Introduction including examples and activities

1. Interpersonal
Communications
Communications
Robert Farrell

2. Contents
 Empathy.
 Dual Perspective.
 Communication Climate.
 Self-Disclosure.
 Acceptance & Non-Acceptance.
 Conflict.
 Nonviolent Communication
 Behavior.

3. Introduction
 Interpersonal communication is part of
everyday life in work, with friends, buying
goods.
 Coupled with non verbal communication it
is a big part of your assessment:
 Interview.
 Group discussion.
 Presentation Q&A.

4. Empathy
 Consider other persons situation.
 “Put yourself in their shows”.
 Get others to empathise with you.
 Build closer bonds.
 Helps conflict resolution.
 Done emotionally & verbally.
 “You must be over the moon”.
 “I can see you are upset”.
 “Imagine if it happened to you”.

5. Dual Perspective
 We must consider both our situation and
other peoples.
 Part of negotiation, discussion & W-W
outcomes.
 React mutually beneficial outcomes.

6. Communication Climate
 It is our general mood/emotional state at the
time of communication.
 What will happen if I disagree with you when
you are:
 Happy?
 Angry?
 Tired?
 Stressed

7. Communication Climate
 We can feel nervous, tense, stressed, excited, happy
etc.
 We can respond neutral, ignorance, anger,
acceptance etc.
 If you hit deadlock:
 Use Empathy.
 Show the person their own emotion.
 Show how both need resolution.
 Offer suggestions & solutions.
 Be assertive & not aggressive.

8. Communication Climate
Unhealthy responses: Healthy responses:
•Judgmental. •Non-judgemental.
•Disrespectful. •Respectful.
•Controlling. •Collaborative.
•Ignorant. •Recognise others.
•Exclude people. •Inclusive.

9. Self-Disclosure
“Revealing personal information about ourselves that others
are unlikely to discover on their own”
Wood, 2000, p 194.
 Used to develop trust & reciprocation.
 Requires preexisting relationship & trust.
 Negotiation: Ask for it if not reciprocated.
 Form of cooperation.
 Take courage and effort.
 Can be embarrassed or ashamed.
 Learned from childhood.

10. Self-Disclosure
 Different levels from basic to intimate.
 Basic: Small talk acts as ice-breaker at interviews.
 Certain types are inappropriate to situations:
 Personal vs professional.
 Tip: Share how to:
 Study,
 Overcome work-life balance,
 Write reports or research.

11. Activity
 What are the benefits/risks of self
disclosure?
 Are certain topics taboo to disclose in
certain situations?

12. Acceptance & Non-Acceptance
 We all want to be accepted or fit in.
 Maslow hierarchy of needs.
 Modern (Social), historic (Survival).
 Excommunication.
 Don’t want to feel ignored or not valued.
 Can damage our confidence.
 Group discussion:
 Respect & appreciate others input.
 Allow other input, don’t be overly critical.
 Encourage silent members to input.

13. Acceptance & Non-Acceptance

14. Activity
Which responses are better to use:
 I think you could work harder.
 Your lazy.
 We should discuss this further.
 Its pointless, we’re getting nowhere.
 That idea failed 2 years ago, could we adapt it now.
 That’s always been a bad idea.
 Your assignment was crap.
 Your report would be better if you included more references.
 We’re not doing it, end of discussion.
 That date is very soon, how could we make it happen by then.

15. Acceptance & Non-Acceptance
Acceptance:
Non-Acceptance:
Forms:
•Recognition. Communicated by:
•Acknowledgement.
•Approval •Not communicating acceptance.
•Disregard.
Communicated by: •Verbal:
•Eye contact, •“Im having difficulty with it”---
•Handshake, •“Ok, where is my pen”
•Smile,
•“Don’t be stupid, its easy”.
•Nodding.
•“That doesn't matter”.
•“I know what you mean”.

16. Non-Acceptance
Forms: Communicated by:
•Recognition. •Eye contact,
•Handshake,
•Acknowledgement. •Smile,
•Nodding.
•Approval •“I know what you mean”.

17. Conflict
 Result of different Interests, Priorities, Views etc.
 Basic in human nature.
 Cons:
 Damages relationships.
 Bad working environment. (Video)
 Pros: (Video)
 Must be managed well.
 Devils advocate & chairperson/facilitator.
 Divergent thinking: new ideas.
 New solutions to new problems.
 Overcomes Group think & status quo bias.
 Challenger space shuttle O rings.

18. Conflict
Overt Conflict:
 Openly expression of disagreement.
QuickTime™ and a
decompressor
 Calmly or quietly. are needed to see this picture.
 “I don’t completely agree with that point”
 Load & Aggressive.
 “That’s completely wrong!”
 It is generally positive to air conflict: In the Right way.

19. Covert Conflict:
Conflict
 Express conflict indirectly.
 Passive aggression.
 Not helping others. QuickTime™ and a
decompressor
 Withholding resources/information. are needed to see this picture.
 Silent resentment.
 Generally unhealthy.
 Does not address problem or create resolution.
 Can erupt later.
 Causes stress to person holding it in.
 Why we do it:
 It can be uncomfortable to express disagreement.
 Conflict aversion.

20. Conflict
We we respond as we do
A Survey of Empirical Studies of Conflict. Easterbrook, S.
M. (ed) 1993 CSCW: Cooperation or Conflict? London:
Springer-Verlag, pp. 1-68.
http://www.cs.toronto.edu/~sme/papers/1993/csrp227.pdf

21. Conflict
Responding to Conflict:
 Active:
 Do something about it. Correct response depends
on situation.
 Passive:
 Do nothing. Sometime the best
response is to end a relationship
 It can build. or “Face face”.
 Constructive:
 Preserve & maintain relationship.
 Destructive:
 Break the relationship.

22. Activity
When is each response advisable?
 Active
 Passive
 Constructive
 Destructive

23. Conflict
4 Specific conflict responses
 Exit:
 Leave the conversation mentally or stop listening..
 Active & Destructive.
 Neglect:
 Ignore the problem: “There is nothing wrong”.
 Passive & Destructive.
 Loyalty:
 Allow other person to solve it unopposed.
 Passive & Constructive.
 Voice:
 Discuss the problem, propose solutions.
 Active & Constructive.

24. Activity
4 Specific conflict responses
 Do you think any are correct or incorrect to use.
 Think of a situation when they would be the right style to
use?

25. Nonviolent Communication
 Developed by American psychologist, Dr Marshal Rosenberg.
 Steps:
 Observe the situation/conflict.
 Express you feeling.
 Say what you need to happen to solve conflict.
 Request help in solving the problem/conflict.
 Must practice, listening, respect etc.

26. Nonviolent Communication
 What we say is NOT always what we mean.
 Example:
 I have not seen you clean you room in 2 weeks.
 You are lazy.
 I have not seen you buy a round of drinks for us.
 You are mean.
 He missed the last 3 report deadlines. Why are they
 He is so disorganised. acting this way?

27. Activity
Which statement is better to use?
 You’re intimidating me.
 I feel intimidated when you do that.
 You’re doing my head in.
 I get frustrated when you do that.
 You’re always so demanding.
 I am finding it hard to cope with these demands.

28. Behavior
Aggressive Behavior:
 Forces your needs over another persons.
 W-L outcome.
 Obstacle to Pie expansion.
 Not listening to their point of view.
 Ignorant & Arrogant.
 Damages current & future relationship.

29. Behavior
Passive behavior:
 Sacrificing own needs to another’s.
 Apologetic, lacks initiative.
 Non-assertive.
 W-L outcome.
 Damages relationship & pie expansion.
 Damages self confidence.
 Self fulfilling prophecy.

30. Behavior
Assertive behavior:
 Positive way to express ideas, needs, feelings.
 Treat self & other with equal importance.
 W-W.
 Supports pie expansion.
 Supports relationship building.
 Shows confidence & self worth.
 Limits risk of being exploited.

31. Activity
A co worker/student is always asking you to get him/her
coffee but never gets you one back. Until now you have
gotten coffee for him/her.
One day you are busy with work.
1. Write a brief response for each type:
 Aggressive.
 Passive.
 Assertive.
2. How do you think he/she perceives each response?

32. Chapter Review
1. Give a brief explanation of Empathy & Dual perspective.
2. What is communication climate?
3. What are the advantages/disadvantages of self disclosure?
4. Give 3 examples of accepting/non-accepting communication.
5. List advantages/disadvantages of conflict.
6. Outline 4 responses to conflict.
7. What are the 4 components of nonviolent communication?
8. What is a passive/aggressive/assertive response?

33. Summary
 Empathy.
 Dual Perspective.
 Communication Climate.
 Self-Disclosure.
 Acceptance & Non-Acceptance.
 Conflict.
 Nonviolent Communication
 Behavior.