Training Techniques Training - Day 3 Coaching Skills

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IMPROVED STRATEGIC MANAGEMENT
CAPACITY PROJECT
Training Techniques Training – Session 3
Jocelyne Rasé
Coaching skills
November 2013

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Day Three

Why Coaching?
– Telling people what to do does not work

Principles of Coaching
–
–
–
–

The 5 steps
The purpose
The change of mindset necessary
The outcome

Practice

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Coaching is about Change

Before

After

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Telling people what to do …
Does it work?

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How many times do I have to….?

Efforts

26/11/2013

80/20

Results

5

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How long will it take
before you realise
that it does not work?

6

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Compliance is NOT the same as engagement

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What is below the surface?
Superficial
agreement

.
Resistance

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1 2 3 4 5 Coaching 6 7 8 9 10

Motivation - Performance

Stretch zone

Strategic Management

Comfort Zone

Reform has been
in place
since 2003

10 9 8 7 6 Being directive 5
Time

4

3

2

1

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From being directive to coaching
I am a Directive

I am Coaching

Beliefs I operate from – ‘I know best’

Beliefs – ‘You know what is best for you’

I find solutions. I make decisions

You can generate great solutions

I am responsible for the actions of people

You are responsible for the results you create

Skills required

Skills required

Organise, solve problems,

Focused listening, open questions, reflection,

make decisions, giving orders

Feedback, open observation, dialogue

What I am actually doing

What I am actually doing

Give instructions

Understand, challenge interpretations,

Tell the person what to do

Encourage others to think differently

Coaching requires a change in mind-set

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Coaching Skills: a 5 step process
1. Building rapport

5. Constructive Feedback

4. Effective Questioning

2. Structure the conversation

3. Focused listening

Helping the person think differently

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In order to influence people to change, you need to build trust

Emotions - Feelings

Opinions - Beliefs
Facts - Information
Ritual - Cliché

Time

Risk

Trust

Rapport

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Levels of Listening
Little effort/focus
Cosmetic Listening

„I‟m engaged in the conversation,
listening, talking, thinking, talking,
thinking, again and again, etc.

Conversational
Listening

Active/Attentive
Listening
‘I‟m more focussed on you than
me, I‟m getting a sense of who you
are.‟

‘If it looks like I‟m listening, I‟m not
really, I‟m kind of someplace else…‟

Deep Listening

Focused intention

„I‟m very focussed on what you’re
saying, paying attention, recording
facts‟

Quality Questions

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Don’t ask WHY
Great questions have the following characteristics:
– They are simple
– They have a purpose
– They are open, i.e. no hidden agenda or motive
– They influence thought or learning
Open

How..?

Closed

Did you..? Yes or No?

Tell me more…

Have you..?

What does it mean..?

Is this the issue..?

Can you explain…?

Is that what stops you?

What would…..?

Get the person to talk more

Get the person to talk less

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Challenge
the
person’s
way of
thinking

26 November 2013

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Coach
the PERSON,

NOT
the ISSUE!!!

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The coaching approach
The coachee directs him/herself

I am directive - I tell what to do

Dependence

1
Directives

Guidance

2
Advice

Sharing

3
Opinions

4

Support

5

Suggestions

Delegation

Encouragement

6
Impressions

7
Options

8

Trust

Independence

9

Alternatives

10
Possibilities

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From being directive to trust…

BEING DIRECTIVE

Questions

Outcome

Directives

Do that!

DEPENDENCE

Advice

May I recommend that you…?

Guidance

Opinions

May I share my opinion? ...I think that… Sharing

Suggestions

Have you thought about…?

Support

Impressions

My I share my impression ... It is that
you seem …

Delegation

Options

What are your options?

Encouragement

Alternatives

What else could you think about?

Openness

Possibilities

You could do X, Y, Z

Trust

COACHING

I know you will make the right decision

INDEPENDENCE18

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What is the issue?
The girl on her way to Ibiza…

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What is below the surface?
Topic

.
Listen to the words, question them, ask for different words…
Listen to the emotion, ask for clarification

Issue

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Time Out

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Coaching Skills: a 5 step process
1. Building rapport

5. Constructive Feedback

4. Effective Questioning

2. Structure the conversation

3. Focused listening

Beliefs we operate from

Practice Sessions

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• Break into groups of 3

Coachee:
Prepare a topic for coaching :
Talk about an important change you
are considering but you have not
done anything yet about it.

– Person A = Coach
– Person B = Coachee
– Person C = Observer
A

“I am thinking about a significant
change….”

B

Coach:
Help the person think differently
Observer:
Write notes, make suggestions, give
feedback. Ask the coach:
What did you do well?

C

What could you have done better?
What will do you differently next time?
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When the coachee says, « I am thinking about…»

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• How do you feel about the change? What else do you feel?
- Are you stepping IN or OUT of a situation?

• What are you leaving behind?
– How will you keep in touch?
• What are you stepping into?
(+) When the coachee has a positive fantasy
- Lets picture your fantasy - Have you checked with anyone?
(-) When the coachee imagines a negative situation
- What evidence do you have that it will be so bad? Let’s imagine the worst scenario
• Have you experienced this kind of change in the past?
- How did you cope?
- What worked? How can you apply this to NOW?
- What didn’t work? What can you learn from this past experience/failure?
• Who/ What can help you?
- How can you make better use of the resources available to you ?

50%

Human dilemma
PARALYSIS
of
ANALYSIS
Doing Nothing – Status Quo

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50%

55%
60%
70%
80%

Dual Thinking

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Enabling factors

Who or What
can help you
make a decision?
Who else?
What else?

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And
Or

Either

Coaching
is about reconciling 2 options
which seemed exclusive of one another

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What are the blocking factors?

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Open the realm of possibilities

Dual Thinking

30

Practice Sessions

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Coachee:
Prepare a potential topic for coaching:
a dilemma you have, a situation where
you feel stuck

A

“I know I should … but.... ”
Coach:

B

Help the person think differently –
switching from dual thinking(either/or)
to win-win (AND)
Observer:
feedback. Ask the coach:

C


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When you are in the box…. You need coaching…

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Inaction
Anger

Pessimism

Negativity

Powerlessness

Isolation

It won‟t work

I should

Boredom

Dual Thinking
Helplessness

either/or black or white

Fear

I can‟t..
Resistance

Resentment

Apprehension

I really, really
want to…

Depression

Envy
Jealousy

Disbelief
Confusion
Judgment
Criticism

Lack of vision

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When a team is in the box…. They need coaching…

When the coachee says, «I have to… I can’t…»

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• What puts you in the box, exactly? How does it feel?
How long are you willing to stay?
• What is stopping you from….(stepping out of your box)?
• What are the benefits of keeping things the way they are? i.e. staying in your box?
(secondary gains)
• What are the consequences of not doing anything? (negative outcomes)
• Which old tape are you listening to?
–
–
–
–

What evidence do you have that it is true?
Who are you loyal to, when you are listening to that tape?
Have you talked to anybody about this dilemma? Who? Did that help you make a decision?
Have you talked to someone who believes the opposite? (searching for another opinion)

• What is the worst scenario?
• What woud you do if you were not afraid?, if you were sure to succeed?
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Practice Sessions

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Coachee:


Prepare a potential topic for
coaching: a dilemma you have, a
situation where you feel stuck

A

“I don‟t know if I should or not do X or
Y”
Coach:
Help the person think differently

B

At the end, review your experience on
coaching
Observer:
feedback

C

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WIN and WIN

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Discussion with your coach – in pairs
• What puts you in the box?
• What keeps you in the box?
• How do you cope? What exactly do you do? Does it work?
• What price are you paying for doing the same thing over &
over?
• How long are you going to stay in the box?
• What will happen if you stay in your box?
• What are the secondary benefits to staying in the box?

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Discussion with your coach – in pairs
• What would it take to step out of the box?
• Lets imagine the best scenario, how would you handle it?
• What does it look like?
• What would you do if you were not afraid?
• What or Who can help you?

• What are you going to do differently, concretely from now on?

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It’s up to you…

IN THE BOX
I have to «get along with» … or else…
•
•
•
•

There will be conflict,
I will be reprimanded,
There will be negative consequences,
I will be fired, I will have a bad reputation, etc = NEGATIVE

OUT OF THE BOX
I choose to «get along with… » because…
• We will collaborate better to finish the project on time
• I might learn something from him
• The atmosphere will more positive, etc = POSITIVE

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Don’t take the monkey

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Emotional Maturity – 360° feedback

Self
Denial

Awareness
‘Intra’
personal
emotions &
behaviours

Acting
out
Self
or
Management

Addiction

Source: Daniel Goleman

Lack of
empathy
of others
Abuse

Awareness

‘Inter’
personal
emotions &
behaviours

Fight or
Relationship
Management
Flight

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Coaching to develop emotional maturity

Self - Awareness
How do you feel?
What do you mean?
What exactly makes you upset?
Use different words
What else do you feel?
Explain


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Self - Management
What do you usually do when you are upset?
What have you done so far?
What worked, what did not work?
What can you learn from that?
Who/what could help you?

What else could you do?
What other option do you have?


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Awareness of others
How do you think the other person feels?
What is the impact of your behaviour on other people?
How would you feel if you were in the same situation?
Have you discussed this with the other person?
Why not?


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How do they feel?

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Relationship Management
What evidence do you have that the person will respond negatively
to your request?
How can you approach the person differently?
What is stopping you?
What are you afraid of?
What is the worst that could happen?
What would you do if you were not afraid?
What would you do if you could not fail?


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Coaching myself to develop my emotional maturity…
Self - Awareness

Awareness of others

How do I feel?

How do I think the other person feels?

What do I mean?
What exactly makes me upset?

What is the impact of my behaviour on other
people?

What other words can I use to express how I feel?

How would I feel if I were in the same situation?

What else do I feel?

Have I discussed this with the other person?

Can I explain?

Why not?

Self - Management
What do I usually do when I am upset?
What have I done so far?
What can I learn from my past experience?
Who/what could help me?

What else could I do?
What other option do I have?

How do I cope with people‟s emotions?
What evidence do I have that the person
will respond negatively If I speak to him/her?
What can I do?
How can I approach the person differently?
What is stopping me? What am I afraid of?
What is the worst that could happen to me if…?
What would I do if I were sure to succeed?
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Coaching others to develop their emotional maturity…
Self - Awareness

Awareness of others

How do you feel?

How do you think the other person feels?

What do you mean?
What exactly makes you upset?

What is the impact of your behaviour on other
people?

What other words can you use to express how
you feel?

How would you feel if you were in the same
situation?

What else do you feel?

Have you discussed this with the other person?

Can you explain?

Why not? What stopped you?

Self - Management
What do you usually do when you are upset?
What have you done so far?
What can you learn from your past experiences?
Who/what could help you ?

What else could you do?
What other option do you have?

How do you cope with people‟s emotions?
What evidence do you have that the person
will respond negatively If you speak to him/her?
What can you do?
How can you approach the person differently?
What is stopping you? What are you afraid of?
What is the worst that could happen to you if…?
What would you do if you were sure to succeed?
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26 November 2013

Change management

50

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Assignment

Training Techniques Training - Day 3 Coaching Skills

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