1. ADICK
DON’T
NEGOTIATE
LIKE A DICK
INTEGRATIVE NEGOTIATION ADVICE FROM ROGER FISHER AND WILLIAM URY
tps://www.flickr.com/photos/23950335@N07/

2. there is a widely held
misunderstanding about what
great negotiation is

3. and that misconception is that
great negotiation is fair for all
sides

4. i’ll let you in on a little secret

5. great negotiation is not about
being fair

6. your choices are not limited to
win-lose (unfair outcomes) or
win-win (fair outcomes)

7. in fact, there is a third option

8. and that is what great
negotiation is all about

9. the key to understanding this
third option is to disabuse
yourself of the notion that win-
win is about being fair

10. what you’ve been defining as
win-win, is actually lose-lose

11. let me explain by way of an
example and a story

12. by way of example, let’s
assume that we are negotiating
over 100% of something

13. win-lose occurs when we split
the 100% in an unfair
distribution, let’s say i get 60%
and you get 40%

14. in this case, i win and you lose

15. and as a result, we may have
damaged our long-term
relationship a bit 

16. then there is the case where we
split the 100% fairly

17. i get 50% and you get 50%

18. in practice, this is what most of
us call win-win

19. but in fact, this is lose-lose

20. although we may remain friends
after the encounter

21. both of us end up equally
disappointed with what we got

22. so if win-lose is unfair and
unhappy negotiation and lose-
lose is fair, but unsatisfying
negotiation, then what is win-
win?

23. win-win negotiation happens
when each of us gets 100%.
* win-win negotiation is also known as integrative (not distributive) negotiation is
defined in greater detail by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their seminal book,
Getting to Yes

24. huh?!?!

25. how can two people get 100%
of 100%

26. easy

27. turn the original 100% into
200%

28. you do this with creativity and
by listening to, and
understanding, the underlying
interests of each party

29. here is a story from Fisher &
Ury that demonstrates the
magic of 200%….

30. a mother returns home from a
long day at the office and finds
her two daughters in the kitchen
fighting

31. they are screaming at each
other and locked in a tug of war

32. the mother sees that they are
fighting over an orange

33. she forcefully separates the
girls

34. and with both the girls
complaining loudly, she grabs a
sharp knife from the counter top

35. no, this is not a greek tragedy
and there will be no infanticide

36. instead, quietly and confidently,
she cuts the orange in half and
gives each girl half of the fruit

37. proud to have once more
demonstrated mother’s wisdom
at finding a win-win solution,
and enjoying the relative quiet
that has now descended, she
starts to leave the kitchen

38. but she stops short of the door
as something incredibly odd
happens

39. the first daughter peels the half
orange, throws the peel in the
garbage shoot and eats the fruit

40. she then goes to the refrigerator
to look for a bit more food, as
she remains a bit hungry

41. simultaneously, and to the great
surprise of the mother, the
second daughter peels the
orange and throws the fruit
down the garbage shoot!

42. the second daughter then goes
to the counter top and starts
calculating ingredients to bake
half an orange cake, since she
has only half the needed orange
peel

43. oh dear

44. you see what has happened
right?

45. both daughters could have had
100% of what they wanted, but
instead, because of the
seductive fallacy of fairness,
they got 50%

46. what the mother should have
done, before jumping straight to
the solution based on the
apparent positions of the
children (I want the orange)

47. was to ask, “why”

48. why do you want the orange?

49. and this leads to real win-win
negotiation

50. so when you are negotiating
with partners, employees,
bosses, vendors, children, or
friends

51. do not allow yourself to settle
for win-lose or lose-lose

52. push yourself to find the 200%
solution

53. * and check out Getting to Yes
by Fisher and Ury for lots more
detailed advice

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Please note that all content &
opinions expressed in this deck are
my own and don’t necessarily
represent the position of my current,
or any previous, employers

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