>:”’;.,/?)(*&^%$#@!
Garamond(regular)
WE RECOMMEND:
Swiss Family. (As the name suggests, it doesnʼt treat the alphabets like subjects.)
Goudy Old Style. (Donʼt be fooled by its name. Itʼll truly spruce up your headline a notch.)
Helvetica Family. (A legend to its name and certainly to your ad as well.)
Myriad Roman Family. (Donʼt worry. Itʼs nothing like Caligula or Brutus for that matter.)

13. ADVERTISING
PRI
NT
E) LOGO
The logo has to be optically
placed in a print ad. In this case,
it would be at the bottom right
corner. Ideally, it would have to
be kept at an optimum size which
gives equal weightage to all the
elements in the advertisement.
BUT WE RECOMMEND
INCREASING THE SIZE
OF THE LOGO TO
10-12 % FROM TIME
TO TIME FOR
OPTIMUM
SATISFACTION AND
CLEARER VISIBILITY.
THIS IS OF COURSE
DEPENDENT ON THE
NATURE OF THE
ADVERTISEMENT AND
THE ADVERTISER.
corner. Ideally, it would have to
be kept at an optimum size which
gives equal weightage to all the
elements in the advertisement.
BUT WE RECOMMEND
INCREASING THE SIZE
OF THE LOGO TO
10-12 % FROM TIME
TO TIME FOR
OPTIMUM
SATISFACTION AND
CLEARER VISIBILITY.
THIS IS OF COURSE
DEPENDENT ON THE
NATURE OF THE
ADVERTISEMENT AND
THE ADVERTISER.

14. ADVERTISING
PRI
NT
F) BASELINE
WE INSPIRE/THINKING OF YOU/FOR YOUR SUCCESS/
PIONEERING THE FUTURE/FUTUREPROOF.
SUMMING UP THE NATURE
OF COMMUNICATION AND ITS TONE
AND MANNER IS THE BASELINE. IT SHOULD
REPRESENT THE COMPANYʼS MOTIVES AND
WHAT THRIVES UNDERNEATH THEM. (NO PUN
INTENDED.) A CREDO, IF YOU WILL. LEST YOUR
COMPANY HASNʼT DECIDED ON ONE, HERE ARE
A FEW OPTIONS THAT CAN GO WELL NO
MATTER WHAT THE ETHOS OF YOUR
ORGANISATION MAY BE:

15. ADVERTISING
PRI
NT
G) BODY COPY
While the body copy explains the
communication in a precise and
suave way, it has to hold all the
sentences together as if they were
bounded by glue. Hereʼs where
conjunctions help. Below are attached
a few references, unless of course,
you want to paste them directly, you
can gladly do so.
Option 1: At (Company name here),
we always design our value-added
products and services keeping you in
mind. So that you donʼt have to worry
a thing. And thatʼs because we have
state-of-the-art technology and
cutting-edge design to give you
complete peace of mind. Whatʼs
more, we also have a strong network
so that we constantly innovate our
offerings to make your life better.
And thatʼs why, we always succeed.
Option 2: Now all your dreams are
can become a reality. And thatʼs
because we are (Company name). A
leading company with a huge
network that works 24/7 for you. And
thatʼs not all, we also have
state-of-the-art technology and
cutting-edge design to give you
complete peace of mind.
Furthermore, we also have alliances
across the world so that we constantly
innovate to make your life better.

16. ADVERTISING
PRI
NT
H) COLOURS
White: A symbol of purity. Elegance at itʼs best. Pristine look. Best
used when there are fewer elements. Red: Symbolises passion.
Shows flair. Shows vibrancy. Recommended for products which are
distinct. Black: Stop frowning. It shows heraldry. Is
distinct. Recommended when placing an
ad amongst clutter. Violet: Shows
royalty. A tad sensitive. Pursuit to
perform. And goes best when
you run out of colours.
Purple: More than just
royalty. An uncommon
colour. Has stood the
hands of time.
EACH COMPANY HAS A SET OF
BRAND COLOURS. COLOURS THAT
DEFY THE PURPOSE OF A LOGO OR
PRODUCT USAGE. IF YOU ALREADY
HAVE ONE DECIDED, SKIP. IF NOT,
READ ON. FOR BRAND COLOURS, A HUGE CHUNK OF
MONEY AND TIME IS SPENT ON DEFINING COLOURS THAT
SET THE TONE. CONSIDERING NOW THEREʼS NEITHER, WE
HAVE ATTACHED A FEW COLOURS AND THE MOODS AND
EMOTIONS THEY REPRESENT SO YOU CAN SELECT WHICH
COLOUR GOES BEST. ALTHOUGH BY NOW YOU WOULD BE
SEEING SPOTS.

17. ADVERTISING
PRI
NT
I) MISCELLANEOUS
HEREʼS WHEN THE BRIEF YOU
HAVE DOESNʼT FIT INTO EITHER
OF THE ABOVE HEADLINE
CATEGORIES.
AND YOU THOUGHT
WE WOULDNʼT HAVE
THOUGHT OF IT,
DIDNʼT YOU?

18. ADVERTISING
PRI
NT
A: offers
WHEN THE COMPETITOR STRIKES.
WHEN YOU NEED A CARROT TO DANGLE.
WHEN YOU NEED TO ADD THE JAZZ.
HEREʼS WHAT YOU NEED TO
DO:Exactly what you need to make (enter festival here) special.
Presenting an offer thatʼs as special as you.
(Enter offer here). And you thought this day was boring.
Now you know what you would be doing this afternoon.
(Enter offer here). There goes your piggy bank.
Headlines:

19. ADVERTISING
PRI
NT
B: star burst
DONʼT PANIC.
WE GOT IT ALL SORTED OUT.
THE EASIEST THING TO DO,
YOU SAY. OR IS IT?
DO YOU KNOW EXACTLY HOW MANY SPIKES
ARE NEEDED IN A STAR BURSTS THAT WILL
MAKE A CONSUMER JUMP OFF HIS/HER SEAT
AND RUSH TO THE COUNTER?

20. ADVERTISING
PRI
NT
C: offer specific body copy

21. ADVERTISING
PRI
NT
D: terms and conditions
Hereʼs where copywriting gets legal and well lethal. Lethal because itʼs dangerous. There are tons of creeps out there who await
newspaper everyday and someone to sue. So you need to get clearance from the legal department before placing matter there.
All you have to do is just take the data from them and paste it on to a word document and run a spell check. Note where conditions
apply, the asterisks, the works, appear and do them dutifully. And remember that artistic license doesnʼt mean squat here.

22. ADVERTISING
PRI
NT
E: dealer panel
Hereʼs: when, temptations: go unbound and: you, feel the twang: to put in, every possible: dealerʼs, address. But: minimal is
the way: to go. The: first thing, to do, is take: the entire, dealer: panel. Place: them on, the layout: and then, adapt: the layout,
to, the, remaining: size. There you go. Hereʼs: when, temptations: go unbound and: you, feel the twang: to put in, every
possible: dealerʼs, address. But: minimal is the way: to go. The: first thing, to do, is take: the entire, dealer: panel. Place: them
on, the layout: and then, adapt: the layout, to, the, remaining: size. There you go. Hereʼs: when, temptations: go unbound
and: you, feel the twang: to put in, every possible: dealerʼs, address. But: minimal is the way: to go. The: first thing, to do, is take:
the entire, dealer: panel. Place: them on, the layout: and then, adapt: the layout, to, the, remaining: size. There you go.
JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOUʼRE DONE KINDLY REFER TO THE SECTION “AFTER YOU ARE DONE.”

23. HEREʼS THE POSTER BOY OF ADVERTISING: OUTDOOR. IT LIGHTS UP
THE CITY AND ENDS UP AS A LANDMARK FOR PEOPLE ASKING FOR
DIRECTIONS. BUT THEREʼS ONE THING YOU NEED TO REMEMBER,
FEWER WORDS HELP. IF ITʼS A VISUAL-BASED HOARDING, EVEN
BETTER. YOU DONʼT WANT YOUR HOARDING TO BE THE CAUSE
OF ACCIDENTS.
ESSENTIALLY HOARDINGS HAPPEN TO BE AN ADAPTATION OF PRINT ADS. SO WHAT YOU CAN DO IS JUST
SHORTEN HEADLINES AND YOU ARE ALL SET. BUT THEN, YOU WOULD HAVE TO AFFIX A SIZE FOR THE
HEADLINE (S). NOW TO CALCULATE THAT, YOU WILL HAVE TO CALCULATE THE HEIGHT FROM
WHICH THE HOARDING WILL BE VIEWED (H), THE DISTANCE FROM THE BASE TO THE
VIEWER (D), THE VELOCITY AT WHICH S/HEʼS TRAVELLING (V) AND FINALLY THE
RATIO OF THE HOARDING (R). ITʼS A VERY COMPLICATED PROCEDURE BUT WE
TRIED TO MAKE IT EASIER FOR YOU.
SO THE FORMULA GOES
SOMETHING LIKE THIS:
S = √H X D ÷ V X ∏
SEE, AS EASY AS
UNDERSTANDING ZERO
POINT ENERGY.
DUH!

24. UNLESS THE IDEA THAT YOU ARE THINKING IS COMPLETELY
A HOARDING BASED IDEA, MOST OF THE PRINT IDEAS CAN
BE ADAPTED TO HOARDING. IN CASE ITʼS NOT A HOARDING
BASED IDEA, YOU CAN FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS BELOW
JUST BLINDLY. IF NOT, THEN RELAX, MOST OF THE PRINT
HEADLINES ARE ADAPTED TO OUTDOOR. (SEE, WE
THOUGHT OF IT FOREHAND.) JUST DO AWAY WITH THE
BODY COPY AND YOU ARE GOOD TO GO. NOT UNLESS YOU
DONʼT DO THINGS TO .
1:1 RATIO HOARDING/2:1 RATIO HOARDING
1:2 RATIO HOARDING/BANNER
ADAP
T A T I
ONS1
1.5
2
3
1
1
Remember putting up a flyer for your
lost dog? Well, itʼs nothing like that. But
donʼt worry, all you have to do is select
the headlines from print, pick a visual,
put it a size (phew!) and then take a
print out and ta da!
Wait, you arenʼt done yet. You have to refer to
the “After youʼre done” section.
POSTERRemember putting up a flyer for your
lost dog? Well, itʼs nothing like that. But
donʼt worry, all you have to do is select
the headlines from print, pick a visual,
put it a size (phew!) and then take a
Wait, you arenʼt done yet. You have to refer to
POSTER

25. POINT OF SALE
WEBSTERʼS DICTIONARY DEFINES SHOP AS A HANDICRAFT
ESTABLISHMENT, A ROOM/BUILDING STOCKED WITH MERCHANDISE
FOR SALE OR A COMMERCIAL ESTABLISHMENT. BUT IN ORDER TO
UNDERSTAND, WE WOULD HAVE TO CLICK THE NAGGING ONLINE
POP-UP BANNER THAT APPEARS SCREAMING, “BUY!” SO THAT
DEFINITION GOES RIGHT OUT OF THE WINDOW. POINT OF SALE,
HMMM? HOPE WE MAKE A GOOD POINT HERE.
THE BASIC FORMS OF POS
before that, thereʼs a tiny, insignificant, baby little hiccup. where is the pos going into? is it a restaurant? is it a shop? a retail
chain? a dark alley? so you can think of the pos as per the location, the size, the target audience. oh! the target audience. here
comes the tricky part. first things first. when in the brief, you define the person, the consumer, the king, the one that is going
to part with his/her money, just note down his shoe size. why? you ask? because you have to get into it. you have to feel like
him/her, behave like the person and if it helps, dress like the person. do a little background study about the place too. if you
place a dangler at the entrance of shop and it hits a person on his forehead, thatʼs your quarterly target going with a bump.
ONCE YOUʼVE DONE ALL THAT, HERE ARE A FEW POS DISPLAYS THAT YOU CAN USE:
DANGLERS/BUNTINGS/STANDEE/TENT CARDS/BALLOT
BOXES/SHELF STRIPS/BANNER/ONLINE BANNER
WAIT, YOU STILL ARENʼT DONE YET. YOU HAVE TO REFER
TO THE “AFTER YOUʼRE DONE” SECTION.

26. TV COMMERCIALS
AHA! HEREʼS WHERE IT GETS JUICIER AND
THICKER. WE MEAN THE PLOT. HEREʼS WHEN
YOU WILL GRAB THE ATTENTION OF AN INNOCENT
PROGRAM WATCHER AND MAKE HIM FEEL
EMOTIONS, LAUGHTER, DESIRES AND FANTASIES.
SO OUR BEST ADVICE IS NO, DONʼT.
YOU WILL PROBABLY WANT IT TO BE THE MOST FANTASTIC FILM. WE SEE A FEW HEADS
NODDING. AND YOU WANT IT TO BE NOT LOOSENING YOUR PURSE STRINGS. MORE HEAD
NODDING. AND YOU WANT IT TO SAY EVERYTHING, RIGHT? STOP NODDING YOUR HEAD
LIKE THAT, WEʼRE SCARED NOW. SO IN ORDER TO DO THAT IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY
IS PRACTICALLY IMPOSSIBLE. NO, NO THE SCRIPT WILL BE IN ORDER. ITʼS THE OTHERS
THAT WEʼRE WORRIED ABOUT. WHAT OTHERS?
WELL, THEREʼS THE DIRECTOR, THE PRODUCTION HOUSE, THE
CASTING, THE LOCATION, THE DATE, THE PROPS, THE MAKE-UP
ARTISTS, THE SPOT BOYS, THE AUDIO, THE OFFLINE, THE ONLINE, THE
EDITOR,THELIGHTS,THECAMERA,THESOUND.GOODLUCKSEEINGACTION.

27. TVC FORMAT
THE FIRST THING IS THE SCRIPT. NOT THE IDEA. YOU CAN HAVE ALL
THE IDEA IN THE WORLD ABOUT THE WORLD BUT YOU HAVE TO SEE
THE IDEA IN A SCRIPT FORMAT. YOU CANʼT HAVE TWO ALIENS
DANCING AROUND THE PRODUCT IN THE MIDDLE OF AN ORIENTAL
RESTAURANT WHICH IS IN A DESERT AND A SEMI-CLOTHED TEENAGER
PICKING UP THE PRODUCT AND GOING, “MMMMMM…” THE FILM
NEEDS A START AND AN END. JUST LIKE STORYTELLING. “IT WAS A
DARK AND STORMY NIGHT…”
SCRIPTING: YOUR SCRIPT NEEDS TO READ LIKE A STORY, FLOW LIKE A
RIVER AND OF COURSE, ENTERTAIN. REMEMBER THERE A PERSON HOLDING A
REMOTE CONTROL IN HIS HAND AND CAN MAKE YOUR BUDGET GO KAPUT.
BUT THEN, WE ARE BATTLING AGAINST THE TIME HERE. SO
HEREʼS A SCRIPT THAT YOU CAN USE BY JUST ELIMINATING WHICH BEST SUITS
YOUR NEED AND YOUR BUDGET.
TITLE: HAPPINESS. COMPANY NAME: (ENTER NAME). DURATION: 30 SECONDERS.
FILM OPENS ON A MAURITUS BEACH/CITY PARK/
RESTAURANT/DINER. YOU SEE A FAMILY OF FOUR/ A COUPLE
(PREFERABLY HETROSEXUALS) ENJOYING THEMSELVES.
THEY SMILE TO THE CAMERA.
SUPER: ENRICHING LIVES.
CUT TO, THEM INSIDE A CAR. THEY SMILE AND THE LADY/THE GIRL/THE LITTLE BOY LOOK OUTSIDE.
SUPER: GOING PLACES.
CUT TO, THEM AT A LOVERʼS POINT/MOUNTAIN SIDE/SEEING PLANES TAKE OFF AND THE
GIRL/LADY/BOY POINTS AT THE PLANE AND SMILES.
SUPER: NEWER MILESTONES.
PRODUCT/COMPANY SHOTS.
MVO: WE ARE (COMPANY NAME HERE).
SUPER: COMPANY LOGO.
IN CASE YOU WANT A SHORTER DURATION, JUST USE FASTER EDITS. SNIP!
SNIP! REMEMBER TO TIME IT WELL.
WAIT, YOU STILL ARENʼT DONE YET. YOU HAVE TO REFER TO THE “AFTER YOUʼRE DONE” SECTION.

28. THIS WOULD BE BETTER IF YOU COULD HEAR
WHAT WE HAVE TO SAY INSTEAD OF READING
IT. BUT THATʼS BECAUSE WITH THE RADIO YOU
CANʼT READ. NOW IMAGINE DESCRIBING WHAT
A ROSE SMELLS LIKE TO THE OPTICALLY
CHALLENGED. THATʼS EXACTLY WHAT YOUʼVE
GOT TO DO. IN 30 SECONDS OR LESS.
RADIO SPOTS ARE IDEALLY 10, 15, 20, 25, 30,
45 OR 60 SECONDS. SO THE DURATION WILL
TELL YOU HOW MUCH YOU CAN PLAY WITH THE
LISTENERʼS IMAGINATION.
IDEALLY WE WOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU A SCRIPT,
BUT THATʼS THE BEST PART ABOUT RADIO.
ANYTHING GOES. YOU COULD SING YOUR
PRODUCTʼS NAME/BASELINE TO A TUNE.
ANNOUNCE THE OFFER LIKE A SALESMAN. AND
IT WOULD WORK.
WAIT, YOU STILL ARENʼT DONE YET. YOU
HAVE TO REFER TO THE “AFTER YOUʼRE
DONE” SECTION.
RADIO SPOTS

29. AFTER YOU ARE DONE.
THE TITLE ACTUALLY SHOULD HAVE READ: AFTER YOU ARE DONE. OR AT
LEAST WHEN YOU THINK YOU HAVE. THATʼS BECAUSE THEY STILL HAVE TO
BE MADE READY. READY IN THE SENSE TO BE USED IN THE MEDIUM. YOU
NEED TO SEND LAYOUTS TO THE SUPPLIERS. YOU NEED TO GIVE BETA
TAPES TO THE CHANNEL. GIVE THEM FORM, OH, CREATOR.
PRINT ADVERTISING
After you are finished with the layouts, you need to system correct the images. Artwork the file. Export
them. Burn a CD. Courier them. Then take whatever life is remaining and call the newspaper to confirm.
Hereʼs where all the training you received about micro-managing and delegation would come handy.
So hereʼs what you should do:
a) Send all the images youʼve selected to the image processor with huge printouts and checking for corrections. (Corrections
meaning whiteness of teeth, enhancing cleavage, removing wrinkles from models and all that jazz or the glamour bit of advertising.)
b) Await images from processor. (Which implies panic attacks and palpitations.)
c) Use the high-resolution images and put them into artwork.
d) From artwork file, export into a 300 DPI Tiff/EPS/PDF file.
e) Burn a CD of the file. (Burn in the sense, write a CD for the ignoramus.)
f) Check if CD has been burnt properly.
g) Despatch it off. (In between try frantically calling to newspaper asking if deadlines can be pushed.)
h) Collect receipt.
i) Uncork a bottle of Moet.
OUTDOOR ADVERTISING
The instructions are same as print, except at the end when you uncork a bottle of tequila.
RADIO ADVERTISING
After you have scripted your radio spot, you have to record them. For which a recording studio would help. If you are using your own
voice, who cares? You get your 15 seconds of fame anyway. Thankfully, you donʼt have to do much here. Just record the voice. Praise
the VO artists in between. Wait for the recording artist to mix. Ask him to burn the CD and drop it off at the radio station.
TELEVISION ADVERTISING
Enter the mother ship of all executions. Just when you thought the scripting was all there to it. Youʼll have to juggle between lots of
people. Including your better-half or soon to be ex. Hope you had a prenuptial agreement.
Now that you have a script in hand, call up a couple of production houses. On the safer hand, call up a dozen. You would be lucky if
you can get one to match up with the dates that you have. Do a storyboard. Or a cheap comic book that explains the commercial.
Bounce the script and no matter what estimates you get go for it. Itʼs lucky that you got him to agree to do it.
Then take the script and dutifully remove all possible traces that root back to you. Send the storyboard off to the TV authority and await
an approval. Unless you tinkered with the clothes that the female was wearing in our script, you have nothing to worry about.
Then go off to the location, have fun, see sights, eat and be merry and once in a while go to the set and see the shoot. Once the film is
canned. And note this (bold, italics and underlined), do not tinker with the director. He knows what heʼs doing. Thereʼs a very good
reason why heʼs a director. Piss him off and all you will have are the models minus the camera. And as if they are going to listen to
you. Next see the online. Check the recording and sound levels and see if the script is given justice. If not, then shorten media spends
and use it for the next script. Send the film to the television authority and get the final approval with baited breath. Once that is done,
you can set the media budget and all is done. Then you hit temples/mosques/churches or wherever you pray and hope that everyone
watches television only when your commercial is aired.
OKAY! NOW WE THINK YOU ARE DONE.

30. BUT DONʼT WORRY.
CHANCES ARE YOUʼLL NEVER
GET TO USE THIS MANUAL,
AS BY THEN WE WOULD BE
BACK FROM OUR 3-DAY
HOLIDAY IN GOA.
EPILO
GUE
12 14-
OCT 2007
G O A