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SO MUCH......FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE. TAKE A LOOK <ul><li>PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS R PAID </li></ul><ul><li> </li></ul>
1 ) Tech Support : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." Customer : "Ok." Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?" Customer : "No." Tech Support : "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" Customer : "No." Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
2) Customer : "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message." Tech Support : "Did you install the update?" Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
3)Customer : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word." Tech Support : "Tell me what you've done." Customer : "I typed 'A: SETUP'." Tech Support : "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says." Customer : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'." Tech Support : "Insert the MS Word setup disk." Customer : "What?" Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?" Customer: "No..."
4).Customer : "Do I need a computer to use your software?" Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile) 5).Tech Support : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, canyou see the 'OK' button displayed?" Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?" Tech support : ##### ***
6) Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?" Customer : "A white one." Tech support : ******_____#### 7). Tech Support : "What operating system are you running?" Customer : "Pentium." Tech support : ////-----+++ 8). Customer : "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion." Tech support : ??????
9).Cus tomer : "I have Microsoft Exploder." Tech Support : ?!%#$ 10).Customer : "How do I print my voicemail?" Tech support : ??????
11). Customer : "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly." Tech Support : "What does it say?" Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk." Tech Support : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?" Customer : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside." Tech support : @@@@@
12). Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours." Customer: "Is that Eastern time?" 13). Tech Support : "What does the screen say now?" Customer : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'." Tech Support : "Well?" Customer : "How do I know when it's ready?" Tech support : *** ---- ++++
14). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty. Tech: What's the problem? User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply. Tech: (keep quite) Tech: You'll need a new power supply. User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files. Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command. Tech support:: 10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up. Tech support::(hush hush) Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem. User: I knew it! Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKECOM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.
10 minutes later. User : It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking. Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using? User : MS-DOS 6.22. Tech : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes. 1 hour later. User : I need a new power supply. Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion? Tech support : (hush hush) User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply. Tech: Then what did he say? User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.
15) customer care officer:I need a product identification number right now and may I help u in finding it out? Cust: sure CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'? Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer? Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button? Customer: Yes, sure, nothing happens, it must be really stuck. Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet...it's still on my desk... sorry .
Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen. Customer: Is that your left or my left? Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you? Male customer: Hello... I can't print. Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and..... Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates damn it !
Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says it can't find it... Customer: I have problems printing in red ... Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer? Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am? Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket. Helpdesk: And now hit F8. Customer: It's not working. Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly? Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening.
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer. Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer: OK Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you? Customer: Yes Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah ... that one does work!
Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a Capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters? A customer couldn't get on the Internet: - Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password? Customer: Yes I'm sure. I watched my colleague do it. Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was? Customer: Five stars.
Helpdesk: What anti-virus program do you use? Customer: Netscape. Helpdesk: That's not an anti-virus program. Customer: Oh, sorry ... Internet Explorer. Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears !
Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech Support, may I help you? Old woman: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can You please tell me how long it will take before you can help me? Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem? Old woman: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?
Helpdesk: How may I help you? Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail. Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem? Customer: Well, I have the letter " a ", but how do I get the circle around