This pocket skills guide is designed to quickly take you on a journey to master your abilities and obtain advanced high-level communication skills.

1. Communication Skills
The Basic Foundation Skills
Pocket Skills Guide

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Communication by its very nature is two-way. Therefore,
unless you own responsibility for improving communication,
you risk being the victim of others’ inadequacies.
Introduction

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Introduction
This pocket skills guide is designed to quickly take you on a journey through the
basics. As you work through this pocket guide, pay particular attention to skills
or techniques you are less familiar with or need to improve efficacy - any
deficiency here will undermine your ability to master the advanced high level
communication skills.
It is only by using the techniques and perfecting
your skills through practice that you will
experience their real value and impact on others.

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Communication
The means of sending or receiving information to convey the intended meaning
and trigger the appropriate response.
Meaning can be conveyed…
Verbally, non-verbally, in written format or visually.
Communication, whether face to face or not, is interpersonal and as such involves
conscious or unconscious intentional and unintentional elements.
The desired outcome of any communication process
is understanding – however misunderstanding can
occur at any stage and therefore it is essential to
understand the barriers that get in the way of
effective communication.

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Effective Communicators…
1. Understand their audience
2. Chooses an appropriate method(s) of communication
3. Hones their message to ensure the meaning and intention is clear
4. Will seek feedback to ensure the message is understood, correct any misunderstanding or
confusion and check it has triggered the right response
5. Will use clarification and reflection as key techniques to achieve effective communication

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Barriers vs Signs of Effective Listening
Listening to someone attentively and wholeheartedly is one of the greatest leadership skills…
Barriers to effective listening include: Signs of effective listening include:
• Comparing yourself to the speaker or others
• Thinking about what you are going to say next
• Drifting off or waiting to talk
• Making up advice for someone rather than
attending to what they are saying
• Jumping in and taking the conversation to where
you want it to go
• Mind reading or finishing someone’s sentence
• Closing people down
• Being interested to understand the views and
perspectives of others
• Seeking to understand by checking your
understanding
• Making a connection that builds trust and
encourages more open, honest communication
• Eye contact, head nodding and non-verbal
sounds to encourage the speaker
• Reflecting back to check the accuracy of your
understanding
• Reflecting back emotions that are being
conveyed
• Asking questions to indicate your interest and
desire to know more

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Questions to Understand – the facts, realities, issues, barriers, possibilities
What, When, Why, Where, Who, How
Asking pertinent questions is one of the most powerful ways of demonstrating you VALUE what
others are saying.
Take care not to question in a way that feels interrogative or causes
the speaker to clam up – it helps to prepare key question in advance if
you want to have a valuable conversation

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There are 3 main categories of questions:
1. Structural fact finding – who, what, when, where etc.
2. Motivational, providing insights into motivation, values, direction
and intent – Why, tell me more…
3. Options, alternatives and new thoughts – exploring beyond what is
currently known or understood and aids discovery
Prepare your questions to aid communication and improve
understanding e.g. establish the facts so that you have a shared
understanding of the reality. Seek to understand any motivational
issues and barriers and actively explore alternative options to identify
the best.
3 Main Categories of Questions

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Empathic Listening
“If I could be you and you could be me for just one hour,
If we could find a way to get inside each others’ minds,
If you could see through my eyes instead of your own eyes,
I believe you’d be surprised to see that you’d been blind”
- From “Walk a Mile in My Shoes” Joe South

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Empathic Listening
Take on the posture of someone intently listening. Square on, open
posture, lean forwards, maintain eye contact and relax (SOLER)
Limit your talking to reflecting back and checking your understanding –
demonstrate you are genuinely interested
Pay attention to feelings, emotions and connect with them
Switch off your judgement process and listen for ideas, themes and
insights – listen with respect, consideration and compassion
Remain objective, test your assumptions and focus on the
implications for others
Sit comfortably with silence to allow deeper thoughts to flow

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Giving Feedback – Using the BIA Model
“Feedback is information about the past or present (behaviour),
delivered in the present, which is designed to influence the future”
(Seashore and Weinberg)
Feedback is not criticism. Criticism is a subjective judgement.
Feedback is an objective reflection. Criticism can offend and/or
deflate; feedback is designed to improve performance outcomes and
be beneficial.

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Giving Feedback – Using the BIA Model
Situation/Context/Task Outline the situation you want to provide feedback on, set the tone and
seek permission
Behaviour Describe the behaviour you observed, give a specific example (keep it
neutral)
Impact Explore the impact this had
Alternative Suggest an alternative approach that would lead to a better outcome
Engage/listen Invite a response and genuinely listen
Regular, constructive feedback given at the time the behaviour
occurs is key to high performance. A low feedback environment
runs the risk of underperforming as the norm.
The BIA Model

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Positive Outcome Thinking
Many people perfect the habit of thinking about, analysing and communicating their
problems. This keeps people focused on the past or present difficulties.
When you adopt an outcome frame you focus on what you want to achieve, what you
want to be different and better. To do this you step forward in time and imagine you have
what you want and in this way solutions unfold.

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Positive Outcome Conversation
Key questions to move to an Outcome Frame:
What do you/we want?
How will you/we know when you/we have
succeeded?
How will this improve things?
What will you/we need that will help achieve the
outcome?
What is similar that is working well?
What are your/our next steps?

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“When conflict is brought to the surface it can be worked through”
• Conflict is often the outcome of diversity
• Diversity is key to creative problem-solving
• Conflict worked through can lead to breakthrough conversations
• Diversity of opinion
• Personality differences
• Alternative world views and values
• Background, education and experience
• Processes, standards and protocols
Conflict creates energy and direction which can be harnessed to break new ground or used as a negative
force to maintain a position (exerting power or aggression)
Working through Conflict

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Four Basic Techniques to Work Through Conflict
HighImportance
Forcing
(to hold your own ground – but be
aware of stand off and stalemate)
Negotiating
(to reach agreement on a complex set of
competing issues)LowImportance
Avoiding
(useful when the issue is not
important)
Accommodating
(Important to preserve the relationship)
Low Impact High Impact
Collaboration
(to find the
win-win)
ConcernforSelf
Concern for Others

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Adopting a Collaborative Approach
A collaborative approach means individuals working together to a common purpose and
mutual benefit.
Communication through collaboration means…
Understanding each other’s position
• Putting yourself in your counterpart’s
position
• Asking questions rather than making
assumptions
• Assigning roles and responsibilities for
mutual benefit
• Ensuring communications are open,
honest and informed
• Being prepared to give as well as get –
and that also means conceding for
purpose
Getting quickly to the substance
• Separating out personal issues so that parties focus on
their shared goals
• Taking a lead in adopting common ground rules and
processes to enable effective action
Managing emotions
• Taking the lead in understanding others’
values, needs and perspectives
• Acknowledging feelings as legitimate
• Allowing people to “let off steam” without
being offended or defensive
• Genuinely using symbolic gestures to take the
‘heat’ out of an issue

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