An attempt to share the thoughts of the SDI Director with a group of young animators.

1. Deep Listening,
A Way of Accompanying
and Being With Others
November 14, 2020
LESTONNAC ANMATORS SPIRITUALITY SESSION
Source: Dimensions of Spiritual Companionship
By: Rev. Selfu (SDI)

2. Who is a spiritual companion?
A spiritual director is a spiritual
companion, as is a life coach, a
chaplain, a hospice nurse, really
anybody in a caring vocation. But it can
also be a type of person who lives and
listens in ways that embody this type of
caring.

3. That is, a spiritual
companion need not do it as
a job. Some of us are
spiritual companions in the
way we honor our
relationships to family,
friends, neighbors, the land,
our ancestors, and the
cosmos.

4. Deep listening
Listening is at the core of
this practice.
The role is not to talk a lot
about what I think, or give
advice but to listen to the
other as s/he elaborates her
own story.

5. “Tell me more about that.”
“Explain to me why you feel that way.”
“What do you mean when you say ...?”

6. As you allow the person to tell more, s/he will be able to
elaborate her story.
Our job as a companion is
to listen,
to be a witness;
to be there.
The most supportive thing that we can do for someone,
for another human being—is to be their witness.

7. Listening deeply is witnessing.
As a companions we witness
through deep listening.
We witness as a companion to the
other as she or he reveals
himself/herself to himself/herself.

8. Listening is a respectful, encouraging,
supportive way of giving others the
space
to open up and be vulnerable,
to take the risk of exploring.
It gives them permission to explore
their own spaces of seeking meaning
of their own experience.

9. You do not need to start with
spirituality/God/religion, etc.
You just allow the other to share from their heart.

10. To listen to the sacred story.
For example:
“I can’t find God anywhere.”
You can say, “tell me more about that.”
In general, when we listen, others can start
answering their own questions.
For example, after talking things out, they can
sigh and say, “ahh, i never thought…”

11. Listening attentively allows the
other to discover the answers
that are already within them.
Companions are like mirrors.
You can say:
“Let me check...did I hear you correctly?”

12. I am listening actively
because I love you…
because I care for you...
because your well-being is my well-being…
your discovery is my discovery...
your exploration in your path becomes my
exploration in my path, too…
because we are in this together.

13. Misunderstanding:
“Tell me more about that…
It is not a problem to be solved.
People seek advice, looking for solutions.
But it is like teaching the other how to fish.
Deep listening is an act of
profound love and caring.

14. You do not fish for the other.
To rely on themselves.
Search for God, meaning, self-understanding
requires fishing for oneself.
It is active loving.
Temptation:
• Feels good that people come to me and that I
have some wisdom to share

15. The whole idea of witnessing is a very profound
one.
It allows the other to feel
that my vice has been heard...
that their being has been acknowledged...
that someone is hearing me,
acknowledging me: a core need that we all have.
Of course, we have to transcend that need
eventually.
But that is down the road.

16. Initially, we want to be heard,
we want to be acknowledged.
Deep listening accomplishes it.
Conversation.

17. Review of personal experience:
Have you had experiences where people told you
stuff that they would never have told their family or
those close to them?
Freedom of relative anonymity.
There is comfort in that.
They are allowed to reveal themselves.
As a listener, we witness them silently.

18. We usually talk a lot before things start to sink in and
get real from the core.
Just the act of speaking one’s story aloud is a deeply
spiritual thing. There is something magical to say aloud
something that you believe, or something that you do
not even know, or even sure of and clear about...
But …it is enough just to hear it

19. Bearing witness.
Listening is bearing witness to God.
The path to God demands vulnerability.

20. God is the ultimate deep listener.
He does not say,
“Good job, man. Thank you.”
He just meets us with seemingly
dead silence.
Our prayer experience.
Dead silence around.

21. Yet, he speaks to us more loudly than anything
else more than we ever experience
Everything that we see, perceive, intuit, feel...
is part of God speaking to us.
God speaks to us silently,
with every fiber of the universe.
He's the ultimate deep listener.

22.  How do you identify with this dimension of companionship?
 Does listening feel natural to you?
 How does this dimension manifest in your experience?
 Is it something you desire to increase for yourself?
 Does it feel elusive and so you cannot relate with it?
Let us pause and tend to that stirring within.