Question:

My ex and I recently broke up and I'm in a lot of emotional
pain right now. How can I ease the pain that's tearing me
apart from the inside?

Answer:

Dealing with a breakup is never easy, believe me I know.
And they can be even more difficult if you've spent a
considerable amount of time together as a couple.

Unfortunately most people don't quite know what to say
to ease the pain of a breakup so they'll say something
like:" there are plenty of fish in the sea." But why does it
seem that everybody feels the need to share that old
saying with you after you have ended a relationship? I
know it's their way of easing the pain of a breakup and
while it may be true, it never has the desired effect.

The good news is that there are some things you can do to
start feeling better and move on with your life.

Now before you try and move on with things, I think it's
extremely important that you address your feelings at this
point. Don't try and deny it. After a break up, feelings on
both sides are hurt, emotions are raw and anger surges
through us as we try to come to terms with what's
happened. The reason that I feel it's important to identify
with your emotions and feelings at this point after a break
up is because you need to understand that it's completely
normal. So if you're feeling like you're in a deep pit of
despair that you can't crawl out of,it's not that you're nuts
and off your rocker, it's because your human and it's
natural to love and want to be loved.

Aside from time, the main thing that will help you heal
from the pain and hurt of a breakup is to accept the
situation for what it is, even if you don't like it. After
you've accepted the situation, easing the pain of a break
up becomes a lot easier. However, don't expect that you're
going to just accept the break up over night and that
everything in your life is going to be sunshine and lollipops
again. It may take some time, so go easy on yourself here.

Here are a 4 things you can do to feel better in the
meantime.

1. Get a life. Cutting yourself off from the world after a
break up is one of the worst things you can do during the
recovery process. Now don't misunderstand me here, I'm
not saying that it's not alright to be alone and take some
time for yourself. If you need to take some time to collect
your thoughts and mourn the relationship that's fine, but
don't over do it. Get out and do something that takes your
mind off your troubles, but start out small. Avoid going to
any of the old places that you and your ex went to during
your relationship because this will only open old wounds
that need to heal. Instead, get out there and enjoy life. Do
the things that you love and that make you happy.

2. Keep busy. Don't totally ignore your feelings after the
break up. That's not fair to you and it will damage the
healing process. But don't dwell on it either because that
will do just as much damage if not more. This is the
perfect time to pick up a new hobby or get back into doing
something that you love. Get moving and participate in
activities that boosts your confidence. Start going to a gym
or go out with your friends but do something that gets you
moving and interacting with other people. And
lastly, don't negate the opportunity for meeting new
people and trying new things, you never know, you could
meet someone that will brighten your life right now.

3. Laugh. It might seem like a totally impossible task right
now, but allow yourself to laugh with your family and
friends. Laughter releases 'happy' chemicals from your
brain which makes you feel good. These are the same
chemicals that get released whenever you exercise or do
something that releases stress from your life. So it stands
to reason that the more you laugh, the better you will feel.
Break ups are never an easy thing to deal with, but if you
can learn to laugh and surround yourself with good
things, you'll put yourself in a much better position to
recover and you'll come out stronger and better on the
other end.

4. Reach out. What if everything you're doing isn't getting
the job done? When this happens, it's not a bad idea to
reach out to someone who can help. Therapists and
counsellors are there to help and they're specifically
trained to deal with your issues better than the average
person is. The advantage in reaching out to someone like
this is that they are trained to listen and offer advice as an
independent third party and what's better is that they
may be able to offer you a unique perspective on your
situation that you may not have thought about before.

Have you thought about getting back together after the
break up? Don't worry if you have, it's completely normal.
Believe it or not, many couples often get back together
after some time apart and have more fulfilling and
satisfying relationships with each other because they both
have a little more perspective on things. So if you find
yourself in this situation, use your time apart to become a
better and more well rounded person because you'll be
that much more appealing to your ex the second time
around.

Breaking up with someone you love is never easy,
especially when you're close and have a history together.

There's nothing wrong with feeling down, but there comes
a point when you've got to pick yourself up and get on
with living your life.

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